


Kaidan's Journey

by Torias82



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-15
Updated: 2013-12-29
Packaged: 2017-12-15 01:36:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 28
Words: 112,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/843786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Torias82/pseuds/Torias82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan has difficulty communicating his feelings to Shepard. On the planet Virmire he realises that he may have left it too late...</p><p>  </p><p>  <strong>Chapter 16 - Shepard's Apartment Part 1: Is NSFW. It contains graphic sexual content.</strong><br/><strong> Chapter 21 - Berlin: Contains graphic violence.</strong><br/><strong> Chapter 23 - Shepard's Apartment Part 3 contains graphic sexual content</strong></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> After reading so many great stories here, I decided to try one of my own. This is my very first attempt at writing fan fiction. Hopefully it's not too bad. I intend to follow Kaidan's journey from the death of Shepard all the way through to the end of the Reaper war, and possibly beyond.

Kaidan knew he had loved Shepard ever since the day he first met him. Fraternization was very much frowned upon however and Kaidan was a stickler for the rules. But something about Shepard had compelled him to decide that this was one rule he was going to ignore.

Was it his piercing blue eyes? His handsome chiselled features? Or possibly the way that Shepard made him feel when they were talking privately in the mess about Kaidan's past? 

Ever since "that incident" on Jump Zero, Kaidan had become very guarded with his feelings. He had never really had any close friends after that. He could never let himself open up and consequently had never had a boyfriend. Kaidan knew about as much about intimacy and relationships as a Krogan does about table manners. Still something in him had changed over the past few months and it was something he desperately wanted.

He didn't even know if Shepard was into guys. Shepard has never talked about himself. He's always been more concerned with his crew. He had been spending quite a bit of time with Dr. T'Soni and Chief Williams. Being a small ship it didn't take long for a rumour to start spreading about Shepard being with Dr. T'Soni. Then there came a rumour that he was with the Chief. It didn't sound too hopeful to Kaidan.

Things seemed to come to a head a few days ago. Shepard had just come back on board after saving the colony on Feros. Chief Williams was more opposed to Dr. T'Soni joining with Shepard's mind than ever. Shepard had allowed it though it didn't give them any new information. Shepard had dismissed the crew and Kaidan got up to leave. He noticed that the Chief and Dr. T'Soni had stayed behind.

Kaidan had been talking to one of the crew when the Chief stormed out of the communications room and headed down to the crew deck.

"I guess he chose Dr. T'Soni." Kaidan said just as she entered the CIC. She paused, stared at him for a moment as if she was trying to work out what to say and then turned and went downstairs towards the Med Bay.

 

*****************  
The Normandy was heading to a planet that Kaidan had never heard of before, Virmire and everything seemed normal. Shepard was doing his usual tour of the ship, talking to the crew, getting to know them and getting insights on their mission. Kaidan was in the mess checking over his gear for the upcoming mission. 

Shepard stepped out of the lift but instead of coming to speak to him, as he usually did, he went into the Med Bay. Kaidan continued checking his gear but kept his eyes on the Med Bay door just waiting for Shepard to emerge. Dr. Chakwas came out instead.

"The Commander wanted to talk to Liara privately" She stated when she noticed Kaidan giving her a puzzled look. She noticed that Kaidan's expression wasn't his normal controlled one. "Are you feeling alright Lieutenant?" She asked in that professional tone that Kaidan hated.

"I'm fine Doc." He lied. "Just a mild headache."

"Would you like something for it?"

"No thanks. I'll be alright."

After what seemed like an eternity, Shepard had finished with Dr. T'Soni. He seemed a bit worn out. Kaidan wondered if the two of them had been, as joker called it, "embracing eternity". 

"Thank you Doctor." Shepard said to Dr. Chakwas.

"My pleasure." She replied and went back into the Med Bay. Shepard turned and went back upstairs to the CIC.

Shepard hadn't come over to Kaidan. He suddenly realised that he had gotten hard at the thought of Shepard being naked in the next room. Doctor Chakwas had been standing in between Kaidan and Shepard. With horror Kaidan thought that Shepard must have seen the bulge while talking to the Doctor. 

 

*****************  
Kaidan was nervous. They had been stuck at the Salarian base camp for about an hour. In that time they had discovered that Saren was attempting to cure the genophage, Wrex had drawn a gun on Shepard and now the Salarian captain was suggesting an assault on the research base. He was also requesting one of the Normandy crew to accompany one of his teams. 

"I volunteer Commander." The words were out of Kaidan's mouth before he knew what was happening.

"Not so fast LT. Commander Shepard will need you to arm the nuke. I'll go with the Salarians." Chief Williams said abruptly.

"With all due respect Gunnery Chief, that's not for you to decide." Kaidan shot back.

"Why is it when anyone says `With all due respect', they really mean `Kiss my ass'."

Shepard turned to face Kaidan. "Alenko, you're with the Captain. Keep it simple. Understood?"

Kaidan's heart sank. Shepard was sending him away on a possible suicide mission. He just said "Aye aye Commander."

Shepard and Captain Kirahe spoke for a little bit longer but Kaidan didn't hear what was being said. He was too busy trying to compose himself for the mission ahead. Shepard had finished with the Captain and turned to face his crew.

"Well this is it. Don't do anything foolish while I'm gone Chief." Kaidan said. "You too Commander." He tried to keep the genuine concern for Shepard out of his voice.

"We'll be fine LT." Chief Williams replied.

Kaidan looked back at Shepard. "Yeah I just... good luck" He can't believe it. He almost told Shepard how he feels about him. It certainly wasn't how he wanted it to happen. He wanted to do it in private.

"It's a dangerous situation. Keep your eyes open and be ready for anything." Shepard said.

"You bet Commander." Kaidan replied.

 

*****************  
"Shadow is on the ground. Repeat. Shadow is on the ground."

The assault had begun. Kaidan was leading Aegohr team. Mannovai was taking the left flank and Jaeto the right. They were encountering heavy Geth resistance. He was trying to provide cover for Mannovai to get into position but there were several Geth turrets set up blocking their access. No matter what he did the waves of Geth kept coming.

"Fire is co-ordinated on Mannovai. We can't reach the geth turrets. We're out of range." Kaidan said into his comm. A Geth Destroyer started to charge at him. He biotically lifted the machine and then threw it up against a cliff.

"Something has scrambled their targeting. We've got a shot." Captain Kirrahe said over the comm. "Lieutenant Alenko, take the heat off Manovai."

"Aegohr team chrage." Kaidan shouted. They leapt up from their positions and began to charge at the Geth. Kirrahe was right, the Geth were no longer as accurate with their shots as they were before. They managed to take down about a dozen Geth units when Kirrahe's voice came over the comm again.

"They're calling sat strikes. Jaeto watch for comm stations. Alenko can you see anything?"

"Aircraft are heading back to perimeter stations to recharge. Bunker up before they come back." Kaidan warned. They way ahead of Aegohr team was clear for the moment. They moved up onto an elevated walkway and encountered a few geth blocking access to a first aid station. With little trouble they were taken care of. 

Kaidan surveyed his team. He had only lost one during the battle against the turrets. The rest were all relatively un-injured. He took some Medi-gel from the cabinet just in case they needed it later on. 

From off in the distance he heard what sounded like a massive explosion. It appeared to be coming from the Geth drone recharging station he spotted earlier.

"Ok let's move out." He said. For some reason the geth numbers didn't seem to be as concentrated as they were earlier. Hopefully that just means that they are nearing defeat and they aren't just setting a trap. His comm beeped again.

"Air threat has not materialised. We may be getting some help from shadow." Kaidan's heart missed a beat. Shepard is still alive.

They arrived at an entrance to the facility. One of the STG officers accessed a security panel. "The alarms have been disabled. We have access." He said.

"Alright let's do this." Kaidan took up position next to the door and bit the green button. The door slid open and they went inside. The room they were in looked a little like a warehouse. There were tanks all along the walls. Inside each tank was a Krogan. "There must be hundreds of them." Kaidan said.

"Thousands." Said one of the Salarians. "This place must be destroyed."

After fighting their way through two levels they arrived at their target, the AA tower. The geth were here in force. Before Kaidan knew it half of the Salarian squad was wiped out. He wasn't going to go without a fight though. He lashed out at the geth with everything he had. His amp was overheating with the strain it was under but Kaidan just pushed through the pain and kept attacking. There was a slight pause in the battle he decided to call Shepard to say goodbye.

"Commander do you read me?" he said with a strain in his voice.

"The bomb is almost ready Lieutenant, get to the rendezvous point." Shepard replied.

"Negative Commander. The Geth have us pinned down at the AA Tower. We've taken heavy casualties. We'll never make the rendezvous point in time."

"Get them out of there Joker. Now!" Shepard said.

"Negative. It's too hot. We'll hold them off as long as we..." A Geth rocket exploded near his position. "Commander get out of here. We're not going to make it." Only static came back. "I love you." Still static. Kaidan hoped that it got through. He leapt out from behind a crate and started firing at anything that moved.

A Geth drop ship suddenly descended from the sky. He didn't know if it would get through but he had to try to warn the others at the bomb site.

"Chief. We have spotted a troop ship inbound to your location." He shouted into the comm.

"It's already here and it's raining Geth down all over the bomb site." Williams replied.

"Hold on Chief. I'm coming back to get you." Shepard's voice! Kaidan was suddenly worried his confession made it through.

"Negative. It's too late for us. There's just too many of them. I'm activating the nuke" Chief Williams sounded on the verge of panicking.

"Williams! What the hell are you doing?" Shepard sounded agitated.

"Making sure this bomb goes off, no matter what." She replied. "It's done Commander. Go get the Lieutenant and get the hell out of here."

"Belay that." Kaidan responded, "Go back and get Williams."

"Alenko. Radio Joker and get him to meet us at the AA tower." Shepard ordered.

Kaidan felt as though he'd been kicked in the balls. "Y...yes... Commander...I...I" He couldn't talk. Shepard was coming back for him. Kaidan had made his peace with the universe and was ready to die, and Shepard decided to rescue him over Ash. He called the Chief Ash? He was always so formal with people. Why had he done that? Heat of the battle perhaps.

Shepard arrived just as Kaidan and his team were finishing off the geth. They didn't even get a chance to speak when a figure appeared on a floating platform. Saren! Kaidan didn't have time to react. Before he knew it Saren had triggered a biotic explosion near him and the blackness took him.

 

*****************  
Kaidan awoke in the Med Bay. Dr. Chakwas was standing over him. "What happened?" he said wearily.

"You passed out. Your body just couldn't cope under the strain that you were placing on it with all the biotics." Dr. Chakwas replied.

"What about Ash and the rest of the Salarians?"

"We managed to get most of the surviving Salarians on board before taking off. The Chief... Ashley, was caught in the explosion and If we had waited any longer, we would have been too." That revelation rocked him pretty bad. Ash had sacrificed herself so that he could live. He needed to get out of there and get some answers.

"I need to speak to Shepard." He got up and started to walk out.

"Take care Lieutenant." 

Kaidan was standing alone in the mess. "Computer. Where is Commander Shepard?" The Normandy's VI stated that he was in the comm room. He headed up there just as Shepard was about to begin the debriefing. Shepard turned to see Kaidan enter. For just a fraction of a second Kaidan could have sworn that Shepard had a look of relief on his face, but it was replaced just as quickly by his normal face. Kaidan took his seat, his head kept bowed down.

"Are you ok Lieutenant?" He asked.

"I...I can't believe Ash didn't make it. How could we just leave her down there?" Kaidan asked

"There was no time. I couldn't save you both. The bomb was about to go off." Shepard sounded as though he was struggling to keep it together.

Kaidan looked Shepard directly in the eyes. "Why me? Why not her?"

"I'm sorry Kaidan. " That was the first time Shepard had called him Kaidan. Hearing Shepard say his name made Kaidan feel a bit better. He was too busy thinking about that, that he missed what Shepard said next. Kaidan had the feeling it was something important but wouldn't find out what it was for a few years.

"I'm grateful. But ash died because of me..."

"It wasn't your fault." Shepard interrupted "It wasn't my fault. The only one to blame here is Saren."

"Yes sir." Kaidan stared back at the floor again. He didn't hear much of what was said after that. He was too busy figuring out his emotions. Shepard had chosen to save him over Ashley. What had he done to deserve getting rescued instead of her? Sure Shepard and Ash had that fight a few days ago but Shepard isn't the kind of person to hold a grudge. Also why did Shepard call him Kaidan? Does he feel guilty about saving him?

Once the debrief was concluded and Shepard was ready to make his report to the council, Kaidan headed down to the crew deck to get some sleep. As busy as his mind was, he fell asleep almost as soon as his head touched the pillow.

For the next few days Shepard seemed to be avoiding Kaidan. Kaidan didn't mind as much as he did before. He was totally focused on his work. Didn't want any distractions because when he had down time he kept thinking back to Virmire.

Shepard came down to see him. Kaidan didn't notice him approach. Shepard put his hand on Kaidan's shoulder and Kaidan jumped.

"Commander! I'm sorry I was busy concentrating on... something. I didn't hear you."

"Kaidan. It's ok. I just wanted to see how you were dealing with Ashley's death." Shepard sounded genuinely concerned. Kaidan just brushed it off as being a good CO.

"Dealing. Sir." He tried to find the right words. "Sorry for anything I said back there. Adrenaline." 

"I understand. I don't like losing people either." Shepard replied.

No you don't understand. Kaidan thought. I said I loved you.

"I've been seeing Doctor Chakwas. She's helped a lot."

"That's good. If you ever need to talk, about anything, you just come see me. Ok?" Shepard had a funny look on his face.

"Sure Commander." He said. Shepard removed his hand and went into his cabin.

 

*****************  
Several months had passed since Virmire. Shepard had defeated Saren and saved the Council. For his efforts the Council had sent the Normandy back into the Terminus Systems to hunt down the remaining pockets of Geth. They were not interested in hearing about the Reapers dismissing them as a myth. Kaidan could see that it was starting to take its toll on Shepard.

Shepard had not been visiting Liara as often as he used to. Maybe they had broken up? He'd decided that it was time to tell Shepard how he felt. He just wanted to tell him that he was here for him if he needed a friend or just someone to vent to. He was making his way to Shepard's cabin when Joker's voice came over the comm.

"Brace for evasive manoeuvres." 

Wasn't much of a warning as Kaidan was thrown against the bulkhead. The Normandy was under attack. Somehow he managed to get himself to his locker and put on his armour. He ran for Shepard's cabin dodging explosions along the way. The cabin was empty. He ran back to the mess and found Shepard preparing the distress beacon.

"Shepard!" He yelled.

"Distress beacon is ready for launch." Shepard said as he put on his helmet.

"Will the Alliance get here in time?" Kaidan asked as another explosion rocked the ship.

"The Alliance won't abandon us. We just need to hold on. Get everyone onto the escape shuttles." Shepard replied as he grabbed a fire extinguisher and tossed it to Kaidan who then started to battle the flames.

"Joker's still in the cockpit. He won't abandon ship." He turned to look at Shepard. "I'm not leaving either."

"I need you to get the crew onto the evac shuttles. I'll take care of Joker." Shepard moved to activate the evacuation procedure.

"Commander!" Kaidan yelled back.

"Kaidan. Go. Now"

Kaidan just stood there for a few seconds and then said with a wavering voice "Aye, aye."

He rushed back to where the shuttles were located and helped get everyone on board. He launched them once they were full. He waited for any stragglers and to see if Shepard would appear. Another explosion rocked the ship. This time Kaidan saw a young female crewman get caught in the blast. She gave a scream and was thrown across the corridor. Kaidan knew she was dead. He couldn't wait any longer. He got into the shuttle and launched it.

The sensors in the shuttle showed that the Normandy was still operating under power. Joker was still trying to divert the ship away from the planet. But it was a losing battle. The Normandy had suffered too much damage. There were multiple hull breaches including a massive one where the CIC used to be. Joker's voice came over the comm.

"Mayday. Mayday. Mayday. This is SSV Normandy. We've suffered heavy damage from an unknown enemy." Then there was nothing but static.

Kaidan kept his eyes on the screen looking for the launch of another pod. The unknown ship turned to fire on the Normandy again. If they didn't leave soon, they never would. Kaidan was holding his breath.

The ship targeted the cockpit and fired. It was cutting it right down the middle. Kaidan's heart sank. Then the sensors registered another evac shuttle launching. 

"He made it!"Kaidan yelled. Liara, Doctor Chakwas and the two crewmen in the shuttle with him cheered. It was short lived though as the unknown ship fired again. The Normandy, which had already copped a beating, finally succumbed to her wounds and was destroyed. The shock wave of the eezo core exploding engulfed the last shuttle. Kaidan desperately scanned it and to his relief it was still intact, though its communications were out.

 

*****************  
They drifted in space for two days before they were picked up by the SSV Intrepid. Kaidan's shuttle was the last one recovered. He stood on the deck of the Intrepid. Captain Anderson was standing there, along with Garrus, Wrex and Tali.

"Captain." Kaidan stood at attention and saluted Anderson.

"At ease son." Anderson replied.

"Did Shepard manage to save Joker?" He asked.

"Yes. Joker received several broken bones as a result of the attack but otherwise he's going to be ok." Anderson said.

"How many did we lose?" Kaidan asked soberly. Nobody said anything. Garrus was staring at the floor. Tali sounded like she was crying. Even Wrex looked forlorn. "How many?" he repeated almost pleadingly.

"Twenty one" Anderson said mournfully. "Including XO Pressly and Commander Shepard."

Kaidan felt as though his heart was just ripped out of his chest. He let out an inhuman wail and collapsed to the deck. He was vaguely aware of Liara and Dr. Chakwas attempting to comfort him. Captain Anderson was trying to talk to him. Kaidan wasn't listening. He wanted to die. First Ash had died to save him on Virmire and now Shepard had died to save him again. How many more people are going to die just so he could live? He didn't feel as though he deserved any of it. He resolved then and there that he was going to join Shepard, no matter what it took.


	2. Chapter 1 - A New Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan is in a very bad state since the death of Commander Shepard. But help comes from someone unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter I've drawn on personal experience when detailing Kaidan's pain. I hopefully haven't made it too dark.

It had been two months since Kaidan lost everything. Six weeks since Admiral Hackett ordered him on medical leave. Five since he started therapy. Four and a half since he threw his therapist across the room with his biotics. Three since the therapist got out of hospital and one since he last broke down crying at the mere mention of Shepard’s name. Now he was practically a pale imitation of the man he once was. The best parts of him, everything that made him feel human, died that day.

He was back home at his apartment in Vancouver. He was a mess. He hadn’t washed for a few days, he was un-shaven and wasn’t eating. He had even been avoiding speaking to his parents. He had often thought about ending his own life but was unable to while he was still aboard the Lexington. Captain Anderson had ordered him to be guarded around the clock just in case. Now that he was back home he found that he just couldn’t be bothered. His sidearm had been confiscated and even though his mental state was fragile, at best, he was still a soldier and wouldn’t take a less honourable route.

He had been sitting on the couch staring at a picture of Shepard he’d gotten off the extranet, when the door chime sounded. He ignored it as he had ever since he returned. This time whoever it was didn’t leave. They kept pressing the chime for a couple of minutes. Kaidan kept ignoring it. A new sound was coming from the door. Someone was forcing the lock. Instinctively Kaidan reached for his pistol and swore when he couldn’t find it. The door clicked and opened. Standing there was the last person in the galaxy that Kaidan wanted to see.

“Kaidan! By the Goddess, what happened to you?” Liara exclaimed as she walked in. When she got no response she went over to the couch and grabbed Kaidan’s head and forced him to look at her. “Can you hear me Kaidan?”

“Leave me alone.” Kaidan almost whimpered.

Liara looked shocked. “Kaidan it’s Liara. I've found Sh…”

Kaidan suddenly flared blue as he activated his amp. “I know who you are and I’m telling you to leave before I throw you out.”

“Kaidan I know you are in pain right now…”

“You know nothing!” Kaidan shouted and threw a biotic field at Liara. As he hadn’t been eating, he didn’t have enough calories stored up to do anything other than make Liara sway slightly.

“Why are you doing this to yourself? Do you think that Shepard would want you to be like this?”

“You knew him better than I did. Why don’t you tell me? You were fucking him.”

“What?” Liara looked astounded. “I was not. I don’t know where you got that idea from but it is not true. I’m sorry Kaidan but I have to know what is going on with you.” She grabbed Kaidan’s head again, looked him in the eyes again and said “Embrace eternity.” Kaidan was too weak to fight it. Liara spent a couple of minutes exploring Kaidan’s mind before she broke the connection. She then noticed the picture of Shepard lying next to Kaidan. “Goddess. You loved him didn’t you? That explains your reaction on board the Lexington.” Kaidan burst into tears. “Kaidan I admit that I was attracted to him and did, at one point, attempt to start a relationship with him. But he wasn’t interested. He told me that he was interested in someone else.”

“That’s crap. He used to spend a lot of time with you. What else could you have been doing?” Kaidan asked, choking back tears.

“Shepard used to come and talk with me. That’s all. He was under a lot of pressure and needed an outlet. All we did was sit and discuss his problems. I swear to you on my life that is the truth. That is what I’m offering to do for you.”

“You would help me? Why?”

“Because you are my friend.”

“If you are really my friend you will tell me who he was interested in?” Kaidan asked with a bit of venom in his voice.

Liara paused before giving her answer. “Kaidan.” She said softly while placing a hand on his cheek. “Shepard never told me. He hinted that it was a member of the crew but changed topics pretty quickly after that. I’m sorry but that is all I can tell you.”

“Probably some hottie with big tits." Kaidan said dejectedly. He had stopped crying but still felt like shit.

"He..." She hesitated. Kaidan could tell that Liara was choosing her words very carefully. "...didn't say." Liara changed the subject. It did not go un-noticed. "You need to deal with your pain and move on. You’ve been spending a fair bit of time on your own and look where it has gotten you. You obviously haven’t been eating otherwise you would have sent me flying earlier. Just like your Doctor."

"How did you find out about that?" Kaidan didn't do a good job at hiding his surprise.

"I've been keeping track of the Normandy survivors. You are all my friends. Garrus has gone back to c-sec, Tali went back to the Migrant Fleet, Joker was reassigned to the SSV Tokyo and Wrex has even gone home to Tuchanka. You are the only one who still has not returned to a normal life, though given what I now know I understand why." Kaidan said nothing. "You need to get yourself cleaned up. Go take a shower and I'll cook you something to eat." She said while activating her omni-tool.

Kaidan realised that she wasn't going to be leaving anytime soon. He didn't feel up to arguing with her anymore. He just got up and, shuffling his feet along the floor, made his way to the bathroom. He got undressed and turned on the shower. He stood underneath and just let the water cascade over his body. The revelation that Liara and Shepard weren't a couple had helped ease his mind a bit, but on the other hand, Shepard wanted someone else. He realised that he'd been acting like a real prick to Liara. As usual she was right, they were friends. She knew his secret. There was no point in holding it back any longer. He decided he was going to talk. He got out of the shower and put some clean pants on. Walking past the mirror he caught a glimpse of himself. He looked terrible. His eyes were red from the earlier tears and there were dark rings underneath from lack of sleep. His face looked a bit gaunt and even the muscles on his chest and abs seemed less defined than he remembered. The beard however gave him a jolt. It looked just like the one Joker has only not as well maintained. Kaidan punched the mirror, cutting open his hand in the process.

Liara had heard the glass breaking and came rushing in. "By the goddess, are you alright?" She removed the fragments from his wound and applied some medi-gel. "What possessed you to break the mirror?" she asked.

"I just couldn't look at myself. It's my fault that Shepard is dead." Kaidan could feel the tears welling up again.

"Don't say that. We were attacked. You had nothing to do with it."

"No but I am responsible for Shepard staying on board." He tried to hold back the tears but he was fighting a losing battle.

"What do you mean?"

"We were getting ready to evacuate. I told Shepard that Joker was still in the cockpit. Shepard said that he would get Joker. I told him that I wasn't going to leave him but he ordered me to go. That was the last time I spoke to him. If I hadn't told him about Joker then Shepard would still be alive." He allowed his feelings to take over again and was crying uncontrollably.

"But then Joker would be dead." Liara said quietly. Kaidan said nothing.

Liara decided to change tactics. "If you had to pick one word to sum up Commander Shepard, what would it be?"

"Perfect." Said Kaidan without missing a beat.

"Ok . Now would someone who was 'Perfect` abandon one of his friends when they needed his help?"

"Of course not. But..." Kaidan could see where this was going. "Joker had no business staying behind."

"So it's Joker's fault?"

"No. It's mine "

" You would prefer Joker had died instead of Shepard then?" Liara asked grimly.

Kaidan's first impulse to was to answer yes. But the word just wouldn't come out of his mouth. After what seemed like an eternity he just shook his head. Liara took his hand.

"The same thing that compelled Shepard to save Joker is what compelled you to tell him in the first place. You are a good man Kaidan Alenko. Your conscience wouldn't allow you to keep silent while one of your friends was in danger. No one is at fault, except the Collectors."

"The Collectors? How do you know that?"

"I was recently on Omega and an associate of mine mentioned that ships matching the description Joker gave the Alliance had been passing through the Omega-4 Relay. The only ships capable of that are the Collectors."

"I want to hurt them." Kaidan had a dangerous look on his face.

"How are you going to do that?"

"The only way I can. I'm going to talk to Admiral Hackett and get reinstated."

"Not right now. I'm sure that Admiral Hackett would be more willing to reinstate you if you had a shave, a decent meal and some sleep." Liara led Kaidan back to the kitchen where she had cooked up a couple of steaks and gotten some beer out of the fridge.

Kaidan looked impressed. "How did you know?"

"They were the only things in the fridge." Liara responded with a smile.

Kaidan had to admit that Liara had cooked the steak to perfection. This was the best he had felt since the destruction of the Normandy. He decided that now was the best time to get it off his chest.

"I fell in love with Shepard from the moment I saw him." Liara looked up from her plate with a look of great interest but said nothing. "Those eyes of his were the first thing I noticed about him. Whenever he looked at me I got the feeling that he was staring straight into my soul. The way he spoke used to send shivers down my spine. Every time he came down to the mess to talk to me we'd end up talking about my past. I'd had a pretty rough time at BAaT. I ended up killing one of the instructors when he hurt someone that I cared about. The other kids shunned me after that. Shepard was the first person who didn't run off once he found out. He made me feel like I was actually wanted. It seems as though whenever I come to care about someone, I do something to fuck it up."

"Don't start heading down that road again. Shepard did care about you." Liara had put down the mouthful she was about to eat. "As he cared about the whole crew." She added quickly. Kaidan's eyes glazed over again but this time he was able to keep his emotions in check.

"I'm alright." He actually meant it. "I'm going to get some sleep. I'll see Admiral Hackett in the morning. I've got a spare bed if you want to stay here tonight."

Liara considered it for a moment before declining. "I wish I could but I'm leaving for Illium tonight. There's another friend of mine I need to save. I've got a feeling that you're going to be ok."

"I think I will be. I feel somewhat better now." He got up from his chair and walked over to Liara and embraced her. "Thank you."

 

*****************  
Kaidan got off the shuttle at Arcturus Station in his dress blues. He was nervous, but filled with a determination to avenge himself upon the collectors that nothing else mattered. He approached Admiral Hackett's attaché. Before he could speak, however the attaché said "You can go in Lieutenant. The Admiral is expecting you." Nerves took over. He hadn't even made an appointment. The door to Hackett's office opened.

"Come in Lieutenant." Hackett said. Kaidan approached the desk, stood at attention and saluted.

"Admiral."

"At ease." Kaidan relaxed a bit and held his hands behind his back. "I know why you're here but I can't put you back on active duty. You are lucky you weren't brought up on charges for assaulting your therapist."

"I understand sir."

"Lieutenant." Hackett's voice got about as relaxed as it possibly could and Kaidan still felt as though he was getting a dressing down. "Dr. T'Soni stopped by earlier and explained your situation. You should be aware that we are doing everything we can to find the ones responsible for the destruction of the Normandy."

"May I speak freely sir?" Kaidan asked.

"Go ahead."

"Admiral. I want to help get the bastards that killed Sh... Commander Shepard, sir."

"Given your circumstances, are you sure that's wise? I'm not sure it would be a good idea to put you in a situation where you may disobey orders because of grief."

"Sir if the Collectors are responsible for the ship disappearances we were investigating, something must be done. Who knows what will happen if they operate unchallenged in our territory? They may even start targeting our colonies next. I realise I haven't been myself lately but I believe the worst of it has passed. I want to prevent anyone else from experiencing what I have gone through. Please sir."

Hackett was eying Kaidan closely looking for a sign of weakness. He decided to test him "I received a communiqué from Commander Shepard shortly before the Normandy was destroyed." Kaidan just stood there. His expression un-changed. "He was recommending you for a promotion. Attached was a commendation from a Salarian Captain Kirrahe, I believe his name was, detailing your heroic actions during the assault on Virmire. I have decided to approve his request." Kaidan was speechless. "Lieutenant Alenko. I hereby promote you to the rank of Lieutenant Commander, with all the rights and privileges of that rank." Kaidan released a breath he didn't realise he had been holding.

"Thank you sir." He said giving a salute. Hackett returned it but was still studying Kaidan.

" Here is a copy of the communiqué. I think you should read it." Hackett handed a pad to Kaidan. He read the message:

_To Admiral Steven Hackett,5th Fleet_   
_From Commander John Shepard, Commanding officer SSV Normandy_   
_Subject: Recommendation for promotion, Lt. Kaidan Alenko_

_Admiral,_   
_I wish to nominate Lt. Kaidan Alenko for promotion._   
_In my time as the Normandy's commanding officer Lt. Alenko has performed his duties in an exemplary manner. I have been consistently impressed with his performance both on board and during missions. He is always performing above my expectations and beyond the call of duty. His ability to see the big picture as well as his counsel have become invaluable to me over the past few months. I believe that Lt. Alenko has a big future with the Alliance Navy. It is my belief that Lt. Alenko is ready to start learning about command._   
_Attached is an affidavit from Captain Kirrahe, 3rd Infiltration Unit, Salarian Special Tasks Group detailing Lt. Alenko's heroic actions while leading a Salarian team during our assault on Saren's research base on the planet Virmire._   
_It has been an honour and a privilege to have Lt. Alenko serving as part of my crew._   
_Thank you sir._   
_Commander John Shepard._

Kaidan felt as though a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. Kaidan couldn't help but smile a little bit. He looked up to see Admiral Hackett still studying him. Hackett seemed satisfied with what he saw.

"Lieutenant Commander, I am restoring you to active duty pending a full evaluation from Medical. You will report there at once."

Kaidan stood at attention and saluted. Admiral Hackett returned the salute and said "Dismissed." Kaidan spun around on his heels and was about to leave when he remembered he was still holding the pad. He went to give it back to the Admiral but Hackett simply said "Keep it."

"Thank you sir." Kaidan replied. He then left the Admirals office.

Once he was well on his way to medical he clutched the pad to his chest and smiled. "Everything I do from now on is for you John." He said.


	3. Chapter 2 - Bekenstein

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan and his team travel to Bekenstein to investigate possible Cerberus sabotage.

Kaidan had been expecting to be involved in the investigation into the destruction of the Normandy. Instead he had been assigned to the newly promoted Admiral Anderson's personal staff. He didn't mind that much. Anderson was a friend and one of the few people in the galaxy who had believed Shepard when he warned about the reapers. Anderson had come to trust Kaidan more and more as the months went on. He was now starting to receive more important missions than just relaying messages to Councillor Udina, or occasionally acting as an armed escort.

It started off as a normal briefing. Anderson had been filling in Kaidan on a the latest intel on the Geth when a junior member of Anderson's staff came in with a report. 

"Sir. This just came in from Bekenstein."

"I'll take it Ensign. Thanks" Kaidan reached out and the Ensign placed the pad in his hands. He took a few moments to read it. "It appears that some terrorist group has sabotaged one of the power generators in Bekenstein's capitol, Milgrom. One of the terrorists was captured trying to flee the complex. Local security found a symbol on a piece of her equipment but it's not one I am familiar with."

"Let me take a look." Anderson said. Kaidan passed the pad over. Anderson's mood suddenly went sour. "Cerberus"

Kaidan shuddered. "I thought Shepard shut them down?"

"Obviously the Illusive Man is more resourceful than Intel gives him credit for."

"The Illusive Man?" Kaidan asked.

"He's the head of Cerberus. No one knows who he really is so Intel gave him that code name. He's not afraid to do whatever it takes to ensure that Humans are the dominant race in the galaxy."

"If that's the case, then why target a Human colony?"

"I'm not sure. But as Bekenstein is basically next door I think we should investigate it. Put a team together and get over there."

"Yes sir."

"Damn it Alenko. How many times have I told you? Call me Anderson. You've earned that right."

"I'll try to remember that... Anderson."

 

*****************

The trip to Bekenstein, by shuttle, was long due to the fact that there is no relay in the system. It gave Kaidan a chance to get to talk with the two newest members of his team. A former friend from BAaT, Lieutenant Edgar Carter and Ensign Marianna Connolly.

"So Eddie what have you been up to all these years?" Kaidan asked.

"Not much. Got sent back to Earth after you killed Vyrnnus at jump zero and got the program shut down. I joined the Alliance, and got shipped from one backwater planet to the next. How about you? Oh... that's right. You got assigned to the Normandy and helped save the galaxy with the hero of the Alliance. 'Hero of the Alliance' my arse. I heard what Shepard did at Torfan. Hunting down and executing those Batarians, many of whom had surrendered I might add, and got most of his unit wiped out doing it. I hear they still call him the 'Butcher of Torfan'."

Ensign Connolly was staring wide eyed. "So that actually happened? I thought it was just a rumour."

Kaidan started to answer with a hint of anger in his voice. "Yes it's true, but..."

"But nothing." Carter interrupted. "He was a disgrace to the uniform. It's just a pity the brass didn't have the balls to ship him off to the Batarian home world to face his just punishment. It was all hushed up of course and he even got a commendation for it. Still it worked out in the end. He got what was coming to him."

Kaidan couldn't hold back any longer. He biotically lifted the Lieutenant off his seat, grabbed the back of his head and slammed it into the side of the shuttle. The unmistakable sound of bone and cartilage breaking filled the cabin. Kaidan returned to his seat, Ensign Connolly staring in disbelief.

"I see that temper of yours hasn't improved." Carter said while trying to stem the flow of blood from his nose.

Ignoring him Kaidan turned to Ensign Connolly. "So how about you Connolly. What's your story?"

It took a moment for the shock to leave her face. "Not much to tell sir. I grew up on Terra Nova. Attended the academy straight out of high school. This is my first assignment."

"Well as long as you don't let it go to your head that you're actually here and concentrate, you'll be fine."

"I suppose you did the first aid course at the academy?"

"Yes sir. Second in my class."

"Good. You can start by taking care of that." He gestured towards Eddie and headed into the cockpit. "How long until we land?"

"About 30 minutes sir." The pilot replied.

 

*****************  
Milgrom was just like any typical Earth city. Tall buildings, people everywhere. But the one thing it was lacking was the high crime rate. The most typical criminal on Bekenstein was white collar. Embezzlement, fraud, tax evasion etc. When terrorists struck at the local power generator, the local security forces were poorly equipped to deal with the situation. Power was still fluctuating and the population were a bit jumpy. Kaidan had taken Ensign Connolly with him and, against his better judgement, Lieutenant Carter. Connolly had done a good job patching him up. The rest of the team was at the crime scene interviewing witnesses and canvassing for clues.

They entered the local security office and got permission to interview the suspect. She appeared to be in her mid thirties though it was difficult to tell as she looked like she had been beaten. Kaidan sat down and began to interrogate her.

"Who are you?" He asked.

"You really don't want to keep me prisoner. I have powerful friends and they can make life for you pretty difficult." She stated.

"You mean Cerberus?" Kaidan raised an eyebrow. There was a brief flash of surprise on the prisoner's face but she covered it up quickly.

"Never heard of it." She seemed relaxed, a bit too relaxed considering her situation. She started coughing. "Could I have some water please? My throat is pretty dry."

Kaidan almost said no. However she still had rights, no matter who she worked for. "Carter get this woman some water." Begrudgingly he got up off his chair and left the room. Kaidan continued to ask questions until Carter came back about 5 minutes later.

"Took you long enough." The prisoner said.

Carter's nose had begun to bleed again. Connolly took the cup from his hand and walked it around to the prisoner. Kaidan didn't take his eyes off her until the whole cup had been drunk. The prisoner smiled broadly. Horror dawned on him as the prisoner's eyes rolled back in her head and she started convulsing.

"We need a medic in here. NOW!!!" He shouted into the comm. He and Connolly were attempting to hold down the prisoner so she didn't hurt herself or anyone else. Carter was more interested in his nose bleed. By the time a medic arrived it was too late. She was dead. The security chief wasn't pleased.

"Lieutenant Commander. I let you conduct the interrogation on the understanding that I was going to get her back once you had finished. What did you do?"

"It was obvious that your team had been mistreating her. All I did was give her some water."

"Admiral Anderson will be hearing about this. The only suspect is now dead and so is the investigation." The chief turned to leave

"What about their equipment? Were you able to trace the serial numbers on the weapons?"

"We are still awaiting the results from the lab." He gestured to the body. "Dispose of that thing."

Kaidan turned to Connolly. He noticed she had been sick and her face was white. "Connolly? Connolly! Just breathe normally. I am assuming this is your first time seeing death?" She just nodded. "Sadly death is something we have to deal with regularly. Unfortunately if you see enough of it you get desensitised to it. This one was particularly gruesome. If you need it I'll set you up for some counselling once we get back to the Citadel."

Connolly's voice was very faint. "Thank you sir."

Kaidan arranged to have the body transported to the local morgue and have a post mortem performed. The rest of his team had reported back with no new information. It seemed that the investigation was indeed at a dead end. The only hope he had of getting to the bottom of this was the trace on the serial number and the autopsy. There wasn't much else to do now but wait. He dismissed his team for the day.

Most of them went to the local bar. Kaidan however preferred to spend time alone. The only thing he hated about being away from his bed on the Citadel was that his picture of Shepard was there. Although he wasn't looking at it as often as he used to, after the events of today he needed some comforting. He lay down on the bed and struggled to get to sleep.

He was woken by his comm unit beeping. The coroner had determined the cause of death as neural hypoxia brought about by potassium cyanide poisoning. The delivery method being the water she drank as there was nothing else in her stomach. Kaidan was stunned. Carter had taken an unusually long time to get the water. He couldn't prove it was Carter that poisoned the water as Connolly had also handled it, though he would have seen if she had put something in it.

He started thinking. What would the motive be for silencing her? If she really was Cerberus then the only ones who benefited from killing her was Cerberus and their allies. That thought really un-nerved Kaidan. Could Carter be a Cerberus operative? He decided to go back and speak to the Chief.

When he got there the Chief was waiting for him. "Had a feeling you'd show up. Trouble never seems to be too far away from you."

"Has something else happened?" Kaidan asked.

"Don't play dumb with me buddy. It was either you or someone on your orders."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Kaidan said defensively.

"The weapons we recovered from the scene have disappeared from the lab. The security was circumvented by someone who is familiar with current Alliance security protocols. Ours were updated to the latest ones last week."

Kaidan thought for a moment. "Chief I have an idea but I'll need your help to pull it off."

"I'm listening." The chief said. Kaidan told him of his plan. Once he was done the chief admitted that it was a good idea.

"I need to make a call, talk to my people and get the ball rolling. Just be ready." Kaidan said.

 

*****************  
Later that evening Kaidan had gathered his team at the local Alliance barracks. "There have been a couple of incidents since we got here. First of all was the death of the prisoner that I was interrogating. The second was the theft of the weapons that Milgrom Security was having analysed. While these incidents seem to be linked there is no clue as to who is responsible. I'm informed that whoever did this missed one. However as the murder of the prisoner happened while we were in charge of her we are all currently under suspicion. Therefore to help eliminate us as suspects, all personnel are restricted to the base until the analysis on the remaining gun is complete. Dismissed" The looks he got ranged from a shrug from Connolly all the way up to seething from Carter.

Kaidan went into the barracks CO's office and almost ran into the figure standing near the door. "I see you got my message Anderson." He said to the Admiral.

"Yes. If one of your team is a Cerberus agent we need to find out and interrogate him. I've decided to handle this personally." Anderson replied. 

"While I was keeping them occupied with my speech, the garrison police conducted a search of our belongings." Kaidan said.

"I know. They have already reported back."

"Please tell me they didn't find anything." Kaidan was cautiously optimistic.

"No they didn't. However communications records show that one of your team received an encrypted communiqué just prior to the death of the prisoner."

"Let me guess. Lieutenant Carter." Kaidan felt as though he'd been kicked in the stomach.

"Unfortunately yes. I'm having his quarters on the Citadel searched by C-Sec. If there's anything there they'll find it."

"Now we play the waiting game." Kaidan said. He yawned.

"You look like crap. When was the last time you slept?" Anderson asked.

"Last night but I got woken up early with the post mortem results."

"Go hit the sack. I'll make sure you're woken if there are any developments."

"Thank you Sir." Kaidan saluted and went to his quarters.

The next morning Kaidan and Anderson met with the Chief. “You were right. It’s gone. Unfortunately we didn’t catch them.”

“I’m pretty sure I know who it is.” Kaidan said. “The only thing I lack is proof.”

“I may have it.” Anderson said. “Executor Pallin contacted me with the results of the search. Cerberus propaganda was found among his personal effects as was an empty phial that had trace amounts of potassium cyanide."

They were interrupted by an knock on the door. Anderson walked over and opened it. Ensign Connolly upon seeing Anderson immediately stood at attention and saluted. Anderson returned the salute and told Connolly to enter. 

"Begging the Admiral's pardon but I have something that I need to report." She said.

Anderson had walked over to the desk in the corner of the room and sat down behind it."Report Ensign."

"Sir. Lieutenant Carter is missing sir."

"Missing?" Kaidan and Anderson both said.

"Yes sir. I was having trouble sleeping and needed to use the head. On my way back I saw someone coming out of the barracks where the Lieutenant was staying. I couldn't see who at the time because it was too dark."

"Roughly what time was this?" Anderson asked.

"Sir it was approximately 0325. I checked when I got back to my bunk. No one has seen him since."

"Thank you Ensign. Dismissed."

Seemingly relieved that her brief interrogation was over she saluted and left.

"I want him found and taken into custody."Anderson said to the Chief.

"We'll get it done Admiral." The Chief then turned and left Kaidan and Anderson alone.

"This is bad Alenko." Anderson said. "Had we not discovered this he would have ended up working close to myself, Udina and the rest of the Council. Imagine the kind of things a Cerberus agent could get up to with that kind of access."

"Do you think they would try to assassinate the Council?" Kaidan asked.

"Possibly. They would most certainly cause problems for the other races."

"What I still don't understand is why would Cerberus target Bekenstein?"

"According to C-Sec some of the documents indicate that Cerberus is trying to undermine the Alliance in key colonies like Bekenstein. They cause problems which overwhelm the local authorities, then turn up and offer assistance in restoring law and order. They then start planting their own people in key positions and before you know it they have control of the planet."

"Bastards. At least they're not still running those sick genetic experiments." Kaidan said with revulsion.

"As far as we can tell you and Shepard put at stop to that. I don't know if you remember Doctor Wayne, but he has worked out an immunity deal with the courts in exchange for testimony against Cerberus. That combined with Corporal Toombs testimony about what they did to him at Akuze should bring Cerberus into the spotlight. Which is what they don't want. Doctor Wayne also will testify that Cerberus murdered Admiral Kahoku. I'm going to increase security on them both until the hearing. Don't want Cerberus to silence any more witnesses."

"So what happens now?" Kaidan asked.

"I'm heading back to the Citadel shortly. I want you and your team back as soon as possible. Good work on this Lieutenant Commander."

"Thanks Anderson."

 

*****************  
The shuttle ride back to the Citadel was rather subdued. No one was talking. The shock that Carter was a traitor had well and truly sunk in. Kaidan was looking forward to getting back to the Citadel and some mundane tasks for a while. 

"Sir? Incoming transmission from Bekenstein." Kaidan got up off his seat and went into the cockpit.

"Yes Chief. What can I do for you." He said.

"Just thought you'd want to know that we have found Lieutenant Carter."

"Excellent work Chief. Pilot bring us about and head back to Bekenstein."

"There's no rush. He's dead." The Chief said. Kaidan felt sick to his stomach. As much as he disliked the man, Carter had been a soldier under his command and the feeling of failure was returning. "A patrol found him dumped in some bushes not far from the lab. It appears that the assailant took him by surprise. Cause of death was a single shot to the back of the head at point blank range. I thought you should know his omni-tool is missing."

"Thank you Chief. I'll inform Admiral Anderson. Alenko out." The comm channel closed. Kaidan staggered back to his seat and slumped into it.

 

*****************  
Once back on the Citadel, Kaidan headed straight for Anderson's office. He briefed Anderson on the latest developments.

"Cerberus always seem to be one step ahead of us." Kaidan said.

" Someone is doing some serious house cleaning. Every operative we've uncovered so far has been killed before they could be interrogated. Who else knew that we were investigating Carter?"

"Apart from the two of us, the only person was the Chief."

"I'll get intel to keep an eye on him for the time being. Though my gut says that's not where we'll find the answers we're looking for." Anderson started pacing the office thinking. Kaidan took that as a sign that it was time to leave.

"I'm going off duty now. Don't suppose I could interest you in a beer Anderson?" Kaidan asked.

"Not right now. I have some things to take care of. Maybe later."  
Kaidan left Anderson's office and walked down the corridor. Rounding a corner he almost bowled over Ensign Connolly.

"Sorry Sir. I wasn't concentrating on where I was going."

"It's ok Ensign. How are you feeling?" Kaidan asked.

"Permission to speak freely sir?"

"Always."

"I feel bad about what happened to Carter. I know he was a traitor and everything, but still..."

"He was a pain in the arse. Had been ever since I first met him." Kaidan replied.

"Yes sir. I can't help but wonder if I had approached him that night, would he still be alive?"

"Don't start thinking like that. We may never know his motives for being up and about that night. It won't do you any good to dwell on 'what ifs'. There is no one to blame for his death except the person who pulled the trigger." Kaidan suddenly got a flash back of his own battle with survivors guilt and subsequent conversation with Liara.

"I think I understand Sir. Will there be a memorial service?" She asked.

"I expect so. Once the authorities on Bekenstein have released his body."

"Thank you. Good night sir."

"Good night Ensign." Connolly continued her way down the corridor. Kaidan watched her for a moment before returning to his quarters. He fell asleep staring at Shepard's picture.


	4. Chapter 3 - Horizon Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan reaches the planet Horizon and makes a new friend. But trouble isn't far away and rumours are spreading about Shepard.

It was now almost two years since Shepard had died. Kaidan had gotten over the need to look at Shepard's picture when he needed comforting. With the focus of his attention now on Cerberus, he had completely forgotten about the Collectors. There were rumours going around that Shepard wasn't dead and was in fact working for Cerberus. As much as Kaidan wished that Shepard was alive, he couldn't believe that he would work for those terrorists. Kaidan had tried to get Anderson to talk about it but got no reply each time he brought it up. Besides Anderson had bigger problems. 

The Alliance brass were in a complete state of shock. Two of the Alliance's colonies have disappeared. Almost 1 million people are missing. The prime suspect is Cerberus. Strangely though nothing else was amiss at the colony. The buildings showed no signs of damage, there were no signs of fighting or blood. Many buildings still had half eaten meals sitting on dinner tables.

Alliance Command has ordered that all outlying colonies increase security to prevent any further incidents. The Alliance had installed two new GUARDIAN defence towers on the planet Horizon, but they were having trouble calibrating the targeting scanners. Admiral Anderson ordered Commander Alenko to the planet to assist Lieutenant Connolly in getting the towers operational before Cerberus launched an attack.

 

*****************  
His arrival wasn't really welcomed by the colonists. Many of them believed that by installing the towers, they were making themselves a target. Connolly believed that the targeting software was deliberately being sabotaged to prevent them from coming online. However as she and Kaidan were the only Alliance soldiers on the planet, there was no way they could possibly protect the two towers all the time.

"Why don't you Alliance grunts just go home and leave us alone?" Said Delan, a mechanic.

"We are trying to help protect you people." Kaidan said for what seemed to be the thousandth time.

"We don't want Alliance 'protection'. Otherwise we wouldn't have moved all the way out here in the Terminus Systems."

"Like it or not you're getting it Delan." Connolly said. "If I find out you had something to do with this sabotage I'll kick your sorry butt all the way back to Earth."

"Lieutenant..." Kaidan warned.

"Sorry sir."

"If you have a problem I suggest you go talk to Lillith. As long as she's in charge, we will stay and get these working. Once that happens we'll leave." Kaidan said.

"Yeah well be sure that you do." With that Delan walked away. Kaidan glared at Connolly.

"What? He's an arrogant bastard." Said Connolly. "Just putting him in his place."

"You have to remember this planet is also his home."

"Believe me sir I can't wait to be gone from this pit."

Kaidan spotted one of the colonists running towards him. "Then you better get back to work on the scanners."

Ben was in his late 20's with brown hair and eyes. He had been one of the first colonists to welcome Kaidan when he stepped off the shuttle. In the couple of weeks that Kaidan had spent on the colony, he and Ben had become friends. Though Kaidan suspected that Ben might have been after something more as Ben was always making excuses to come see him and try to offer any assistance.

"Hi Kaidan." He said breathing heavily.

"Hello Ben. So what is so important that you had to run all the way over here?"

"You have a transmission on a secure channel in the communications pod."

"Thanks." Kaidan started to walk towards the communications pod which was on the other side of the colony from the towers. Ben followed. "You don't have to follow me you know. I remember the way now."

Ben looked slightly disappointed but continued to follow anyway. "I wanted to talk to you as well. I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my place tonight for a few beers?"

Kaidan thought about it. He hadn't really had time to just sit down and relax for a while. Ben was attractive but Kaidan was unsure if he was ready to go where he thought Ben wanted it to go. He just didn't care about Ben in that way. "I might swing by later, depending on what happens on this call."

Ben's face suddenly lit up. "Thanks Kaidan. I'll be waiting." He walked off in the direction of his home.

Kaidan had reached the communications pod still thinking about Shepard. One of the terminals was blinking, indicating a held call. Kaidan identified himself to the computer and the image of Admiral Hackett appeared. Kaidan stood at attention and saluted.

"Admiral." He said

"Commander. You should know that another colony has gone missing." Hackett said. "We stopped receiving transmissions from Freedom's Progress at around 1500 Earth Standard Time."

"Freedom's Progress? But that colony has over 900,000 people."

"Had. Like the other two colonies, all of them have simply disappeared. Intel has reason to believe that Horizon will be next. What is the status of the defence towers?"

"Still offline. We can't track the source of the problem. Every time we think we have it, we are forced to start again. Reloading the software from scratch is having no effect."

"Our best guess is you only have a week. Get it done Commander. Hackett out." Kaidan switched off the terminal and turned around to see the silhouette of someone standing just outside the door. The person fled once they realised that the transmission was over. Kaidan rushed outside but saw no one. He decided to go to Ben's place. As promised Ben was waiting for him, beer in hand.

"Kaidan you came!" Ben sounded like a child who's just been given a new toy.

"Yeah. The offer of beer was too tempting to turn down. Been ages since I had one." Ben passed him a nice cold one. "Thanks." Kaidan opened the bottle and took a mouthful. Not as good as Canadian lager, but still could be worse.

They sat down on the couch talking about the colony and their personal history. Somehow they ended up sitting next to each other. Kaidan had only had two beers, though Ben was currently downing his fifth. Kaidan looked over to see Ben staring at him.

"Kaidan." Ben said softly. He put his hand on Kaidan's thigh. Kaidan froze. He knew that things were likely to go down this path. He would have to let him down gently.

"Ben..." Kaidan started to say. He was surprised to find that his body was responding. Ben noticed and moved his hand higher up.

"Shhhh. It’s clear we both want this. Just relax and let it happen.” Ben started to unzip Kaidan’s pants when Kaidan stopped him.

“Ben please don’t.” Kaidan stood up and looked down at Ben. “I’m sorry but I can’t do this. I think you’re a really great guy, attractive, smart. But my heart already belongs to someone else.”

"I can live with that. Now get over here."

Kaidan realised that Ben just wasn't getting the hint. "Ben. I'm sorry but I can't get physical with you because I don't love you. I need to have strong feelings for someone before I will consider sleeping with them. I think of you as a friend only. I hope you can respect that because if you can't, then I will leave."

Ben looked like a Varren just ate his cat. After a long silence he said softly "I understand. All I've ever wanted was to help you. You've had it pretty rough and I just wanted to help ease your stress."

"Just sitting here, having a few beers and talking to you are enough for me to relax. If you really want to help there is something you can do for me."

A small smile started to appear on Ben's face. "Anything. What do you need?"

"Once you've sobered up I want you to keep an eye on tower 2 for me while Connolly is off duty. I think we're close to getting them online but I suspect there is a saboteur here that keeps undermining our efforts, and l need to know who it is."

"Sure thing. Say can I have a gun?" Ben said hopefully.

Kaidan suppressed a chuckle. "Sorry. I can't give weapons to civilians. Just stay out of sight. Don't do anything stupid and you'll be fine."

 

*****************  
Two nights later Kaidan was able to put his plan into motion. Kaidan and Connolly had finally worked out the bugs in the system and the towers were operational. Connolly said she was exhausted so Kaidan told her to get some sleep. He then contacted Ben and told him to meet him at tower two. 

"Evening Ben. The diagnostics indicate that the towers are now online. Hopefully we'll be able to conduct a test firing tomorrow. Until then we need to make sure that nobody gets near them. I'll be patrolling near tower one. I need you to stay here and contact me if anyone approaches."

"Can do Kaidan. There are some crates over there in the corner I can hide behind." Ben pointed the crates out.

"Ok. Just remember what I said and be careful. Just call me at the first sign of movement." Ben nodded and headed over to the crates. Kaidan started walking towards the first tower, passing Connolly's unit not long after leaving Ben. Her light turned off as he went by.

It was a cold and cloudless night. Kaidan was glad he was wearing his armour as it helped regulate his body temperature. He had been patrolling the site of tower one for about three hours and he was getting tired. His eyes turned upwards to the stars. He was thinking about Shepard again, hoping that the rumours were at least partly true and Shepard was indeed alive. Where was he? What was he doing? Why hadn't he tried to get in contact? Kaidan knew that it was dangerous to get his hopes up. He had to remind himself that Shepard had died. No one survives getting blown out of a ship.

His train of thought was interrupted by a beep on his omni-tool. "Kaidan there's someone here."

"Stay put I'm on my way." Kaidan made his way towards tower two. Finally he was going to catch whoever was hampering the Alliances efforts to protect this colony.

"Please hurry." There was a sense of urgency in Ben's voice."They know I'm..." The transmission suddenly cut off.

"Shit." Kaidan ran the rest of the way to the defence tower. When he got there he drew his pistol and started to survey the scene. He couldn't see anyone. The crates were on the opposite side of the tower. As he started to make his way over he heard a gun being drawn.

"Drop the gun." A female voice said.

"Connolly?" Kaidan inquired.

"Sorry sir. I didn't realise it was you." Connolly replied. She stepped out from behind the tower in her armour and holstered her weapon. Kaidan lowered his pistol.

"Report" He said.

"Sir I was sleeping when I heard a gun firing. I quickly got dressed and came down to investigate. There was nobody here."

"Ben!" Kaidan shouted. He ran behind the crates and Ben was lying there in a pool of blood. Kaidan used his omni-tool to scan Ben's life signs. "His pulse is weak and he's lost a lot of blood." Kaidan opened a comm channel. "This is Commander Alenko. I need a trauma team to tower two immediately. A man has been shot." He received an acknowledgement and tried to keep Ben stable with medi-gel. Kaidan began examining Ben's arm.

"With all due respect sir, what are you doing?" Connolly asked.

"Looking for his omni-tool. It's possible he may have been able to record an image of the person who attacked him. After checking both arms said, "He contacted me. It must be here."

"Unless whoever shot him took it just like with Lieutenant Carter sir."

_How did she know that?_ Kaidan thought. He turned to look at Connolly and noticed some blood spatter on the armour of her right arm. Connolly saw what he was looking at and drew her gun, aiming it at Kaidan.

"It was you all along wasn't it?" Kaidan asked.

"So you finally figure it out did you Alenko?" She said. Her voice and her expression had suddenly changed.

Kaidan made no attempt to move. "You're with Cerberus."

"And it only took you a year to figure it out." She was laughing now. "Now stand up slowly."

Kaidan stood up and held his arms behind his back. He managed to activate his omni-tool. "Why kill Carter?" He asked. "He was one of yours."

She shook her head. "No he wasn't. I set him up."

"Why?"

"I needed to deflect attention away from me after I poisoned the prisoner."

"You cold, heartless, bitch." Kaidan said. He wanted to shoot her but knew if he made a move to get his pistol, she would shoot. "So he was really innocent? How did you manage to do it all?"

"Well since I'm going to kill you regardless I might as well tell you. The whole operation was a distraction to get you and Anderson away from the Citadel. My superiors learned that one of the agents was alive in custody which was a violation of her orders. I was given the task of silencing her. It couldn't have worked out better. You brought me along to witness the interrogation. She recognised me and knew why I was there. She asked you for some water. I had assumed that you would send me, being the junior officer in the room. You sent Carter instead. One of our people delayed him just long enough to raise your suspicions. He returned at fortunately started to get a bloody nose. I took the water and slipped in the cyanide. You were focused on Carter at the time. Do you remember the agent got when she drank the water?" She waited for an answer. "Well do you?"

"Yes." Said Kaidan through gritted teeth. It was clear that Connolly, or whoever she was, loved the sound of her own voice.

"She knew her mission was a success. You were there and she was about to die without telling you anything. Carter of course suspected me right away. I was the only other person who had access to the cup. So I knew I had to do something. I contacted an agent on the Citadel and got them to plant the evidence in his quarters. It was then a matter of breaking into the lab and recovering the weapons."

Kaidan got a smug look on his face "But you fell for my trap didn't you?"

She didn't look impressed. "Unfortunately I was in a rush. I didn't realise I had them all, so when you said that there was still one left I had to go back to get it. Unfortunately Carter had received a transmission which contained proof that I wasn't Marianna Connolly. He was keeping an eye on me. I slipped out that night to return to the lab but the nosy bastard was following me. I got a little bit ahead of him and managed to double back. I shot him and made sure I removed his omni-tool. I then dumped his body in the bush and destroyed his omni-tool and the evidence along with it."

"What have you been up to here?" Kaidan asked.

"Just ensuring that these towers never hit their target. I doubt you'll be able to get them working in time."

"In time for Cerberus to attack and kidnap these people?"

"You're wrong about Cerberus. So was Shepard, only he realised his mistake and joined us."

"You're lying." Kaidan could feel the anger beginning to build up. "Shepard is dead."

She was pleased to see she hit a nerve. "Believe what you want but I'm telling you the truth. Ask Anderson. Shepard was there talking to him only a couple of weeks ago."

Kaidan knew that Anderson was holding something back. Surely Anderson would've told him if Shepard was alive. Kaidan's anger boiled over. He brought up a biotic barrier around himself and Ben. Connolly fired but the shots disintegrated harmlessly upon the barrier. Kaidan brought around his omni-tool and hit her with a neural shock. She dropped to the ground like a marionette with its strings cut. He dropped the barrier and kicked away her pistol. The medics had arrived and loaded Ben onto a stretcher. He told the medics to keep Connolly sedated until the Alliance could pick her up. They loaded Ben and Connolly onto the waiting ambulance and took them to the hospital.

 

*****************  
Two days later and Ben was recovering in hospital from his wound. Connolly had been taken to an Alliance military prison for further interrogation, along with the recording of her confession that Kaidan made on his omni-tool. Kaidan was feeling guilty that he'd placed Ben in that situation. Ben told him not to worry about it as he had volunteered. He'd go through it again if it meant that the colony would be safe. Kaidan visited him twice a day to make sure that he was ok. He'd even tried to bring in a beer for him but the nurses confiscated it. 

Kaidan was still stressing over the defence towers. He'd been unable to figure out what Connolly had done to them. The diagnostics were telling him that they were operating at 100% but every time they tested them, the shots missed their targets by a considerable distance. The issue was still with the targeting matrix but noting Kaidan tried worked. He went to the communications pod to put in a call to Admiral Hackett. He was in the process of asking for a replacement engineer when all of a sudden, all of the communications channels died...


	5. Chapter 4 - Horizon Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Collectors attack Horizon and Kaidan meets the last person he expected to see.

Kaidan exited the communications pod and took a shuttle towards the Administration Centre. The fact that communications had dropped out would concern him more if he was on one of the larger colonies. Horizon was a backwater colony. Not much development had gone into infrastructure, the overwhelming majority of buildings were still pre-fabricated structures. One of the rare exceptions was the Administration Centre. 

The first permanent building constructed, the Administration Centre stood at the very heart of the colony. A double story building it contains the Administrator's Office, the main communications hub as well as offices for the various government departments. Kaidan exited the shuttle and almost ran into Delan the mechanic.

"Watch it Alliance." Delan said as he exited the building.

"Good to see you too Delan." Kaidan replied. He entered the building and went to the Office of Communications. 

The lady at the desk wasn't very helpful saying only that "We are experiencing some technical difficulties. Technicians are en-route and we hope to have services restored shortly."

"Bureaucrats" Kaidan muttered to himself as he left the office. He went to find Lilith the Administrator. She wasn't in her office so he decided to head back to his shuttle and return to the defence towers. As he was about to get into the shuttle he saw Lilith walking over near one of the ubiquitous pre-fab buildings. He hurried over to inform her about the status of the towers.

"Lilith we've got a problem." Kaidan said.

"Still can't calibrate the targeting matrix?" She replied.

"Those defence towers are useless if we don't figure it out."

"Sorry Commander. But getting our comm systems back online takes priority."

"Yeah. Ok. Surprised people have tried to blame that one on me too." Kaidan said with a little bit of anger in his voice.

"A lot of people out here don't trust the Alliance." Lilith said. "It's nothing personal." A noise overhead made Kaidan and Lilith look up. "What is that?" Lilith asked.

Kaidan took his assault rifle out and looked up into the sky through the scope. A ship was emerging through the clouds, yellow sparks of lightning dancing across its surface. "Get everyone to the safe house." Kaidan ordered. There was a burst from the unknown ship and a black cloud started moving towards the colony. "I'll cover you. Run!" Kaidan yelled as he started firing his weapon. The colonists started to flee. Lilith stood her ground looking frightened. "Hurry!" 

She turned to run just as the cloud reached them. It was made up of a swarm of bug like creatures. Lilith tripped and fell. Kaidan stopped firing and helped her to her feet. He cried out as he felt something pierce the back of his neck. He reached around and pulled off one of the bugs. It was slightly bigger than his hand and started squirming. He threw it away and began to move. 

All of a sudden Kaidan found that he couldn't move. His whole body was frozen in place as two more of the bugs landed on him. He could still hear colonists around him screaming as they too were attacked by the bugs. He could no longer see Lilith as she had run behind him. The screams subsided as one by one the colonists were frozen in place just as he was. His thoughts immediately returned to Ben in hospital. _I hope he is alright._ He thought to himself.

There was a deafening sound as the unknown ship landed not far from where Kaidan stood. The sky had blackened around it and the colony was bathed in a yellow glow emanating from the ship. A few minutes passed before Kaidan saw movement. Some unknown aliens were starting to move amongst the colonists carrying what looked like stasis pods. The aliens were slightly taller than the average Human, appeared to have an exoskeleton in lieu of armour and had four eyes.

One of the aliens was glowing orange in places with black smoke rising off of its body. It looked like the last embers of a fire. It surveyed the scene as a General would survey a battlefield. It spoke. "We are the Harbinger of their perfection. Prepare these Humans for ascension."

The aliens with the pods placed them on the ground and started loading people into them. Kaidan knew that the colonists had to be scared, hell he was as well. He knew that there was nothing that could be done to help them and unless Hackett realised that something was wrong and sent help, no one was going to be able to save them. The aliens didn't seem to be in any hurry. Each colonist was loaded up into a pod by two aliens and then the pod was carried away. It was only a matter of time before the same fate befell him.

 

*****************  
By Kaidan's estimate it had been about an hour since the aliens started kidnapping the colonists. Several of the colonists near him had been taken away. Kaidan had given up hope of anyone coming to save them. Horizon was going to end up like the other Human colonies that had simply vanished without a trace. The unmistakable sound of the defence towers firing snapped him out of his melancholy.

_Someone managed to evade the aliens._ Kaidan thought. He could hear that the projectiles from the GUARDIAN Towers were hitting their target. _What the hell?_ He thought. _They got them working?_

The enemy ship started up its engines and took off. As it left Kaidan found he was able to move again. He helped up the remaining colonists and advised them to seek shelter in case there were any aliens still around. He ran towards the closest tower.

What he found there almost caused Kaidan to have a stroke. Delan was there talking to a small group of three well armed soldiers. Garrus Vakarian was there and a Salarian he didn't know. The man that Kaidan had fallen in love with, what seemed like an eternity ago was standing in between them. Commander Shepard.

"The rumours were true!" Kaidan exclaimed to himself. He was about to run over when he also remembered that Connolly said Shepard was working for Cerberus. That caused Kaidan to think twice before finally deciding to cautiously approach a stack of crates near Delan. He caught part of their conversation.

"Shepard?" Delan said. "Wait I know that name. Sure I remember you. You're some type of big Alliance hero."

Kaidan stepped out from behind the crates and approached the group. "Commander Shepard, Captain of the Normandy, first Human Spectre and saviour of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a legend Delan, and a ghost." Kaidan said with a bit of a shaky voice.

Delan crossed his arms. "All the good people we lost and you get left behind. Figures. Screw this. I'm done with you Alliance types." He made a dismissive gesture with his arm as he walked away. Kaidan approached Shepard and held out his hand. Shepard shook it.

"I thought you were dead Commander." He said with caution in his voice. "We all did."

"You don't sound too happy to see me." Shepard replied. "Something bothering you Kaidan?"

Kaidan had butterflies in his stomach. He had waited two years to hear Shepard say his name again. He started to let his guard down a bit. When he spoke he sounded a fair bit angrier than he meant to. "Yes something's bothering me. I spent the last two years believing you were dead. I would've followed you anywhere Commander." His tone changed to sadness. "Thinking you were gone was like losing a limb." He got angry again. "Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?"

"Not my choice." Shepard said defensively. "I spent the last two years in some kind of coma while Cerberus rebuilt me."

Kaidan took a couple of steps back. Any happiness he felt at Shepard's survival was now gone. "You're with Cerbreus now. Garrus too." He said with bitter disappointment in his voice. "I can't believe the reports were right."

"Reports? You mean you already knew?" Garrus asked.

"Alliance Intel thought that Cerberus might be behind the missing colonies. They got a tip that this one might be the next one to get hit. Anderson stonewalled me, but there were rumours that you weren't dead. That you were working for the enemy."

Shepard was still on the defensive. "Cerberus and I want the same thing. To save our colonies. That doesn't mean I answer to them."

Kaidan was getting angry again. "Do you really believe that? Or is that just what Cerberus wants you to think? I wanted to believe that the rumours that you were alive but I never believed anything like this." Shepard opened his mouth but Kaidan continued. "You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."

There was a hint of pleading in Shepard's voice which Kaidan ignored. "Kaidan you know me. You know I'd only do this for the right reason. You saw it yourself. The Collectors are targeting Human colonies, and they're working for the Reapers."

"I want to believe you Shepard, but I don't trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of a reaper to manipulate you. What if they're behind it? What if they're working for the Collectors?"

"Damn it Kaidan!" Garrus sounded about as pissed off as Kaidan felt. "You're so focused on Cerberus that you're ignoring the real threat." Kaidan ignored the Turian.

"You're letting the way you feel about their history get in the way of facts." Shepard said.

"Maybe." Kaidan replied. "Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Maybe you're the one who's not thinking straight. You've changed. But I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier, always will be." Kaidan still projected more anger into his voice than he meant to. "I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story or not."

Kaidan turned and started to walk away. Shepard spoke up. That pleading tone back in his voice. "I could use someone like you in my crew Kaidan. It'll be just like old times."

Kaidan stopped and turned his head. "No it won't. I'll never work for Cerberus. Goodbye Shepard..." His voice started to break up "... and be careful." He walked away in the direction of the Administration Centre.

"Joker. Send the shuttle to pick us up. I've had enough of this colony." Kaidan heard Shepard say just as he was rounding the corner.

Kaidan was struggling to keep it together. He found an abandoned building and went inside. He started crying. Shepard was alive but working for Cerberus. It was as though all of his prayers were answered and then, just as suddenly, turned to dust. After a few minutes he regained his composure and decided to go see if Ben was alright. Unfortunately Ben was one of the colonists taken by the collectors. 

It had taken a day to sort out who had been taken. About half of the colony had been abducted including Lilith. Alliance help finally turned up and many colonists wanted to leave. Kaidan had been running on automatic the last 24 hours. The betrayal of Shepard and loss of Ben had really taken its toll on him. He hadn't eaten of slept. He needed to get off of this planet. 

 

*****************  
It didn't take long before Admiral Anderson recalled him to the Citadel. The look on Anderson's face when Kaidan entered his office was one of shock.

"Are you ok Commander?" He said with a concerned tone.

"No Admiral." Kaidan had expected Anderson to react to his rank being used, but he didn't. "I failed them."

"Now don't go starting that son. Going by the reports we've gotten from the survivors there's nothing you could have done. But I wanted to hear it from you. What happened down there?"

Kaidan left nothing out. From using Ben all the way to breaking down after seeing Shepard. Anderson just sat at his desk taking it all in. He ended it by attacking Anderson.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me he was alive? You know I love him and you said nothing. Even after he came here to talk to you. I thought we were friends Anderson." He yelled. He was so angry his biotic amp switched on bathing him in a blue glow.

"I know you're hurting right now son but switch off the biotics." After the glow died down Anderson resumed. "I was only certain that Shepard was alive when he came here to see me. The council ordered that Shepard's survival be classified as he was indeed working with Cerberus. He assures me that his arrangement is only temporary while he ends the threat of the Collectors. Now that you've confirmed that the Collectors are indeed behind these abductions, I'm inclined to believe him. Rest assured that when he returns to the Alliance I will inform you. Until then I have another job for you. I want you to head up a new covert biotic division."

"Anderson I don't know what I want anymore." Kaidan said dejectedly. 

"Just think about it. I don't need an answer right now. You should go back to your apartment and get some rest. You've been through a lot these last few weeks."

Kaidan just left. He didn't say anything or even salute. Somehow he reached his apartment. He still didn't feel like eating so he went into the bedroom. He collapsed onto his bed, not even bothering to take off his uniform. As he's lying there he notices the picture of Shepard on his bedside table. He rolled towards it and grabbed it. He looked at it for a few minutes, a tear running down his cheek. He felt a surge of anger flow through him and threw it across the room. The frame hit the wall and smashed. The picture of Shepard disappeared from the screen. Kaidan rolled over and fell asleep.

The next day Kaidan woke up and felt terrible. He attempted to salvage the picture from the memory unit of the frame but it was damaged beyond repair. He went down to the kitchen and prepared some bacon and eggs. After finishing breakfast he headed over to his terminal. A message was waiting for him from Anderson. He ignored it and asked the computer to record a message for Commander Shepard.

"Shepard. I'm sorry for the things I said back on Horizon. I took the news of your supposed death pretty badly because I love you. It's something I've wanted to say to you for so long. I don't know if you feel anything for me or even if you are gay. I was a broken man and tried to end my life because I thought I couldn't live without you. I've spent the last two years trying to get over my guilt for surviving and to move on. It took Liara and a few other friends to make me realise that that you were gone and there was no point blaming myself."

"Then I saw you and the universe pulled me hard to port. You were standing in front of me but you were with Cerberus. I guess I don't know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember when the Normandy was attacked by the Collectors? I wanted to stay with you. I so much wanted to tell you that I loved you and that I would never leave you, but you ordered me to abandon ship with the rest of the crew."

"But please be careful. I've watched too many people close to me die. On Eden Prime, Virmire, the Normandy and Horizon. I couldn't bare it if I lost you again. If you're still the man I remember I know you'll find a way to stop these Collector attacks. Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch yourself."

"When things settle down a little... maybe... I don't know. Just take Care."

"Kaidan." 

He sat there staring at the transcript for what seemed like a long time before the computer interrupted his train of thought. "Message complete. Awaiting command for delivery."

Kaidan looked back at the screen. "Computer. Delete message. That part of my life is over now."

The screen went blank.


	6. Chapter 5 - Earth/Mars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reaper invasion has begun. Kaidan finds that his feelings for Shepard haven't diminished but an incident on Mars could change everything.

Anderson had kept asking Kaidan to head up the new covert Biotics Division. In the end Kaidan gave up fighting him and took the job. He was glad he did. It meant he got to go back to Earth as It had been a few years since Kaidan had last been there, just prior to his posting on the Normandy. He had managed to catch up with his parents as well as relax in his Vancouver apartment.

Training his students turned out to be more fulfilling than he thought possible. He was teaching them everything he knew and was amazed at the fast progress they made. So fast in fact that it only took 3 months before the Alliance Defence Committee decided that they were ready for deployment.

Kaidan had thought that after Horizon, his feelings for Shepard evaporated. He hadn't given him a second thought until the news reached him that Shepard had been arrested for destroying a mass relay. The resulting shockwave destroyed the Bahak System, killing over 400,000 Batarians. Kaidan felt sick to his stomach when he heard this. Given Shepard's past actions at Torfan Kaidan believed that Shepard would be dishonourably discharged and jailed. He figured at the very least the Batarians would want his head but there was no word from the Hegemony.

Still, knowing that Shepard was detained in the very building that Kaidan found himself in stirred up something in him. He had considered visiting Shepard, as he was only in the detention wing and not a military prison, but thought better of it. He reminded himself about Shepard being a part of Cerberus and Kaidan wanted nothing more to do with him. Although Shepard did manage to stop the Collectors from abducting anymore Human colonies when no one else gave a damn...

Kaidan had just left the Defence Committee's room and was heading out to the new Normandy when a familiar figure walked into the room.

"Anderson." Kaidan said. But Anderson wasn't alone. There were two men with him. One was a rather bulky marine and the other one was Shepard back in Alliance blues. "Shepard." Kaidan said about as professionally as he could manage.

Shepard stopped talking to the marine and turned around. "Kaidan!" He said with surprise.

"How did it go in there Major?" Anderson asked Kaidan.

"Ok I think. Hard to know. I'm just waiting for orders now." Kaidan replied.

"Major?" Shepard asked with surprise.

"You hadn't heard?" Anderson asked.

"No. I'm a bit out of the loop these days." Shepard said.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to keep you out of the loop." Kaidan said.

Shepard got a funny look on his face. "It's not like you learned that the Reapers were coming and didn't tell me."

"I suppose you're right." Kaidan said. The old feelings were starting to resurface.

A female Lieutenant had walked up and notified Anderson that the Defence Committee were ready to see him and Shepard. Anderson turned to Shepard and said "Come on."

Kaidan stood to one side and let Anderson walk past. He and Shepard locked eyes as Shepard walked past. Kaidan gale a small smile and nod of the head. Shepard kept eye contact until he had past. The marine walked up to Kaidan and asked "You know the Commander?"

"I used to." Kaidan replied mournfully as he watched Shepard enter the Committee room.

"Whoa. You and the Commander didn't... I mean you two were..." The marine had a funny look on his face.

"No we weren't." Kaidan said in the same tone. "He's not interested in guys."

"You're sure?" The marine asked. "He reminds me a lot about a friend of mine and he's gay. Gets the same look on his face when I work out."

"I'm sure." Kaidan paused to consider what had been said then held out his hand. "Major Kaidan Alenko."

The marine stood at attention and saluted. Then took his hand and shook it. "Lieutenant James Vega. So where are you headed?"

"The Normandy. Anderson wants to meet me there after he's finished with Shepard and the Committee." Kaidan replied.

"Mind if I tag along? That friend I mentioned is currently overseeing the fitting out of the armoury. Might pay him a visit."

"If you want." Kaidan replied.

The two walked down to the shuttle pad and took a shuttle to the spaceport. There she was in the distance. The SSV Normandy had been rebuilt and improved by Cerberus. When Shepard surrendered after destroying the Bahak Relay he turned the ship over to the Alliance. Now Alliance techs were removing as much of the Cerberus tech as possible and making improvements of their own. Kaidan couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of the frigate.

He didn't have too much time to appreciate it though. A large black object descended from the sky and began firing in all directions. Kaidan recognised it immediately as a Reaper. One of the shots hit the window of the Committee room. Kaidan's heart sank. Shepard and Anderson were most likely dead. A few seconds passed and Kaidan heard something over the comm.

"...derson. Rep.. in anyone."

"Anderson this is Alenko I read you."

"...nko is that you? What's your status?"

"I'm en-route to the Normandy with Lieutenant Vega." Kaidan replied.

"I can't raise the Normandy. You'll have to contact them. We'll meet you at the landing zone. Anderson out."

Kaidan opened a channel to the Normandy. "This is Major Alenko. Admiral Anderson has ordered that you prepare for takeoff. He's heading your way and will rendezvous shortly. I'm on approach and request docking clearance."

"Clearance granted Kaidan and hurry. We've already retracted the docking clamps." Kaidan couldn't believe his ears. Joker was back at the helm. 

Anderson's voice caused Kaidan to snap out of it. "Major do you read? I'm patching in Shepard."

"We're almost to the Normandy. I've got Lieutenant Vega with me but we're taking heavy fire."

"We're about 5 ..." The transmission was cut off.

"I didn't catch that." Kaidan replied. "Anderson?"

"Gotta hope it's just being jammed." Vega said.

"He'll be ok. Shepard's with him.

The landing on the Normandy wasn't exactly a smooth one. In his haste to avoid getting shot down, Vega didn't activate the ventral thrusters so the shuttle just landed on the flight deck with about as much grace as a drunk falling over.

Kaidan made his way up to the cockpit and told Joker to take off. "EDI we need the moorings and docking collar cleared before we can go." Joker said.

"Attempting to access docking controls. Attempt successful. You may now take off Jeff." EDI replied.

The Normandy reversed out of its mooring just as a Reaper targeted the spaceport. With as much skill as only Joker could manage the Normandy was weaving in and out of buildings to try to avoid fire from the numerous Reapers in the area.

"Major Alenko. We're in sight of the spaceport. ETA 3 minutes."

"We've made it to the Normandy. Taking heavy fire." An Alliance Dreadnought was making a run at the Reaper closest to the spaceport. "They're going to take down the Dreadnought. Evasive manoeuvres." 

Joker pulled the Normandy into a tight turn to port which would have been disastrous in any other Alliance vessel. But the Normandy handled it with ease. The reaper fired and the Dreadnought exploded sending a massive shockwave out. Nearby buildings were severely damaged. The Normandy didn't manage to escape the shockwave and was rocked pretty badly.

"Kinetic barriers down by 10%. There were no survivors from the Dreadnought." EDI said.

Another garbled transmission came through to Kaidan's comm. "Anderson? Is that you? What's your status?" There was no reply. "We have to give them more time. Joker keep circling the bay until we can locate the Admiral and Commander."

"Aye sir."

For the next couple of minutes the Normandy circled around, dodging fire from the Reapers. Until a transmission came in.

"Normandy this is Anderson do you read?"

"Admiral what's your location?" Kaidan asked.

"By a downed gunship in the harbour. I'm activating its distress beacon. Send supp..."

"Anderson? Damn lost the signal again. Joker you got a fix on the beacon?" 

"I have the signal." EDI replied. "Approximately 3 kilometres to the north west. I detect many enemy life forms approaching that location. I recommend haste."

The Normandy headed in the direction of the signal. When they arrived they saw Anderson and Shepard being attacked by some strange creatures. EDI said that they used to be Batarians but the Reapers had mutated them to suit their needs.

"Cavalry's here gentlemen." Joker said over the comm just as the Normandy swooped in and fired on the enemy. Giving Anderson and Shepard a chance to get to higher ground. 

"I'm heading down to the hanger. Joker bring her down so we can pick them up."

"I know the drill." Joker said.

Kaidan headed down the lift to the shuttle bay. He opened the hangar doors and provided covering fire for Shepard and Anderson. Shepard leapt from the ruins he was standing on onto the Normandy. Kaidan reached out his hand to steady Shepard.

"Welcome aboard Commander." Kaidan said, relieved that Shepard was now safely onboard.

"Thanks." Shepard said. He turned his attention back to Anderson.

Kaidan moved towards the back of the ramp and cleared out the remaining hostiles while Shepard talked with Anderson. After the last hostile was taken out, Kaidan went to walk back towards Shepard but Shepard was walking back towards him. Anderson had decided to stay on Earth. Shepard and Kaidan stood side by side as the Normandy took off.

Kaidan headed towards the back of the shuttle bay and started checking his weapons. Shepard and Vega were having a conversation while walking towards him. He didn't really pay much attention until Vega raised his voice "HEY!"

"We're leaving." Shepard said.

"Leaving?" Vega's tone was bordering on insubordination.

"What's going on?" Kaidan asked.

"Anderson wants us to go the Citadel, get help for the fight." Shepard said.

"Bullshit." Vega spat. "He wouldn't order us to leave."

Kaidan decided to keep quiet as Shepard was getting angry. " We don't have a choice. Without help this war is already over."

"Forget it. Drop me off someplace because I'm not leaving." Vega said

"Enough!" Shepard got right up in Vega's face. "Don't you think I'd rather stay and fight?" Vega said nothing. "We're going to the Citadel. If you want out you can catch a ride back from there."

Vega shook his head and made a dismissive gesture with his hand. He started to walk away. Joker's voice came over the comm. "Commander."

"Joker. That you?" Shepard asked.

"Alive and kicking. Got an emergency transmission from Admiral Hackett for you."

"Patch it through."

Kaidan decided to give the commander some privacy and stepped back. From where he was he could tell that there was significant interference with the transmission. He could only make out a few bits including a mention of Dr. T'Soni. At the end of the transmission Shepard ordered Joker to set a course for Mars.

"This is loco!" Vega obviously was having problems keeping his opinion to himself. Kaidan ignored him.

"Why Mars?" Kaidan asked Shepard. "What does Hackett think we'll find there?"

Shepard picked up a pistol and checked its ammo. "I don't know yet. But if it helps us win this war... Grab your gear."

Kaidan and Vega got into their armour and boarded a shuttle. Vega sat in the pilot's seat while Kaidan and Shepard sat in the back. 

 

*****************  
The Normandy entered Mars orbit and Vega launched the shuttle. Shepard moved to the cockpit to talk with Joker via comm. Kaidan remained in the cabin and reflected on the day's events. The day that he'd been dreading for nearly 3 years had finally arrived. The Reapers had attacked Earth. He couldn't help but think of his family and hope that they arrived at the farm safely before the Reapers landed.

Shepard had finished with Joker and returned to the cabin. Kaidan just looked up at him, his face full of worry. Shepard gave him a small smile and stood near the hatch. Kaidan got up off his seat and joined him. The shuttle landed and Shepard opened the hatch. All three then left the shuttle and proceeded to walk to the archives entrance. 

Just outside the entrance there were a few vehicles parked. There were also Cerberus soldiers who attacked them on sight. Kaidan couldn't help but wonder how convenient it was that Shepard worked for Cerberus and now here they were. It didn't take much to clear them and they entered the airlock. Shepard hit the controls to re-pressurise the airlock. The outer door closed and air began to fill the room.

"Shepard I need a straight answer." Kaidan asked.

"Kaidan..." Shepard started.

"Don't Kaidan me. This is business." Kaidan was starting to feel like they were repeating the mistake of Horizon but he had to know. "Do you know anything about why Cerberus is here?"

"What makes you think I know what they're up to? Shepard asked.

"You worked for them for god's sake. How am I not supposed to think that." 

"We joined forces to take down the Collectors. That's it." Shepard was starting to sound aggravated.

Kaidan didn't relent. "There's more to it than that. They rebuilt you from the ground up. They gave you a ship, resources..."

"Let me be clear." Shepard interrupted. "I've had no contact with Cerberus since I destroyed the Collector base. And I have no idea why they're here now or what they want"

Vega stepped in. "Commander Shepard has been under constant surveillance since coming back to Earth. No way they've communicated since."

It didn't make Kaidan feel any better. "Sorry Shepard it's just that..."

The airlock had finished re-pressurising and the lift began to rise. They all took off their helmets and Shepard rounded on Kaidan. "You of all people should know what I'm about Kaidan."

Kaidan was trying to think of something to say. The lift reached the top and they stepped off. "Please trust me." Shepard asked.

"I do. I'm sorry. I didn't mean..." 

There was noises coming from the ducts like someone was crawling through, followed by gunfire. All three of them drew their weapons and took up defensive positions. 

The nearest grate suddenly fell to the ground and Liara emerged followed closely by two Cerberus soldiers. Liara quickly turned and threw up a biotic singularity. The soldiers were suspended in mid air. Liara drew her pistol and shot both of them. They collapsed to the ground in agony and Liara casually walked up to them and shot each of them twice in the head. Shepard emerged from his position and Kaidan and Vega followed. Vega still had his weapon raised.

"Easy Lieutenant. She's with us." Shepard said. Vega lowered his rifle.

"Shepard. Thank the goddess you're alive."

"Liara." Shepard said in a tone that Kaidan didn't like. Liara had said previously that she and Shepard weren't together but the way Shepard said her name, made him have doubts.

"I was worried when the reports came in. They hit earth hard?" She said.

"Yeah." Kaidan said, his voice full of sadness. "It was hard to leave like that."

Liara looked at Shepard for a moment then turned to look at the expression on Kaidan's face. "Kaidan. I'm so sorry." She said.

Shepard and Liara had a long discussion about what she'd found in the archives that could possibly help defeat the reapers. At the end of it Shepard had sent Vega, who was still protesting, back to the shuttle in case they needed a quick getaway. Shepard, Kaidan and Liara made their way through the complex trying to reach the archives. They ended up having to fight Cerberus troops for much of the time.

At one point they came to a cafeteria which had its airlock opened venting the atmosphere and killing everyone inside. Liara found some surveillance footage which showed that one of the doctors, Eva Coré, assigned to the archives was in fact a Cerberus agent. She was leading the Cerberus troops in their push to the centre of the archives.

They finally reached the tram station which linked the main base with the Prothean archive. Liara attempted to get into the archive's network however it was isolated from the rest of the system. She did however manage to access the cameras covering the archives entrance. Doctor Coré was there with some Cerberus troopers. Once she noticed that the camera was tracking her she shot it.

"Looks like they've made it to the archives." Liara said.

"I doubt they'll just send us a tram." Kaidan added. "What if we found a short range communicator, helmet to helmet?"

"And?" Shepard asked.

"And we convince them that we're on their side and the Alliance forces have been taken care of." Kaidan replied.

"Good idea." Shepard said." See what you can find.

Kaidan started looking around at the Cerberus bodies. He couldn't find anything so he went into the next room. He found a trooper slumped against a wall. His helmet appeared to be intact.

"Commander. I've found something."

Shepard joined Kaidan while Liara continued to find a way into the system. "What have you got?" He asked.

"He's got a transmitter in his helmet." Kaidan started to remove it. "If I can..."

What he found made his stomach churn. The troopers eyes had been replaced by cybernetic implants while the skin surrounding them had turned black. There were also traces of cybernetics running from his eyes down to his nose and up to his temples. "My god. Looks like a husk."

"Yeah. Not quite. But they've definitely done something to him." Shepard said.

"By 'they' you mean Cerberus? They did this to their own guy? Is this what they did to you?" Kaidan immediately regretted asking the last question.

Shepard looked straight at Kaidan and he knew he'd hurt him. "How can you compare me to him?"

"Shepard I don't know what you are, or who. Not since Cerberus rebuilt you. For all I know you could be their puppet, controlled by the Illusive Man himself."

"That's not fair Kaidan." Shepard still sounded hurt.

"Don't try to explain it. I don't think I would understand anyway." Kaidan walked closer to Shepard. "I just want to know is the person that I followed to hell and back still in there, somewhere?"

Shepard started getting defensive "They didn't change me Kaidan. But words won't convince you will they?" Shepard started to step back.

"Probably not." Kaidan said.

"I didn't think so. You were always stubborn." Shepard went to the trooper and removed the communicator.

Kaidan chuckled a little. "Me?"

"Come on. Let's see what Cerberus is up to. Maybe we'll both get some answers."

Shepard somehow managed to convince the Cerberus forces in the archives to send the tram over. They didn't send it empty however. Once Cerberus had been dealt with, they took the tram over to the archives where another Cerberus contingent was waiting. It took some time but they were defeated and the path to the archive was clear. 

Liara accessed a terminal in the archive. The Illusive man contacted Shepard and while they were talking the information from the archive was being downloaded locally. Kaidan started to search the room and found Dr. Coré. She overloaded the terminal and the archive lost power. She pushed past Kaidan and fled.

Shepard, Kaidan and Liara pursued her back through the complex and eventually outside. Dr. Coré didn't appear to be wearing breathing equipment. There was no way she should be able to survive. Yet somehow she was managing to out run all three of them while sending incinerate bolts out from her omni-tool. Eventually as they got out onto the roof a Cerberus shuttle landed just long enough for her to jump into. The hatch closed and it started to take off.

Lieutenant Vega's voice came over the comm. "I got this one." The Normandy's shuttle came into view and headed straight for the Cerberus shuttle. They collided head on. The Cerberus shuttle crashed onto the roof in flames, barely missing Kaidan and Liara. Vega's shuttle circled around, showing signs of damage and landed pretty roughly behind them.

Kaidan noticed that Liara was in pain. He walked over to her and helped her to her feet. She was limping so he allowed her to use him as a crutch. "We need the data that's on that shuttle." Liara said.

Almost on cue, noises started to emanate from the burning wreck of the Cerberus shuttle. The hatch was flung from the wreckage and Dr. Coré was standing there. Only she no longer looked human. More like a mech. Kaidan pushed Liara aside and drew his pistol. She charged at him. He only managed to fire off a couple of shots before she knocked the pistol out of his hand, then grabbed him by the face plate of his helmet and lifted him off the ground. Kaidan struggled but to no avail. She was far too strong for him.

"Kaidan!" He heard Shepard shout over the comm. "Let him go."

The mech activated it's comm. "Orders?"

Kaidan saw the mech turn to look at him. Those bright blue eyes flared and the next thing he knew he was being flung into the side of the burning shuttle. His head hit the hull and he was dazed. He couldn't focus but he knew his face plate had cracked. He was having trouble breathing. The mech slammed his head against the hull a second time, and Kaidan felt no more...


	7. Chapter 6 - Citadel Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of Mars, Shepard feels a sense of loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shown from Shepard's perspective.

The mech had picked up Kaidan by his face plate and lifted him off the ground. Shepard felt his heart sink. "Kaidan!" He aimed his gun at the mech but Kaidan's flailing body was blocking his shot. "Let him go."

The mech reached up and activated its comm. Then it spun around. "NOOO!" Shepard yelled as the mech slammed Kaidan against the side of the burning shuttle. Kaidan's body went limp. It did it again and then threw his body aside and started charging at Shepard. Shepard kept firing his rifle at it only just managing to stop it before it reached him.

Shepard froze. Kaidan wasn't moving. He started to run towards Kaidan's body. He gestured to the mech as he ran. "Grab that thing. Bring it with us."

Joker's voice came over the comm. "Shepard we've got Reaper signatures in orbit."

Shepard reached Kaidan's body. "Kaidan?" His voice was breaking up. "Kaidan?" He grabbed Kaidan's body and hoisted it over his shoulders while Vega grabbed the mech. The Normandy had descended from orbit to pick them up. There wasn't time to retrieve the shuttle. Multiple Reapers were landing. They hurried onto the Normandy and Shepard ordered Joker to depart.

Shepard carried Kaidan all the way to the medical bay. He lay him down gently on one of the beds while Vega unceremoniously dumped the mech's body. Shepard removed Kaidan's helmet. He looked really battered and bruised. He was breathing, but only just. Shepard felt so helpless. As they had left Earth in a hurry there was only a skeleton crew aboard. Unfortunately there was no doctor. Shepard couldn't take his eyes off of Kaidan's face.

Liara looked at Kaidan and then at Shepard. "Kaidan needs medical attention." Shepard didn't acknowledge her. He just kept looking at Kaidan. Liara lent over the bed to put herself in between Kaidan and Shepard. "We need to leave the Sol system." She said with urgency in her voice.

"I know." Shepard said, still focused on Kaidan.

"The Citadel is our best chance. We can find help there."

"Get us to the Citadel Joker." Shepard said softly.

"Roger that." Joker replied.

Shepard put his hand on Kaidan's chest. "Hold on Kaidan." He looked up at Liara. "See what you and EDI can learn from that thing." Liara moved over to the mech and started to examine it.

"Commander. I'm receiving a signal over the secondary QEC. I believe it's Admiral Hackett." EDI said.

"Patch him through." Shepard said.

Shepard informed Hackett about the mission and also about Kaidan's injury. Liara interrupted and said that she'd discovered blueprints for a Prothean device that could potentially destroy the Reapers. She forwarded it to Hackett for further analysis. 

After the end of the transmission Shepard leant against the console. He felt empty inside. He had always thought that Kaidan had the same feelings for him that he had for Kaidan. But Kaidan never brought it up so he didn't either. He didn't want to run the risk of being wrong and ruining the friendship they had. It meant everything to him. He was depressed for weeks after Horizon. He never thought that Kaidan would speak to him again for working with Cerberus. 

He remembered back to their last meeting on Earth. The two of them couldn't keep their eyes off of each other. Staring into Kaidan's big brown puppy-dog eyes always melts Shepard's heart. Then came Mars and the arguing. Shepard had thought they had been making progress. But Kaidan just couldn't get past the whole Cerberus thing. It pissed Shepard off a bit but mostly he felt disappointed. 

"Commander?" Liara's voice made him loose his train of thought. "EDI is extracting data from the Cerberus machine. We'll have details to present to the Council once we reach the Citadel."

"And Major Alenko?" Shepard couldn't get his mind off of him.

"I've done all I can for him. He needs proper medical attention soon." Shepard turned to face her. "The Admiral's right." She said. "It's going to get a worse isn't it?"

"Unless we can stop the Reapers, yeah." Shepard said sadly. He walked out of the room.

They entered the war room. "I've looked at the data. This weapon could be the answer, if we can build it." Shepard leant up against another console looking defeated. "I get the sense you don't believe it though."

Shepard's voice toughened up. "I'm a soldier. I should be back on Earth fighting. Not wasting my time with this."

"If it's going to work, we need you. Kaidan needs you." Shepard just stood there lost in his thoughts about Kaidan again. "Commander? Isn't it worth trying at least?"

Shepard turned to walk back to the medical bay. "I'm going to check on Kaidan. Make sure we're ready to present our findings to the Council."

"I'm sure the Council will see the need to help." Liara said.

_Bullshit. When have they ever helped? I should've let the Geth take them out._ Shepard thought to himself. "It'll be a hell of a short war if they don't" He said.

He walked back to the medical bay. He pulled up a chair and just sat there holding Kaidan's hand, not saying anything. Liara walked in and sat next to him.

"You still haven't told him have you?" She asked. "Even after all this time?"

Shepard's voice was really quiet. "No. I couldn't do that to our friendship. My needs are nothing compared to him. If he wanted it then I would throw myself at him, but he's never brought up the subject. I've had hints now and then but I'm not sure."

Liara paused. "What if he wants the same thing but is too scared to bring it up like you are?"

Shepard turned to look at her. "Do you know something that I don't?" He asked.

She smiled. "Many things. I am the Shadow Broker remember? But on this, no. Even if I did I would never betray his confidence. He's a good friend just like you are. One thing I will say though is I know he considers you to be a really good friend. If he's still willing to talk to you after what happened on Horizon, then I can't imagine that telling him that you're in love with him will drive him away." She stood up and walked to the door. "Just consider what I've said."

Shepard was alone in the medical bay. He was reflecting on what Liara had said. Even though she hadn't said it, though she did heavily imply, he couldn't believe that Kaidan felt the same way. Besides he had spoken about a girl he liked back when he was younger. There's no way he'd be interested in Shepard.

Joker's voice came over the comm. "On approach to the Citadel. Docking clearance granted. ETA 5 minutes."

"Have an emergency medical team meet us at the airlock Joker. Also send down some crewmen to help carry Kaidan out."

"Aye sir."

Shepard decided to act on a portion of Liara's advice. He leant in and gently kissed Kaidan on the forehead. "I love you Kaidan." He said softly.

He pulled back just in time. Two crewmen entered with a stretcher and carefully lifted Kaidan onto it. Shepard followed them out to the airlock. He felt the Normandy dock and the airlock opened. The medical team he'd requested came in and examined Kaidan.

"Barely got a pulse here." One of them said.

"Move him out." Another said. Two of them took charge of the stretcher and began running into the Citadel towards a lift.

Shepard ran close behind. "Where are you taking him?" he asked.

"Huerta Memorial. Best care on the Citadel." The second medic replied. Shepard stopped running.

"We're not going with him?" Vega asked.

"We need to see the Council." Liara responded.

"Right." Vega said.

Shepard leaned onto a railing and looked out of the window. He could see most of the Citadel from there. The wards were bustling with traffic as they usually were. Shepard heard footsteps approaching from behind.

"Looks like they're coming to see you." Vega said.

"Commander Shepard. Got word you were arriving." Shepard turned around and Captain Bailey from C-Sec was standing there.

Shepard extended his hand and Bailey took it. "Captain Bailey. Good to see you again."

"You too, though it's Commander now." Bailey said. He didn't sound too happy about it.

"Congratulations?" Shepard said cautiously.

Bailey groaned. "Thanks. Now half my job is dealing with political bullshit and escorting dignitaries around. No offence."

"None taken." Shepard replied. "So you're here to bring us to the Council?"

"I'm here to tell you the Council is expecting you, but they are dealing with their own problems. With the war and everything. They apologise for the inconvenience and blah, blah, blah. Look just meet them at Udina's office. They'll be ready soon enough."

"All right." Shepard said.

"You might have time to go by the hospital if you want to check on progress there."

"Thanks. I'll do that." Shepard replied.

"You go on ahead. I'll head up to Udina's office." Liara said.

Shepard walked into the lift and headed down to the hospital. When the doors opened Shepard found himself on one of the spans which link one side of the Presidium to the other. The hospital took up the entire span on all levels. The views from the windows would be spectacular if Shepard bothered to look out. He was too focused on finding Kaidan. 

He walked over to a terminal and found Kaidan's room. He stopped by a Sirta Foundation kiosk and bought a bottle of TM-88 Peruvian Whiskey for Kaidan. He wandered through a decontamination chamber and found Kaidan's room. He took a deep breath and went in. What he saw horrified him.

Kaidan was hooked up to a lot of machines. He was getting assistance with breathing and had several drips set up pumping fluids into his body. "Kaidan!. Oh god it's hard seeing you like this. I don't know if you can hear me, but since you can't tell me to get the hell out either I'm going to take my chances." Shepard could feel tears forming in his eyes. "Don't die Kaidan. You've got to fight, we need you in this." He wiped away a tear as it rolled down his cheek. He heard the door behind him open and a Doctor walk in. Shepard regained his composure. "Seeing you in action again, reminded me that you're a hell of a soldier. The Alliance could sure use you. I could use you."

Shepard turned to the Doctor. You need anything, you let me know." The Doctor nodded. Shepard turned back to Kaidan.

"Come on Kaidan. Fight." Shepard started to leave. He stopped in the doorway and turned his head back towards the bed. "And that's an order."

Shepard left the hospital and headed for Udina's office.


	8. Chapter 7 - Huerta Memorial/ Citadel Coup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan regains consciousness. Things with Shepard seem to be improving until Cerberus intervenes.

Kaidan woke up. He didn't know where he was. He tried to concentrate. As the room came into focus he realised he was in a hospital. He looked around. Outside the window he saw lakes and trees as well as sky cars. If it wasn't for the fact that the ground was curving upwards at an impossible angle, he would've sworn he was back in Vancouver. He knew he was on the citadel.

He had a drip in his right arm. There was a lot of other equipment in the room as well though they were up against the wall and not functioning. He had a massive headache. It didn't feel right. Normally when his biotic amp gave him a headache it was a migraine. This was a different sort of pain. He reached around to the back of his head to where his amp was. Just touching his head caused him pain.

It took him a few moments to remember what had happened to him on Mars. But how did he end up here? Shepard must have brought him, but where was he?

A Salarian doctor entered the room. "Good morning Major. I'm Doctor Fraelik. How are you feeling?"

"Terrible. I have a massive headache, plus my face hurts."

"That's to be expected considering what you went through. Now that you're awake I'd like to run some tests."

The Doctor put Kaidan through every test he could think of. At the end of it he announced that he didn't believe that there would be any permanent damage, though he did recommend keeping the biotics offline until he healed properly. His system had been through enough trauma without putting any more stress on it. The doctor did seem interested in Kaidan's amp though. He'd never had the chance to study an L2. He did suggest upgrading to the L5x but Kaidan refused. As much as he would like to live pain free, he didn't want to have more surgery on his brain.

He had few visitors for the first few days. A Drell patient stopped by and spoke briefly. Kaidan didn't know what to make of him. Something seemed off. He didn't stay long, thankfully.

Kaidan started thinking about Shepard. Wondering why he hadn't come to visit. He'd asked Dr. Fraelik who replied that Shepard had been here when Kaidan was first brought in. But hadn't been back since. Kaidan requested a pad and checked his messages. There was nothing from Shepard. However there was one from Councillor Udina. Kaidan couldn't believe his eyes. Udina wanted to make him a Spectre! Kaidan couldn't think of anything he'd really done that made him worthy of such an honour. It wasn't a decision to be taken lightly. He needed some advice. The only human Spectre was the man he most wanted to see. He composed a message:

_Hey Shepard,_  
 _Through some combination of a medical miracle and dumb luck, I survived the beating I took on Mars. The doctors say I'm still not ready to be released, but I'd really like to see you if you can spare the time._  
 _Councillor Udina offered to make me a Spectre. Still thinking about whether or not I should accept. Stop by my room at the hospital when you're on the Citadel. I'd like your advice._  
 _Thanks,  
_ _Kaidan._

 

*****************  
Three days later Councillor Udina came to visit him. Kaidan had never really liked the man and certainly didn't trust him. Udina was responsible for putting the Normandy under lockdown after Virmire. It had really pissed Shepard off and Kaidan felt no different. But Kaidan wasn't one to hold a grudge.

"How are you feeling Major?" Udina asked.

"Better Councillor, thank you." Kaidan replied.

"I'm glad to hear it." Udina didn't sound too happy. "Did you receive my message?"

"I did."

"When I didn't hear back from you I decided to come visit you personally. I'd like an answer. The galaxy has need of exceptional soldiers like you. Now more than ever."

"You'll have it soon Councillor. I promise." Kaidan said.

"I look forward to it." Udina said in that same unpleasant tone. He turned to leave just as someone else was walking in. Udina's tone became even more frosty. "Shepard."

"Udina." Shepard's tone was equally as frosty. He cheered up a lot more once Udina was gone. "Hey" he said to Kaidan.

Kaidan sat up in his bed. His mood had improved a great deal seeing Shepard again. "Shepard, Hey. You just missed snack time. Actually that's probably a good thing." Kaidan suppressed a shudder when he recalled his last meal. "Thanks for coming."

"No problem. What did Udina want? Still thinking about the Spectre position?"

"It's a big honour, huge responsibility. I just need to be sure." Kaidan said.

Shepard reached around to his back pocket and then sat down on the chair next to the bed. "I got you this." Shepard handed Kaidan a bottle of whiskey.

"Wow. Thanks Shepard. That's really great." Kaidan put it on his bedside table. 

"Just a little pick-me-up." Shepard said.

"Maybe when I'm out we can crack it open and celebrate." Kaidan said. "I am so ready to get out of here Shepard. You can't tell but I'm tied to this bed by medical red tape. The Doc... Doc says I'm good to go then he always finds just one more test to run."

"You doing ok?" Shepard sounded genuinely concerned.

"My implant got a little... rattled. So Doc just wants me to keep the biotics offline for a bit." Kaidan saw the look of concern on Shepard's face. "It's really no big deal."

"Need me to break you out?" Shepard asked with a grin.

Kaidan chuckled. "I'll let you know."

Shepard wasn't taking his eyes off Kaidan's. With only a sheet and his boxers to cover him, Kaidan decided to lie back and stare at the roof for a bit. Didn't want to scare Shepard off in case something came up.

"You asked, I'm here. It's good to see that you're ok." Shepard said.

"Thanks."

"Is that really the only reason you wanted me to come by?" Shepard asked.

Kaidan looked back at Shepard "After Mars, and after doubting you, I just want to make sure that we're ok. Clear the air." He said.

"Kaidan. We've been through rough missions together. Had each other's backs."

"No. Not just that. You were my Commander, sure, but you listened too. Plus we went through Ash's death together." Kaidan instantly regretted mentioning her.

Shepard's face fell. For the first time he looked away from Kaidan and stared at the floor. "Yeah... We did."

Kaidan decided to get back on track quickly. "So what do you say? Are we good?"

Shepard looked straight back at Kaidan again. "We're good. It was great to have you back on the Normandy."

"Thanks."

"Feel like we've cleared the air?" Shepard asked.

"Yeah. I'm not sure that I've been wrong about Cerberus. But I've been wrong about you." That is the closest that Kaidan would let himself get to telling Shepard how he felt. He started to get a little nervous. "I should let you get back to the Normandy."

"I have time." Shepard said. "You've been injured. Are you sure you want back in the thick of it?"

"Are you kidding? I want to kick the Reapers straight to hell, Cerberus too. I need to do something Shepard. To save at least a few lives."

"Give me the update, Major."

Kaidan chuckled. "Major, yeah."

"Congrats. There's obviously been a lot going on."

"Anderson asked me to take over a spec ops program. First Special Operations: Biotics Division." Kaidan shifted in the bed to get more comfortable. "We're recruiting the best, talented Human biotics from around the galaxy."

"What's the focus?" Shepard asked with interest.

"Covert, high risk missions. I turned it down at first. Me teaching? I prefer getting my hands dirty."

"Anderson can be pretty persuasive." Shepard noted.

"Yeah. A bit of a hard arse but you can't argue with his kind of experience. Wouldn't take no, said it had to be me."

"With your history, you were the perfect choice."

"True. Human biotics are... well... we're different. Freaks even. Most of the races in the galaxy still see us that way. But accepting it, embracing it, is the difference between success and sitting at home in your pyjamas taking red sand." Kaidan looked away from Shepard at this point. Remembering how bad he was after Shepard died.

Shepard changed the subject. "You said your implant got rattled. Everything alright?"

Kaidan turned back to face Shepard. "The medical gibberish was a bit more impressive, but that's what I took away. Rattled. One of the Doctors is fascinated by the L2 implant. I'm kind of his pet project. The headaches are as bad as ever, but he's got me on a regimen of acupuncture, meds and some nasty tasting concoction. He won't tell me what it is. But my biotics are stronger than ever. Maybe some things just get better with age."

"Or maybe you have." Shepard said.

"Are you flirting with me Commander? No wait, don't tell me." Kaidan closed his eyes. "Let me live in the illusion." Kaidan couldn't believe he had just said that. There was an awkward silence. Shepard looked about as stunned as Kaidan felt. 

Mercifully Shepard changed the topic. "Where's your family? Are they safe?"

"My family?" Kaidan let out a sigh. "My parents live in Vancouver. But dad's family has an orchard in the BC interior. They were headed out there on a shuttle the day of the attack."

"Have you heard from them?" Shepard asked solemnly.

"No. Not yet." Kaidan started to worry. With everything else going on lately he hadn't even thought about his family. "I'm hoping that dad's Alliance training has kept them safe. Must be killing them not knowing where I am."

"Are we going to be able to get past what happened on Horizon?" Shepard asked.

"I'd like to Shepard. I'd like to move past the harsh words and be... friends, at least." Kaidan lay back again staring at the ceiling.

"So how do we fix it?" Shepard asked.

"I'll admit I own a lot of that. You were standing right in front of me and I was... I shot you down. I'm sorry."

"Okay." Shepard said.

"Okay so let's just put it behind us and get on with what's important right now."

"Bury it?" Shepard asked.

"Bury it." Kaidan confirmed. "Forgive it. I... I think that's how we get past Horizon." Kaidan yawned. He was feeling pretty tired.

"I should probably get going." Shepard said.

"Thanks for coming by. Wish I could come with you." Kaidan said.

"Take care Kaidan." Shepard got up off his seat and left. 

As he drifted off to sleep. The only thing about that whole conversation he remembered was that he was positive that Shepard had indeed been flirting with him.

 

*****************  
The next time Shepard came to see Kaidan was about a week later. In that time Kaidan had accepted Udina's offer of Spectre status, plus he had gotten to know the Drell patient, Thane, a lot more. Turns out he was one of Shepard's associates.

The war hadn't been going well. There was now very little news escaping Earth. The Turian home world, Palaven, was under heavy Reaper attack though Krogan were now landing and helping out. The Batarians, who were the first invaded, were practically wiped out. Only a few hundred thousand that were in areas that, as yet, had not been attacked remained. Many of them were on the Citadel.

Kaidan was also up and about. Dressed in his Alliance blues again, he felt the most comfortable he'd been since getting here. He was standing at the window staring out at the beauty of the Presidium when he heard the door open. He saw Shepard's reflection in the glass. He turned around.

"Hey Shepard." Kaidan said happily. "If you came to spring me, you're late. I'm getting out soon."

Shepard smiled. "Good to hear."

"Maybe you already saw the vid buy I accepted Udina's offer."

"Spectre Kaidan Alenko. That's a big deal." Shepard said.

"Only the second Human Spectre. It's humbling. Udina thinks they may have a pretty big ceremony, even with the war. He says a celebration would give the folks something hopeful to hang onto."

Shepard got all serious. "Are you ready to take on all that responsibility?"

"You set the bar pretty high, but I'll do my best." Kaidan said. "It's strange. On Mars, I should have died. The promotion from Anderson, Spectre status." He sighed. "These are terrible days. But I've been lucky"

"You're perfect for the job." Shepard extended his hand and Kaidan shook it. "On Eden Prime I could see that there was something special about you. You're a good soldier."

Kaidan almost blushed. "That means a lot. I'm happy, I want to serve."

"I thought you might want to join the Normandy" Shepard said hopefully.

Kaidan suddenly got uncomfortable. "Yeah... I have thought about that. I just need to get out of here first though, take care of some things." He looked out of the window again. "I've been trying to locate my old spec ops squads, my students, from Biotics Division."

"Any luck?" Shepard asked.

Kaidan's dropped his head. "No." He turned to face Shepard. "Probably went underground. If they were easy to find, they wouldn't be doing their jobs."

"Well let me know when you're out. Take care Spectre Alenko." Shepard turned to leave.

"Stay safe Commander."

 

*****************  
The day Kaidan was due to be released turned out to be a disaster. He had packed his bags and was saying goodbye to Thane when armed people in Cerberus armour rushed into the hospital. Being un-armed, there wasn't much Kaidan could do. Thane however silently managed to circle around the back of the group and killed two of the commandos before any of the others realised he was there.

In the confusion that followed, Kaidan and Thane somehow managed to make it to the lift and left the hospital.

"I have been trying to raise C-Sec on the comms. There has been no response." Thane said. "We should head down there immediately and assist. If C-Sec falls, so does the station."

Kaidan disagreed. "I'm a Spectre. The Council is my top priority. They need to be evacuated. I'm heading to the chambers to rescue them."

"Then this is where we must part company." Thane put his hands together in prayer. "May Amonkira, Lord of Hunters, and Arashu, Goddess of Protection, watch over us."

The lift stopped and the doors opened. Kaidan got out and said goodbye to Thane. He rushed into the local C-Sec office and quickly put on some armour and grabbed a pistol. He was running along Shalmar Plaza when he spotted Udina as well as the Turian and Asari councillors fleeing. He rushed over and offered to escort them.

"We would be most grateful for your assistance Major." Councillor Tevos said. The Asari still looked graceful even given the circumstances.

"We are headed up to a shuttle pad near the top of the Presidium." Councillor Sparatus said."A C-Sec shuttle will meet us there and ferry us to the Destiny Ascension."

"We have to hurry." Udina said. "It won't take Cerberus long to figure out where we are.

The group ran to the nearest lift and got in. Udina pushed the button for the shuttle pad and the lift began to rise. It wasn't long before there was a loud thud on the roof of the car.

"What's that noise?" Councillor Tevos asked.

"Gunmen! Get down." Kaidan said and started firing into the ceiling of the lift. The car slowed and opened its doors. "Go." Kaidan yelled to the councillors. All three ran towards the end of the hall where the shuttle would be waiting to evacuate them. 

Kaidan stood at the entrance of the lift waiting for whoever was pursuing them to come through. When nobody emerged he ran after the council who were already past the door at the end of the hall.

As he neared the door he could smell smoke. Once he got through he could see the source. The C-Sec shuttle had been destroyed. "Cerberus took out the shuttle. Everyone back to the lift. Move!" 

He turned around just in time to see three figures come through the door. One of them shorted out the doors controls with his omni-tool and the door closed and locked.

"Shepard! What's going on?" Kaidan demanded. He raised his pistol and aimed it at Shepard. Shepard in return aimed his at Kaidan. Garrus and Liara, who were with Shepard, had were holding their weapons but were not yet aiming.

"Shepard's blocking our escape." Udina spat. "He's with Cerberus!"

"Just hang on." Kaidan said to Udina. "I've got this. Everyone calm down"

Shepard was still aiming his gun directly at Kaidan. "You're not the one I want Kaidan. It's the man behind you."

"What are you talking about?" Kaidan asked. He was now worried that Shepard would shoot him to get to the Council. "Put the gun away."

Shepard nodded to Liara and Garrus. They raised their weapons. Shepard lowered his. "Would I do this if I wasn't certain Kaidan?" Kaidan didn't flinch "Would I? Udina is behind this attack. The Salarian Councillor confirmed it."

"Oh please." Udina said. "You have no proof, you never do."

"There are Cerberus soldiers in the lift shaft behind us. You open those doors and they'll kill you all." Shepard said.

"We've mistrusted Shepard before, and it did not help us." Councillor Tevos said.

Udina began to walk towards a terminal. "We don't have time to debate this. We're dead if we stay out here. I'm overriding the lock." Udina started hitting keys on the terminal. Behind Shepard Kaidan noticed that the lock had turned from red to orange. Udina was indeed trying to open the door.

Shepard raised his gun, aimed it at Udina and started to advance. Kaidan put himself in between the two men. He looked into Shepard's eyes. He believed that Shepard would kill him to get to Udina. That meant that Shepard believed Udina was a real threat. Kaidan sighed. "I better not regret this."

Shepard lowered his pistol. "You won't."

Kaidan spun around and trained his gun on Udina. "Udina. Step away from the console."

"To hell with this." Udina resumed typing on the terminal. Councillor Tevos walked up to Udina and placed her hand on his arm. He pushed her to the ground and then drew a pistol on her.

"He's got a gun!" Kaidan yelled. But before he could do anything a shot rang out. Udina took a bullet to the heart. He was dead before he hit the ground.

Shepard holstered his pistol and walked towards Udina. "Get the Council back and cover that door." He ordered.

" The door!" Councillor Sparatus yelled. Sparks had started coming through the door. Someone was burning their way through. Liara, Garrus, Kaidan and Shepard all aimed their weapons at the door. The door opened and two C-Sec officers with their guns drawn stood there.

"Bailey!" Shepard said with astonishment.

"Made it as fast as we could Shepard. Looks like you..." He looked at Udina's body. "...uh... took care of things."

"Something's not right." Councillor Tevos said. "You said that Cerberus was targeting us. Where did their soldiers go?"

Bailey stepped forward. "Cerberus was right here but they fled into the Keepers tunnels when they figured out we were coming. Sorry Councillor I'll say it plain. Shepard just saved the lot of you."

Councillor Sparatus approached Shepard. "You have saved my life twice now Shepard. I owe you both a personal debt and one on behalf of Palaven."

Shepard didn't look too impressed. Kaidan knew that if there was one being Shepard hated more than Udina, it was the Turian Councillor. "Too bad it took this to get you onboard."

Councillor Sparatus looked furious but Councillor Tevos stepped in. "We will not make that same mistake again."

"Commander." Councillor Sparatus was barely containing his contempt for Shepard. "Do you have any idea why the Illusive Man would do this?"

"No I don't." Shepard said. Sparatus snorted. Shepard ignored him "But I plan to find out."

Bailey suggested that the council move to a more secure location. Kaidan watched Shepard leave with everyone else. Shepard didn't even bother to look back. 

Kaidan stood there for some time trying to figure out what the hell just went down. He found himself in an armed standoff with the man he loved. What's worse is that Kaidan believed that Shepard wouldn't have hesitated to take him out if he hadn't have stood down. Udina was dead. As Spectres Kaidan and Shepard are sworn to protect the Council. Shepard killed Udina and Kaidan stood aside and let it happen. Kaidan felt another headache coming on so he returned to his apartment at Shin-Akiba on Zakera Ward.

He changed out of the armour and walked over to his terminal. There was a message from Admiral Hackett inviting him to help with Project Crucible. Kaidan had gathered that it was to do with whatever had been recovered from the Mars Archives. So at least the mission hadn't been a failure. Kaidan was tempted to accept but he remembered Shepard's offer to rejoin the Normandy.

Kaidan wanted to be with Shepard more than anything but after what just happened. He wasn't sure it was a good idea. He had to know where he stood so he packed a small bag, left his apartment and walked all the way to the docking bay where the Normandy was still docked. Kaidan went inside the airlock, folded his arms and waited for Shepard to return.

Luckily it wasn't long before he did. The outer airlock door opened and Shepard walked through. "Kaidan!" Shepard sounded surprised. "Hey. I wondered where you went. What's up?"

"I'm trying to wrap my head around what just happened."

"You sound angry." Shepard said.

"No." Kaidan put his arms down by his sides. "I'm just not used to staring down the gun of someone I... I've worked with so closely. How it all went down, it's got me... I don't know."

Shepard rolled his eyes. "Ok. Talk to me. Let's have it."

Kaidan took a step towards Shepard. "If I hadn't have backed down first, I feel like you would have taken me out."

"I trusted you and I knew you'd come around." Shepard said. "That's all that matters. The main thing is that we stopped the coup and that Cerberus is off the Citadel"

Kaidan started to back away. "But sometimes the way a thing goes down does matter Shepard." Kaidan turned to look out of the window. "Later when you have to live with yourself. Knowing that you acted with integrity." He turned to look back at Shepard. "Then it matters."

"You're talking about Udina? He gave me no choice so I took the shot. Any soldier would've done the same." Kaidan looked out the window again. "Including you."

Kaidan sighed. "Ok." He turned back to Shepard. "Look Shepard there's another reason I'm here. Hackett offered me a position. But I'd turn it down in a second if there's a chance to join you and the Normandy again."

"Couldn't imagine meeting the Reapers without you." Shepard got a smile on his face.

"Thank you Commander." Kaidan extended his hand and Shepard shook it. "And Shepard. I need you to know that I'll never doubt you again. I've got your back."

"Good to know. Welcome aboard Major."

Kaidan felt so happy as he unpacked what little he managed to bring into his footlocker. He was finally home.


	9. Chapter 8 - Apollo's Cafe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After receiving some advice from Cortez, Kaidan decides to ask Shepard out for dinner.

Kaidan's first week aboard the Normandy SR-2 had been filled mainly with catching up with his old friends from the original Normandy: Garrus, Liara, Joker and Doctor Chakwas. He was also making new friends in particular Lieutenant Vega and his friend Lieutenant Steve Cortez. Even though Kaidan had feelings for Shepard he spent a decent amount of time with Steve, being the only other gay man on board.

Meeting EDI for the first time was not a pleasant experience. Kaidan was waiting for the lift to go down to the shuttle bay to speak to Steve. The doors opened and a familiar and terrifying sight greeted him. Kaidan thought it was a nightmare. It was the mech from Mars. 

Kaidan instinctively made a dive for cover, though there was none to be found. He also reached for his pistol, that too was missing. The mech stepped out of the lift and walked towards him. Kaidan was terrified. He was on his back on the floor trying to get away but his feet weren't getting any traction. The mech's arm reached out for him. Kaidan winced and closed his eyes. He felt the mech grab his arm and lift him to his feet.

"Are you ok Major?" It said. Kaidan was at a loss for words, though that voice was strangely familiar. "Perhaps I should explain. I am EDI, the Normandy's artificial intelligence. When this body was brought back from Mars I integrated myself with it. I am now able to accompany Shepard on missions when he requires me." Kaidan still couldn't speak. "Judging by your elevated heart beat and blood pressure, you are in a state of shock."

"That's putting it mildly." Kaidan said in a weak voice. "The last time I saw this thing I almost died."

"I apologise for causing you distress. In future I will make sure that this mobile platform does not cross paths with you until you are ready."

"Thanks... I think." Kaidan said. EDI walked off in the direction of the AI core. Kaidan stepped into the lift and headed for the shuttle bay.

The doors opened and Kaidan entered the shuttle bay. Shepard was here talking with Cortez, so he decided to speak to Vega.

"Hey James." He said.

"Hey Blue." Vega had been calling him that all week and so far Kaidan had resisted the urge to ask why. This time he gave in.

"I have to ask. What is with all the nicknames?" Kaidan had a puzzled look on his face.

"It's just my way of remembering people. I call Cortez Esteban, Shepard is Loco, Liara is Doc and you are Blue. If it bothers you I'll stop, Major."

"It doesn't bother me, but why am I Blue?"

"Simple. You're so attached to that uniform it's basically a second skin. Plus your armour is blue, your biotics..."

"Ok I get the picture." Kaidan wished he'd never asked.

On the other side of the shuttle bay he saw that Cortez and Shepard had finished up. Shepard was leaving and didn't notice Kaidan. Cortez was watching him walk away with a dreamy look in his eyes. Kaidan felt a little ambivalent. There was definitely jealousy but also sadness. 

Steve had told Kaidan the story of how his husband died when the Collectors attacked Ferris Fields. He also mentioned that Shepard had help him move on. Now Kaidan was worried that Steve was getting too close to the Commander. Kaidan turned to say something to Vega, but the look on his face seemed to indicate that he was thinking the same thing.

"You still with me James?" Kaidan asked.

Vega coughed "Um, yeah. Sorry. I got distracted."

Kaidan smiled and thought he'd push a little further before letting him off. "By what?"

"It's nothing important. Just remembered it's my Abuela's birthday soon."

Kaidan smirked. "You're sure? You were staring at Cortez."

"Yeah I'm sure. Honestly, I didn't even see him there. Thinking too much about stuff." Kaidan knew he was lying but let him off.

Kaidan smiled. "Well I'll leave you alone with your thoughts. I'm going to talk to Steve." He walked over to the other side of the bay where Cortez was performing maintenance on a shuttle.

"Hey Kaidan." He said without looking up.

"How did you know it was me?" Kaidan asked puzzled.

"Oh please. That aftershave you wear is pretty strong. I knew you were here not long after you got off the lift." He spoke up a bit louder so Vega would hear him. "Plus Mister Vega couldn't sneak up on a sleeping Varren."

Vega yelled from his work bench. "Hey Esteban. I'm pretty quiet when I want to be."

"Well then Mister Vega you mustn't want to be quiet very often. Like last night for example. There was an awful lot of noise coming from your bunk. If I didn't know any better I'd say you were having a seizure with the sheets making that much noise." Steve winked at Kaidan.

"Oh... that. I was... just... uh... having a bout of indigestion."

Kaidan and Steve both snickered. "Well the next time it happens I'll call Doctor Chakwas. It sounded painful with all that moaning." Steve said. Kaidan burst out laughing.

"That won't be necessary." Vega said quickly. "I just remembered... Doc wanted some help with... something. Gotta go." He hurried over to the lift and was annoyed that it took almost 2 mins for it to arrive. He kept pushing the button until the doors opened.

"EDI? Did you just hold the lift up to prolong his suffering?" Steve asked with a smile.

"The elevator suffered a temporary power loss. It took a moment to re-route. The fact that Lieutenant Vega was desperate to leave an uncomfortable situation was pure coincidence." EDI said with her usual deadpan tone.

"That's what I thought. Good job." Steve said.

"Thank you Lieutenant Cortez."

Cortez finally turned to face Kaidan. "So to what do I owe the pleasure?" He asked.

"Just wanted to ask you something. Hope it isn't too far out of line, but I noticed that you and Shepard seem to be getting pretty close. Is there anything going on between you two?"

Kaidan wasn't able to read the expression on Steve's face. "I'll admit I am attracted to him. That combined with him being so kind to me when I was hurting... let's just say he makes it easy to like him."

"And Vega? He says you watch him when he works out. He rather enjoys it."

Steve laughed. "James? He's my best friend. We watch out for each other. He seems to enjoy torturing me though. Showing off that perfect body of his at every opportunity."

Kaidan remembered that look he saw on Vega's face. "Maybe he keeps doing it to see if you'll take the bait."

Steve laughed so hard he dropped the tool he was holding on his foot. "You can't be serious! Vega? There is as much a chance of Vega getting interested in a guy as there is of the Quarians and the Geth deciding that after 300 years, they've had enough of killing each other."

"Well stranger things have happened. The genophage has been cured, the Krogan are on Palaven helping the Turians against the Reapers, and they even seem to be getting along with the Salarians. You can't tell me you don't feel anything beyond friendship for him." Kaidan said.

"I never said I didn't. He's had that many women though, I just don't see it happening. Anyway why are we having this conversation? You are in a similar situation yourself."

Kaidan coughed. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I have zero interest in Vega."

"Don't get coy with me Major. You know very well I'm talking about Shepard."

"Fine. Yes I love Shepard. Always have. But you're right. Same situation. He's about as straight as Vega." Kaidan felt a little depressed.

"Would it help you to know that he cares about you a great deal?" Steve said. Kaidan just looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "After you were attacked on Mars he stayed with you in the Medical Bay almost the whole way to the Citadel."

Kaidan didn't want to get his hopes up. "Not surprised after what happened on Virmire. He always takes any injuries or worse as a personal failure on his part."

Steve sounded really annoyed. "Oh god Kaidan! You're just as bad as he is. Did you know that? He can't take a hint either."

Kaidan was shocked. "Are you trying to say that Shepard is gay?"

"News flash Sherlock. He's gay and he wants you. He's so scared that he's going to ruin your friendship that he won't say anything unless you do."

Kaidan felt a tear running down his cheek. "You're sure?"

"Told me himself. Most of the crew knows, through Joker of course." Kaidan wanted to run to Shepard and confess his love at once. But he was still a bit sceptical. Steve somehow sensed his hesitation. "So what are you going to do about it?" he asked.

Kaidan was unsure. "I don't know."

"Well how about you ask him out for a meal first? Something simple like that. See where it goes from there." Steve suggested.

"I'll think about it." Kaidan said. "Thanks Steve. If this works out I'll owe you big time."

"I know. Don't let me down Kaidan." Steve said and turned back to his shuttle. 

Kaidan went up to the crew deck and sought out his bunk. He thought about it for a long time but eventually decided to do as Steve suggested. He couldn't bring himself to say it in person so he sent Shepard a message instead.

_Hey Shepard,_  
 _I don't know about you, but I could sure use a little breather. Next time we're on the Citadel, let me buy you dinner. We should try Apollo's. It's that little restaurant in the courtyard overlooking the Presidium._  
 _Kaidan._

It didn't take long for Shepard to reply:

_Great timing. We're docking soon. Meet you there at 1700._

Kaidan's heart stopped. He checked the time. It was 1630. Not long. He practically ran to the showers and got himself freshened up, had a shave. He hesitated in putting on his aftershave after Steve said that it was too strong, but decided to only use a little bit. He decided to wear his uniform. Vega was right. Just don't feel comfortable wearing anything else. He thought. 

He got to Apollo's Cafe with about 5 minutes to spare. He chose a table with a pretty decent view of the Presidium. He was reading over the menu when Shepard appeared. He was not wearing his uniform but some jeans, a t-shirt and his N7 jacket.

"Hey Shepard. Over here." Kaidan managed to get Shepard's attention. He walked over to the table. "I'm surprised that this place could still get supplies for a menu like this."

"Maybe it's better if we don't ask how, or where." Shepard said as he sat down.

"I'm glad we're taking the time to do this. I could use a sanity check." 

"Things have been pretty crazy." Shepard agreed. 

Kaidan decided to start getting things off of his chest. "You know my life flashed in front of me on Mars, and there weren't enough moments like this. With people I care about."

"How are you feeling these days?"

"Feeling up to whatever the Reapers throw at me, and grateful that I convinced you to sit down for half a second and relax."

"Let's talk." Shepard said. "What are you drinking?"

Kaidan chuckled. "If you're trying to butter me up it might take a nice steak sandwich too."

"So?" 

"Shot of whiskey and a good old Canadian lager. Think they have it?"

Shepard picked up the menu and began to read it. "More likely to have Batarian shard wine." He said

"At my parents place in Vancouver, I drank more than a few beers on their balcony." He looked over to the lakes on the Presidium. "Looking over English Bay. Yeah, beautiful view. You know what though? I feel good about our chances."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Lets me sleep better at night." He looked back at Shepard.

"You're not sleeping Kaidan?" Shepard asked.

"Maybe a little restless." He looked away from Shepard again. "It's just you plan a career, you focus and then suddenly the world's ending and it's too late to... uh... find someone."

Shepard was staring at Kaidan intently. "Someone?"

Kaidan looked him in the eyes. It was now or never. "We've been friends a long time Shepard. Have you ever known me to be with anyone? Thought I was choosy, patient or... I don't know." Kaidan sighed. "Maybe what I've never found, what I want, is something deeper with somebody that I already... care about." He looked away from Shepard and sighed again. "That's what I want." He looked back at Shepard hopefully. "What do you want?"

Shepard looked puzzled. "You and me? Is that what you're saying Kaidan?"

Kaidan knew he'd gone too far to back out now. "It feels right doesn't it?"

Now it was Shepard's turn to look away. "It'd be nice to have someone to turn to when things get grim. Someone to live for. Maybe love."

Kaidan felt as though Shepard was about to say something bad. "Someone?" He asked expecting the worst.

Shepard turned and look Kaidan directly in the eyes. "You Kaidan." He chuckled. "It does. It does feel right. After all this time. You and me. I like that, a lot."

Kaidan felt as though he was in a dream. He wanted to see this through before he woke up. "That makes me so happy. There are benefits to that happiness."

"Really?" Shepard said in a way that suggested that there were already images going through his mind.

"Yes. Really." Kaidan said. A sudden pain hit him deep in his head. Another L2 flare up. He clutched the sides of his head. "Shit. Not now."

Shepard look worried. "It isn't another migraine is it?"

Kaidan knew he had to get to his bunk soon otherwise he wouldn't be able to walk. "Yeah. I'm sorry Shepard but I have to get back to the Normandy. We'll have to do this some other time." Kaidan got up from his seat and started to walk back to the Normandy.

As he got close to the lift to the docking bay, the pain got so intense Kaidan was having trouble seeing where he was going. He was vaguely aware of Shepard supporting him but couldn't hold onto consciousness for much longer.

When he came to he was in an unfamiliar room. Judging by the colour of the ceiling and walls he was on the Normandy, though not a part he'd ever visited. There was an aquarium filled with fish along the right wall. Ahead of him was a cabinet filled with model starships. This could only be Shepard's cabin. He got confirmation when he looked to his left and saw the man himself sitting in a chair looking really concerned.

"Try not to move. Doctor Chakwas says that you need to rest. Your flare up was a pretty bad one. I've never seen it this bad before."

Kaidan noticed that Shepard was holding his hand. He managed a weak smile. "Hey Shepard. How long was I out and why am I here and not the Med bay?"

"Three hours and because you passed out in the airlock. I carried you here as it was closer than the Med Bay. Besides the bed is more comfortable."

Kaidan chuckled. "Not the way I envisioned my first time in your bed."

Shepard laughed. "Me either. I'm really glad we finally got here though."

"Me too. I've been wanting to tell you ever since I met you."

"I thought I'd ruined any chance just after Virmire." Shepard said.

Kaidan looked puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"We were in the comm room for the debriefing. You asked me why I picked you over Ash. I told you that I could have never left you behind." Shepard looked a bit upset. "You never even looked up at me. I thought I'd said too much and scared you off."

Kaidan rested his hand on Shepard's thigh. "I was so upset that I never heard what you said. Even if I had heard you I was convinced you were having a relationship with Liara."

Shepard laughed again. "Liara? Kaidan I've only had eyes for you since we first met. I used to go to Liara for advice and to get all the build up emotions and stuff about you out. I just couldn't bottle it up or I would have gone insane."

"When you died I did go insane." Kaidan looked away and felt ashamed. "Shepard I was hurting so bad I tried to kill myself."

Shepard's expression immediately changed to shock. "What the hell were you thinking?"

Kaidan started to feel himself cry. "You were the first person I ever fell in love with. I did keep my feelings bottled up. It wasn't right to tell you due to all the regs against fraternisation. When you died I realised that I'd lost my chance to be with you in this life, so I wanted to join you in the next."

Shepard started tearing up as well. "I... I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything, please. Liara helped me work through most of the pain. The important thing is I'm here now and we can finally be together." He really wanted to change the topic and turn the tables on Shepard. "Anyway why did you never say anything to me?"

Shepard wiped away a tear. "You can't say something like that and then change the subject."

"Shepard please." Kaidan pleaded. "I don't want to talk about it right now. Later when I'm feeling better."

"Alright." Shepard said. "The reason I never said anything to you was because I wasn't certain that you felt the same way. I got a few hints every now and then. I'd noticed the way you looked at me when you thought I wasn't looking. But I valued your friendship more than anything and didn't want to run the risk of being wrong and loosing you."

Kaidan felt all warm inside. He actually managed to laugh. "Cortez was right."

"About what?"

"He said we were just as bad as each other. Unable to act because we were scared of messing everything up."

Shepard laughed. "Oh that's rich coming from him."

"You're talking about him and Vega?"

"Noticed that too huh? He is in the exact same situation that we were in. However I believe it's only one sided." Shepard said. "Poor guy. I really feel sorry for him, especially after everything he's been through. He really deserves to be happy. It's just a pity that he will never get anywhere with Vega."

Kaidan snorted. "I wouldn't be so sure about that." Shepard looked at him with a puzzled look on his face. "A couple of days ago I was talking to him in the Shuttle Bay while you were talking to Cortez. He looked absolutely rotten when he saw Steve looking at you quite intently as you walked away."

"Imagine that." Shepard said with a smile. 

"Steve was the one who suggested that I invite you out to dinner. I want to somehow try to set him up with Vega to repay him." Kaidan said.

Shepard thought about it. "James likes playing poker. Maybe the four of us can get a game going. I'll make sure Steve brings a bottle of good tequila. Should get the ball rolling. Then when the time is right we leave the two of them alone and see what happens."

"That's a great idea." Kaidan yawned. "But it'll have to wait. I'm exhausted."

He moved go get up but Shepard put his hand on Kaidan's chest holding him down. "Where do you think you're going? Doctor Chakwas ordered you to rest."

"Back to my own bed. I need to sleep."

Shepard put a mock hurt expression on his face. "My bed not good enough for you?"

Kaidan weighed his words up carefully before he spoke. After all this relationship was only a few hours old. "It's not that. I've never had a relationship before and I want to take it slow and get it right."

"I understand. But that doesn't mean you have to leave. I give you my word that we won't do anything until you are ready. I just want to keep an eye on you tonight and make sure you're ok. I'll sleep on the couch or right here in the chair if you want."

Kaidan didn't know how to respond. This was all so new to him. He decided to take a chance. "You don't have to do that for me. If you..."

Shepard interrupted him. "Kaidan I love you but god you're stubborn."

Kaidan started crying tears of joy. He finally heard Shepard say that he loved him. "As I was saying... if you want to keep an eye on me, you can do it from the comfort of your own bed." Kaidan moved over to the far side of the bed and left room for Shepard to climb in. 

Shepard took his shoes off and climbed in. He didn't even bother to take off his uniform, Kaidan was still wearing his after all. Shepard put his arm around him.

"How are you feeling now?" He asked.

Kaidan snuggled up to Shepard. "Apart from the headache, I've never felt this good." He lent in closer until his lips met Shepard's. They shared a rather passionate kiss. When they eventually broke apart Kaidan said, "I love you John."

"I love you too Kaidan." Shepard replied.

They both ended up falling asleep in each other's arms.


	10. Chapter 9 - Normandy Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after. Kaidan receives some bad news from Earth, and an old friend returns to the Normandy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter up. I've been pretty sick lately.

Kaidan woke the next morning convinced that the events of the day before were just a figment of his imagination. He sat up and realised that he was still in Shepard's cabin. He looked to his left expecting to see John lying next to him, but the bed was empty. He got up and decided he needed a shower. 

He went down to the crew deck and used the communal showers instead. He didn't feel comfortable using Shepard's private shower. They had only been a couple for less than 24 hours. It was too soon. He showered and got dressed in a fresh uniform then went to the mess for breakfast. 

Cortez was there eating his and he nodded to Kaidan when he walked in. "Morning Kaidan. How are you feeling?"

Kaidan took a tray of food and sat down opposite Cortez. "I've felt better. The worst of it has passed and I should be back to my normal self in a few hours."

"And Shepard?" Cortez gave a knowing look.

Kaidan looked around to make sure that there was no one listening. They were alone but Kaidan didn't want to take any chances. He lent forward and whispered. "It worked. Thank you so much. He is so sweet. He stayed with me during the night to make sure I was ok. Only when I woke up this morning he was gone."

Cortez kept his voice low. "I wouldn't worry about it. He's in the war room talking to Admiral Hackett."

Kaidan felt a little better. They continued to eat in silence until they heard the lift doors open. Vega stepped out all sweaty from his morning workout. Kaidan noticed Steve watching James very closely until he disappeared into the men's bathroom to have a shower.

"You could always offer to scrub it for him you know?" Kaidan joked.

"Scrub what?" Steve looked shocked.

"Depends on which part of him you were looking at." Kaidan said. "His broad shoulders, his back or his bum?"

Cortez now looked uncomfortable as he had another mouthful of toast. "I don't think that is funny. Besides, I've seen it all before and it wasn't anything special."

Kaidan had a mouth full of coffee when Steve said this, and did a spit take. "Wow that is way too much info." He paused. "Poor guy." He said chuckling while cleaning up his mess.

Cortez had a smile on his face. "Not really. It just looks small when compared to all his other muscles."

Kaidan's mind suddenly turned to Shepard. Wondering what surprises he had in store when they eventually got intimate. His day dream was interrupted by EDI.

"Major Alenko. A couple of messages have just arrived for you from Earth, text only."

Kaidan excused himself and went into the crew quarters to find his pad. He located it and accessed his account. One was from his mother, the other was from Anderson. They were dated about three weeks apart. The Alliance was obviously stockpiling messages and sending them out in bulk when an opportunity came up.

His joy at hearing from her sank the more he read.

_Hello sweetie,_  
 _I hope you get this message. The Alliance said they would do everything they could to get it to you. I just wanted to let you know that we arrived safely at your uncle's farm. Most of the family are here and in good health._  
 _Things are looking fairly grim here. The Reapers are rounding up everyone they come across and putting them in camps. Those who resist are killed and then taken away. Those... things that are walking around are terrifying. But don't worry about us honey. They are only operating in the major cities. With luck we'll go un-noticed._  
 _You should know that your father and uncle have signed up for active duty. They are serving in the resistance under Admiral Anderson. I haven't heard from either of them for a couple of weeks. It's nothing to worry about though. Communications are fragile at best and only to be used for official military business._  
 _I hope you are well and fighting to free us from the occupation. We're all praying for you Kaidan._  
 _Lots of love._  
 _Mum._

He opened the second message and wished he hadn't.

_Major Alenko,_  
 _It's with a heavy heart that I write to you today. I'm sorry to have to tell you this son but I thought you deserved to hear it from me personally. Your father is MIA and presumed killed. We have not heard from his squad for some time and I can't afford to divert forces which are evacuating civilians. I'm sorry son._  
 _All I can say now is I hope you and Commander Shepard blow the Reapers straight to hell. We'll hold out as long as we can._  
 _With sincere condolences._  
 _Admiral David Anderson._

Kaidan threw the pad down on his bed. He couldn't believe that his father was gone. He'd feared the worst when he read his mother's message. Realistically anyone fighting the Reapers wasn't going to survive. They are too powerful, and with every casualty bolstering the enemy's forces as husks, it was only a matter of time before the galaxy fell.

Kaidan needed to clear his head. He went into the observation lounge and just stared out into space for what seemed like an eternity. His thoughts were focused on his mother. She was now alone. His father was likely dead and Kaidan was on the opposite side of the galaxy and unable to help. He started to cry.

The doors opened behind him and he saw the reflection of Shepard walking in. Kaidan sniffed, wiped his eyes and took a deep breath.

"It all seems so calm from here." He said softly. "People are going through hell in a million different ways... out there. I want to be fighting alongside them but..." he sighed and turned to face Shepard. "... I want to be here. You know."

"Sure." Shepard said. "Thinking of anyone specific?"

Kaidan looked out of the window again. "I heard from my mum Shepard. They made it to the orchard but my dad is... uh... he's MIA." Kaidan took in a deep breath. "He's presumed..." He couldn't say it.

Shepard moved closer and put a hand on Kaidan's shoulder. "Tell me what happened."

"He left mum at the orchard and reported for active duty. That's all we really know... but it's... it's enough. She's alone in this now."

Shepard gave Kaidan a hug. "I feel for you Kaidan, and I'm glad you told me." He released but again had his hand on Kaidan's shoulder. "There's strength in empathy."

"Thanks. You're right. I don't know how you do it John. Keeping it all together like you do. Earth is always in the back of my mind..."

Shepard interrupted. "So use it" He said with a dangerous tone. "That's how I cope. I think about how Earth looked, and how it's going to look when we get back. Guns blazing and the whole galaxy behind us."

Kaidan couldn't help but chuckle at the thought. "Yeah. My students... well... wherever they are, I know they're kicking arse. On Earth or... somewhere." He paused for a bit. "You know when this war is over, there's going to be one hell of a reunion party."

"Hell yeah." Shepard said.

Kaidan almost felt happy just imagining it. "Dancing in the streets, hugging and crying. My mum's always wanted to travel off world." His mood suddenly changed again. "I think I'll take her." Neither of them said anything. Kaidan felt as though he was going to cry again. "Thanks for coming by." He said

Shepard gave Kaidan another hug as well as a kiss. "It's good to have you back Kaidan. You're welcome to come up to my cabin anytime if you need to talk. I've cleared you for access."

"Thanks John." Kaidan turned to stare out into space once more as Shepard left. Once he had gone the tears started to flow.

 

*****************  
Kaidan hadn't spent any more time in Shepard's cabin since his L2 flare up. As much as he wanted to there hadn't been much free time. The Normandy had been sent to The Veil by Admiral Hackett. The Quarians had started a war with the Geth in an attempt to retake their homeworld, Rannoch. But it wasn't going well. 

The Quarians had driven the Geth back to Rannoch, but the Geth had suddenly become more co-ordinated and strategic. The result of which was that the whole Quarian flotilla, roughly fifty thousand ships, was trapped. The Geth were blockading the Mass Relay out of the system. One single ship had managed to slip through the blockade to a rendezvous with the Normandy.

Kaidan was in the Shuttle Bay when the shuttle docked. Five Quarians stepped off. Wearing their environment suits made it rather difficult telling one from another, but there was something familiar about the way the one at the back walked. They entered the lift and made their way up to Shepard. Kaidan entered the shuttle to talk to Steve. 

"If I ever volunteer to ferry five Admirals in one trip again, kill me please." Steve said

Kaidan laughed. "I didn't realise the whole Admiralty Board would be coming. I figured it would just be an envoy."

"Oh no. All five of them. All bickering, blaming each other for the predicament the Quarian fleet is in right now. About the only thing they agree on is that they need help."

"Seems strange for all the Admirals to abandon the fleet if it's in that much danger." Kaidan said.

"And that was the other thing. Admiral Gerrel didn't want to leave and was bordering on charging the others with treason, Admiral Koris thought they were wasting time they could have spent trying to negotiate a peace accord, Admiral Xen said very little and Admirals Raan and Zorah kept telling them to be quiet and that Shepard was the only one who could save them."

Kaidan couldn't believe his ears. "Admiral Zorah you said? Not Tali'Zorah by any chance was it?"

Cortez thought about it. "I believe Admiral Raan called her Tali at one point yes. Do you know her?"

Kaidan laughed. "Hell yes I know her. She was part of the original Normandy crew that helped Shepard take down Saren. I lost track of her after the original Normandy was destroyed."

"Well you'll have plenty of time to catch up. Sounds like they will be staying aboard for some time. Speaking of catching up, how are you and Shepard going?"

"We're not at the moment." Kaidan said with sadness in his voice.

"Don't tell me that. What the hell happened?" Steve seemed a little annoyed.

"My father died." Kaidan said.

Steve was about to say something but he closed his mouth quickly. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea." He closed the exterior hatch so they could have some privacy and then joined Kaidan in the main cabin. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"About my father? Not really." Kaidan wiped away a tear. "Shepard hasn't come to see me since I told him. Has he spoken to you at all?"

"Apart from mission briefings, only the once about 2 days ago. He's worried about you, but he also knows that a time like this you need your own space. But he's there for you whenever you need him, and so am I."

Steve put his hand on Kaidan's shoulder. Kaidan realised what he needed was some Human contact, he needed Shepard. "Thanks Steve. I'll find some way to repay you for everything you've done for me."

Steve looked back at him and said. "The only repayment I require is for you and Shepard to be happy together. After everything he did for me it's all I need."

Kaidan forced himself to smile. "That I can do. You are a true friend." Kaidan got up and opened the hatch. He went over to the lift and waited for the doors to open. He looked back at the shuttle while he waited. Steve had closed the hatch but hadn't left the shuttle. The lift doors opened and Vega almost ran into Kaidan.

"Sorry Blue, didn't see you there." He said.

"It's ok James."

"Hey did you see the Quarians? Those Quarian women sure do fill out their suits in all the right places don't they?" Kaidan didn't answer though Vega didn't seem to notice. "Wonder what they look like inside them?" Kaidan still said nothing. "Shepard was getting pretty frisky with one of them. Lucky guy had one of them in his arms and..." He finally noticed the look on Kaidan's face. "... Shit man I'm... I'm sorry. I forgot you have a thing for him."

Kaidan punched Vega in the face and got in the lift and the doors closed behind him. "That felt good." He said to himself. "EDI. Where is Shepard?" 

"He is currently standing outside the conference room with Tali."

"Please tell him I need to see him as soon as he is free. I'll be in his cabin." He hit the button for deck 1.

"Of course Major."

The lift stopped at deck 1 and Kaidan found himself standing outside Shepard's cabin. He'd forgotten that Shepard had cleared him for access so it came as a massive shock when the panel on the door changed from red to green and opened up for him. He stepped inside cautiously, still not feeling entirely comfortable being alone in here. He went down the steps and sat down on the couch watching the fish. They in turn were watching him as well. He decided that they looked hungry so he got up and touched the control which fed them. They all swam to the top of the tank and ate.

The door to the cabin opened and Shepard walked in. "What's wrong? Do you feel alright?"

Kaidan walked over to Shepard and threw his arms around him. "Now that you're here John I feel so much better, though Vega has had better days."

Shepard broke the hug. "What happened?" He asked. So Kaidan told him. "You realise I could have you up on charges?"

Kaidan smiled. "Good luck with that, I outrank you... Commander."

"Damn I forgot about that. Alright then, is there anything I can do for you sir?" Shepard stood at attention and saluted.

"Knock it off John. The only thing you can do for me is let me stay here tonight. I need the company."

This time Shepard put his arms around Kaidan. "Kaidan you can be so thick sometimes. We're a couple. You can stay here whenever you want, for as long as you want. I'm here for you first and foremost. Everything that is mine, is yours. I love you." He gave Kaidan a kiss.

"I love you too John. I'm just feeling pretty lonely."

Shepard put his arms around Kaidan's waist. "Well why don't we do something about it then?" He asked.

"Such as?"

"Anything you want my love."

Kaidan couldn't think of anything. All he wanted was Shepard's company. In the end Shepard suggested watching a movie in bed. Unfortunately the movie he picked was the new Blasto 6: Partners in Crime. Kaidan had never really liked the Blasto movies. They were patently ridiculous. Someone was high on red sand when they came up with the idea of a Hanar Spectre. Shepard was enjoying it though and was laughing throughout. Kaidan had stopped pretending to watch it about 10 minutes in and just snuggled up to Shepard.

"So what did you think?" Shepard asked after it was finished.

Kaidan had forgotten all about the movie. "This is nice, exactly what I need."

Shepard looked at him a bit bewildered. "What about the movie?"

"Huh? Oh that. Don't like Blasto, never have."

"Then why didn't you say something when I suggested it?"

"Because I didn't want to spoil your evening. I'd sit through Francis Kitt's 14 hour Elcor production of Hamlet if it meant spending time with you."

"That's sweet but I would never inflict that on you. Would you just like to lie here together?" Shepard asked.

"That would be perfect."

They both lay there for about half an hour in silence, just enjoying each other's company. Shepard eventually broke the silence. "I'm going for a shower. Want to join me?"

Kaidan suddenly got nervous. "No it's alright you go on ahead."

Shepard got out of the bed and stripped off his uniform. He was now wearing only his black Alliance issue boxers. Kaidan was just staring at the perfect physical specimen standing in front of him. "You're sure? There's plenty of room. We can do each other's backs." Shepard said with a smile.

"I'm sure." Kaidan was conflicted. He really wanted to get intimate with Shepard but the prospect also terrified him. He'd never been intimate with anyone before and was worried he wouldn't know what to do to satisfy Shepard.

Shepard walked up the steps and entered the bathroom. Kaidan heard the water running and realised that the door had been left open. He knew that Shepard did it to tempt Kaidan into changing his mind. He wasn't going to. He decided that it was about time he got some decent sleep. He hadn't slept well ever since hearing about his dad. He got out of the bed and stripped down to his boxers.

He climbed back in just as Shepard emerged from the bathroom wearing a towel around his waist. He saw that Kaidan was ready for bed. "Everything ok Kaidan? It's a bit early for bed isn't it?"

Kaidan looked away as Shepard got a fresh pair of boxers out and put them on. "John this whole business with the Reapers is almost too much for me to bare. I know that there's a shit load more families going through what mine is, but I can't help think that everything I care about is being wiped out. What if we can't beat them? What if we're looking at the extinction of the entire Human Race?"

Shepard walked around to Kaidan's side of the bed and knelt down so he could look him in the face. "Hey don't talk like that. We already have the Turians, the Krogan and the Salarians on board. We help the Quarians take back their homeworld and we'll have their massive fleet as well. I got an update from Hackett and the Crucible is coming along quickly. Once we find the Catalyst and hopefully get the Asari to join up and then you and I are going to blow these fucking machines back to the abyss they came from."

"John I've seen the same Council reports you have. The Reapers haven't been pushed back from any planet they've invaded so far, with the exception of Tuchanka, and that's only because you used the mother of all Thresher Maws to take one of them out. They'll be back to take out the Krogan soon. Even Thessia is starting to be threatened. It won't be long until they turn their attention to the Citadel and then it's game over. We saw it when Sovereign took control of it a few years ago. Once they shut down the Mass Relay network, any hope we have of defeating them goes up in smoke."

"I won't ever let that happen but I need you to be strong for me, I can't do this without you." Shepard said. Kaidan forced himself to smile. "I know what will cheer you up. Roll over."

Kaidan rolled onto his stomach and Shepard pulled down the sheets. He got a bottle out of one of his drawers, squirted some on his hands and proceeded to rub Kaidan's shoulders. Kaidan couldn't help but moan. It felt so good.

"How's that feel?" Shepard asked.

Kaidan couldn't manage a coherent sentence. He just grunted with pleasure. Shepard started working his way down his back. Kaidan was so relaxed he fell asleep.


	11. Chapter 10 - Rannoch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard, Kaidan and Tali head down to the Quarian homeworld of Rannoch to end the Quarian's war with the Geth. By any means necessary.

Kaidan woke up in Shepard's cabin alone again. After checking the clock he realised that he'd slept for almost 9 hours. He had a shower and tried to contact Shepard but EDI said he was off on a mission to rescue Admiral Koris. Apparently his ship had crash landed on Rannoch and without him the Quarian Civilian Fleet was breaking up. The Captains were thinking of trying to run the Geth blockade of the Relay. Koris was the only one who could keep them in line.

Kaidan went over the ship's logs. Shepard had apparently been busy while Kaidan was sleeping. He'd boarded a Geth dreadnaught and managed to disable it so the Quarians could take it out, plus he'd somehow entered the Geth Consensus and shut down a server which was controlling the Geth fighters. Kaidan wouldn't have ever believed it if anyone other than Shepard had done it. Somehow Shepard always managed to achieve the impossible. His doubt from last night was still there but he had to concede that if anyone was capable of destroying the Reapers, it was Shepard.

Kaidan settled down into an armchair and thought about the current situation with the Quarians. He was so completely engrossed in it he didn't notice Shepard enter until he spoke.

"Hey Kaidan."

Kaidan got the biggest smile on his face. "Hey there."

"I'm just checking in." Shepard said.

"Well I'm glad. You left without waking me." Kaidan said.

"I didn't have the heart." Shepard said. "You had been doing it tough and I thought it would be best to let you sleep."

Kaidan laughed. "Well thanks. But next time, wake me."

Shepard got a wicked grin. "Are you flirting with me Major?"

Kaidan laughed again as he recalled the conversation that the two of them had at Huerta Memorial Hospital. "If you have to ask, I'm clearly out of practice. Later on, when we've got time, you'll have to let me practice." Kaidan gestured to the chair next to him and Shepard sat down. "You know, I've just been sitting here thinking."

Shepard rolled his eyes and said in a mocking tone, "Uh oh. Ok hit me with it."

"Why are the Quarians trying to retake their homeworld now? With the Reapers attacking every civilised system they're just wasting resources on an unnecessary war. The Reapers will not just sit by and let the Quarians wipe out the Geth."

"Because if the Reapers do end up destroying all life in the galaxy the Quarians want to die on their own planet. Legion believes that the Geth have received upgrades from the Reapers. We disrupted the Reapers control signal when we took out the dreadnaught earlier but EDI and Legion have discovered a base on Rannoch which has started to emit the Reapers signal. We need to take it out or the Geth will wipe out the Quarians."

Kaidan felt a bit lost. "Who is Legion?"

"Legion is a unique Geth platform. It helped me take down the collectors. It also agrees that the Reapers are a threat to all life, organic and synthetic. To that end it is helping us to end the Reaper threat in this system."

It took Kaidan a while to wrap his brain around the concept of a Geth co-operating with organics. Shepard explained Legion's whole story. Kaidan couldn't help but be impressed.

"So now that we've found the base, what happens next?" Kaidan asked.

"You, Tali and myself blow the thing up." Shepard replied with a grin.

"Hell yeah, count me in." Kaidan said.

"In that case get suited up and I'll meet you at the shuttle in 20 minutes." Shepard stood up and walked out.

Kaidan went to his bunk in the crew quarters and put on his armour. He then took the lift down to the Shuttle Bay and headed over to the Armoury to stock up on weapons. Although he usually only used a pistol he took an assault rifle as well. He expected the base to be crawling with Geth. He walked over to the shuttle and spoke with Steve while he waited for Shepard and Tali to arrive. It didn't take them long. A Geth was with them. Kaidan assumed that this was Legion, though it took a great deal of self control not to shoot it on sight.

As Tali boarded Kaidan stood at attention and saluted. "Welcome aboard Admiral." He said.

Tali didn't seem impressed. "Very funny Kaidan." She said. Kaidan walked over to her and gave her a hug. 

"It's really good to see you again Tali."

"You too. I'm glad to see that you and Shepard managed to get over that incident on Horizon. He wasn't pleasant to be around for weeks after that."

Kaidan looked over at Shepard who was talking to Steve in the cockpit. "So I've been told. I believe I wasn't much better. It's hard when two friends have an argument that intense."

"Especially when the two friends in question love each other..." Tali's voice trailed off.

Kaidan turned to look at her. "How did you know that? No wait, let me guess. Joker?"

"He thinks it's cute that the two of you have finally gotten together after so long. Besides neither you or Shepard were going to tell me, were you?"

Kaidan decided to be honest. "Probably not straight away. We were hoping to keep it quiet for a while. The Alliance doesn't like soldiers fraternising."

"That is a ridiculous rule." Tali said. "You should be allowed to be with whoever you want to. Besides you're both Spectres, you're above the laws of the Alliance."

"Good point." Kaidan hadn't actually considered that before. It made him want to no longer be afraid to express his feelings for Shepard publicly. "Excuse me a minute." He got up and went into the cockpit with Shepard and Steve. He grabbed Shepard, threw him up against a bulkhead and kissed him. Steve's jaw dropped but he quickly recovered, smiled and went back to the pre-flight checklist.

Shepard looked horrified. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Here of all places and now?"

"Relax Commander. Tali made me realise that the Alliance regs don't apply to us. We're both Spectres and the Council doesn't give a shit if we're together or not."

Kaidan left Shepard in the cockpit to recover from his shock and returned to his seat in the cabin. He sat there eating some calorie bars in preparation as he had a feeling he'd be using a lot of biotics today. 

The Normandy managed to make a low altitude pass nearby the Geth base and Steve launched the shuttle. The shuttle ride was brief and uneventful which unnerved Kaidan. He had expected to come under fire from a Colossus or at the very least a few Armatures. The only resistance was some small arms fire from several troopers.

The party disembarked the shuttle and Steve took off again. Legion went on ahead to tackle the bases security and secure a vehicle for their escape. Tali was a bit overwhelmed standing on the homeworld for the first time. She and Shepard were having a conversation while Kaidan started to move towards the base. There were several Geth units near the entrance. Kaidan got into cover just as Shepard and Tali approached.

"There are about half a dozen troopers near the door, I can't tell but I think some may have launchers." He said.

"We do this the hard way then. Keep to cover as much as you can. Tali you take the left flank, Kaidan the right. I'll go down the middle." Shepard said.

Kaidan took a look down the middle of the field. "Are you insane Commander? There's no cover, they'll blow you to pieces."

"I'll be fine as long as you two can keep them distracted." With that Shepard activated his tactical cloak. 

Kaidan was stunned. "When did you get that?" He asked.

"Cerberus gave it to me when they..." Shepard's voice trailed off.

Kaidan made a face of contempt. He didn't like being reminded that Shepard worked for Cerberus. "Let's just do this." He said.

Kaidan headed around to the right. The Geth had detected that there were intruders and had come out firing. Kaidan's assumption that there were troopers with launchers proved to be accurate as a rocked sailed past his head and exploded on the hill side behind him. He activated his omni-tool and sent an overload pulse to disrupt the electrical systems of the nearby Geth. Several of them dropped but one managed to avoid the pulse and charged at Kaidan.

Before Kaidan could raise his pistol, the Geth just froze. From behind Shepard de-cloaked, his omni-blade sticking through the Geth's chassis. Kaidan noticed movement behind Shepard. He raised his gun and fired, barely missing Shepard's head. The optical port of the Geth behind him exploded and the unit dropped to the ground.

Shepard turned to look behind him. "Thanks. Next time though warn me before you shoot near my head." He re-cloaked.

Kaidan continued to stick close to cover and made his way to the entrance. The doors were sealed. He activated his comm.

"Shepard the doors are sealed. I can't override them."

Legion's voice responded. "Shepard-Commander. We have located an entrance on an upper level. This location should provide an adequate position to target the synching laser. You must climb to the upper level before the Geth units can fortify their positions."

"We're on our way." Shepard responded.

They moved towards some piping which led up to a platform. As they started to climb another voice came over the comm.

"Admiral Gerrel here. The Heavy Fleet has a clear path. All forward." The Quarian Fleet was on the same channel. Most likely so they could monitor the situation on the planet.

"Geth fighter presence is negligible. Patrol Fleet break cover and engage." Obviously one of the other Admirals.

Shepard, Kaidan and Tali had made it onto the platform and were nearing a ladder that would take them to the upper level when more Geth ambushed them. It didn't take long for this lot to be taken out. They made their way across the catwalk and into the base. 

"Shepard-Commander. Hostile Geth are closing a blast shield over the base."

The group ran across to the railing and sure enough a blast door was closing over a massive hole in the ground.

"Damn it. It'll take hours to punch through that shield." Kaidan said.

"Anyone manage to get a look inside?" Shepard asked.

"Not really though it was definitely Reaper tech." Tali replied.

They found themselves on another catwalk. As they made their way along, more Geth showed up.

"Take out those hostiles!" Kaidan said.

The three of them took whatever cover they could find. Many of these Geth had launchers and there were missiles darting all over the place. Shepard was shooting blind from his position. Kaidan managed to take a couple out with an overload blast. Tali had a combat drone distracting some of them and she took the opportunity to move forward.

They managed to fight their way about halfway to the next door when shots started coming from a different direction.

"Watch out." Tali said. "Crossfire on the left side balcony."

With the Geth in front of them advancing, it was difficult to take aim at the balcony without exposing themselves to fire. Kaidan managed to overload the last of the advancing Geth. Their attention was now focused on the balcony. The Geth fought ferociously but in the end couldn't stand up to Tali's drone or Kaidan's overload.

"Shepard-Commander, do you need assistance?" Legion asked.

"We'll get through. What's your status?" Shepard replied.

"The Old Machines' upgrades grant us targeting superiority. We are drawing hostile fire from your position."

"Keep it up. We'll get to the blast shield controls."

"I know Legion is supposed to be on our side Shepard. But Reaper upgrades? Is that wise?" Kaidan asked.

"No. Legion IS on our side." Tali replied.

Kaidan's jaw dropped. Shepard apparently had the same reaction because he said, "I never thought I'd hear you say that."

They continued towards the next set of doors. A warning from the Quarians came over the comm. "Admiral Gerrel to all ships! We've got frigates inbound on the Civilian Fleet."

"Admiral Koris here. Civilian defenders are on an intercept course. We'll hold them Gerrel."

They passed through the next door into what appeared to be an assembly line. This is where the Geth appeared to be making new units. There were more Geth defenders here but they were not much trouble. It took a couple of minutes to locate the override.

Shepard pressed it. "Legion. I've hit the override."

"We have gained system access and are bypassing security. Stand by."

Hitting the override alerted the Geth. The room was suddenly filled with troopers. The only advantage was that there were a lot of targets so aiming wasn't as important. Rocket troopers were here en masse and they were shielded. Kaidan was using overload to take down their shields then finishing them off with his pistol.

A couple of Geth pyros entered the mix. These were a problem because Kaidan couldn't get close enough to them to overload their circuitry. Their flamethrowers were doing a good job of keeping him at bay. Tali also seemed to be finding it difficult to target them. Shepard had managed to cloak and sneak around behind them and stick a grenade to them. The blast from each unit was quite impressive, almost knocked Kaidan out from his position.

"We have bypassed security, but disabling the blast shield requires manual input. We have enabled a console near your position." Legion reported.

Kaidan noticed the panel near him light up. He hit the button and a klaxon sounded as the blast shield retracted. The group headed towards the lift at the end of the room. As they approached it. The platform lowered and three Geth stepped off.

"Holy shit it's a Prime!" Kaidan said. Geth primes were the largest of the infantry units. Carrying both shields and armour, they were nearly unstoppable. What was worse was that it was accompanied by two more rocket troopers.

Kaidan managed to take out one of the troopers and Tali the other. It took a combined effort from all three of them to take out the prime. They got onto the lift and went up to the higher level.

"Admiral Rann to all ships. The Patrol Fleet has broken the Geth lines. Permission to pursue?"

"Granted." Admiral Gerrel replied. "Good hunting Raan."

The lift slowed and the sight that greeted them was nothing short of a nightmare. There were three paths toward the far platform and on each path stood a Prime. Kaidan switched to his rifle.

"Nothing's ever easy. Is it?" Shepard commented. "They haven't noticed us yet so let's just concentrate on one at a time. Start with the left and make our way across."

Kaidan and Tali simultaneously hit the left prime with an overload pulse knocking out its shields. They then concentrated fire until the thing blew up. They used the same tactic to take out the second one. However the third one had managed to get in close and shot at Kaidan.

"Shepard! I've lost Shields!" Kaidan yelled. He managed to find some cover but not before he'd been shot in the arm. It wasn't serious. He swore at himself and managed to apply medi-gel.

They must have been able to take out the last Prime without him as Legion's voice came over the comm. "Shepard-Commander. We detect no more Geth in your immediate area. Reinforcements are minutes away."

"Are you getting anything from the base?" Shepard asked.

"No. The Old Machines have not registered us as a threat. We recommend haste. The creator fleet will be overrun unless you sever the Geth connection to the Old Machines soon."

That wasn't good. Kaidan knew that the Quarian fleet couldn't hold out much longer. They had to stop the Geth right now. He pulled himself to his feet and followed Shepard and Tali to the platform.

"This battle was centuries in the making." Tali said. "To see it finally end..."

"We'll get it done." Kaidan reassured her.

They reached the platform. Shepard took out the targeting laser that was developed by Admiral Xen. He aimed it down into the hole and fired the beam. It took a few seconds for the Normandy to lock onto its signal.

"Target locked." EDI's voice said over the comm. 

The Normandy swooped down from orbit and fired into the hole. There was a massive explosion and what appeared to be a mechanical wail. The platform they were standing on collapsed and they fell down onto the level below. As they picked themselves up there was an all to familiar sound.

"REAPER!" Shepard yelled. They ran just as a huge mechanical leg came out of the hole and slammed down where they had been standing.

At the end of the pathway a Geth vehicle appeared. "We have located transportation." Legion said.

"Copy that. Everyone get to the ship! Move!" Shepard ordered.

The three of them ran as fast as they could to the waiting ship. Mechanical legs were appearing out of the hole, intent on crushing them.

"Damn that thing's big." Kaidan said as he ran.

"How are we supposed to stop something that size?" Tali said.

"I was hoping your fleet might lend a hand." Shepard said.

They climbed aboard the ship. Kaidan and Tali were in the cabin with Legion while Shepard took control of the exterior gun.

"We will attempt evasive manoeuvres." Legion said.

Legion piloted the ship out of the base and along a road while Shepard was shooting it with the gun.

"Shepard to fleet. It's not a Reaper base, it's a live Reaper. I need an orbital strike." Shepard said.

The ship continued to speed along while Shepard kept firing. When they had gotten s fair distance away from the Reaper, Shepard said. "We're clear. Fire at will."

The sound of hundreds of rounds hitting the Reaper filled the cabin. 

"What did we hit?" Admiral Gerrel asked.

"The firing chamber. Looks like a weak point when it's priming." Shepard responded.

"Damn it. Their jamming towers have us targeting manually. We can't make a precision shot." Gerrel said.

"We may escape before it recovers." Legion said.

Shepard wasn't having any of it. "No. Pull over."

Legion stopped the ship. "Shepard-Commander?" 

"If we run away the Geth stay under Reaper control and the Quarians are dead. This ends now. EDI patch the Quarians to the Normandy's weapons system. I want the targeting laser synched up to the whole damn fleet."

"Understood." Came EDI's reply.

"Do you need assistance?" Legion asked.

"Just stay out of sight Legion. I'll take it from here."

"Shepard what the hell are you doing?" Kaidan said, panic starting to creep into his voice.

"Ending this war. Just stay away. I'll be fine."

"Shepard-Commander. Good luck."

"Acknowledged." 

Legion piloted the ship away. Kaidan didn't want to leave Shepard behind. But with his arm injured, he knew he'd only be a liability. Still he was worried about Shepard taking on a Reaper on foot. Once Legion had found a place to park, they all got out and tried to spot Shepard. They couldn't see him.

"Shepard to fleet. I'll paint the weak spot. Link up with the Normandy and be ready to fire."

"The Destroyer is in range. Missiles are ready for launch." EDI reported.

The Reaper had managed to pick itself up. It began firing at the fleet in orbit.

"Shepard. We need a target." One of the Quarian Admirals said.

The Reaper continued firing into space. All of a sudden a hail of missiles and shots rained down on the Reaper. It staggered back a bit but was otherwise undamaged. It started advancing on a rocky outcrop about midway between it and Kaidan's position. It was firing all over the place. Kaidan couldn't bear to watch. He knew that is where Shepard must be standing. He looked away. He could hear the Reaper firing shot after shot. Then the sound of the bombardment came again. Kaidan looked back but the Reaper was still advancing on Shepard's position.

The cycle repeated twice more. The Reaper was now so close to Shepard that if it fired there was no way he'd survive it. The heat from the beam alone would be enough to kill him. Kaidan looked away and covered his ears. He didn't want to hear the shot that took out his boyfriend. What he heard instead was another volley from the fleet. This time they hit the Reaper in the sweet spot and it collapsed.

"Legion take us back there. NOW!" Kaidan ordered.

They got back into the ship and went to the outcrop where Shepard was standing. As they got up to him Kaidan overheard Shepard talking to the Reaper.

"Organics and Synthetics don't have to destroy each other." Shepard said.

"The battle for Rannoch disproves you assertion." The Reaper replied in a deep mechanical voice. "Finish your war. We will be waiting." The lights on the Reaper died out.

Tali walked up to Shepard. "We did it! We killed a Reaper. Keelah..."

"We can confirm that the Geth are no longer being directed by the Old Machines. We are free." Legion said.

"You did it Shepard. The Geth fleet have stopped firing. They are completely vulnerable!" Admiral Gerrel said.

Legion walked over to Shepard. "Shepard-Commander. The Geth only acted in defence after the creators attacked. Do we deserve death?"

"What are you suggesting?" Shepard asked.

"Our upgrades. With the Old Machine dead, we could upload them to all Geth without sacrificing their independence."

Tali took a few steps back. "You want to upload the Reaper code? That would make the Geth as smart as when the Reaper was controlling them!"

"Yes." Legion replied. "But with free will. Each Geth unit would be a true intelligence. We would be alive and we could help you."

Tali turned to Shepard her voice pleading. "Our fleet is already attacking. Uploading the code would destroy us! Shepard you can't choose the Geth over my people!"

"Do you remember the question that caused the creators to attack us Tali'Zorah?" Legion asked. "Does this unit have a soul?"

Shepard had made up his mind. "Upload your code to the Geth. Tali, call off the fleet if you can."

Legion opened a virtual interface. "Uploading. Ten percent."

Tali quickly activated her comm. "This is Admiral Tali'Zorah. All units break off your attack!"

Admiral Gerrel's voice came back. "Belay that order. Continue the attack."

"Twenty percent."

Tali walked over to legion. "I beg you. Do not do this. Please!"

"We regret the deaths of the creators. But we see no alternative. Forty percent."

"No!" Shepard said. "Nobody else dies today. Legion keep uploading."

Tali turned to face Shepard. She sounded really worried. "Shepard?"

Shepard activated his comm. "All ships, this is Commander Shepard. The Reaper is dead. Stand down."

"This is Admiral Tali'Zorah. Shepard speaks with my authority." Tali said.

Admiral Koris came onto the comm. "And mine as well."

"Negative! We can win this war now!" Admiral Gerrel wasn't listening. "Keep firing."

"Sixty percent."

"The Geth are about to return to full strength. If you keep attacking they'll wipe you out." Shepard said. "Your entire history is you trying to kill the Geth. You forced them to rebel. You forced them to ally with the Reapers."

"Eighty percent."

Shepard continued. "The Geth don't want to fight you. If you can believe that for just one moment, this war will be over. You have a choice. Please. Keelah se'lai."

There was a very long pause. Finally Admiral Gerrel said, "All units. Hold fire."

Shepard smiled. Kaidan looked over at Tali. She was pacing backwards and forwards, clearly anxious over the whole situation.

"Error. Copying code is insufficient. Direct personality dissemination required." Legion said. It turned to face Shepard. "Shepard-Commander. I must go to them. I'm sorry. It is the only way."

Tali walked over to Legion. "Legion... the answer to your question was 'yes'".

"I know Tali. But thank you. Keelah se'lai."

Legion dropped to its knees. Stared out at the horizon and then collapsed in a heap as its lights went out. An injured Quarian approached them.

"Commander!"

"Admiral Raan. I heard your ship made a crash landing. Glad to see you got out in one piece." Shepard said.

"I was listening over the radio. If Han'Gerrel hadn't stopped firing..."

"He did." Shepard said.

"We've taken heavy losses. I don't know if we can... Where are we supposed to go?"

A Geth Prime approached them. Tali drew her pistol and aimed it, Kaidan did the same. Shepard signalled both to put away their weapons. It approached Admiral Raan. She took a few steps back.

"You are welcome to return to Rannoch Admiral Raan. With us." It said.

"Legion?" Shepard asked cautiously.

"No. I'm sorry Commander. Legion sacrificed itself to give us all intelligence. It will be honoured."

"Good." Shepard said.

"We will honour Legion's promise. The Geth fleet will help you retake Earth and our engineers will help with the building of the Crucible."

Admiral Raan turned to face Shepard. "As will ours of course."

"Are you going to be ok?" Shepard asked Raan.

"I believe so Commander. Thank you."

Shepard and Tali went over to the edge of the outcrop. They sat down on the ground and spoke quietly to each other. Kaidan signalled the Normandy to send Steve down with the shuttle.


	12. Chapter 11 - Normandy Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poker night is in jeopardy when Kaidan loses his cool.

Under orders from Shepard, Kaidan reported to Doctor Chakwas upon returning to the Normandy. She didn't seem to think that there was any point in him staying. He'd correctly applied the medi-gel and the damage was rather superficial. He left the Med Bay and went to his favourite spot on the ship, the observation lounge. He stared out the window into what would normally be an unobstructed view of space. Today however it was filled with Quarian and Geth ships. Amazingly the Geth ships were helping to repair the damaged flotilla. As usual Kaidan was disturbed by the door opening. This time however it wasn't Shepard, it was Cortez.

"Steve? It's unusual to see you up here. Is everything alright?" Kaidan asked.

Cortez pulled up a chair to face the window. He hit a control near the glass and the room was plunged into silence. "I'm fine." He said rather unconvincingly. "I just like to look out and see the ships drifting in space without any auditory emulators. If it bothers you I can turn it back on."

Kaidan knew that something was wrong. "That doesn't bother me." Kaidan moved a chair next to Cortez and sat down. "I know you well enough to be able to tell when you're lying to me, and that does bother me. What's wrong?"

Steve's eyes were tearing up. "Seeing you and Shepard in the shuttle earlier brought back some painful memories. On the mission I was able to suppress it. But now that I have nothing to do..."

"Shit man I'm sorry. I was so caught up in the moment that I honestly didn't even realise that you were there." Kaidan remembered an earlier conversation that he'd had with Steve. "I guess now that the Quarians and Geth have finally made peace, there remains only one more miracle left to perform."

Cortez looked at Kaidan with a puzzled look on his face. "And that would be..."

Kaidan put his hand on Steve's shoulder. "Why you and Vega of course." He said with a wide grin.

"Me and... are you insane?" Steve said.

"Possibly. You said so yourself that the chances of James being interested in a guy were about the same as the Quarians and Geth getting along. Well now that they are, I've decided to test that theory and try to get you two together." Kaidan said.

Steve's face dropped. "I appreciate the thought, but please don't. James is my friend and I'd like to keep him that way."

Kaidan wasn't going to take no for an answer. "Steve. Don't you deserve to be happy?" Cortez said nothing. "I've already discussed this with Shepard and he suggested that we set up a poker night. Just you, me, Shepard and Vega."

"Let me guess, strip poker?" Cortez asked sarcastically.

"Hell no." Kaidan said. "I have no desire to lose my clothes to Vega of all people. No we're just going to have a friendly game. Just make sure you bring some good tequila and I'll bring some whiskey."

Cortez thought about it briefly. "So I'm supposed to get him drunk and then make my moves am I? What kind of person do you think I am?"

Kaidan was starting to get frustrated. "We're just going to play poker and have some drinks. Whatever happens, or doesn't happen, between you and Vega is up to you. Just promise me that if he is indeed interested that you won't just dismiss it."

Cortez slumped in defeat. "Alright. If it'll get you off my back I suppose we can go through this charade. I'm telling you now that nothing will come of it."

"Well I suppose that's the best I'm going to get. I'll talk it over with Shepard and get it set up. Even if Vega isn't interested, Shepard said you need to relax more often."

Kaidan got up to leave. As he approached the door he felt a hand on his shoulder. Cortez spun him around and embraced him in a friendly hug. "Thanks Kaidan. I just got so wound up that I'd forgotten my promise to Shepard. I'll be there."

Kaidan headed up to the CIC to find Shepard. He almost ran into Joker as he exited the lift. Joker was limping in quite a hurry.

"If you're not careful Joker you're going to break something." Kaidan said.

"And if I don't get to the head soon I'm going to piss myself." Joker replied as the lift doors closed.

Kaidan headed right towards the War Room. There was a brief hold up at the security checkpoint. The scanners were slow as usual. He descended the steps into the war room, but Shepard wasn't there. Making his way around the holographic representation of the Crucible, Kaidan ascended the steps to the communications room. Shepard was there talking with the Asari Councillor. Her image faded just as Kaidan entered.

"Joker. Set course for the Citadel." Shepard said into the comm.

EDI's voice replied. "I believe Jeff has his hands full at the moment." Kaidan burst out laughing. Shepard just looked at him. "I will inform him of your orders when he is free."

"Want to tell me what that was all about?" Shepard asked.

Kaidan was still giggling. "Not really. Besides there's something more important we have to talk about. Steve and James."

Shepard looked relieved. "That's good. Things are starting to heat up with the war and I could use the distraction. Thessia is under attack. The Asari Councillor believes that information that may be of great help to us is there. She wants a meeting to discuss it in person."

Kaidan felt the Normandy changing course. Shepard activated the comm on his omni-tool. "Joker. Nice to have you with us. Hope I didn't interrupt anything too important." Shepard said in a mocking voice.

"Never fails. The one time I need to take a piss is when you decide to contact me. I sure hope there aren't any important transmissions for you while you and Kaidan are..."

Shepard interrupted in his Commanders voice. "Flight Lieutenant. You know that line that you're not supposed to cross with your Commanding Officer?"

"I'm coming up on it?" Joker asked.

"Oh no. Look behind you." Shepard replied.

The message obviously got through loud and clear. "Aye sir." Was all Joker said before terminating the comm.

Shepard sighed. "I put up with a lot of crap from him because he's the best damn pilot in the fleet. But dragging our relationship into it was too far."

"He's just letting off some steam. We all need to do it every now and then. That's why I think we should get this poker night happening for Steve's sake." Kaidan said.

"Yeah. He's been overworking himself again. I've checked the duty logs. He's pulling shifts he doesn't have to. It's a pity because he was making some real progress."

Kaidan felt guilty. "The kiss I gave you in the shuttle set him off."

Shepard put his hand on Kaidan's shoulder reassuringly. "It wasn't your fault. He has been on a downward spiral for a couple of weeks now. I've just been too busy to intervene."

"I'd really like to help him." Kaidan said. "If it wasn't for him we'd probably never have gotten together. It's just a shame he can't take his own advice."

"Well we'll do what we can for him. But we still have to get Vega to go along with it." Shepard said.

"Leave that to me. Poker and free drinks, Vega will be there." Kaidan said. "EDI. How long until we reach the Citadel?" 

"Assuming we don't come across any Reapers, three hours." EDI replied. "You should have plenty of time."

Shepard smiled. "I'll get Steve and the cards, you get James and we'll meet up in the lounge in say half an hour?"

"Done." Kaidan gave Shepard a quick kiss on the cheek. "See you soon."

Kaidan knew exactly where to find Vega. As usual he found him down in the Shuttle Bay working out with his weights. Cortez had come down from the Observation and was working away in the Armoury while watching Vega. Kaidan headed over to Cortez.

"Steve. Meet us in the Lounge in 25 minutes. Don't forget the tequila."

Steve looked a bit apprehensive. "Ok." Was all he said. He headed for the lift and left Kaidan and James alone.

"Hey blue, what's up?" Vega said while putting down his weights.

"We're getting together to play poker. Just wondering if you're interested in joining us?" Kaidan asked.

"Who's us?" Vega said cautiously.

"Myself, Shepard and Cortez. Cortez and I are providing the drinks. Just a guys night in."

Vega's eyes lit up. "Are we playing strip poker?" He asked hopefully.

"No. At least not to begin with. Anything could happen once we've had a few. The whole point of this is to help Steve relax though."

Vega pondered that for a moment. "Yeah Esteban has been pretty distant lately. I really feel for the guy."

"I know you do." Kaidan said without thinking. Vega said nothing but looked at Kaidan with a really nasty look on his face. "Quit looking at me like that. It's about time that you admitted to yourself that you have feelings for him."

"I don't..." Vega began.

"Just stop it." Kaidan interrupted angrily. "As with me and Shepard, both of you want the other but are too frightened and stupid to do anything about it. With Cortez it's because on some level he still hasn't gotten over the death of his husband. With you it's because you're scared that your image will take a hit because you're in love with a guy. Well for fuck sake Vega it's now 2186. Get over it because no one cares. Don't lie to yourself otherwise you be miserable for the rest of your life. Report to the lounge in 20 minutes, Lieutenant."

If Vega said anything Kaidan didn't hear it as he turned around and got into the lift. He headed up to the Crew Quarters and retrieved the bottle of whiskey that Shepard gave him while he was in hospital. He then headed down the corridor to the lounge. He fetched 4 glasses from the bar and then set up at the table. The doors to the lounge opened and Shepard entered.

"I thought you'd still be down trying to convince Vega." Shepard said. Kaidan looked rather sheepishly at Shepard. "Oh god. What happened this time?"

"Vega is still denying that he has feelings for Cortez... and... I kind of called him up on it. I got a bit angry and told him what I thought and then I think I may have ordered him to come."

Shepard face palmed. "I'm going to talk to him. Maybe I can still salvage the situation."

Kaidan took the cards from Shepard, sat down at the table and started to shuffle. He felt terrible for Steve and also because he'd let Shepard down. Shepard was heading out of the room as the doors opened and Vega walked in. He didn't look to pleased to be there. Kaidan didn't even look at him. He just continued to shuffle. Vega took the seat directly opposite Kaidan. Shepard sat to Kaidan's left. He and James were having a conversation but Kaidan wasn't concentrating on what was happening around him. 

A couple of minutes passed before Steve turned up with his tequila. He sat down on Kaidan's right. Shepard poured out drinks for everyone while Vega dished out 500 credits worth of chips to everyone. Kaidan handed him the deck and Vega dealt out the cards, two to each player. 

Kaidan looked at his hand and saw that he had a pair of 2's. Steve folded, Kaidan threw in 20 credits, Shepard and Vega both called. Vega dealt out the flop. King of diamonds, 6 of hearts and 2 of diamonds. Kaidan now had 3 of a kind. He decided to check. Shepard also checked. Vega threw in 50 credits. Kaidan raised him a further 50. Shepard folded. Vega seemed to study Kaidan's face for a while before calling. He dealt out the turn, the 6 of spades. Kaidan now had a full house. Again he checked and again Vega threw in 50 credits. 

Now it was Kaidan's turn to study Vega. But James wasn't giving anything away. Kaidan studied the cards. The only way he can beat me is if he has a pair of kings in his hand. Kaidan thought to himself. He decided to risk it. He raised James 100 credits realising a little too late that he'd already committed over half of his chips on the first hand. Vega called and dealt the river. 2 of hearts. Kaidan now had 4 of a kind and the very best that Vega could possibly have is a full house. Kaidan decided to bet another 50 credits. 

After much procrastinating, Vega called. He turned over his hand. "Full house." He did indeed have the pair of kings. "I'll just be taking my winnings." He said with a smug look on his face.

"Just a minute there Vega." Kaidan turned over his cards. "Four of a kind." He said with a smile.

Vega's face fell. "Shit. I thought you were bluffing."

Steve laughed. "Looks like the Major can play Mister Vega."

"As punishment for taking me on, and losing, I think you should have another drink." Kaidan said.

Shepard poured out another tequila for James who downed it in one. Shepard looked at Kaidan with an eyebrow raised and a slight smile.

Kaidan's luck didn't last long. Before he knew it he'd been forced by Vega to have a few whiskeys. After about an hour almost half of the whiskey was gone and two thirds of the tequila. Vega had been losing pretty badly to Cortez. Kaidan had managed to avoid losing too many hands by simply folding, even if he had a good hand.

Shepard had started to rub his foot up and down Kaidan's leg under the table. He was also eying Kaidan suggestively, licking his lips. Kaidan felt a little uncomfortable with all the open flirting. He got up and walked over to the bar while Vega and Cortez were facing off against each other again.

Shepard came over and gave Kaidan a hug. "Hey there. What's the matter?" Shepard was a little bit more drunk than Kaidan was.

"I'm sorry John. I'm just not that comfortable with us flirting in front of other people." Kaidan replied.

Shepard whispered in Kaidan's ear. "We're never going to get those two to talk about their feelings if we don't provoke them. Can you think of a better way than to see two other guys who are in love expressing it?"

"No." Kaidan said with resignation. "And I'm trying believe me."

Shepard lent in closer. "Just shut up and kiss me." With that he kissed Kaidan. He even slipped his tongue in. Kaidan gave up trying to resist and just let himself enjoy it. He felt Shepard's hands moved down his back and found his buttocks. He fondled and squeezed while continuing their tongue wrestling. It lasted until Steve and James had finished their hand.

Steve cleared his throat. "Would you two like to be alone?" he asked with a smirk.

"I would." Said Shepard. "But we've got to finish off the game first."

"Deal me out of the next hand." Kaidan said. "I've got to hit the head." He walked out of the lounge and went into the men's bathroom. After he had finished, Shepard walked in.

"James and Steve facing off again?" Kaidan asked.

"Yeah I folded so I could leave them alone for a bit. Did you notice that Vega had to adjust himself when he saw us kissing?" Shepard asked.

"No I didn't." Kaidan said. "I was too busy enjoying myself."

"I'm glad you did. We can always go up to my cabin and enjoy each other some more." Shepard said while throwing his arms over Kaidan's shoulders.

Kaidan took a step back. "John both of us have had a fair bit to drink. I want our first time to be special. I want to be able to remember it in the morning. Besides you have a meeting with the Asari Councillor to get to once we dock."

Shepard sighed. "You're right of course. I suppose we should get back to the game."

Shepard and Kaidan exited the men's bathroom and found that the lounge door was locked. EDI wasn't accepting Shepard's commands to open the door. "I'm sorry Shepard but I cannot let you in at this time."

Kaidan smiled. "Do you suppose it worked?" he asked.

"Looks like it. Let's leave them to it." Shepard said. "I'm going up to have a shower and get changed for my meeting with the councillor."

Kaidan gave Shepard a quick kiss. "I'll see you later then."

 

*****************  
It was a couple of days before Kaidan saw Steve again. He'd just returned to the Normandy after dropping Shepard, Vega and Liara off on the Asari homeworld of Thessia. Kaidan was waiting for him in the Shuttle Bay.

"Welcome back Steve. I can't help but think that you've been avoiding me since the poker game. Everything ok?" Kaidan said.

"I haven't been avoiding you. Just been... busy."Steve replied.

"I hope you aren't taking extra shifts again." Kaidan said with a frown.

"No. With James." He said with a massive smile. "While you and Shepard were out of the room, James opened up and told me that he'd had feelings for me for a while. Then he kissed me, and one thing led to another and before you know it we were..."

"I get the picture." Kaidan interrupted quickly. "I'm really glad that you finally found some happiness."

"Thanks in large part to you. He said that you dressing him down made him realise that he couldn't deny what he was feeling anymore."

They walked over to the lift and got in. Cortez pressed the button for the crew deck while Kaidan was heading for the CIC. The lift stopped at deck three and Steve got out.

"Oh I almost forgot. I've still got your bottle of whiskey if you still want it." Steve said

"Yeah thanks. With Shepard down in the middle of a Reaper invasion, I could use a drink to calm my nerves." Kaidan said.

"I'll have it sent up to Shepard's cabin." Steve replied. As the doors closed he said, "Thanks again."

The lift continued up to deck two and Kaidan got out. He walked down the walkway to the cockpit. Joker and EDI were in their usual seats.

"What's the situation?" Kaidan asked.

"There is a heavy Reaper presence on the planet. The number of forces is second only to the invasion of Earth. Given the progress that the Reapers have made, the planet will fall in a matter of hours." EDI said.

" Where is Shepard?" Kaidan asked with concern.

"Shepard's squad entered the Temple of Athame several minutes ago. I'm detecting a Cerberus gunship firing missiles inside." EDI replied.

"WHAT! Take us into the atmosphere. I want that gunship taken out." Kaidan yelled.

"It's too late Major." EDI said. "The interior supports have been destroyed. I'm detecting massive internal damage. The gunship has met rendezvoused with a shuttle. It is launching."

"Track it. I want it captured if possible." Kaidan ordered.

"We have a Reaper incoming. We're not going to be able to follow the Shuttle." Joker said.

"Evasive manoeuvres. Head down to the planet. We need to see if anyone survived." Kaidan said.

"Incoming transmission from Lieutenant Vega." EDI said. 

"Put him through."

"Repeat. This is Lieutenant Vega to Normandy."

"This is Alenko. Report Lieutenant."

"Kai Leng has the data. He's on a gunship heading away from the temple."

"We've got him on sensors. He's onboard a shuttle heading for the relay. We're inbound to your position. What is your condition?" Kaidan said expecting the worst.

"We're all ok. Forget us and get that shuttle." Vega said.

"Negative. There's a Reaper between us and the shuttle. There's nothing we can do."

"Acknowledged. We'll hold out until you get here. Out."

The Normandy managed to slip onto the planet and pick up Shepard's team. Kaidan met him in the Shuttle Bay hoping to express his relief that Shepard survived the destruction of the temple. But Shepard just walked right past him, his head and shoulders slumped. Kaidan had only seen him like this once before, just after the death of Ashley on Virmire. He was deciding whether or not to go after him when EDI summoned all the senior staff to the War Room.

They were all surrounding the centre console. Shepard was in the communication room, speaking to the Asari Councillor. Liara was devastated. She had just witnessed the beginning of the extermination of her people. Kaidan knew how she felt, as did Garrus. Vega was filling everyone in on the situation when Shepard emerged from the comm room and decended the steps. Everyone's attention was on him. He looked terrible. The conversation he had with Councillor Tevos couldn't have been a good one.

EDI was the first to speak. "Asari forces are in full retreat. It is no longer safe for us to remain in this system."

"Get us out of here." Shepard said.

"Shepard... I..." Liara didn't seem to be able to speak. Not surprising. "Nobody could've predicted Cerberus would reach Thessia before us."

"It's my job to be prepared, no matter what." Shepard said rather angrily. "Now Thessia is lost, as is the data on the Catalyst. I'm sick of Cerberus beating us to the punch."

"Let's kick them in the balls for a change." Vega said with enthusiasm.

"I'm with James." Shepard agreed. "Anybody know where they're hiding?" There was silence. "Anyone?"

EDI and Specialist Samantha Traynor exchanged looks. Traynor spoke rather timidly. "Um... well there is something."

"Let's hear it Traynor." Shepard said.

"I was able to track Kai Leng's shuttle through the relay and extrapolate his destination." She hit a few buttons on the console and a galaxy map appeared. Thessia was highlighted. A red line started to move out from Thessia, through three relays and suddenly disappeared on the other side of the galaxy. "But.. the signal disappears in the Iera system."

Kaidan suddenly felt a shiver run up his spine. "Horizon." He said under his breath. No one seemed to notice.

"Naturally." Shepard said.

"It's not just gone though." Traynor continued. "The signal is being actively blocked."

"How?" Shepard demanded.

"I'm not sure... but something is interfering with all signal activity in that region of space."

"Commander." EDI said. "The Iera system is home to Sanctuary and little else. Sanctuary is a supposed safe haven for war refugees."

Shepard returned his attention to Traynor. "You think it's worth checking out Traynor?"

"Yes sir. I do."

"If Specialist Traynor had not examined the data so astutely, the interference would have been undetectable." EDI said.

Shepard's mood seemed to improve slightly. "Nice work Traynor. You've given us a shot. Now let's make sure we don't waste it."

Shepard started to walk around the console towards the exit of the war room. Kaidan spoke up. "I was stationed on Horizon in the Iera system, as you know, and you were the only Cerberus presence while I was there."

Laira spoke. "It's a slim lead. Let's hope it's the right one."

Shepard stopped at the bottom of the steps to the conference room. "I don't care how slim the leads are at this point. We've come too far to let Cerberus stop us. I want that Prothean data. I want the Catalyst. No excuses. Dismissed." With that Shepard left.


	13. Chapter 12 - Horizon (Sanctuary)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Shepard's defeat at Thessia, Kaidan decides that he will accompany him down to the last planet in the galaxy he ever wanted to visit again. Horizon.

Kaidan never wanted to set foot on Horizon again. The last time he was there was one of the worst days in his life. The only reason he volunteered to come on this mission was to keep an eye on Shepard. He hadn't been acting like himself ever since Thessia. He'd been irritable and quick to anger. He'd even locked his cabin so Kaidan couldn't see him. Kaidan was really worried. He looked over the other side of the shuttle at Garrus, who was also studying Shepard. Kaidan got up off his seat.

"All right Commander. What do we know?" He asked.

"EDI?" Shepard referred the question.

A console next to the door lit up with the picture of a building. "The Sanctuary facility was devoted to aiding refugees from Reaper controlled systems." EDI replied. "The facility went offline recently, and no communications have come or gone since. It is unclear why Kai Leng or Cerberus would be interested in Sanctuary."

"If there's a clue to Cerberus here, we find it." Shepard said.

"Sir, I'm picking up a signal from the facility." Cortez said from the cockpit. "It's weak but I'll try to boost it."

A voice came over the speakers. "This is Oriana Lawson. Stay away from Sanctuary. It's not what it seems. Please you must listen to me. They're using..." The transmission was cut off.

"Oriana? That's Miranda's sister. If she's here then Miranda can't be too far away." Shepard said.

Kaidan tried to remember where he had heard that name before. Shepard had mentioned her being the head of the project that brought him back from the dead, which meant she was Cerberus.

"That's our link to Cerberus." EDI said.

"Approaching the LZ." Cortez said. "Seeing some damage Commander but no activity."

"Cerberus does not get the jump on us this time." Shepard said with menace. "Stay sharp people."

The shuttle finished it's decent and landed just outside the facility. The shuttle door opened and Shepard, Kaidan and Garrus stepped out onto a large courtyard.

Kaidan surveyed the scene. "Major damage Commander."

"Yeah. But who was fighting?" Shepard replied.

There was wreckage from many civilian shuttles around the place. They moved through the courtyard. An electronic buzzing flooded the comms momentarily.

"Everybody hear that?" Shepard asked.

"Yeah." Garrus replied. "Radios offline. Something's jamming our signals."

"Explains no comms leaving the facility." Shepard said.

They reached the end of the court yard and climbed up some stairs. When they reached the top, there was a loud noise. Kaidan looked up and a Cerberus shuttle was in trouble. It crashed on the upper level. On the rooftop Kaidan noticed a Reaper Harvester take off and chase other Cerberus shuttles.

"You see the Harvester?" Kaidan asked.

"I saw it." Shepard yelled.

From the wreckage of the shuttle some Cerberus troops exited. A sniper took up position near the shuttle and a couple of troops jumped down and started to advance on the Alliance team's position. All of a sudden they disappeared.

"Phantoms!" Shepard yelled. 

"Watch your backs." Kaidan replied.

Phantoms were elite, silent and extremely nimble opponents. If they could get close to you, their swords could penetrate shields and biotic barriers. They also possessed the same cloaking ability that Shepard had which they had just activated. The sniper was taking pot shots, trying to keep them off balance so the Phantoms could sneak around. 

"Watch for the sniper." Shepard said.

Kaidan knew that the others were better suited at taking out the phantoms so he attempted to reach a position where he could take out the sniper. He stayed in cover as much as he could but the sniper was managing to hit him occasionally. His shield was still holding, but only just. From behind him came a shot and a loud scream. He turned around to see a phantom de-cloak with her sword raised and a gaping hole in her abdomen. Through it he could see the barrel of a sniper rifle. The Phantom collapsed in a heap and Garrus nodded to Kaidan before moving on.

Kaidan had managed to get in to a position near to the crashed shuttle. He waited until the sniper came out from cover to take a shot then hit him with a biotic lift. The sniper was lifted off the upper level and was now floating towards Kaidan. Once there was no floor beneath him, Kaidan cut the field and the sniper plummeted down to the concrete surface of the courtyard. Kaidan walked up to him and made sure he was dead by shooting him.

By this time Shepard and Garrus had managed to kill the other Phantom and were heading for the entrance to the facility. Kaidan joined them.

"Looks like they were evacuating." Garrus said.

"And looks like the Reapers were chasing them out." Kaidan added.

Shepard snorted. "It's about time they started killing each other."

They entered the facility. The lobby was deserted. Papers were scattered around and several small fires were burning.

"What happened here?" Garrus asked.

"I don't know." Shepard replied.

Kaidan heard a noise and looked up through the glass roof. "Cerberus shuttles. Came from that tower."

"Then that's where we're headed." Shepard said.

They continued down the steps and saw more shuttles, some on fire.

"This must be another landing area. More official." Garrus said.

"So the ships we saw outside were waiting to get in." Kaidan noted.

"But where are all the people they brought?" Shepard asked.

Kaidan turned away from the shuttles and explored the next room. He saw bodies of Cerberus troops as well as Rachni, though it was obvious that the Reapers had done something to them. "Got something Commander." He said.

Shepard and Garrus joined him. "Casualties, both sides." Shepard said.

They continued deeper into the room and encountered some Cerberus troopers. They had no difficulty in taking them out. The only exit that was still open was to the pool maintenance area. As they entered a console activated and a woman started speaking. It appeared to be damaged. Shepard managed to get the message to play.

"This is Miranda Lawson. If you managed to get this far you must be desperate or stupid. Listen to me. This is not a refugee camp. This is a Cerberus facility run by my father Henry Lawson. Turn back now. There is no help to be found here. All communication is being blocked from the central tower. Sanctuary is a lie. Stay away." The message then ended.

"Okay. So we've got Cerberus, Reapers and Miranda's crazy father. Any ideas how this all fits?" Shepard asked.

When nobody answered Shepard made his way out to the deck. The pool was actually a lake. Unfortunately it was also blocking access to the tower. Shepard manipulated some nearby controls and the lake drained revealing a ladder, some large pipes and a door.

"Look at that." Kaidan said. "Why got to the trouble of concealing it?"

"I don't know. But we have a back door into this facility. Let's check it out." Shepard said.

They climbed down the ladder and made their way over to the door. Kaidan looked at the pipes. There was Reaper tech attached.

"I'd recognise Reaper technology anywhere Commander." He said. "I don't know how, but Cerberus is using it for something. Doesn't look good."

"And Miranda is caught in the middle. Let's pick up the pace." Shepard replied.

Kaidan wasn't too thrilled that Shepard was trying to save a Cerberus agent. But he also realised that she was part of his crew while he was with Cerberus. Shepard is always loyal towards those he has served with so it made sense.

"This is going to get ugly Shepard." Garrus remarked. "Nothing good ever came out of Reaper tech."

They entered through the door and found themselves in a dark corridor. They made their way through to a large room which appeared to be a control room of some kind. But it was dark like the corridors. Shepard located a power switch and turned on the power. The lights came on and the monitors above them came to life.

"What's happening?" Kaidan asked as he tried to make out what was on the monitor. "Those are the refugees." He said with some concern. The refugees were in what looked like stasis tubes. Surrounded by Cerberus personnel. Gas was being pumped into them. "They're just rounding them up and slaughtering them."

"Worse." Shepard said. 

Kaidan looked over at the monitor that Shepard was watching and immediately felt sick.

"They're being turned into husks." Shepard said. 

The same people that Kaidan had seen getting gassed were now implanted with cybernetics and crawling unnaturally up and down the tubes. Shepard walked around to a viewing area. The room beyond was dark so he activated the lights from a control panel. The room beyond was full of husks. They fled as soon as the lights came on, climbing up walls and even the glass windows to escape. Kaidan realised as he watched them, they weren't escaping. They were congregating around the window. Kaidan drew his pistol.

"Come on." Shepard said. They entered the next room.

"I don't get it." Garrus said. "Why go to all this just to make husks? What does the illusive man gain?"

Shepard was searching the desks for any important information. "The reapers attacked because this place was a threat. We need to find out why."

A console on the far side of the room began playing back another message from Miranda.

"Reaper forces have made a mess of the facility. I'm shutting down the power to the processing plant to lock them down. It should keep them out of the entrance as well." 

The console showed Miranda walking away from it. A few seconds later another figure entered into view.

"Kai Leng!" Shepard exclaimed. "She doesn't know he's here."

"Miranda Lawson has arrived sooner than expected. You want me to deal with her?" Leng said into his comm.

"Only if she gets in your way. Stay focused on the research data. Find it and get out." Another voice said. Kaidan recognised it from Mars as the Illusive Man.

"Yes sir." Leng said, and the screen went black.

"Danm it." Shepard exclaimed. Let's move!"

They decended some steps into the next room. It was full of husks, though they weren't much of a problem. The following room Kaidan recognised as the one they were viewing from the control room was a different story. There were Reaper forces everywhere. From the Turian Marauders on the upper catwalk, to the Rachni Ravager and its missiles at the far end of the room.

They were making progress when all of a sudden a really high pitched scream filled the room. Kaidan had never heard it before, but after what others on the crew had told him he knew it could only be one thing. The Banshee appeared at the far end of the room behind the Ravager. It vanished and instantly appeared a few meters closer to Kaidan's position. Kaidan knew he had to get away quickly. The Banshee disappeared again and then re-appeared almost instantly where Kaidan had been in cover. It was using some form of biotics to teleport itself around the battle.

Shepard, Kaidan and Garrus retreated into the previous room and took up positions near the door where they could see where the Reaper forces would be coming around the corner. They managed to pick off the Ravager that had appeared as well as a Marauder. The Banshee was continuing to scream. It slowly walked around the corner stepping through the Ravager's corpse. The squad hit it with everything they had. Once it had sighted them it began to teleport across the room. It made three jumps before resuming it's slow walk. It was throwing biotic projectiles at them. One of them caught Garrus and his shields dropped. They continued firing and eventually with one final blood curdling scream, it disintegrated as it died.

"Is everyone alright?" Shepard asked.

"My shields dropped for a moment but I'm okay." Garrus replied.

"I think I need to change my armour... and take a shower." Kaidan replied. He'd never been so scared in his life. He'd heard from Shepard that Banshees were formerly Asari with a rare genetic condition. The Reapers were exploiting it by mutating them into the massive freaks that could kill with a single swipe of their hands.

They continued through some labs until they came to yet another console with a message from Miranda.

"The terminal's damaged. Hang on." Shepard said. He removed a panel and began working.

"Maybe we'll finally get some answers as to why the Reapers wanted this place shut down." Kaidan said.

"It doesn't make sense." Shepard said. "I thought Cerberus and the Reapers were getting along. What changed?"

The screen came to life. "You got it Shepard." Garrus said.

Miranda's message began to play. "Heading to the tower to disable the communication scrambler. I have to get word out. Some refugees are turned into husks. Some are indoctrinated and shipped to the illusive man. Whoever's left is used in experiments. The data indicates that my father is trying to figure out how Reaper indoctrination works."

Shepard was getting even angrier than he had been before. "Tricking refugees with food and shelter only to turn them into test subjects." He said. "And for what?"

Kaidan still felt sick. "This is disgusting." He said. "The scale of this..."

"She mentioned shipments." Garrus said. "Could lead us to the Illusive Man."

"Good catch. Come on. Miranda said she was headed to the tower." Shepard said.

They made their way through the labs. Kaidan recognised the tubes along the wall as being the ones that the refugees were gassed and turned into husks in. There were more Reaper forces here that didn't take too long to dispose of. Another console at the far end of the room came to life.

"Heavy resistance outside the tower. If you're seeing this I've got evidence you cannot ignore. Confirmation that my father is working for the Illusive Man." Miranda said.

The screen faded. A computer said, "Connection established." The picture changed and a man was standing there talking into a comm.

"I have your report on the process Mister Lawson. Cut to the chase. Can you do it?" The Illusive Mans voice said.

Henry Lawson Turned from the camera and walked over to a console. "Theoretically, control is possible yes. The Reaper Subjects we converted are responding but it's difficult to maintain."

"I thought that might be the case." The Illusive Man said. "Not to worry Henry. With Sanctuary's help, we'll get it sorted." The image paused.

"He's talking about controlling Reaper forces? Is that... is that possible?" Kaidan asked in bewilderment.

"I don't know. I'll play the rest of it." Shepard replied. The timestamp on this recording was about three weeks after the previous one.

"We've done it. We've found a way to co-opt their control signal." Lawson said. "As long as the Reaper troops remain in close proximity to our signal, we can maintain control indefinitely."

"Excellent news. And how could we extrapolate this technique to apply to the Reapers themselves?" The Illusive Man asked.

"That's a much bigger challenge." Lawson replied. The screen went black.

"Now we know why the reapers attacked Sanctary." Shepard said.

"They figured Cerberus out." Garrus said. "Tough break for the Illusive man."

"But it's good news for us. We finally have our link to Cerberus." Shepard downloaded the files onto his omni-tool. A ladder lowered in the corner. "Come on. Let's move."

Shepard moved towards the ladder. Kaidan noticed the console come back to life. "Wait Commander. There's more."

Shepard returned to the console. It showed security footage of Miranda walking around in the lab. All of a sudden Kai Leng leapt into view knocking Miranda over with a biotic blast. The screen went black.

"Fuck!" Shepard exclaimed. "I hope she's ready for him."

They climbed up the ladder and found themselves in another lab. There were more Reaper forces in here. Several Marauders, Cannibals and a few Ravagers. After a few minutes they managed to clear them out. They kept moving through the facility. Eventually they came to a room with two of the Turian/Krogan hybrid Brutes. Shepard made short work of them by throwing incinerate bolts from his onmi-tool as often as it would allow. Once they were dead a third one came around the corner at the far end of the room. As they started to work on that one an all too familiar scream filled the air. 

"Banshee!" Kaidan yelled.

It materialised behind the Brute and made a couple of short teleport jumps so it was now midway between the Brute and the squad's position. 

"Concentrate on the Banshee but keep an eye on the Brute. If it gets close enough it'll crush you." Shepard said.

All three of them opened up on the Banshee with everything they had. The Brute was approaching from behind the banshee. Shepard was firing off the odd incinerate bolt at it but continued firing on the Banshee. It fired a biotic projectile at Shepard. His shield collapsed and he was thrown back against the wall.

"JOHN!" Kaidan yelled. 

He was so determined to reach Shepard that he let loose with all his biotics. When he was done the Banshee had disintegrated and the Brute somehow got thrown off onto the lower level. He could feel that his nose was bleeding, badly. He'd pushed himself too far. His vision was starting to blur and he felt dizzy but he still managed to run over to Shepard.

"I'm ok." Shepard said. "Just a little winded. I'm more worried about you." Shepard got up and applied some medi-gel to Kaidan's nose. The bleeding stopped.

"Remind me never to piss you off." Garrus said.

"We had better be there soon." Kaidan panted. "That took everything I had."

"I'm not surprised." Garrus said. "You tore that Banshee apart like it was paper and I could've sworn I heard the Brute's armour plating and bones shattering when you lifted it."

"Are you sure you're ok?" Shepard asked with a worried look on his face.

"I'm fine for now. I'll be paying for it later though." Kaidan said. "Let's finish this and get off this bloody planet."

They got to the end of the room and found a lift. As the doors opened a computer voice said, "Tower access granted."

The lift ascended the tower and opened up onto an office. There were noises of a fight coming from beyond the door next to the desk followed by a single shot. They approached it cautiously and opened it. Miranda was crouched behind a desk.

"Shepard?" She said weakly. She appeared to be injured.

Henry Lawson was standing on the far side of the room holding Oriana hostage. He had a pistol to her head. "Excellent timing." He said.

Shepard slowly approached with his gun drawn. "Put the gun down." He ordered.

"No." Lawson replied. "Oriana tried to shoot me. Miranda's poisonous influence no doubt."

Shepard continued to creep closer. Kaidan went around to the right while Garrus took the left.

"I'm sorry she missed." Shepard retorted. "Where's Kai Leng?"

"I don't know. Gone. He took my research and left us here to die."

"Miranda? Can you hear me?" Shepard asked while keeping his gun aimed at Lawson.

Kaidan saw Miranda get up from behind the desk she seemed injured. Garrus and Shepard continued to advance. Lawson waved his gun at them. "That's close enough. Both of you." He said. "Kai Leng didn't finish the job but I will."

Shepard got that hard edge to his voice that Kaidan knew meant he was getting close to losing his cool. "This ends here."

"On the contrary. Now that the reapers are taken care of, we have a way out."

"Let her go." Shepard ordered.

"Shepard... don't let him take her." Miranda said. She was obviously in a lot of pain.

"Shepard... please." Oriana pleaded.

"You try to leave with her and you die." Shepard said. "Let her go, and maybe you walk."

"I've done nothing to you." Lawson said.

Shepard moved into a position where he could get a better shot at Lawson. "This isn't about you and me. Let her go and walk away. I won't say it again."

Lawson considered Shepard's words for a moment. He released his hold on Oriana and pushed her away. "All right. Take her. But I want out alive. Deal?"

Kaidan noticed Miranda's biotics flare up. She hurled a biotic wave at him and threw him through a window. He fell several floors to the concrete surface below. "No deal." She said.

Shepard applied medi-gel to Miranda and she went straight over to Oriana, helping her up off the floor. She embraced her sister and made sure she was alright. She then went over and had a conversation with Shepard. Kaidan and Garrus gave them some privacy and worked on Lawson's terminal.

"What's our status?" Shepard had finished with Miranda and walked over to the terminal. "Any intel we can use from this place?"

"Research data is gone. But we've got basic facility information, shuttle arrivals and departures, Cerberus included." Garrus said. "No direct links but it's a start."

"Grab anything you can off the computer. We'll take it back to be analysed." Shepard said.

After the data mine was complete Shepard called Cortez to bring the shuttle back for pickup. Kaidan felt terrible and knew he was in trouble. He'd burned way too many calories and now his body was punishing him for it by shutting itself down. He lost his hearing and blackness was creeping into his peripheral vision. "John..." was all he managed to get out before the blackness took him.


	14. Chapter 13 - Kaidan's Apartment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan gets some relationship advice, as well as some tips for pleasing Shepard, from Steve and James.

Kaidan woke to, yet again, find himself back in the Med Bay. Shepard was sitting next to him looking a little worse for wear. "I'm starting to think you like it better here than in our cabin." Shepard said with a weak smile.

Kaidan, though groggy, didn't miss the fact that he referred to it as 'our' cabin. "I don't mind. Everything I need is right here." Shepard looked around the room with a puzzled look on his face. "I meant you." Kaidan said. "You look terrible. Have you slept?"

"Not since Sanctuary. I've been here. Waiting for you to wake up." Shepard said.

"How long has it been?"

"Two days, and I had been awake for a day before that." Shepard said.

Kaidan felt angry and sat up. "What the hell are you doing to yourself?"

Shepard got defensive. "What are you talking about?"

"Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to be awake for so long, especially when you could be called into action at any moment." Kaidan snapped.

Shepard was getting angry as well. He stood up and started pacing around the bed. He pointed at Kaidan. "Don't you dare lecture me on what is dangerous!" he yelled. "What the fuck did you think you were doing when you took on that Banshee and Brute all by yourself?"

Kaidan's rage boiled over so much so that his amp activated, bathing him in a blue glow. "I was trying to save your life, you ungrateful bastard. I didn't know if you were alive or dead. That Banshee was closing in and If I hadn't have taken it out, it would have torn you to pieces."

Shepard wasn't backing down. "If either one of those things had gotten a hold of you, you would have died, as it was you almost did. The amount of pressure you put on your body was too much, not to mention almost giving me a heart attack watching you charge down those behemoths."

Kaidan was now yelling. "I did what I did because I love you and I would most certainly sacrifice myself if it meant that you could live. In my position you would have done the same fucking thing. So don't get all high and mighty on me..." Kaidan projected as much contempt as he could, "...Commander."

Shepard was livid. "You're pulling rank on me? Well may I remind you 'Sir' that I'm in charge of this mission and in command of this ship..." Shepard walked towards the door. He stopped short and turned around. "... and if you don't like it then you can fucking well get off when we dock at the Citadel." He stormed out.

Kaidan biotically lifted the chair that Shepard was sitting on and threw it at the door. The use of his biotics in his weakened state caused him to pass out again.

 

*****************  
When he came to several hours later he noticed someone was sitting in the chair again.

"John, I'm so sorry." Kaidan said weakly.

"He's not here Kaidan." A voice said quietly.

Kaidan turned to face the person. His eyes tried to focus, eventually he recognised the dark blue eyes staring back at him. "Steve? What are you doing here?"

"Watching over you. Shepard wanted me to make sure you were ok while he was gone." Steve said.

"Gone?" Kaidan got worried. "Where is he?"

Steve took a deep breath. Kaidan knew he wasn't going to like what was coming up. "He's gone off to help Aria T'Loak retake Omega from Cerberus."

"Who did he take with him?" Kaidan asked.

"No one. Aria wouldn't allow him to take anyone from the Normandy."

Kaidan couldn't take much more bad news so he didn't press the issue. Steve seemed to sense that because he changed the subject. "We're currently docked at the Citadel. Admiral Hackett has ordered the Normandy into dry dock. He wants her battle ready for when we assault Cerberus HQ. We're on shore leave until it's complete."

"Do we know where it is yet?" Kaidan asked. "Was all that shit on Horizon worth it?"

"Yes. I'm not sure where it is but EDI has managed to work it out from the data you recovered."

Kaidan relaxed in the bed. The things he saw there will haunt him until the end of his days, but knowing that he helped to end the sick and twisted experiments and expose Cerberus brought him some little comfort. He decided to lighten the mood. "How are things between you and James?"

Steve got a big smile and blushed slightly. "He and I are very happy together. In fact we spend as much time together as we can. With the war on, we're taking every chance we can get because you never know when your number is going to be up. I'm sure you and Shepard can relate."

Kaidan shifted in the bed. "Not really. We haven't done anything yet."

"But you've been sleeping with him for weeks now. You still haven't had sex?" Steve asked disbelieving.

"We still haven't seen each other naked." Kaidan said a little ashamedly. "I just can't bring myself to do anything. I'm... I'm scared. I don't know what to do."

Steve chuckled. "Everyone is scared their first time. I'm sure Shepard would be able to teach you."

"He's never mentioned having other partners. What if he's a virgin as well?" Kaidan said.

"Well then, have you thought of looking up some tips on the extranet?" Steve suggested.

Kaidan shifted uncomfortably. "I have looked at some material. It didn't help. In fact I think it made things worse. It certainly made me feel... inadequate."

Steve smiled again. "Don't focus on their dicks, just their technique. Besides they always put guys in those things that are way above average. You shouldn't compare yourself to anyone, including Shepard. You will be able to satisfy him even if you're hung like a baby carrot. There are other ways..."

Kaidan was paying close attention. "Such as?"

Steve stood up. "I believe you have an apartment in Shin Akiba?"

"What of it?" Kaidan asked suddenly nervous.

"Do you trust me?" Steve asked rather seriously.

The question did nothing to allay Kaidan's nerves. "You're one of my closest friends." He paused. "Of course I trust you."

" Good. Once you get out of here I will meet you there." He got up and left the Med Bay.

 

*****************  
For the next two days Kaidan wondered what Steve had in mind. Eventually Doctor Chakwas released him. He went to pack a small bag and then headed over to his apartment.

The first thing he noticed when he entered his apartment was the stench. It had been some time since he'd come here and all the food in the fridge had gone bad. It took him a while to get rid of the smell but eventually he managed to get the apartment fit for Human habitation again. He went out and picked up some more food. The Normandy was due to remain in dry dock for about 2 weeks so he re-stocked appropriately.

He returned to his apartment and had hardly begun to unpack when the door chime sounded. Kaidan's heart skipped a beat. All of a sudden his palms were sweating and he could feel his heart pounding. He went to the door and opened it. Steve was standing there holding a black bag. James was with him.

"James!" He exclaimed. "I wasn't expecting you to come as well."

"Esteban told me what he has planned. Figured I would give him a hand." He said with a smirk.

Kaidan's mind was racing with possibilities. Steve interrupted his train of thought. "May we come in?"

"Oh.. of.. of course." Kaidan stepped back and Steve and James entered.

"I like it." James said. "Nice and cosy. Are all Spectre apartments so... intimate?"

"Pretty much. Please take a seat."

Steve put his bag down beside the couch and sat down. James sat next to him.

"Can I get anyone something to eat or drink?" Kaidan said as he resume unpacking his shopping.

"Do you have any cerveza?" James asked.

"There's some beer in the fridge I think. I have to warn you though, it's pretty old." Kaidan said.

"It'll do."

"I'll have one as well." Steve said.

Kaidan fetched three beers out of the fridge. They were about 3 months past their best before date. He opened one and cautiously took a sip. It still tasted ok, not good, but ok. He passed the other two bottles to James and Steve. They sat there drinking for a while before Steve broke the silence.

"I suppose you've been wondering what will be happening today?" Steve asked. Kaidan froze. He found that he couldn't speak so he just nodded. "We're here today to teach you various techniques for pleasing the Commander."

"After what we said to each other back on the Normandy, I'm not even sure we are still a couple." Kaidan said with sadness in his voice.

James and Steve both laughed. It didn't help Kaidan feel any better. "When it comes to relationships, you really are naive." James said.

"That's because I've never had one before." Kaidan said softly.

James choked on his beer. "Never? Surely you've had a boyfriend before Shepard?" Kaidan shook his head. "Not even in school? Damn. I think we're going to have to put this off until we've taught him about relationships first."

Steve got up and moved over so he was sitting on the other side of Kaidan. He put his hand on Kaidan's shoulder. "You've just had your first fight. That's all. I know you still love him. He certainly still loves you."

"How can you be sure?" Kaidan asked.

"Because as I told you on the Normandy, he asked me to keep an eye on you. He is really worried about you. You almost died and he couldn't sleep knowing that you were not well. That's what being in love does to people. You begin to care more about your partner than you do about yourself." Steve said.

"Only to a point." Vega said. He took off his shirt and started flexing. "Got to keep looking after all this."

Steve leaned forward so he could see around Kaidan. He whistled. "You certainly do it well Mister Vega."

"I love it when you call me that Esteban." Vega said as he put his shirt back on.

"I know." Steve replied with a wicked grin. He turned his attention back to Kaidan. "What happened down at Sanctuary?"

"I don't know what it is about that bloody planet but whenever we're on Horizon, we only end up fighting." Kaidan recounted what had been said back in the Med Bay.

Steve smiled. "Well I won't deny that it was rather heated. Good thing you waited until he left before throwing the chair at him. You tend to lash out when you're stressed."

James shifted a bit. "Speaking as someone who's been on the receiving end of two of your outbursts, you can be pretty dangerous when you let go. You always seem to be so calm and collected. I can't help but think that it's all a cover for some dark stuff from your past."

"Why Mister Vega, that was really insightful." Steve said with surprise.

James nonchalantly lent back and put his hands behind his head. "It's been known to happen on occasion."

Kaidan shot him down. "I've dealt with my past. Shepard is aware of it and I have no desire to bring it back up again."

Steve raised an eyebrow. "You'll pardon me for saying so but I don't think you have. Bottling up your anger is probably one of the most self destructing things you can do. You need an outlet for all your anger."

Kaidan remembered a previous conversation with Shepard. "I have an outlet. Killing Reapers."

Steve put his beer down on the table. "That's not good. There may come a time when the war is over, what will you do then? You need another avenue of release that doesn't involve you hurting, maiming or killing things."

"I've been a marine for as long as I can remember. There's nothing else I know. The only thing I need in my life to keep me sane is John. If it'll make you feel better I'll talk to him about it again when he gets back."

Steve didn't look convinced. "If you don't want to talk about it with us, I understand."

James held his hands up in front of his face in mock terror. "Just as long as you don't hit me again."

Kaidan wasn't in the mood for joking. "So what happens next?"

James patted him on the back. "How about a bit more relationship classes? You guys have been on a date I presume?"

"Only one, if you could call it that." Kaidan admitted. "I ended up in Med Bay. The only part of that day I have a positive memory about is when John said he felt the same as I did."

"Damn. So what do you guys get up to in Shepard's cabin? Where's the romance?" James said.

Kaidan was starting to get uncomfortable. "Well... we mainly just lie in bed talking, cuddling and occasionally kissing."

"How boring." James said.

Steve reached around the back of Kaidan's head and hit James. "What he means to say is that there are other things you can do to spice things up a bit. I know the prospect worries you, but there's really nothing to worry about. We'll start off with something simple, getting in the mood." Steve reached into his bag and pulled out a bottle. "Have you ever given a massage?"

"No." Said Kaidan. He was feeling really silly.

"This is why I invited Mister Vega. He gives the best massages I've ever had, and he's agreed to teach you."

James stood up and took a bow. "Thank you Esteban. First thing you do is get set up. Which way to the bedroom?"

Kaidan took a deep breath and led them to the bedroom. Luckily it was in a vastly better state than the contents of the fridge. James put the massage oil on the bedside table he lay a couple of towels over the bed. "Computer. Play some soft, soothing music. Preferably something Asari." 

The music came on and Kaidan felt himself starting to relax a little. Despite his instinct not to trust him, Kaidan had to admit that James, surprisingly, knew what he was doing.

"I shall need a guinea p... I mean a volunteer." James announced rather theatrically. He pointed at Steve. "You sir. How about a free massage?"

Steve acted all shocked, like he'd just won the lottery. Kaidan rolled his eyes. Luckily neither James or Steve caught it.

"If you would kindly strip down to your underwear and lay down on this towel for me, we can begin the lesson." James said. He turned to Kaidan. "Ordinarily though this would be done naked."

Steve suddenly looked mortified. "Shit... I'm not wearing any." He turned to Kaidan "You don't mind do you?"

Kaidan took another deep breath. "I kind of do... I'm sorry Steve."

"Hey don't worry about it." Steve said. "We're not here to make you uncomfortable."

James shook his head. "Oh Blue. You don't know what you're missing out on."

"And I'd like to keep it that way if possible." Kaidan said. He reached into one of the drawers and pulled out a pair of boxers. "Try this on." He looked away as Steve got undressed.

After a minute James said, "It's ok you can look now. The big black monster is gone now."

"James!" Steve said. "Enough with the joking around. Can't you see that he's nervous enough without you treating him like a child."

"Shit I'm sorry." James said. "I know I'm in trouble when he uses my first name."

Kaidan looked down at the bed. Steve was lying there wearing only a pair of Kaidan's boxers. Kaidan noticed that he was only lying on one of the towels. "What's the other towel for?" he asked.

James smiled. "Why that one is for you. As I show you the various techniques I'm going to do it to you as well so you know what Shepard will be feeling as you work on him." James' smile disappeared. "So that means that... I mean you will have to... um... strip as well." He said really cautiously.

Kaidan now felt really uncomfortable. The fear he felt must have shown on his face as Steve said, "If we go too far I want you to tell us. At the very least you should take off your shirt. You can keep your pants on if you like." 

Kaidan felt a sense of relief and took off his shirt. James whistled appreciatively. "Damn Blue. Looking hot."

Kaidan felt himself blush. Steve looked around. "The Human body is a beautiful thing, no matter what it looks like, and yours is very good. Always remember though, love you for you. As long as you feel good about yourself then it doesn't matter what other people think."

Kaidan managed a weak smile. "Thanks. I'll try to remember that."

James continued on with the lesson. "I've bought you your own bottle to use on Shepard. Sandalwood, lavender and some Asari additive I can't pronounce." He reached back into the bag and pulled out another bottle. "Here you go."

"Thanks." Kaidan unscrewed the lid and took a sniff. "That smells wonderful."

"Shepard is going to go wild when you are rubbing that stuff into him. The Asari component stimulates endorphins that enhance pleasure. You can even use it as lube." Steve looked around at Vega, staring daggers at him. "I know, I know." James said. "So first thing first. Show me your technique. Rub Steve's shoulders and I'll help you out."

James squirted some of the oil from his bottle on Kaidan's hands. Kaidan walked around the bed and stood next to Steve. He froze. He just couldn't bring himself to touch another man in the same manner that Shepard had done to him. It didn't feel right.

Steve looked up at him. "You're worried about Shepard aren't you?" Kaidan found himself unable to speak. He just nodded. "Don't worry. You're not doing anything sexual. It's just a back rub. I don't want you to think that you're cheating on Shepard because you're not."

Kaidan decided to go for it. This was after all for Shepard's benefit. He gently started rubbing Steve's Shoulders. James was standing next to him watching. Steve was silent.

"Not bad." James said. "Try to apply a bit more pressure and use your thumbs as well. Like this." James demonstrated on Steve. "If you'll just lie down next to him..."

Kaidan did as he was asked. No sooner had he got himself in position, he felt Vega's large hands begin to work on his Shoulders. Damn it felt good. Better than Shepard by far. It was over far too soon. He got up.

"Could you feel what I was doing with my thumb?" James asked.

"Yes. It felt great." Kaidan replied.

"Good. Now try the same on Steve just like I showed you."

For the following hour they followed the same pattern. James demonstrating on Steve, then on Kaidan and finally Kaidan putting it into practice on Steve. They gradually made their way down Steve's back, and then down his legs. Then James asked Steve to turn over. As he did the first thing Kaidan noticed was that Steve had an erection. Second was that the boxers Kaidan had given Steve were too small. Instinctively Kaidan looked away.

"Don't take that the wrong way. It happens to all guys when they become really relaxed. Ask any professional masseuse and they will tell you it happens all the time." James said. "Of course when it's just you and Shepard, feel free to massage that as well." He said with a wink.

They continued working on Steve's legs. Kaidan couldn't help but look at Steve's penis sticking out of the leg of his boxers. He looked up at Steve's face and was horrified to see that Steve was watching him. 

Kaidan panicked and backed away from the bed. "I'm... I'm sorry." He said. 

"Ten inches if you're wondering." Kaidan looked horrified. "Look it's ok." Steve said reassuringly. "I don't mind. As a gay man it's only natural to be curious about what other guys are packing. Just as long as you remember, look but don't touch."

Kaidan slowly made his way back to the bed. James decided to move on from the legs and work on Steve's arms and finally his chest. By the end of it Kaidan was doing pretty well. Steve was gently moaning as Kaidan worked.

"You did really well." Steve said. "I'm sure if you manage to give Shepard a massage as good as that one he'll be moaning as well."

"So what happens next?" Kaidan asked.

"Well if he wants to then I dare say that Shepard would reciprocate." Steve said.

"He's given me a massage before. I fell asleep." Kaidan said nervously.

"That can also happen when you become relaxed, especially at the end of a long day. Nothing to worry about." James said.

Steve got up off the bed and wrapped the towel around his waist. "Which way to the bathroom? I want to was off all this oil before we continue."

Kaidan pointed to the ensuite. "Just in there. I don't know about you guys but I'm pretty hungry. You up for pizza?"

"Sounds great." Steve said as he entered the bathroom. "You know you should probably wash off as well."

"You've got more of it on you than I do." Kaidan said as he walked over to his drawers. "I can wait." He took out an old shirt and put it on. Kaidan started to walk towards the kitchen when he realised that James was hanging back. "Everything alright?" he asked.

James coughed. "Um... yeah. I'm just going to clean up in here first." 

Kaidan went into the kitchen and took a couple of pizzas out of the freezer and stuck them in the oven, then sat down on the couch watching tv while he waited for James. 

After about 20 minutes the pizzas were almost done and James still hadn't come out of the bedroom. "Pizza is almost ready." He yelled. No response. He walked back to the bedroom. James wasn't there. There was only one place he could be. Kaidan walked to the bathroom and stood beside the door. He could still hear the water running. "Guys, pizza is just about ready." Still no response. Kaidan knew he only had two options. Go in there and interrupt what he knew was going on, or walk back to the kitchen and serving them cold pizza once they finished.

Eventually curiosity got the better of him and he walked in. Through the steam he saw that James was indeed in the shower. He was down on his knees with his back to Kaidan. He was giving Steve a blowjob. Kaidan was frozen in place. He knew he shouldn't be intruding on their private moment but he was unable to leave. Steve had his head back against the tiled wall behind him with his eyes closed. The look on his face suggested that he was close. Kaidan finally came to his senses and left. To his horror he realised that seeing James and Steve in there had given him an erection. Nothing much he could do about it now so he just tucked it into the waistband of his boxers and hoped no one noticed.

He took the pizzas out of the oven, sliced them up, and put them on the table. James finally joined him apologizing because he'd spilled some of the massage oil on the carpet and had to clean it up. Kaidan of course didn't believe a word of it. A couple of minutes later Steve emerged, drying his hair off with a towel.

"That shower was exactly what I needed. I feel so much better now." He said.

Kaidan was unable to get that image out of his head. He went to the fridge to get 3 more, not so fresh, beers. He opened them and then handed them out. James hesitated for quite a while before accepting his beer. it took a moment for Kaidan to realise that James was staring at his crotch. His erection had somehow released itself from the waistband and was now freely jutting forward. He quickly went back into the kitchen and re-adjusted himself, but the damage was done.

Steve walked up behind him. "How many times do I have to tell you, there's nothing to be ashamed of. I saw you watching us in the bathroom. It's only natural that you got aroused. If you want to go take care of that, we'll wait right here."

Kaidan was so nervous he found it difficult to speak. "N...no. I'm... I'm ok." He stammered.

"Trust me it's not the first time that someone has walked in on us. Hell Shepard walked in on us when I was fucking James in the shuttle." Steve said.

Kaidan's jaw dropped. "He did? What happened?"

"He'd been trying to contact me and when I didn't answer he came looking. I think my heart stopped when the shuttle hatch opened and Shepard walked in. I didn't know what he was going to do." He chuckled. "Vega being the clown that he is asked Shepard if he wanted to join in."

Kaidan felt as though he was having palpitations. "Did he?"

"Of course not." Steve said. "He said that even though he was turned on, he belonged to you."

Kaidan released the breath he didn't realise he was holding. "That's a relief."

Steve leaned in closer and lowered his voice. "I should warn you that James will probably say something along the lines of helping you out with your problem."

Kaidan got confused. "What problem?" he asked.

Steve pointed down to Kaidan's still bulging pants. "He's discovered that he enjoys sucking cock. Coincidentally that's the next thing I want to teach you."

Kaidan got a very worried look on his face. Steve laughed. "Relax. This won't be like the massage. I assure you that any practical work will be done on a substitute."

"A substitute?" Kaidan asked.

Steve went back into the bedroom and retrieved his black bag. He reached in and pulled out a rather life like, but fake, penis. "Made from bio-mimetic gel. It looks, feels and, yes, tastes just like the real thing. Here have a feel."

Kaidan tentatively reached out and touched it. It certainly felt real enough. If he didn't know better he'd have sworn that it was the genuine article. He was interrupted by his terminal beeping to inform that he'd received a new message.

_Kaidan._  
 _I'm sorry I lost control back in Medical. Seeing you lying there close to death, again, got to me. You were right though, I would have done the same thing in your place._  
 _I just got back to the Citadel. Anderson has given me his apartment! Don't know if you've ever seen it but it's fantastic. I can't wait to show it to you. I want it to be our new home, that is if you can find it in your heart to forgive me._  
 _Joker has asked me to meet up with him so he can go over a few things. Shouldn't take much more than an hour. I'll let you know when we're done.  
_ _Love john._

The cloud that had been hanging over Kaidan's head since the fight had lifted. He now felt as though he could face the world again. "We're going to have to do this pretty quick guys." He said. "I've got about an hour before I have to meet John.

"No time to waste then." Steve said, and he began the lesson...


	15. Chapter 14 - Silversun Strip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another crisis. Shore leave gets interesting when a group of mercs target Shepard during dinner.

Kaidan learned more about the sensitive areas of the penis, and how to stimulate them, in that hour than he ever had pleasuring himself since he was 13. Steve was a great teacher and Kaidan was actually looking forward to some time alone with John so he could put what he'd learned to good use.

He said goodbye to James and Steve and decided to have a shower to wash the remaining massage oil off. He stepped into the bathroom and his mind returned to the vision of James and Steve. His erection returned, and tempted as he was, he decided to just let it go. That's John's to enjoy he thought. It was a moot point anyway as his omni-tool indicated an incoming transmission just as he was about to get in. It was from Joker.

"This had better be important Joker. I'm about to get in the shower." Kaidan said.

"Ok you need to tell your boyfriend that the next time someone starts shooting at him, not to use brittle bones guy as bait." Joker said. "I think I broke my pancreas."

Kaidan was worried. "What happened?"

"We were at Ryuusei on the Sunset Strip. You know the one surrounded by the giant fish tank?"

"I know it. It's one of my favourites." Kaidan said.

"Right... So anyway we're waiting to order and this Alliance Intelligence analyst, Brooks I think her name was, came over and said that Shepard's records had been hacked. Shepard made his angry face. It was about that time that mercs entered and started shooting up the place. Well then the mercs took Brooks. Then Shepard asked me to go for help, but he was just using me as bait! One of the mercs saw me and Shepard killed him. You know if I ever get a chance to use Shepard as bait, I'm damn well going to do it."

"Joker!" Kaidan said impatiently.

"Ok, fine. So Shepard goes to save Brooks and blah, blah, blah. Then the floor gives way from all the bullets fired into it and Shepard falls through the fish tank." Joker said.

Kaidan was almost panicking. "Ryuusei overhangs one of the chasms between the Presidium and the Wards doesn't it?"

"Sure does. Knowing him though he would've found a way to survive it. Lucky bastard." Joker said with a little hint of scorn.

"I'm suiting up and heading down there. You get someplace safe, like maybe a doctor." Kaidan said.

"Already on my way. Going to contact everyone else. My pancreas hurts like hell, probably going to take weeks for it to heal." Joker said, rather pathetically Kaidan thought.

"Ah... Joker? You do realise that the pancreas is a gland and not a bone don't you?" Kaidan asked.

"Ah shit. Whatever." Joker cut the transmission.

Kaidan rushed back into the bedroom and changed into some spare armour he had in the wardrobe. He picked up a pistol and headed towards the Sunset Strip. He activated his comm and attempted to contact John.

"Shepard? Can you hear me? You ok?" Kaidan asked. 

"I'm fine." Came the reply. "Might need a little backup."

Kaidan felt a great sense of relief. "it's good to hear your voice. Joker told me what happened. I'm on foot, but not far." He picked up the pace.

An unfamiliar female voice came over the comm. "Excuse me. Who is this? You're on an unsecured channel and you're putting Commander Shepard in danger." She said in a rather uppity voice.

"I'm what? Who is this?" Kaidan asked.

"Hang on." Shepard said. "Joker mentioned Staff Analyst Brooks yes? That's her. Now everybody play nice."

Kaidan continued along a promenade until he reached the chasm. He noticed a damaged sign up ahead. "That has to have been him." Kaidan said to himself. He crossed over a bridge just as some alarms began to sound. "Shepard what are you doing? I heard that from here."

"It's all under control." Came the reply. 

EDI's voice came over the comm. "I'm detecting multiple alarms across the Wards. What's the situation?"

"I thought I'd make things more interesting." Shepard replied. Kaidan shook his head and began to run.

"I see." EDI said. "Did you sustain cranial damage in the fall Commander?"

Shepard didn't respond. Kaidan's omni-tool beeped. Brooks had sent him the co-ordinates for Cision Motors. It is apparently where Shepard is heading. Kaidan could see it not too far ahead.

"Shepard. Brooks sent me the Nav Point for the sky car lot. I'll meet you there." Kaidan said.

"Good." Shepard said.

"What do we know about these mercenaries?" Kaidan asked.

"They have guns and don't like me." Came Shepard's response.

Kaidan was rather irritated. "That's not helpful." He said.

Brooks came back onto the comm. "Commander. It would really be great if you could stay off the comm."

"Hey. He called me." Shepard said.

Kaidan had made it to Cision Motors. The place was in lockdown, but using his Spectre authorisation, managed to open a door and slip inside quietly. There were two mercs over by the far door. In case there were any other mercs nearby, Kaidan decided to take them down quietly using his biotics. He activated his amp but one of them saw him. He managed to throw up a barrier with his right hand just in time as both of them started shooting him. With his left he charged up and unleashed at them, throwing them against a wall just as Shepard entered through the door. The mercs were out cold.

Kaidan started walking over towards Shepard with a bit of a swagger. "Seems like you're having a bad day Shepard." He said with a big grin on his face.

Shepard walked towards Kaidan. "You could say that." He said.

Kaidan wanted to hug Shepard but decided against it while he was wearing his armour. He chuckled, "Landing pad is over there but it's behind a locked gate."

"Let's look for a control panel." Shepard said as he headed towards an office.

Kaidan was checking out Shepard as he walked. "Nice outfit..." Kaidan said. Shepard stopped and turned fixing a hard stare on Kaidan. "... Ah. Control panel, right." They continued walking towards the office. "So what happened? You fell through the fish tank? He asked.

"We'll talk about it later." Shepard said.

"Such a shame." Kaidan continued. "It's one of my favourite restaurants."

"We'll talk about it later." Shepard said in an exasperated tone.

As they reached the office the panel on the door changed from green to red indicating that it was locked. They looked in the window on the side and a Volus was crouching down in terror.

"Stand back." Shepard said and aimed his pistol at the glass.

Kaidan put his hand on the gun and pushed Shepard's hand down. "Just a minute." Kaidan knocked on the window. "Can you open the gate?" the Volus touched a control and the gate to the shuttle pad opened. "Thanks." 

"Please leave." The Volus said.

Kaidan turned to look at Shepard, smiled sarcastically and then walked towards the pad. "Well I could have done that." Shepard said.

They reached the shuttle pad just as a C-Sec shuttle was approaching. The hatch opened but it was full of mercs who began firing. Shepard grabbed Kaidan and dove down behind a concrete bollard. Shepard made a move to get up and fire but Kaidan pulled him back down.

"What are you doing? I'm the one wearing armour, remember?" Kaidan said.

At that moment the sound of glass breaking and yelling made both of them look up. A Krogan had jumped from a higher level and landed so heavily on the shuttle that there was a small explosion. The engines cut out and it dropped like a stone onto the pad. The mercs were still recovering when the Krogan charged into the shuttle. 

He slammed a merc up against the far side hatch with so much force that the shuttle tipped slightly. One by one he took out the mercs by head butting or punching them. He opened the other hatch and even threw one into the abyss below. One of the mercs was getting up so the Krogan kicked him in the stomach which also sent him over the edge. The other mercs stayed down.

Shepard and Kaidan emerged from behind the bollard. "Wrex? What are you doing here?" Shepard asked.

Wrex grabbed one of the mercs guns and passed it to Shepard. "Ah, just butting heads with the Council over Krogan expansion."

An explosion came from inside the sky car dealership. Mercs started pouring in from the upper level. Shepard, Kaidan and Wrex ran back in and started shooting at anything that moved.

"Shepard, we got a way out of here?" Wrex yelled over the noise of the gunfire.

"Wrex I'm a professional." Came Shepard's reply.

"That's not a yes." Wrex said.

"It's not a no either." Shepard said.

"Commander?" Joker's voice came over the comm.

"Joker, we lost our ride. Where are you?"

"On my way. Picked up Brooks. Figured you'd have a few questions."

"Good call." Shepard said. 

The mercs kept pouring in from the upper level. Wrex seemed to be enjoying it. "Good to be back! Yeah! Great place to fight in! Lots to destroy!" he yelled.

Kaidan was hanging back by the shuttle pad taking out any mercs that tried to flank Shepard and Wrex, but also guarding the pad from another shuttle ambush.

Brooks' voice came over the comm. "Commander did C-Sec find you? Are you ok?"

"Yes and no. There were mercs in the C-Sec shuttle."

"What?" She sounded astonished.

"I'm a little busy right now."

Mercs still continued to jump down from the upper level and the squad kept killing them. Eventually Joker had some good news.

"Approaching your position Commander. Just following the gunfire. Sorry I'm late. Had to take the scenic route."

"Scenic route?" A clearly agitated Brooks said. "We nearly crashed four times! Where the hell did you learn to drive?"

"And Brooks says hi." Joker said.

Kaidan saw another C-Sec shuttle approaching. It landed and opened the hatch. Wrex and Shepard were making their way towards him. He provided covering fire for them. After they had boarded the shuttle Kaidan started backing towards it. Shepard and Wrex provided suppressing fire while Kaidan boarded. The hatch closed and the shuttle took off.

"So where to?" Joker asked.

"Sunset Strip, Tiberius Towers." Shepard replied.

Joker dropped them off and then took off again. Kaidan, Wrex and Brooks followed Shepard into the towers. After taking a lift up to the 6th floor, they got out and Shepard led them to a door at the far end of the corridor. They entered Shepard's new apartment.

"Someone want to tell me what's going on here?" Wrex said.

"Yeah who were those guys? They were heavily armed and using C-Sec shuttles." Kaidan said.

"I don't know. I've never seen them before." Shepard said.

They moved down into the lounge area. Kaidan was a bit wary of Brooks. She was pacing a lot and talking fast.

"I can't believe you survived all that. They had guns and grenades and those drone things." She said.

Shepard activated his omni-tool. "It's alright. I'm calling Commander Bailey. Let's see what's going on with C-Sec."

"Ok. That sounds... wait. Wouldn't that just make whoever you contact a target too?" Brooks asked.

As much as she got on his nerves, Kaidan had to admit she had a point. "She's right Shepard. Until we know more, it's a big risk."

Shepard de-activated his omni-tool. "Ok. For now we run this ourselves."

"Right. Ourselves. On our own. Outside the law. Ok yeah." Brooks said. Kaidan rolled his eyes and tuned out the conversation. He only paid attention again when Brooks said, "They said the medi-gel might make me jumpy. Do I seem jumpy?"

Kaidan and Wrex just looked at each other, Kaidan shrugged his shoulders.

"How did you get mixed up in this?" Shepard asked.

"I monitor data for Alliance Intel to prevent fraud and hacking of officer ID's. Like someone using an Admiral's pass to get into a nightclub on the Citadel when that Admiral is fighting on Tuchanka. I wrote a tracking program. It's really neat. I named it Mister Biscuits after my cat."

Kaidan shook his head. He wished that this whole affair could be over with soon so that Brooks could go back to her office, and stay there.

"Brooks!" Shepard said.

"Right, sorry. Anyway Mister Bis... my program detected a breach in your classified files. Soon everything we had on you was compromised. Personnel files, mission reports, everything.

Wrex looked like he'd had enough. "Since when does hacking personnel records involve heavy weapons fire?" he asked.

"Think of what criminals could do if they had Shepard's military access codes, or Spectre codes even."

"Explains why they need you dead Shepard." Wrex said. "Nothing to stop them until the damage is done."

Shepard sighed. "Looks like we're back on the clock. Ideas?"

"Let's look at that pistol you picked up." Kaidan said.

The door to the apartment opened up and Liara walked in.

"For such a tiny thing it packs a punch." Wrex said. "Never seen anything like it before."

"Let me see it. I might be able to help. Glyph?" Liara said.

Liara's holographic VI assistant appeared. "I'll begin collating relevant intel for review Doctor T'Soni." It said.

"Liara!" Shepard said.

"Shepard. I'm relieved to see you're in one piece." Liara said. "A shame about the sushi place though. It was a favourite."

"Yeah. I'm hearing that a lot." He turned to look at Kaidan.

"All right. Liara's on point. What about the rest of the crew?" Wrex asked.

Joker entered the apartment. "Yeah, what about those slackers?" he asked.

"Joker. You've been busy." Shepard said as he walked up to meet him.

"I found some folks who actually like being shot at." He said sarcastically.

From behind him Steve, James, Garrus, Tali, Javik and EDI entered the apartment. "Permission to come aboard Shepard?" Garrus asked.

Shepard asked everyone to make themselves at home while Brooks and Liara analysed the pistol. Kaidan stayed where he was near the fireplace. It reminded him of his home on Earth. Shepard was doing the rounds, making sure all the crew were comfortable. After finishing with Tali he approached Kaidan.

"Nice to see you in action on the car lot. It was... pretty hot." Shepard said.

Kaidan felt himself blush slightly. "Why thank you." He said.

"What would I do without you?" Shepard asked.

Kaidan chuckled. "You'll never find out."

Shepard squeezed Kaidan's hand affectionately and moved onto James. Kaidan continued to stand there until Liara called everyone over to discuss the results of their research.

"We have a lead. I called in some favours to run a trace on the gun." Liara said. "It led me to a casino owner, Elijah Kahn. He's been suspected of using his profits to smuggle weapons onto the citadel. Immediately after the attempts on Shepard's life, Kahn made an interesting call." 

Liara activated her omni-tool and an audio file began to play. "I'm cutting you off. I'm returning your down payment now."

"What's the problem?" A heavily distorted voice said.

"Turn on a vid screen! When I sell a gun I don't want it showing up on the nightly news." Khan said.

"You won't be linked to me." The distorted voice said.

Khan was getting agitated. "Save it. Our association is terminated. And if you ever think of coming after me, I've got info on you ready for prime time. So you ponder that. Khan out." The file ended.

"So that's our identity thief." Shepard said.

"Looks like he's got an ID disguiser." Garrus said. "Those things are a pain in the arse to get around."

Shepard turned to Liara. "Did you get anything on the mercenaries who attacked us?" he asked.

"They are a private military corporation called CAT6." Liara said. Kaidan shuddered. This wasn't going to be good. "As most of you know, CAT6 is an Alliance nickname for dishonourable discharges. Many have criminal records, history of substance abuse and other charming features. No doubt hired by the thief, not by Khan."

"That phone call was pretty damning stuff. How'd you get it?" Shepard asked.

"It involved the weapon's biometric data, Salarian Intelligence and a Hanar prostitute with camera implants." Liara replied.

"Seriously?" Shepard asked.

"No." Liara replied. "But the truth is boring."

Kaidan laughed. He felt a familiar niggling in his head which indicated that his implant was about to cause a migraine. He stood back from the table a bit so he wasn't directly in the light. He tried focusing on what was being said but couldn't concentrate. The meeting broke up and Shepard walked over.

"So you think that we can pull this off? I'm looking forward to seeing you in black tie." Shepard said.

Either Shepard hadn't noticed that Kaidan was having trouble, or Kaidan was doing a good job at hiding it from him. "I think I might sit this one out." Kaidan said.

"What?" Shepard said surprised. "I would've thought you'd jump at the chance at another date."

"When we get around to it I will." Kaidan said. He could feel the migraine starting. He felt around in his pants for the medication Doctor Chakwas had given him. "I really need to lie down." Realisation dawned on Shepard's face as Kaidan started to head towards the closest bedroom.

"Where are you going? Our bedroom is upstairs." Shepard said. He guided Kaidan up the stairs to the master bedroom. Kaidan carefully lay down on top of the bed, which was really comfortable. "I'll go get you some water."

Shepard disappeared for a minute and came back with a nice cold glass of water. Kaidan took his tablets and closed his eyes. Shepard dimmed the lights and then sat on the floor next to him. Kaidan opened his eyes and looked down at Shepard.

"What are you doing?" Kaidan asked. "You should be getting ready."

"I'm staying here with you." Shepard said.

"That's sweet but you have more important things to do." Kaidan said in a quiet voice.

"Nothing is more important to me than you." Shepard said.

"John. You need to do this. You need to find out who is trying to steal your identity and stop them." He winced in pain as the migraine began to take hold. "Wrex is right, if you don't there's no telling what damage they could do. It could be Cerberus or an indoctrinated person trying to de-rail the war."

Shepard sighed. "You're right of course. I just don't want to leave you here like this." He said as he got up and went over to the wardrobe to change.

"I'll be fine. I'm assuming that those not going with you will be staying here? I'll have plenty of people to take care of me." Kaidan said.

Shepard emerged wearing a formal suit. Kaidan couldn't help but be impressed. "Looking good Commander." He could feel the medication start to kick in and was feeling drowsy.

"Thanks. Just wish we could do this together." Shepard said. He leant in and gave Kaidan a kiss. "I love you. I'll be back soon."

"I... love..." Kaidan couldn't manage it. He fell asleep.

When he woke up a couple of hours later he found that he had moved from on top of the sheets to under them. He had also been undressed. His uniform was folded over a chair near the wardrobe. Sitting on the chair nearest the bed was James Vega. Instinctively Kaidan pulled the sheets over himself.

"How long have you been sitting there watching me?"

"About half an hour." James said. "We've been taking it in turns."

"We being?" Kaidan asked.

"The whole gang." James said. "Scars took first watch, followed by Sparks, then Esteban and now me."

Kaidan glared at him. "And who was it that undressed me?"

James shot a look of surprise back at Kaidan. "Hey it wasn't me. What? You don't trust me or something?"

Kaidan didn't answer. He's never really trusted Vega. Instead he checked to make sure he was still at least wearing his boxers, which he was. "I'm going to have a shower and get dressed. I'll be downstairs in a few minutes."

James got up off the seat and left the bedroom. Kaidan closed the door behind him and locked it. He then proceeded to have his shower. He was enjoying it so much he lost track of time. As he was changing into his uniform the door to the bedroom unlocked and Shepard walked in.

"Hey there. Shouldn't you be in bed?" Shepard said with concern.

Kaidan walked over to Shepard and gave him a kiss. "I'm feeling ok. Still have a headache but it's not as bad as it could've been. How did it go?

Shepard looked away for a moment. "It went ok. We've gotten Khan's data drives. EDI and Brooks managed to crack them. My Spectre codes have just been used at the Citadel Archives. We're all heading there now to get the bastard. The whole crew."

"I'm coming too." Kaidan said and found his armour in the wardrobe.

"Are you sure you're up to it?" Shepard said with caution. "I don't want you to push yourself. I'm not sure I could handle seeing you lying in a hospital bed again."

Kaidan looked Shepard in the eyes. "John, I'm an L2. If you're serious about continuing with our relationship, then you're going to have to get used to the fact that my implant is going to put me in hospital frequently whether I use it or not."

Shepard looked a bit upset. "It kills me every time it happens to you. Couldn't you upgrade to a newer model? I'll pay for it. How about an L5-X? Or I have access to an experimental implant that Grissom Academy developed, the L3-X1. Jack uses it. Says there are no side effects at all and it's able to spike much higher than any implant on the market.

Kaidan gave Shepard a reassuring cuddle. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, I really do. But I will never undergo the procedure. Once the original implant is in only very, very delicate and dangerous neurosurgery can change it. The failure rate is greater than eighty per cent. One wrong incision and I could become a vegetable for life or even die. So if it's a choice of having a normal life with you, while experiencing the odd bout of excruciating pain, or a pain free existence as a Turian zucchini, I choose the pain. I hope you can understand that."

Shepard didn't like what he heard, and it showed on his face. "I understand. I just wish there was a way. But you're right, I'd rather you be the man I fell in love with than risk losing you."

Kaidan had finished putting on his armour. He pulled Shepard in for a long, passionate kiss. "I love you John Shepard."

Shepard wiped a tear from his eye. "I love you too." He finished putting on his armour. "Come on. The sky cars should be waiting."


	16. Chapter 15 - Citadel Archives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The criminal stealing Shepard's identity has just broken into the Citadel Archives. The whole squad race there but are surprised when they find out who it is.

The sky cars sped through the Citadel, heading for the archives. Steve was driving the lead car with Shepard, Kaidan and Garrus. It had been a quiet journey. Kaidan was unsure if it was because of their conversation at the apartment. He couldn't afford to dwell too much on it as they were most likely going to meet heavy resistance. He just hoped that Shepard was focused.

"What's the best way into the archives?" Shepard asked.

"The facility is located below the wards." Brooks said from one of the other cars. "Maybe a direct breach for maximum surprise?"

"I like it." Shepard said. "Sounds like you're learning the ropes."

Steve chuckled. "Hell hang out with us long enough and you'll learn ropes, knives, bombs, thresher maws..."

The sky cars began to descend towards a flat surface. Wrex's voice came over the comm. "But don't stay too long. Or pretty soon you'll be making friends with Asari."

"I heard that." Liara's voice said.

The cars landed and everyone got out except for Joker.

"The archives are somewhere below us." Brooks said. "It could be pretty tricky to get in there."

James was holding a det-pack. "Not really."

He set the charge and everyone backed away. It detonated and left a decent size hole. Wrex ran up to it and jumped, followed closely by Liara.

"Krogan first! See you at the party princesses." Wrex said as he disappeared down the corridor.

The rest of them followed. Soon they came to a junction. EDI had managed to access the floor plan of the building. She suggested splitting up. Kaidan and Wrex went with Shepard into the ducts. Team Mako, which consisted of Brooks, Liara, Garrus and Tali, went left. Team Hammerhead was Steve, James, Javik and EDI and they went right.

There was enough room for Shepard and Kaidan to crawl through, but Wrex was having a little difficulty.

"Stupid... They never take Krogan physique into account when designing these things." Wrex said.

"Probably because a Krogan would just bash through the front door, or a wall." Kaidan said.

Wrex grunted. "Good point."

Shepard had stopped up ahead near a grate. Kaidan came up behind him with Wrex still struggling a little bit behind.

"I kind of like it." Kaidan said. "It's nice, cosy..." He put his hand on Shepard's thigh. "... and intimate."

Shepard looked back at him and winked. He continued working on the grate. When it wouldn't open he kicked it until it dropped to the floor below. Shepard jumped down.

"This is Shepard. I'm in what appears to be an office. There is a large model of the Citadel hanging above us."

"We're right above you on the catwalk." Garrus said.

"We too are on the catwalk on the opposite side." EDI reported.

"Oh crap." Garrus said.

Shepard took a step forward and laser sights appeared on his chest. "Not this again." He said.

Shepard rolled into cover just as the shooting started. The room was suddenly filled with mercs.

"Ambush!" Wrex said.

"Scatter and take cover." Shepard yelled.

"In the old days we had at least five minutes before a mission went south." Wrex said.

Kaidan managed to find refuge behind a desk. He realised that the mercs were shielded so he started overloading as many as he could. Once their shields were down he biotically lifted them off the ground and then threw them against the wall. The combination of lift and throw created a biotic explosion, launching the mercs like they were being fired out of a cannon. The shockwave extending out about 4 or 5 meters. Anyone who was unshielded was knocked back by it. 

"That's enough!" A voice yelled. The mercs and Normandy crew both stopped firing. Kaidan looked up to where the voice was coming from. It looked like one of the mercs had taken Brooks hostage. They were standing back from the edge of the catwalk in the shadows. "Drop your weapons or this won't end well for her." He said.

"You bastard." Brooks said between gritted teeth.

Kaidan looked around. All groups were now surrounded by mercs.

"Alright." Shepard said as he lay down his rifle. Kaidan and Wrex also lay down their weapons. The merc pushed Brooks over the catwalk. She landed on the floor with a thud. She got up and limped over to Shepard's position. "Whatever you think you're getting away with, there's no where you can run, no where you can hide where we can't find you."

"Hide? Why?" The merc said. Something seemed very wrong to Kaidan. The voice was very familiar. In his gut he knew who it was but his mind was telling him that it was impossible. He looked over at Shepard with alarm, but it appeared that Shepard hadn't picked up on it. The figure stepped forward into the light. "I'm Commander Shepard. I never hide."

Kaidan couldn't believe his eyes. Shepard was standing right next to him, and up on the catwalk. If it wasn't for the mercs pointing guns at him he would've backed away.

"Uh huh." Wrex said. "So that's how It's going to be."

The merc Shepard jumped down off the catwalk and landed near where Brooks fell. He walked right up to Alliance Shepard.

"Who are you?" Alliance Shepard asked with disbelief.

"You weren't the only Shepard that Cerberus brought back to life. But at least one of us will finally do something with it." Merc Shepard said.

"Where did you come from?" Allaince Shepard asked.

"The same DNA as you." Merc Shepard replied.

"A clone." Wrex said.

"Cerberus spared no expense resurrecting you. With me... I was created for spare parts in case you needed another arm, or a heart, or a lung." The clone said.

"Where have you been all this time?" Shepard asked.

The clone started pacing. "In a coma until I woke up six months ago. While you were in a jail cell on Earth, I was learning to be Human. Amazing what a person can do with enough neural implants."

"Did the Illusive man send you?" Shepard asked.

"No. He abandoned me when he had what he wanted, you."

"So what's your point in trying to kill us?" Kaidan asked.

The clone took a few steps back. "Because I don't have his memories. I'd never fool my supposed friends. The ones who abandoned their duty to join the cult of Shepard." He pointed at Kaidan. "Like you Major Alenko. I would've picked the other one on Virmire. Ashley... something?"

"You're just a pale imitation of the real thing." Kaidan shot back. Not one of his finer insults but he was a little distracted.

"I'm the real thing perfected." The clone said as he started walking back towards Shepard. "I'm you without all the wear and tear Shepard. The doubts, the failures. I'm the lone wolf you were always meant to be..." the clone looked around the room at the Normandy crew. "... without all the emotional baggage holding me back." The clone locked eyes with Kaidan. As much as Kaidan wanted him dead, it was still Shepard's face and he felt a little weak at the knees staring into those blue eyes.

"No one will ever believe you're Shepard." Wrex said.

"They will when I'm flying his ship." The clone said.

Shepard activated his comm. "This is Shepard. Initiate Normandy lockdown. Transmitting command codes now." He activated his omni-tool and sent the codes.

The clone also activated his omni-tool. "Good idea. Too bad the signal was blocked." The clone activated his comm. "Traynor, this is Shepard. Prep the Normandy for immediate departure. We're leaving. I'm sending the command codes now." He sent the codes he lifted from Shepard's onmi-tool.

"I never thought I'd say this, but I'm looking forward to killing myself." Shepard said with menace.

"I guess ominous threats of violence run in our DNA." The clone said. "But mine is much more than a threat. Execute them. The cult of Shepard ends today."

The clone started to walk away towards the door at the end of the room. Shepard managed to pull his pistol out and shoot a couple of shots at the model of the Citadel. One of the ward arms broke off and shattered on the ground, narrowly missing the clone. In the ensuing confusion the Normandy crew managed to escape the mercs and began firing. It didn't take them long to clear out the mercs, but long enough for the clone to give them the slip.

"That's all the mercs taken care of." Kaidan said. "But where did the other you go?"

"He's pushing into the archives. Stay in your groups." Shepard said as he headed to the door. "Team Mako, you're on point."

"Right. What's a Mako?" Brooks asked.

"Something we could use right about now." Liara said.

"Team Hammerhead cover the flank." Shepard ordered.

"Got it." Steve said. "And the Mako's got nothing on the Hammerhead." He added.

They pushed forward and came to a security checkpoint. There was no security presence. The mercs seemed to have disposed of them earlier. They entered through a door after passing through the checkpoint and entered the archives proper.

"Huh, big place." Wrex said.

There were vaults as far as the eye could see. All of them connected by catwalks. Team Hammerhead appeared out of a door to the left of Kaidan's position and crossed the room to take the right catwalk. Team Mako was on the level above. Shepard decided to take the left catwalk.

"Shepard. What do you think you're clone is looking for in here?" Tali asked.

"At this point, anything is possible." Shepard replied as they moved forward.

"You mean like finding out you have a clone?" Liara teased.

"I don't want to talk about it." Shepard said.

"At least not until we've all had a stiff drink." Kaidan said.

They continued through the archives, taking out mercs whenever they came across them. Kaidan was using his biotics a fair bit to push them off ledges. He ate his last calorie bar and hoped that would be enough to get him through to the end.

Glyph appeared. "Commander. The other you is searching for something 200 meters ahead."

"Got it." Shepard said.

"Fighting your own clone! Won't find that in the Spectre handbook." Kaidan said.

"But useful." Javik said. "If there is a task that you don't wish to do Commander, let him handle it."

"So like a personal butler?" Brooks asked.

Shepard was starting to get agitated. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Right. So let your clone do it." Wrex joked. Shepard just sighed.

They continued fighting mercs as they made their way deeper into the archives. Kaidan could feel his body start to weaken. He stopped using his biotics and concentrated instead on taking down the shields of the mercs with his omni-tool. Eventually the merc threat eased off. Shepard's group continued un-challenged.

"Shepard!" Tali's voice seemed strained. "They've got us pinned down. We could use some help."

"We're on our way. Double time people!" he said.

They ran along the catwalks following the sounds of gunfire. Eventually they came to the room that the sounds were coming from. Both team Mako and Hammerhead were surrounded by mercs. The only cover they had were a few crates on the floor. From their position behind, Shepard's team has clear shots. They started firing taking three out before they realised what was happening. The others started shooting back. 

They were distracted enough that Liara was able to throw up a biotic singularity trapping four of the mercs. She looked up at Kaidan. He knew what he had to do, and just hoped his body didn't shut down again. He activated his amp and hit one of the mercs with a biotic throw. The biotic detonation sent the mercs in all directions, allowing time for the other two teams to climb a ladder to higher ground. Shepard descended to the mercs level and shouted for Wrex and Kaidan to climb the ladder to join the others.

A hail of bullets came flying at Kaidan as he climbed the ladder. "Never a crate to hide behind when you need one." He said.

Eventually he reached the top. Shepard was trying to make his way to the ladder, but the mercs were pushing hard. "Suppressing fire!" Kaidan ordered.

All ten of them lined up at the edge and began firing on the mercs below. They dropped like flies. Shepard started to climb the ladder.

"That's why I like hanging out with you guys." Wrex said. "Why shoot something once when you can shoot it forty six more times!" He laughed.

Shepard reached the top. "Everyone ok?" He asked. His gaze lingering on Kaidan. Kaidan simply nodded. He didn't want Shepard to worry. He was starting to feel weak. His body couldn't take much more abuse, coupled with the fact that he was still dealing with the headache from earlier.

"The other me can't be far. Keep up the pressure and we'll try to surround him. Let's move." The other teams split up again. "Wrex, scout out ahead. I don't want to run into anymore ambushes."

"Right." Wrex went down the corridor.

Shepard approached Kaidan. "I know you're in a lot of pain right now. You've been pushing yourself pretty hard, again. Promise me you'll keep the biotics offline for a while."

Kaidan knew there was no point in lying to him. He'd already worked out the situation. "I'm not feeling the best, no. I had my last calorie bar not too long ago. I should be feeling better soon. I'll keep the biotics offline until we catch up with your clone." He felt a surge of anger. "Then I'm going to slam him up against a wall so hard that every bone in his body will shatter."

Shepard patted Kaidan's shoulder. "We'll see how you feel when we get there. Ok?" 

Kaidan managed a weak smile. The continued down the corridor and met up with Wrex. Together they worked their way through the archives until they reached an open vault. Brooks was on the other side engaged in a fire fight. She noticed them and called out.

"Commander, over here. Help!"

Shepard, Kaidan and Wrex ran forward into the vault. Suddenly a force field went up, trapping them in there. They turned around to look behind them. No one was there.

"This can't be good." Kaidan said.

"Brooks they sealed us in." Shepard said.

"Is there an override?" Wrex asked.

"I'm not seeing one." Kaidan said

Shepard activated his comm. "Cortez? Brooks? Do you read me? Is anyone on this frequency?"

"The short answer is no. They're not." Kaidan turned around to see the clone standing there.

Shepard fired several rounds into the force field but it had no effect. The clone just shook his head.

"The longer answer involves your friends trapped in iridium vaults and forgotten for... well forever."

Shepard was really pissed off. "Others know about this, about you. The Alliance will stop you."

The clone walked up to the force field. "What do you think Staff Analyst Brooks? Will the Alliance stop us?"

Brooks stepped out from behind the clone. "I wouldn't know. I don't actually work for them." She put her hand on the clone's shoulder. Her whole demeanour had changed. The way she walked and talked had changed too. She was no longer the nervous young lady that they knew.

"What was the point of it all?" Shepard asked.

"All we really wanted was your Spectre code." Brooks said.

Realisation dawned on Shepard's face. "Which you got when I overrode the lockdown in the wards."

Brooks smiled. "But then you survived the hit and insisted on bringing your damned Asari into it. So I had to tie up the loose ends."

"You killed Kahn at the casino." Shepard said.

"But then your sex bot just had to go and recover the data. So here we are, forced to... contain the situation."

That was the last straw for Shepard. His face went blank, his temples pulsed as he tried to contain his rage. His 'angry face' as Joker put it earlier. "The minute, the second I get out of here, I'm going to take your head and mount it in the Normandy's CIC." His fists clenched. "Then I'm going to mount his head next to yours." The Clone and Brooks just stared at Shepard. "Then I'm going to take both of your heads and space them out of the fucking airlock!"

"Count me in." Kaidan said.

"That sounds very dramatic." Brooks said in a patronising voice. "If someone like say, Commander Shepard made the threat, I'd be worried. But you're not Shepard. Not anymore."

"You had Miranda, I have her. Mine has more bite." The clone said. He walked over to a nearby terminal. "You know the one thing they can't duplicate? Our handprint. Life gives it it's shape. Not DNA, which is a problem. Computer, update Council records. Subject: Shepard, Human Spectre."

"Accessing record." The computer said. "Please input new data." The clone put his hand down and the computer scanned it. "Biometric identifier updated. Good day Commander Shepard."

Brooks walked out and the clone began to follow her. "Now if you'll excuse me. The Normandy needs its Captain. So..." he turned around to face them. "I should go."

The vault then sealed itself and Kaidan felt it being moved, most likely to the storage area.

"Refresh my memory." Wrex said. "Didn't we used to win these things back in the old days?"

It was pitch black in the vault so Wrex couldn't see the face Kaidan was pulling at him. He walked slowly over to where Shepard had been standing and found, only after walking into him, that he was now sitting on the floor.

"He said 'I should go.' Do I sound like that? Shepard asked.

"As long as I've known you... yeah." Wrex replied.

Kaidan was getting a little worried. "Now, maybe let's turn our attention to the impregnable vault that we've just been sealed in forever." He said.

"I'm more confident than he is, more in control. With me it's like, 'That's all for now.'"

"Spoken like a Krogan. Show them who's boss." Wrex said.

Kaidan couldn't believe that the other two were so calm about the situation. "Yeah I'm going to use that." He said with as much sarcasm as he could project. "Say goodbye with confidence. Damn it I'm going to guess we've got an hour of air in here, tops."

"Or sometimes, 'I'll talk to you later.' Because you know what? I never do. Leave them wanting more." Shepard said.

Kaidan felt like hitting him. "John, hey. Why aren't you more worried about this?"

"Hmm? Oh. Glyph, you still out there?" Shepard said.

"Yes Commander." Glyph said over the comm.

"Unlock this damn thing and go find the others. No one steals my ship. Not even me." Shepard said.

Kaidan's first reaction was to remind Shepard that he already had. Just prior to the mission to Ilos, then Ambassador Udina had ordered the Normandy into lockdown to prevent Shepard from taking the Normandy into the Terminus Systems while in pursuit of rogue Spectre Saren, something for which Shepard and Kaidan never forgave him. Shepard asked Anderson to override the lockdown so they could depart. No charges were filed against them as their actions had saved the Citadel and the Council, which Humanity was invited to join straight after.

Kaidan instead snuggled up to Shepard as much as he could, given they were both wearing armour. He put his arm around Shepard. Shepard reciprocated.

"You know..." Shepard whispered in Kaidan's ear. "...if it wasn't for Wrex, we could have a lot of fun in here on our own." 

Kaidan was tempted slightly but the overriding factor was the limited air. "Not exactly the best time, or place. I was thinking more about that nice comfortable bed in your apartment." He whispered back.

"Our apartment." Shepard corrected. "Hopefully when this is over we'll still have some time left on shore leave to spend there together.

"I'd like that." Kaidan said.

He got slightly alarmed as the vault began to move again. He and Shepard released each other and stood up. Shepard gave Kaidan a quick kiss just before the vault opened to reveal the whole squad standing there.

"Ok everyone, let's get out of here and back to the Normandy." Shepard said.

They made their way back through the archives without incident. The clone obviously wasn't expecting them to escape so left no guards behind. As they got back to the entry point, Kaidan noticed that two of the sky cars were now missing. The third, driven by Joker, was landing not far from their position.

"I've got room for Shepard plus two, and figure it out fast because the other Shepard is stealing my ship." Joker called out from the sky car.

Shepard picked Kaidan and EDI to accompany him. Shepard sat in the front with Joker while Kaidan and EDI sat in the back. Everyone else looked unhappy.

"What?" Shepard asked.

"Oh. I was hoping to go." Garrus said in a disappointed voice.

"Yeah. I never seem to get picked." James said.

"Joker will come back for you. I promise." Shepard said.

Joker closed the doors and took off as fast as he could towards the docking bays. "This is why I hate shore leave." He said. "I swear you park your ship for five minutes..."

"Can you contact Citadel Control and get them to deny the departure request?" Shepard asked.

"Tried. All the comm lines in the area are jammed. Probably to make it easier for them to steal my ship." Joker said.

"We'll stop them." Shepard said.

"Even f they get the Normandy, we can go to the Council and prove to them you're the real Shepard." Kaidan said.

"Unlikely." EDI said. "The clone altered the official biometric record. We cannot prove anything."

"Yes that." Joker said a bit agitated. "Can we all just agree it'd be easier to not let Shepard's evil clone steal the Normandy?"

"Don't worry." Shepard said. "We'll get her back."

"We better. I just got my seat broken in how I like it." Joker said.

"EDI can you shut down propulsion or anything else to prevent them leaving?" Kaidan asked.

"Shepard. Your clone has entered the ship and is preparing to..." EDI's mobile platform suddenly experienced a malfunction. It shut down.

"That's not good." Kaidan said.

It suddenly came back online. "I'm ok." EDI said in a high pitched voice. Her eyes were crossed and she was grinning like an idiot.

Shepard and Joker were just staring at her from the front seats. "Really?" Joker said in a voice that suggested he didn't believe her.

EDI winked at him. A few seconds later her eyes adjusted back to their normal positions. "The clone has disabled my control of the Normandy as well as all sensory input." She was speaking a little slower than normal. "I cannot lock him out or counteract his commands."

"You still fit for duty?" Shepard asked.

"I am experiencing a significant feedback loop in my head and an increased desire to kill your clone." She replied.

"Get in line." Shepard said coldly.

"Well whatever you do, hurry." Joker said. "If the Normandy makes it to the relay we may never see her again."

"That's not going to happen." Shepard said.

They were approaching the docking bays. The Normandy was ahead, thankfully the engines had not yet engaged. 

"Ok Citadel systems are targeting the sky car." Joker said. "Any closer and they open fire." He landed the car and the three passengers jumped out.

"Get back and pick the others up ASAP." Shepard ordered.

"Right." Joker said. "They can't have gotten far, unless they called a cab or something." He closed the doors and took off.

As usual they had to fight their way to the Normandy. The troops that had been left behind weren't a problem. What was a problem though, was that when they were only half way to the ship, the engines powered up.

"We need to hurry!" Kaidan yelled over the gunfire. "They're getting ready to take off."

"When we want to take off there's half an hour of pre-flight checks. They just gun the engine and go?" Shepard asked with surprise.

"Clone must have used Spectre authorisation to get clearance for immediate departure." Kaidan said.

"Well I know what I'm doing next time." Shepard replied.

They managed to clear the dock and reach the airlock. Inside was Traynor talking to herself.

"... and I don't even..." She saw Shepard. "Wait. What?" She said with surprise. "You were just on the Normandy. You... you fired me! Dishonourable discharge for conduct unbecoming. You kicked me off the ship with barely enough time to grab my toothbrush." She said.

Shepard went up to her. "I can't fire you without a disciplinary hearing Traynor. And really, the first thing you grab is your toothbrush?"

"It's a Cision Pro Mark Four. It uses mass effect fields to break up plaque." She said. "Someone just threw me off the ship. If it wasn't you..."

"Shepard has a clone." EDI said as she managed to override the outer airlock door and gain entry.

"I can explain more later." Shepard said as he entered the airlock. He attempted to open the inner airlock door. The panel on the door was orange, indicating that Shepard's attempt was proceeding. Then it changed to red. "It's sealed." Shepard said.

Kaidan could feel the hull begin to vibrate slightly. "They're getting ready to take off." He said.

Shepard approached Traynor. "Is there anyone still aboard who can help us?" he asked.

"No." She replied. "I was only there because I helped with the Normandy's retrofits on Earth. Everyone else is on shore leave."

"You know this ship inside and out. Can you get me inside?" Shepard asked.

Traynor started searching the floor panels. "There's an emergency exit hatch for evacuations. It should be right... here." She pulled up the floor plate and revealed the hatch.

Shepard scanned it with his omni-tool. "Manual lock." He said with a hint of defeat in his voice. "It's only meant to be opened from the other side." He stood up. "Any ideas?"

"I could trigger it with a biotic field." Shepard looked at him, slightly alarmed. "But I don't think I have the fine control we need." Kaidan admitted.

Traynor held up her toothbrush and activated it. A small mass effect field appeared around the head. She passed it to Shepard.

After a minute Shepard had managed to get the hatch open. He ordered her to leave the ship and fill in the others. Just as Kaidan climbed through the hatch, he felt the ship suddenly accelerate. They had taken off. The crawlspace they found themselves in was directly below the walkway from the CIC to the cockpit.

"If you told me this morning that a toothbrush was going to save the Normandy, I'd have been very sceptical." Shepard said. "Pretty sure I broke it trying to get the hatch open. Remind me to reimburse her for that."

"I'll try to remember that." Kaidan said.

"It is likely our entry through the hatch has set off an alarm. We may have been detected entering the ship." EDI warned.

As they approached the end of the corridor, Kaidan heard mercs talking.

"All right get a patrol going. Find Shepard, the real one."

"Hey. What did he mean by 'slow him down'? We're allowed to kill Shepard if we have to right?"

"He said 'slow him down' because he thinks we're cannon fodder."

"Oh. Well... shit."

Shepard touched the control which lifted the steps above them, granting them access to the CIC. Shepard and EDI took the left side of the galaxy map, and Kaidan the right. There were only a handful of mercs here. They went down without raising an alarm.

"Let's get to the cargo bay." Shepard said. He moved towards the lift. Next to it was all his stuff from his cabin. His models, photo of Kaidan, his medals and his hamster. There was a note attached. "Please send this to an animal shelter for proper disposal as a warship is not an appropriate... Oh that is not ok." Shepard said. "He messed with my hamster guys. Now it's personal." He said with venom in his voice. Kaidan simply raised an eyebrow. "Guys? Were you going to say something or... No, no. I get it. Hard to even find the words." Kaidan rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Should we check on my fish?" Shepard continued. "Because if he's getting rid of all my pets... We should probably deal with him first huh? Alright. Sit tight little guy. Anyone give you trouble... go for the eyes."

Mercifully the lift doors opened and the three of them entered. Shepard hit the button for the Shuttle Bay on deck four.

"These people are showing disrespect to my home, my body. It is unacceptable." EDI said as the lift descended. "I intend to kill Shepard's clone, Agent Brooks and anyone else in my way." She said with anger.

"Sounds like a plan." Kaidan said, a little unnerved.

The lift arrived at the Shuttle Bay and the doors opened. They exited the lift with weapons drawn. The clone emerged from Vega's corner wearing Shepard's armour.

"Unacceptable." Was all Shepard said before he opened fire.

The clone leapt out of the way. Several mercs appeared from the far end of the bay. Brooks emerged from the right. She activated her cloak.

"EDI. Concentrate on Brooks. You're the only one who can see her." Shepard said. "Kaidan take out the mercs. I'm going for him."

Kaidan crouched down behind Cortez's console. As usual these mercs were shielded. Kaidan used his overload to take them down, then he started shooting at them with his pistol. Several of them dropped. He could see EDI looping around out of the corner of his right eye. He knew that Brooks had to be lurking somewhere behind him. He managed to roll out of the way as she de-cloaked and swung at him with her omni-blade.

He managed to overload her shields but couldn't get a shot off at her before she found some cover. In the mean time, a merc had managed to throw a cluster granade behind the console.

"Oh shit!" Kaidan exclaimed. He leapt over the console just as they detonated. His shields dropped but he didn't feel as though he had been injured. He took cover behind a crate as his shields recharged.

"Hey Loco. Do you copy?" James said over the comm.

"Loco here." Shepard said. "Did you cut through the jamming?"

"We did." Liara said. "It was heavily defended but we got through and disabled their tech."

"Commander." Steve's voice. "The Normandy will clear the Citadel soon and head towards the relay."

"Can you get to the cockpit? Like, soon?" Joker asked.

"Negative. I'm occupied in the Shuttle Bay." Shepard's voice was strained.

"Roger that Commander. We'll proceed with plan B." Steve said.

"Plan B?" Joker asked. "What the hell is plan B?" There was a loud noise over the comm. "Aaah. Again with the pancreas."

"I've overridden the sky car's safeties. I'll obstruct the Normandy's path, try to get their attention." Steve said.

"We're bait!" Joker sounded incredulous. "Plan B stands for bait?"

Kaidan emerged from behind the crate just as the bay doors were opening. The Shuttle Bay was filled with wind as the Shuttle launched. Kaidan looked out and saw the sky car blocking their path. Each time the Normandy moved to get around it, the sky car would move in front of it. Suddenly the shuttle opened fire on the car. Luckily Cortez was a great pilot. The sky car managed to pull some fantastic manoeuvres to avoid getting shot down.

"Excellent." EDI said. "If they can keep the sky car within thirty degrees of the bow, then the navigational computer will be unable to automatically plot a course."

"Let's hope they can keep it up." Kaidan yelled as a merc tried to out flank him. 

The clone and Brooks has been forced down towards the open bay doors. Kaidan decided to risk using his biotics on the remaining mercs. He overloaded their shields and then biotically threw them off the ship. He felt really weak and was having trouble focusing. 

He saw Shepard charge down the clone. The force of the impact knocked both of them over the safety rail, and both of them were rolling down the ramp. Kaidan ran towards them. He vaulted over the rail just as both Shepard's reached the edge. They were hanging onto the ramp for dear life.

"John!" Kaidan yelled. He slid along the ramp and grabbed Shepard's wrist. "I've got you." He somehow managed to summon enough strength to lift Shepard up onto the ramp.

"Thanks." Shepard said.

"What about him?" Kaidan asked.

Shepard walked over towards where the clone was still hanging on. "You! Get off my ship." Shepard stamped his foot down on the clone's fingers. He let go and fell down towards the ward. The side of a building ended his descent. Kaidan couldn't help but be rocked by the sight of Shepard, albeit his clone, plummeting to his death.

The sky car carrying Steve and Joker landed just as EDI announced that she had managed to regain control of the ship. Joker limped out and Steve followed.

"Fortunately they weren't able to do much damage." Steve said looking around. "Although I may need help from James cleaning up the damage to the Shuttle Bay."

"Plus they overloaded the heat diffusion system firing at us." Joker said. "Not sure if you noticed, but shuttle guy here did dome crazy stunt flying to keep us in one piece."

"It's nice to fly something a little more manoeuvrable than the Kodiak for a change." Steve said.

"What about the mercs? Any survivors?" Shepard asked.

"Just one crappy-arse pilot and her." Joker pointed to Brooks who had been restrained. "Alliance will take her to a high-security facility. Maybe she can give them some intel on Cerberus."

"I'll be more than happy to co-operate with the authorities." She said in a tone that made Kaidan not want to believe her.

"Until you escape." Shepard said.

"Me? Escape? But I'm not a field agent." She said really childishly.

Shepard approached her. "Stop, just stop. You betrayed me and the Alliance in the middle of a war."

Brooks got up close to Shepard. "I was young and naive." She said in a seductive tone. Kaidan's hands balled up into fists. Shepard walked away from her. "Admit it Commander, you'll miss me." With a flash of tech she'd deactivated the restraints she had on and made a run for it. Cortez gave chase. The sound of a single shot filled the bay. Brooks dropped down, dead. Kaidan looked around. Shepard was lowering his pistol.

"Not at this range, I won't." He said.

Joker activated his comm. "Ah, maintenance to the Shuttle Bay."

When the Normandy docked a couple of minutes later, a vast amount of C-Sec officers were waiting at the dock for them. The remainder of the squad was there as well. 

"Shore leave. Always an adventure." Kaidan commented as he walked down the ramp.

Shepard chuckled. "Come on. Maybe we can take some actual time off. No explosions or anything. Just us." Kaidan liked that idea a lot. He'd not had any time with Shepard to himself since beginning shore leave.

"Don't know about no explosions, but 'just us' sounds perfect." Wrex said.

Kaidan and Shepard exchanged looks. "I'll catch up with you later Shepard." Kaidan said. "There are some things I've got to take care of."

"Ok I'll see you later." Shepard said.

Kaidan got into one of the C-Sec shuttles and instructed the pilot to fly him to his apartment in Shin Akiba.


	17. Chapter 16 - Shepard's Apartment Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan visits Shepard in his apartment to cook him dinner. But the kitchen isn't the only place where things are getting hot...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: NSFW
> 
> This is my first attempt at sexually explicit material. It's the only explicit chapter I'm planning to write at this stage. We'll see how this one goes.

He entered his apartment and headed directly for the fridge. There was some left over pizza in there from when Steve and James had come over. He took the plate over to the couch and collapsed. His entire body was telling him that, yet again, he'd overdone it with the biotics. He'd managed to avoid passing out though, the way he felt, only just. He ate the left over pizza and relaxed.

Kaidan had a small nap. By the time he'd woken up, the pizza had done it's work and he was feeling much better mentally but was sore all over as he'd fallen asleep in his armour. He took it off and just dropped it over the side of the couch.

He remembered the conversation he'd had with Shepard in the vault. He took a look around his rather small apartment. He longed to move in with Shepard just for the simple fact that John was there. The fact that his apartment was more spacious, comfortable and in a fashionable part of the Citadel meant nothing to Kaidan.

Kaidan decided to send a message to Shepard. He got up off the couch and went over to his terminal.

 _John,_  
 _You know what you need? You need a night where you get to just hang out and try to be normal for a few hours. Let's get something to eat. After that we could go down the strip or whatever you want. Let me know.  
_ _Kaidan._

Kaidan transmitted the message. He decided that he was going to take Shepard up on his offer and move in. He started packing some of his belongings into a couple of bags. Just some clothes and personal effects. He left the bags near the door of his apartment. He'd let Shepard know first that he was going to accept rather than just turn up at his door, bags in hand.

After the chaotic day he'd had. Kaidan decided he needed another shower. He took off his uniform and turned on the shower. The water cascading over his naked body felt real good. He resisted the urge to jerk off. It had been a while since the last time he came. He'd decided instead that he was finally ready to get intimate with John.

He finished off his shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. He heard his terminal beeping in the other room indicating that he had a message pending. He walked out into the lounge and opened the message.

 _Kaidan,_  
 _Sounds good. It'll be great to spend some time together, just the two of us. It's been far too long. You can pick me up from the apartment whenever you're ready._  
 _John._

Kaidan decided he was going to dress up for Shepard. He went back into the bathroom and had a shave. He hesitated before putting on his aftershave. He hadn't used it for a while. Ever since Steve had told him it was pretty strong, he'd been a bit more self conscious. He'd started by using less than normal and then stopped using it all together. As he was dressing up, Kaidan decided to use it. The smell when he opened the top was a bit overpowering. Turns out Steve was right. He'd never noticed it before, probably because he was using it every day back then and he was used to the smell. He rubbed some onto his cheeks and chin.

He moved into the bedroom and picked a suit out of his wardrobe. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd worn it. He felt slightly uncomfortable being out of uniform but he was doing this for John as he'd felt bad for not being able to accompany him to the casino. He left his apartment and headed over to meet up with John.

Kaidan approached Shepard's apartment and the door opened to admit him before he'd even used the chime. Obviously Shepard had cleared Kaidan for the apartment, as he had his cabin on the Normandy.

He entered and found Shepard standing in the kitchen. He was wearing his N7 hoodie and track pants.

"Hey Shepard. I'm starving. What do you got?" Kaidan asked as he walked in.

Shepard got a puzzled look on his face. "We're heading out Kaidan."

"We'll just end up back here anyway." Kaidan said seductively. "Am I right?" He leaned in and gave John a kiss.

"You haven't worn that aftershave in a while." Shepard said.

"Yeah. Steve mentioned that it was a bit overpowering. I decided to stop wearing it." Kaidan replied.

"A shame because I really like it." Shepard said.

Kaidan gave Shepard a seductive look. "Well then, I guess I'll just have to start wearing it again then. Won't I?" 

Shepard checked Kaidan out. "How is it I've never seen you dressed up like this before?" Shepard asked.

"I've got to have some secrets." Kaidan replied with a smile. "Trust me. Let me impress you." He said as he headed for the fridge.

Shepard didn't sound too thrilled with the idea. "Oh, no. Really?"

Kaidan laughed. "Come on."

Shepard crossed his arms. "You want me to stand here and watch you cook?"

"You're not watching me cook. You're helping me drink beer. Now sit your arse down." Kaidan said as he pulled a couple of beers from the fridge. He passed one to Shepard.

Shepard reluctantly sat down on a stool on the opposite side of the bench. Kaidan had pulled out a couple of steaks and some bacon from the fridge and placed them on the bench.

"What are we having?" Shepard asked. "Canadian delicacy of some sort?"

Kaidan was searching the cupboards for some equipment. He found a couple of frypans. "Uh... sure. We have beef. We have bacon. We have beer. The foods of my people." They clinked their bottles together. "Wish me luck." They both took a drink.

Kaidan began chopping up some garlic. "You like to cook Shepard?" he asked.

"Roommate on Arcturus taught me." Shepard said. "He said that eating cafeteria crap 24/7 was bad for morale." Shepard got up and walked around to Kaidan's side of the bench.

"Is there anything you're bad at?" Kaidan asked as he put the garlic into a heated pan. Shepard just shrugged his shoulders.

"Where did you learn to cook?" Shepard asked as he leaned on the edge of the bench.

"Classes at Jump Zero. Young biotics who can't cook for themselves risk starving." Memories of his time at Jump Zero came flooding back. He tried to push them to the back of his mind.

"Did you pass?" Shepard asked. "You're burning the garlic."

Kaidan looked over at the pan and the garlic was indeed starting to overcook. "Sorry. Guess I'm distracted."

"By?" Shepard asked.

"I wonder..." Kaidan said as he looked sideways towards Shepard. They stared intensely at each other for a bit. Kaidan returned his attention to the meal. He put the bacon and steak on to cook. Shepard put his arm around Kaidan. "So?" he asked.

"We have hot sauce right?" Shepard asked.

Kaidan just smiled. He finished cooking and plated up. Shepard moved into the lounge and Kaidan served up the meal. They sat there eating. Shepard was making noises of appreciation during the meal.

"This is delicious. You sure know how to cook a steak to perfection." Shepard said.

"I had a good teacher." Kaidan said. "Still have a few other tricks up my sleeve though."

Kaidan cleaned up the plates and left them in the sink. He returned to the couch and put his arm around Shepard. "This was great." He said.

"What is it over?" Shepard asked with a hint of disappointment.

Kaidan got a sly smile. "Well what do you suggest?" He asked.

Shepard fixed an intense stare on Kaidan. "I think we need to find a way to burn off these calories. Don't you?"

Shepard got up from the couch and started walking towards the stairs. Kaidan got up and followed him. As Shepard got to the stairs, Kaidan grabbed him by the waist, spun him around and pulled him in for a kiss.

"I could always just activate my amp and lift the piano for a few hours. What about you?" Kaidan said. He really wanted this but, not being experienced, wanted Shepard to take control.

"Well I thought we could go upstairs, maybe use the spa and then retire to bed." Shepard said.

Kaidan's heart was racing. "I'll be honest John. I'm really nervous."

Shepard took his hand and started climbing the stairs. "Everyone is their first time. I was a nervous wreck."

Kaidan swallowed hard. "That's how I feel right now. How did you get over it?"

"He told me the same thing I'm going to tell you. Don't think about it. Just go with whatever happens. Trust your urges." Shepard went into the bathroom and switched on the spa. He started to strip off. Kaidan was frozen, partly in fear, but mostly because he just wanted to watch John strip. 

Shepard was now standing there naked from the waist up. Kaidan was still fully clothed. Shepard walked over to Kaidan and began to remove his suit. He stared into Kaidan's eyes as he removed his jacket and shirt. He traced his fingers around Kaidan's defined muscles. Spending a bit of time playing with the nipples. Kaidan shuddered with pleasure. Shepard took a step back and Kaidan copied what Shepard had done to him. Shepard closed his eyes and was moaning slightly as Kaidan tweaked his nipples. 

Shepard pulled Kaidan's head in and gave him a long passionate kiss. His tongue entered Kaidan's mouth and Kaidan used his to try to push it back out. They engaged in their oral fencing match for a few minutes. Shepard eventually broke the contact.

He started to undo Kaidan's belt. Kaidan was holding his breath. His cock was straining for release. Shepard had taken his belt off and unzipped his trousers. He took down Kaidan's trousers and looked at Kaidan's bulging boxers with hunger. Kaidan thought that Shepard would take it further but he stood back.

Kaidan took his cue and moved in to remove Shepard's pants. He crouched down and lowered them to his ankles and Shepard stepped out of them. Kaidan was surprised to discover that Shepard wasn't wearing any underwear. His cock was hardening almost level with Kaidan's face. He was hypnotised by the sight of the increasingly large member. There was no thoughts going through Kaidan's mind apart from one... 

"Fuck it." Kaidan said and took Shepard's cock into his mouth. He heard a sharp intake of breath from Shepard as he began to gently suck the head. He used his tongue to stimulate the underside of Shepard's cock head and shaft as Steve had shown him to do.

"I can't believe we waited this long." Shepard said. "You're really good at this."

His cock popped out of Kaidan's mouth. "Thanks. I'll be sure to pass you're compliments on to my instructor the next time I see him." He said with a grin.

"And who might that be?" Shepard asked with a grin.

Kaidan deliberately kept sucking as he said "Steve" so that Shepard wouldn't be able to make it out.

Shepard obviously wanted to make a night of it as he stopped Kaidan, headed over to the spa, which was now steaming and bubbling away, and climbed in. Kaidan followed him into the bathroom and stood at the side of the spa. Shepard looked up at him from the tub.

"Are you going to take off those boxers, or will I?" Shepard said.

"You can." Kaidan said, hoping that Shepard would go down on him as he had done.

Shepard pulled down the boxers and Kaidan's cock sprang up and hit his abdomen. Shepard looked at it hungrily. Kaidan felt a bit uncomfortable standing there all exposed. Shepard sat back down. Slightly disappointed, Kaidan climbed into the tub and sat next to Shepard.

Shepard slid closer to Kaidan and started to rub Kaidan's shoulders. Kaidan thought to himself that John had improved since the last time. He wondered if Vega had given him any lessons. After a few minutes, Kaidan decided that he would return the favour. He spun John around and pulled out every trick that he could remember James teaching him. Shepard was moaning even more than Steve had been. He was so relaxed that he started sliding under the water.

Kaidan grabbed him and pulled him back up. Shepard responded by nestling in close. Kaidan's dick was up against John's back. He resisted the urge to thrust but John was teasing him, moving his body so that Kaidan's cock was rubbing all over his back. Kaidan realised that if he didn't stop soon, he was going to shoot his load.

"John, please. I'm going to cum soon if you don't stop that." He said.

Shepard turned around to face him. "Well we can't have that just yet can we?" He said with a sly grin. "Let's just sit here and enjoy each other's company. Once we move to the bed, then we can get started."

As tempting as it was, Kaidan decided that it was time to move to the bed now. He was really horny and hadn't jerked off for a couple of weeks. "I think we should move to the bed. There's something I'd like to give you."

"Oh?" Shepard asked in a curious manner. "What would that be?"

Kaidan got out of the spa. He saw Shepard licking his lips as his focus was again on Kaidan's erection. Kaidan held out his hand. "Come with me and find out." He said.

Shepard got out of the tub and Kaidan began drying him off with a towel, gently rubbing it all over his body. He payed special attention to Shepard's bum, gently massaging it. He also used the towel to slowly jerk John's cock while kissing him.

Shepard had also gotten a towel by this point and was using it to dry off Kaidan. Shepard also paid close attention to Kaidan's arse and cock. While he was drying off Kaidan's feet he lifted his head up and licked the underside of Kaidan's throbbing member. Kaidan felt as though a bolt of electricity had just gone through him. However it didn't last as John only did it once.

Kaidan grabbed John by his erection and took him into the bedroom. "Lay down on your stomach." Kaidan said. John did as he was told. Kaidan realised that he'd forgotten to bring the massage oil with him. He looked in the drawers and was surprised to find a half empty bottle of the same oil that James had given him. "Well would you look at that." Kaidan said with surprise.

"Huh?" Shepard said as he looked over his shoulder. "Oh... I got given that a while ago. It's really good stuff. It's got some Asari compound in it that..." 

"Stimulates endorphins that enhance pleasure." They both said in unison.

Shepard looked surprised as hell. "Wow. That was... weird. You're already finishing off my sentences."

Kaidan smiled. "You know I hear that it can also be used as lube."

"And I have been." Shepard said. "I jerk off often thinking about you. I've been looking forward to this day for a very long time."

"Me too." Kaidan said. "Though being my first time, I don't know if I'm a bottom or a top."

Shepard flipped over. "Don't believe the crap on the extranet. Because in a relationship it doesn't matter who tops and who bottoms. Unless you really don't like doing one or the other, I'd hoped we'd take turns in each role."

"Sounds good to me. Though I must admit I'm a little worried about whether I could accommodate something that big." Kaidan said.

"It's not that big. Only about seven inches." Shepard said. Kaidan couldn't help but compare it to his own. Shepard's was definitely bigger. Kaidan's feeling of inadequacy must have shown on his face because Shepard wrapped his hand around Kaidan's deflating penis and gently tugged it until it was back at full erection. "I'm more worried about this huge thing here." He said.

Kaidan was confused. "What do you mean? I'm only just over six inches. What do you possibly have to be worried about?"

"Oh my poor, sweet Kaidan." Shepard planted a kiss on Kaidan's cheek. "It's not the length that counts. As any bottom will tell you, thickness is most important. Trust me when I say that you've got me beat when it comes to thickness."

Kaidan hadn't considered that aspect before. He compared the two dicks again and indeed his was thicker, by a fair bit. He felt a little bit better but was still confused as to how that made a difference. All the extranet vids he'd seen had emphasised length.

"Let me put it another way." Shepard said. "Say you take an old fashioned slug thrower. You have two different calibre bullets. One the same calibre as that gun, and one slightly smaller. Which do you choose?"

"The larger calibre of course." Kaidan said.

"Why's that?"

"Because you'd need a sabot for the smaller calibre, and it wouldn't do as much damage." Kaidan said, wondering what the hell this had to do with cock size.

"Exactly." Shepard said. "It's a tighter fit and the other guy is going to feel it a hell of a lot more. So trust me when I tell you that you have a large cock and I'm pretty sure it's going to be a tight fit." He turned back over onto his stomach.

Kaidan put some of the massage oil on his hands. He proceeded to massage Shepard's shoulders. It was a bit awkward standing up and massaging at the same time, so he straddled Shepard and got to work. As he's working on John's shoulders, his cock was sliding up and down the crack of Shepard's arse. Kaidan again resisted the urge to just start thrusting.

He worked his way down John's back, eliciting moans of pleasure from Shepard every now and then. He deliberately avoided his bum for now and worked on his legs. From the feet he worked his way back up. He started to massage the two muscular globes that were Shepard's arse. Shepard spread his legs slightly and Kaidan caught sight of his anus. He ran his hands down between the cheeks, just teasing past the hole. 

He used his left hand to hold the cheeks apart while he ran a single finger down over the opening. Shepard shivered with delight and was grinding his cock into the bed. He did it again and a loud moan escaped John's lips. Kaidan got an idea. He got off Shepard and spread his legs a bit wider so that his hole was exposed. He then activated his amp and then traced his finger along the hole again, slightly applying pressure so that the tip of his finger slipped in.

Shepard gave a loud yell and turned around very quickly. Kaidan deactivated his amp. "What the fuck was that?" he said.

Kaidan was scared that he'd hurt John that he started stuttering. "I... I'm... I'm so..." Was all he managed to get out. He felt tears starting to well up in his eyes.

Shepard quickly climbed off the bed and embraced Kaidan. "Hey, hey, hey." He said softly. "I didn't mean to frighten you. Whatever you just did felt fucking fantastic."

"I thought I'd hurt you." Kaidan said.

"Hell no. I almost came right then. What was that?" Shepard asked.

Kaidan took a breath. "I had an idea. When I activate my amp, my whole body tingles as it gets bathed in dark energy." He said, still trembling slightly from shock. "I sometimes turn it on when I'm jerking off. I thought that maybe I could transfer some of that sensation to you."

Shepard smiled broadly. "Well it worked. Felt like a vibrator running with an eezo core the size of the Normandy's. You can definitely do that again, though give me a bit of warning before you do."

Shepard lay back down on the bed, but Kaidan motioned for him to turn over. Kaidan began down at John's legs and worked his way up, deliberately leaving his erection until last. Eventually he'd finished with the massage and kissed his way down his chest to his cock. He put as much of it into his mouth as he could manage. He started sucking away and slowly jerking the shaft with his right hand.

Shepard was in absolute ecstasy. He began thrusting into Kaidan's mouth, on more than one occasion getting a little over enthusiastic causing Kaidan to gag. Kaidan then began to lick up and down the shaft, pausing at the bottom to pop John's balls into his mouth and gently sucking on them. On the licks up he would lash his tongue all over the head, and in particular the sensitive bit just underneath.

Shepard was moaning louder than he had been and Kaidan, correctly, guessed that he was nearing his orgasm. He took John's cock out of his mouth and began to jerk it. Pretty soon he felt it stiffen up more than he thought possible and John grunted and moaned with delight as he shot his load all over his chest.

Shepard lay there panting and did something that Kaidan didn't expect. He got some semen on the end of his finger and put it in his mouth and closed his eyes. "Mmmm." Shepard moaned. He opened his eyes and looked down at Kaidan. "You ever tried cum before?" He asked.

"Only my own. I didn't much care for it." Kaidan admitted. He put a little bit on his finger and tasted it. He felt like gagging. "Still don't like it." He said.

"That's ok. Just means that there is more for me." Shepard said with delight. He cleaned himself up, not wasting a single drop. "Now, my turn."

Shepard stood up and threw Kaidan down on the bed. Kaidan's cock was leaking pre-cum like crazy. He knew that whatever john was going to do to him, he wasn't going to last long. Shepard took his cock in one hand and slowly rubbed the pre-cum over the head with one of his fingers. Kaidan was squirming. Everything he'd tried on himself when he'd jerked off doesn't compare to the feeling of someone else doing it.

Shepard continued teasing his cock with his finger. Kaidan was breathing a bit heavily. "John. I saw the look on your face earlier. If you want to do something to it, I suggest you do it soon. I'm close."

Shepard kept his eyes on Kaidan's face. Kaidan had closed his eyes and was moaning, his breathing becoming quicker. He felt the familiar tingling feeling in his cock that told him he was close to his orgasm. Then just when he thought that he wasn't going to hold out any more, Shepard stopped. Kaidan opened his eyes in shock.

"Not yet." Shepard said with a smirk. "I haven't finished with you yet."

Kaidan couldn't believe that John was teasing him like this. He just stared at him while he got some of the massage oil and coated Kaidan's cock with it. He also reached behind him and appeared to apply some to his arse. He then straddled Kaidan and leaned in to kiss him. While he was doing so, Kaidan felt John grab his cock and hold it in place while he lowered himself on it.

The sensation that enveloped his cock as the head started to penetrate Shepard was indescribable. He'd never felt anything like it that he could compare it to. He looked up at John's face and was worried to discover that he was in pain.

"Stop." Kaidan said. "It's obvious that it's hurting you."

"No." Said Shepard in obvious discomfort. "I just need time to adjust." He lowered himself a little bit at a time until the head was finally in. "Oh god!" He grunted. He was breathing a bit quickly, sweat starting to show on his brow.

Kaidan was getting a little concerned. His erection started to deflate. Shepard noticed and immediately got off of Kaidan and started jerking his cock. Kaidan was relaxing a bit but tensed up when Shepard slipped a finger into Kaidan's arse. He'd never had anything up there before. It felt weird until he hit a certain spot. Kaidan felt as though his body was being electrified. He'd had no idea that it could feel that good. His cock immediately sprang back.

Shepard got back onto Kaidan and again lowered himself slowly. Kaidan looked away from his face. He couldn't stand seeing him like that. He knew it was hurting him quite a bit. Once he'd felt that he was as deep inside Shepard as he was going to get, he opened his eyes. Shepard was just sitting there breathing heavily. He looked down at Kaidan and then nodded his head. Very carefully, Kaidan started thrusting, slowly building up speed. He felt amazing, whether it was how it was supposed to feel or if it was the Asari compound doing its work, he didn't care. He'd noticed that Shepard's cock had gotten hard again so he grabbed it and started jerking him off.

Shepard was moaning so loudly that Kaidan briefly wondered how thick the walls were. He dismissed the thought almost as soon as he had it. He didn't care. He'd finally lost his virginity to the man he loved and couldn't care less if anyone walked in on them at this point. It just felt so good.

"Amp." Shepard somehow managed to get out. 

Kaidan activated his amp and his entire body was bathed in the usual blue glow. Shepard was practically screaming with delight. Kaidan concentrated on his biotics and managed to get the field to envelop Shepard as well. Judging by the look on his face, Kaidan guessed that John was experiencing the same full body sensations that he always did.

"I'm close." Kaidan said.

Shepard immediately got off of Kaidan and then placed the two cocks together. Kaidan kept the biotic field active while John started jerking them both. The sensation was too much for Kaidan to bear.

"Fuck!" Kaidan yelled as the most intense orgasm he'd ever experienced erupted from him. Having been a while since he'd last jerked off, his cock had become a cum fountain. He blew his load all over his chest. The sight of which must have pushed Shepard over the edge as he came a few seconds later. Both loads pooling together on Kaidan's stomach.

Shepard released their spent cocks and started to lick the culmination of their work. Kaidan couldn't help but giggle as he felt the tongue lap his stomach. 

Having finished cleaning up, Shepard collapsed on the bed next to Kaidan. Both men were panting.

"Fuck that felt good." Shepard said. "Those biotics of yours... god I wish we'd started this back when we met three years ago."

Kaidan smiled. "I had no idea that it could feel so good. When you fingered me, I thought I was going to blow right there."

Shepard chuckled. "You think that felt good, wait until I fuck you." He said. "Damn your cock is big. Felt as though my hole was being ripped open. It's perfect."

Kaidan felt flattered. He'd always felt that he didn't have much to offer in the penis department. But the man of his dreams told him it was perfect. 

Kaidan glanced over at the clock. 2300. He'd spent five hours here with John and felt that it was time well spent.

"I think we should hop back in the spa and wash." Shepard said.

"You scrub my back and I'll scrub yours." Kaidan said.

"Wouldn't have it any other way." Shepard said.

After cleaning themselves off and relaxing in the spa, the headed back to the bed. Both of them decided to sleep naked tonight. Shepard snuggled in behind Kaidan and began spooning him. Kaidan could feel Shepard's cock against his arse and couldn't help his own cock hardening.

"John? You still awake?" Kaidan asked after a while.

"Yes." Shepard replied. "What's on your mind?"

"I've decided to say yes. I want to move in." Kaidan said.

"That's wonderful." Shepard said. "I'm so happy. Joker has suggested having a party. With the war and all, it might be the last time we get a chance to really let our hair down."

"That's not a bad idea." Kaidan said. "You say Joker came up with it?"

"Yeah." Shepard's tone changed to a tone that sounded less than pleased. "He's already taken the liberty of inviting EDI, Traynor and Cortez."

"Well that's not so bad is it?" Kaidan said.

Shepard continued. "Cortez invited Vega, Glyph invited Liara and Wrex invited himself." He sighed. "I was hoping that I'd have some control as to who was invited and who wasn't."

"But you were going to invite them anyway weren't you?" Kaidan asked.

"That's beside the point."

"And when exactly was I going to get my invitation." Kaidan said in a mocking hurt tone.

"You weren't." Shepard joked. "As you live here now, you can help me plan it." He said and proceeded to nibble on Kaidan's left ear.

"Fine then. I'm inviting everyone." Kaidan said.

Shepard coughed. "What do you mean everyone?"

"Pretty self explanatory. The current senior staff, the original Normandy staff as well as the ones during your time... away." Kaidan still didn't like bringing up the fact that Shepard had been with Cerberus. "Any of them that still work for those bastards, won't be coming."

"Relax. There were only two of them that worked for Cer... those people, and both have left."

"So talk me through the crew." Kaidan said.

"Well Miranda, you know."

"No issues with her." Kaidan said.

"Jacob is the other ex agent, former Alliance spec ops. Left to join 'them'. He's always had issues with the way the Illusive Man does things and wasn't afraid to tell him so. Abandoned the cause to save a group of scientists and their families... they had ceased being useful." Shepard said a bit mournfully. "He's an honourable man and I'd trust him with our lives."

"Sold." Kaidan said. "You've mentioned a Jack before. What's his story?"

Shepard laughed. "If she heard you say that, well, you're a powerful biotic but I don't think even you'd stand a chance. She's hates Cerberus with a passion. Spent much of her childhood in one of their facilities being experimented on. Taught biotic kids at Grissom Academy up until it was destroyed. Now she leads them into battle."

"Not sure about her." Kaidan said a bit worried.

"She's fine. The only weapon you'd have to worry about is her mouth. She's got a rather vulgar vocabulary."

"Alright. But she's your responsibility." Kaidan said.

"Deal." Shepard said. "Next we have Grunt. Krogan. Member of clan Urdnot and one of Wrex's most trusted soldiers."

"Ok. Not sure what I'm more worried about. Having two drunk Krogan rampaging around the place, or Jack. Who's next?" Kaidan said.

"Kasumi. She's pretty strange. Comes from losing her partner due to him finding some information that would've thrown the Alliance into war with the Batarians. An expert when it comes to breaking encryptions and hacking terminals."

Kaidan sighed. "Who else?"

"Samara. Asari. She is a Justicar which is an ancient order of, for lack of a better term, warrior monks that go around Asari space righting wrongs and bringing the guilty to justice. She follows a strict code that determines all her actions, which can include killing innocent people if they get in her way. As long as you don't break the law around her, she'll behave more like a monk."

Kaidan couldn't believe the sort of people that Shepard wanted to invite. "Next?" He sighed.

"Finally Zaeed. Freelancer, of sorts."

Kaidan was instantly suspicious. "Well all the rest have been dangerous individuals that I wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley, so let me guess. He's a merc. One of the big players, judging by the rest of your motley crew. Probably responsible for massacring a whole heap of innocent people to kill one person. How am I doing?"

Shepard whistled. "Damn good. You pretty much nailed it."

Kaidan looked Shepard directly in the eyes. "Tell me you're joking!" He said incredulously. 

"Afraid not. He is indeed a merc. In fact he's a founding member of the Blue Suns..." Shepard said.

"Are you out of your mind?" Kaidan asked. "A founding member of the Blue Suns here? A little risky with that Justicar don't you think? Not to mention trying to explain your association with him to C-Sec and the Alliance."

"Not really. He's not with the Blue Suns anymore and Samara has no reason to kill him that I know of. Everyone else is aware of my association with him. Brought him here many times while he was on board the Normandy."

"At least tell me I was wrong about the massacre." Kaidan said hopefully.

"Afraid not. He was hunting down the other founding member of the Suns who'd betrayed him and left him for dead. Took out a fuel refinery and all of its workers to do it." 

"What about that Drell that I was with back in Huerta. What was his name... Thane?" Kaidan asked.

Shepard rolled away from Kaidan. Kaidan rolled over to look at him. Shepard wasn't saying anything and had that look on his face that Kaidan knew.

"What happened?" Kaidan asked. "The last time I saw him, he was heading for C-Sec during the coup."

When Shepard finally spoke, Kaidan found it hard to understand him as he was whispering and his voice was breaking up. "He made it there just in time to save Councillor Valern from an assassination attempt by Kai Leng. Thane was fighting him when he was run through by Leng's sword." Shepard sighed. "He didn't make it. His name is up on the memorial wall on deck three. I'm surprised you hadn't noticed it."

Kaidan felt terrible. He hadn't noticed. In fact he hadn't read the names on there at all. He knew most of them would've been from the original Normandy, Pressly, Ashley etc. There was a long, awful silence.

"John. I..." Kaidan tried to think of the right words to say. "It's your party John. You invite whoever you want to. They are your crew, your friends. My opinion doesn't matter. If it'll make you happy then I am happy."

"Your opinion will always matter with me." Shepard said. "I'd really like to see them all again, and say goodbye. Chances are I'll never see most of them again."

"Send out the rest of the invitations tomorrow. I'll spend the day out at my apartment packing up." Kaidan said.

"Thank you my love." Shepard said as he nestled up to Kaidan.

Kaidan held onto Shepard and realised after a few minutes, that Shepard had fallen asleep in his arms. Kaidan smiled and closed his own eyes.


	18. Chapter 17 - Shepard's Apartment Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew of the Normandy, past and present, arrive at Shepard's apartment for a night of drinking and celebration. Shepard stuns everyone with an announcement.

Kaidan woke up next morning and he could feel Shepard snuggled up behind him. The memory of last night was still very much vivid in Kaidan's mind. He somehow managed to extricate himself from Shepard. He stood there just watching him sleep as he put on his boxers and pants. He decided against putting the rest of his clothes on and went downstairs.

He took out some bacon and eggs from the fridge and began cooking. He'd also managed to find some fresh coffee and brewed a couple of cups. Plating them up, he put them on a tray and carried them up to Shepard.

Kaidan almost couldn't bring himself to wake Shepard up, but it was almost 0830. Shepard was usually up long before this, plus he had things to do before the party. In the end Kaidan' didn't have to wake Shepard up as the smell of the coffee had done it for him.

Shepard rubbed his eyes and looked up at Kaidan. "Hey. Topless waiter? I should eat here more often." Shepard looked over Kaidan appreciatively. "Though I hear there's a place where the waiters serve you completely naked."

"Oh yeah. Where would that be?" Kaidan asked.

"In my mind." Shepard said. Kaidan couldn't help but notice that the sheets were beginning to tent. "I could do with a full service breakfast." Shepard said looking down.

"I'm sorry sir, but you didn't order full service." Seeing Shepard's face fall at that comment almost broke Kaidan's heart. He handed the tray to Shepard and placed the coffee on the bedside table. "John last night was very special for me. I want to keep our time here special and that means not giving into temptation every time one of us gets a hard on."

"I understand." Shepard said. Kaidan wasn't convinced that he understood at all. "I've never had a meaningful relationship before. Sure I've had other sexual partners, but they never really meant anything to me. I'm just used to getting laid whenever I want." 

Kaidan was feeling uncomfortable. He'd known that Shepard wasn't as new to this as he was. But he'd never really thought about it before. Now that he was, he wondered how many guys Shepard had been with. He was worried where this conversation was going.

"I'd been able to deal with the fact that you weren't ready to move forward. I didn't force the issue because I knew if I did, you'd leave me and I'm not sure I could've lived with myself for hurting you like that. But after last night I never really considered that you didn't feel the same way about sex as I do. If I've somehow offended you I apologise wholeheartedly."

Kaidan couldn't help but smile. "You know, you're really cute when you think you've done something wrong." He sat down on the bed next to Shepard. "I just believe that the more you do something, the less it means. I've been waiting for you all my life and I don't want to mess this up. I want us to last past this war and into our old age."

Shepard's eyes quickly flicked over to a position behind Kaidan. Something seemed to make him feel at ease and he looked back at Kaidan. "I don't want to mess this up either. So I guess I'd better eat this lovely breakfast that you made for me before it gets too cold."

Kaidan kissed Shepard on the forehead and went downstairs to clean up. Shepard came down after finishing his breakfast, now fully dressed, with the remainder of Kaidan's clothes.

"Here you can put these on now." He said. "Can't have you walking around all day looking like that."

Kaidan acted hurt. "Oh... So you don't like my sexy body?" He pouted.

Shepard traced a finger down Kaidan's chest stopping just short of his pants. "No I don't." He sighed.

Kaidan was initially shocked but thought he could see the faintest of smiles. He decided to see how much further he could push it. "I suppose you prefer someone like Vega then, all muscle and no brain?"

Shepard gave a thoughtful look. "You know, that's not such a bad idea. Cortez says he's a cum guzzling whore with a very tight arse. Might try it out when he gets here."

"Sure, and I'll just call up Steve and see if he'll fuck me with that magnificent ten inch black dick of his." Kaidan said with a smile and a wink. "You have no idea how tempted I was when I had that monster less than a meter from my face." Shepard's jaw dropped and Kaidan knew he had won. "Relax John. I would never do that to you. You are all I want, and all I need."

"That's good to know, but if Vega wants my load then I'm going to give it to him." Apparently Shepard wasn't beaten.

Kaidan was horrified. He turned away from Shepard and took a deep breath. He was getting ready for another come back when Shepard grabbed him from behind and spun him around.

"Hey, I'm joking." Shepard said reassuringly. He cupped Kaidan's head in his hands. "I'd rather take down another Thresher Maw on foot than even consider going there with Vega."

Kaidan couldn't believe his ears. "You took down a Thresher Maw on foot? John I always knew you were crazy, but that's suicidal."

"Long story. Ask Grunt tonight."

"I'm going to head back to my place and pack." Kaidan said. He gave Shepard a kiss. "I'll see you tonight." He turned and headed to the door just as Vega was walking in. "Just behave yourself with James."

He had a surprised look on his face. "Me and Loco misbehaving? I'd never do that to you guys or Esteban."

Kaidan patted him on the shoulder. "Relax Vega. We're just joking around."

 

*****************  
Later that evening, Kaidan arrived back at Shepard's apartment. He was back in his uniform. Granted that the night was supposed to be about fun and relaxing, but he felt more at ease in uniform than in civilian clothes. He entered and was relieved to discover that Steve and Traynor were also in uniform.

Shepard walked up to him, drink in hand. "I was beginning to think you weren't coming." He gave Kaidan a quick kiss on the cheek. 

"Sorry John. I was so focused on packing that I lost track of the time. My stuff is due to be delivered here tomorrow."

"Perfect." Shepard said with a smile. "Grab yourself a drink and enjoy yourself. I'll be around mingling." Shepard walked off to the Kitchen.

Kaidan grabbed a drink and moved to the lounge where Steve and James were sitting. A heavily tattooed woman was standing by the fireplace. Kaidan guessed that this was the infamous Jack.

"Hi guys. Enjoying yourselves?" He asked as he sat next to James.

"Man this music is hot!" James exclaimed. "The right music sets the tone for the whole party. Right Esteban?"

Steve looked a little down. "Sure... My parties are always a bit hit and miss to be honest."

"Stick with me bud, I'm a party legend. Back in school they called me 'Party Vega'." James said in a dramatic voice.

Steve didn't look impressed. "That's a little... lame." He said.

"I ran with a simple crowd." Vega said.

Shepard wandered over from the Kitchen and sat down next to Steve. 

"Hey Shepard. Are you going to have a drink?" Jack asked.

Shepard smiled. "Sure. How's everyone doing?"

Jack smiled. "Ask me again after five more of these." She finished off the remainder of her glass.

Kaidan couldn't help but chuckle. "As long as you keep control of those biotics of yours."

Jack stared directly at Kaidan. After the things he'd heard about her from Shepard, he almost shit himself. Fortunately James diverted her attention.

"So what does happen to a biotic when they get completely smashed?" He said.

"Stick around muscles and maybe you'll find out." Jack said. Kaidan was sure she was flirting with him.

Steve laughed. "Yeah... 'Muscles'. I like that."

Kaidan turned to James. "What happens when I get drunk? The same as you. I just glow blue while doing it." Kaidan polished off his drink and placed the glass on the table.

"Hey. Thanks for doing this." Jack said to Shepard. "I kind of needed to unwind for a bit. Even just for a night."

Steve agreed. "I think we've all earned a rest."

"That we have Steve." Shepard said.

Jack, who had by this time gotten a refill, raised her glass. "Here's to taking a fucking break." Steve and James, who still had half empty glasses, joined in.

Shepard excused himself and got up to go mingle with another group. Kaidan couldn't help but stare at Shepard's arse as he walked away.

Jack snapped her finger in front of Kaidan's face. "Hey... pretty boy."

Kaidan came back to reality. "Wh.. what?" he said.

"Judging by that lump in your pants I'd say you were Shepard's bitch." She said in a tone that Kaidan didn't like. He just looked down at his feet, saying nothing. "He tells me you're an L2." She said in a much softer tone. "Tough break. Can't imagine what it's like living in constant pain like that. Only ever known one other L2 and he was mildly insane. Ended up throwing himself out an airlock."

If it was anyone else, Kaidan would've snapped and thrown them across the room. Well except maybe Wrex. Instead he tried his best to ignore what was said."Shepard told me you've upgraded to the L3-X1 prototype. How's that working out?" He said. 

"It's fucking brilliant. No bad side effects. No longer have to hold back in case it overloads. Can handle much more energy pumped through it. Plus it speeds up my metabolism which means, no more hangovers." She finished her second drink and went to find a third.

The party continued on for a few hours. Kaidan couldn't remember most of it. Due in part to the fact that he didn't really like parties, loud music or dancing. But mostly because he'd had a fair bit to drink. Shepard had made an appearance a couple of times to check in, but it seems like he was too busy throwing the party to enjoy it himself. Kaidan just wanted to spend some time alone with him to cheer him up a bit but never got the opportunity.

Kaidan's next clear memory was a conversation he was having with James, Liara and Jacob. James was trying to convince the three biotics that their biotic powers weren't that important. This was yet another time that Kaidan wanted to hit him.

"James you can't be serious." Liara said. "Biotics are, for the Asari at least, a natural part of life. There are things we can do that you can't even begin to imagine." To demonstrate her point she jumped off of the balcony to the floor below and gracefully glided down. After climbing back up the stairs she just stared at him with her arms crossed.

"Absolutely, biotics are impressive. I'm not saying they aren't." James said.

Liara fixed him with a cold, hard stare. "You're just saying that they aren't that impressive." She said.

James was getting a little flustered. "I'm not saying anything. I'm just saying... ah shit." He groaned.

"No. It's fine. I'm sure no one here is insulted." She said in a very slow, sarcastic voice.

Kaidan took a sip of his drink. "Only a little." He said. He looked over at Jacob.

"Maybe." Jacob said.

James tried to plead his case again. "I'm just saying... What I'm trying to say is... I mean..." He started to flex and show off. "... Check out these guns. Biotics can't give you the kind of fine instrument, the peak physical form that you see before you."

"Ok." Jacob said. "You work for it. I get that."

"I mean it." James continued posing. "Check me out."

Liara was unimpressed. "Is there more to your argument?" She asked.

James got a sultry look on his face. "Come in closer. Don't be shy."

Jacob chuckled. "Yeah, don't be shy."

It was at this point that Shepard joined the group. "Hey what's going on? Everyone playing nice?" he asked.

"Of course Shepard." Liara said in an innocent voice. "James was just explaining how physical conditioning trumps biotics."

Shepard looked around at Kaidan, Liara and Jacob surprised. "Really?" He asked with disbelief. "You're going there James?"

James looked slightly more hopeful now that Shepard was there. "Come on Loco. You have to go with me on this one. Biotics are strong but unpredictable, all that cooling down."

Jacob was shaking his head and laughing. "Shepard. Where did you find this guy?"

James continued. "A person can improve their physique. But biotics? They are what they are. And what about our friends stuck with flawed implants?" He looked directly at Kaidan.

Kaidan's desire to hit him was building. "Wait. What? You're not talking about me are you? I may be L2 but I've worked very hard and now I can reave." He said proudly.

"Really?" Jacob asked. "That's... no." He sounded as though he didn't believe what Kaidan had said.

"That's a bit strange." Liara said.

"Ok, ok. Maybe it's not 'conditioning' exactly. Maybe it's just the condition of one James Vega!" James said, again flexing. "Hey Liara? This guy here never has to cool down. In fact the hotter, the better."

"Wait." Kaidan said. "We're still talking about combat right?"

Jacob continued laughing. "Hilarious." He said.

All of a sudden someone de-cloaked behind James. It was a hooded figure that Kaidan had not met. "Just hush and do some sit ups." She said.

Jacob stopped laughing. "Kasumi." He said in a slightly stern tone.

"Just looking." She said giggling before she re-cloaked.

Liara planted her face in her palm. "Oh Goddess." She groaned.

Shepard stepped forward. "I'm going to have to go with James on this one." He said.

"Aw, thanks Shepard." James said.

"Biotics are a little intangible when there's an example of physical excellence standing in front of you." Shepard said.

"Nice." James said grinning from ear to ear.

Kaidan couldn't believe what he was hearing. He fixed a disappointed stare at Shepard. "Wow Shepard. Did you really just say that?"

"Don't worry Kaidan." He said reassuringly. "Your kind of physical excellence is still my kind of physical excellence." He licked his lips slightly.

James must have seen it. "Check it out. I can also roll my tongue." He said.

"Oh my." Liara said in a really patronising tone. "That's..." She turned away from James. "Shepard if that's your decision I support you as always." She turned back to James. "Please stop doing that."

"More Drinks?" James asked as he looked around. "Jacob? Doc? L2?"

Kaidan almost hit him right there. "Hey! Easy." He said in an angry tone. James apparently got the message as he changed the subject.

"Hey Liara. When you were younger, did you ever just throw people around for fun?" James asked.

Liara looked shocked. "People?"

"You know, people, things, stuff... pets, cars... whatever."

"Of course not." Liara sounded offended.

"Oh yeah." Jacob said.

"As a kid?" Kaidan asked. "All the time. As an adult, only when I'm pissed off. Lieutenant." He still wanted to hit him but James had given him another idea.

"All the time." Jacob agreed.

Shepard must have picked up something in Kaidan's voice, because he pulled him into the corner. "Are you alright?" he asked quietly.

"Hey." Kaidan said. "Need me to do anything? Food run? Change the music? Check on ice?"

"I need you to relax and have a good time." Shepard said. "Don't do anything to Vega."

Kaidan saluted. "Ok you're the boss." He looked at his empty glass and frowned. "Except when you're not, and in that case..." he lowered his voice so only Shepard could hear it. "... find me later."

When Shepard left Kaidan noticed that they had been joined by Miranda, another biotic. She and Jacob were having a quiet word. Somehow a suggestion got thrown out about the guys doing push ups to see who was better. Jacob, James and Kaidan all started.

The contest was going well. Kaidan was feeling pretty good and wasn't tiring. James, however seemed to be struggling. "One hundred and sixty." He said with a strain.

"Anyone counting? Miranda?" Jacob asked. He too seemed to be straining a little bit.

"Absolutely. I think you're just fantastic" Miranda said sarcastically.

"Keep going." Liara commanded.

The guys continued for another few minutes. Kaidan heard footsteps approaching.

"Shepard!" Liara said.

"What's up?" Shepard said uncertainly.

"Just demonstrating a little physical supremacy." James said slightly out of breath.

"But can you do that with a drink and a snack in each hand?" Shepard asked.

"Sure." James said. He gave a sharp yelp of pain. "Ah. Wow."

"Why is Kaidan lapping you?" Liara asked in her patronising tone.

"Don't act so surprised." Kaidan said.

Miranda joined in. "Jacob is showing you up. How come?"

"What do you mean?" Jacob asked. "This is my thing baby." He said.

"You seem a little slow tonight James." Shepard also joining in on the fun.

Kasumi de-cloaked again. This time she was sitting on James' back. "Well nobody's perfect." She said as James kept going. "How's it going on your end?" She asked.

James collapsed and Kasumi fell off of him. Liara started laughing. Shepard shook his head and went into the next room.

"Ok now. Let's find a more fun way of getting sweaty." James said.

"I could always float you off the balcony." Liara said.

"Could not." James said rather rudely.

"Could too." Liara shot back.

"You've seen biotics in action." Miranda said.

Liara was getting annoyed. "I could float you off this balcony without breaking a sweat."

James crossed his arms. "Oh I know you could, but do you have the cojones to actually do it?" He said with a raised eyebrow. He looked at each of the four biotics surrounding him. "Any of you?"

"What a guy." Jacob said chuckling. "Buckle up brother."

Kaidan had been looking forward to hitting Vega for most of the night. He supposed dropping him off the balcony would be just as good. "Balls? You got it Vega."

Before Kaidan could even activate his amp, Liara had lifted him about a meter off the ground. It was about that moment that Shepard came back. He looked at Liara with a concerned expression.

"Just demonstrating a little biotic supremacy." Miranda said.

Shepard looked up at James. "You ok James?" He asked cautiously.

James was chuckling. "Yeah. This is trippy. I'm kind of buzzing all over."

Shepard looked over at Kaidan and gave a small smile. He knew exactly what James was experiencing.

"Exactly." Jacob said. "Nice right? I can feel like that on a whim."

"Do you find it relaxing?" Liara asked.

"Uh... kind of." James said. He looked down. "Among other things." 

Kaidan couldn't help but notice that Vega's pants were bulging.

"Looks good on you." Miranda said.

Kaidan had been looking forward to this moment all night. "You're being so gentle Liara." He looked over at her with a wicked expression. "Can I have a turn?"

Liara nodded. Kaidan activated his implant and cast a field over Vega. Liara backed off and Kaidan had control. He lifted James higher and moved him over the railing. "Looks like I do have the balls Vega." Kaidan remarked.

James was looking worried. "Ok you've had your fun. Put me down now."

Shepard moved over towards Kaidan. "Careful. I need my crew back when the night's over." He said as he put his hand on Kaidan's shoulder. That caused Kaidan to lose concentration and James went plummeting to the floor below. Miranda and Jacob managed to catch him in a biotic field and lift him back up.

Liara suggested that they all dance. It was going fine until Shepard decided to join in. Kaidan couldn't contain his horror. "Oh god, the Shepard Shuffle."

Kaidan had never really been any good at it but still, could be worse. Shepard was without a doubt the worst dancer in the galaxy. He had only one move and anyone who saw it couldn't help but burst into laughter. The crew of the original Normandy named it the Shepard Shuffle.

Kaidan quickly made an excuse and left the group. Seeing his man humiliate himself like that made Kaidan want to deny that he knew Shepard at all. He'd managed to avoid Shepard for the following hour. Luckily it was a large apartment.

"Hey, everyone!" Shepard called out. "Come over here for a minute. Let's get a photo to remember this. Arrange yourselves on the sofa."

Everyone stopped what they were doing and moved into the lounge.

"An excellent suggestion Shepard." EDI said.

"Great idea." Liara said. "I want a copy."

Wrex was walking very forcefully towards the sofa. "Make way. Make way." He said impatiently.

"Thanks for coming everyone. Here's to us." Shepard sat down on the sofa. Kaidan took up the spot next to him. On the other side of Shepard sat EDI and Joker. To Kaidan's right sat Traynor. Everyone else arranged themselves behind the sofa. "Ready Glyph?" Shepard asked.

Glyph appeared from the kitchen, floating over towards a position in front of the fireplace. "Of course. If you could all please direct your attention this way."

"Ok. Everyone say Normandy." Shepard said. He and Kaidan stared at each other.

"Normandy." They all said.

Glyph's recorded the image and forwarded a copy to everyone. The massive vid screen in the bar displayed the photo for all to see. Shepard liked it so much that he kept it on there permanently. Everyone began to move away from the sofa but Shepard stopped them.

"My friends. If you'll pardon me there's just one final thing I would like to do, and that is make a speech." There was a collective groan from all of the guests. He put his left hand in the pocket of his trousers. "Some of you I have known for many years now, others I have known for only a short while. I have grown to trust each and every one of you with my life...

Kaidan was a little too drunk to concentrate on Shepard's long winded speech. It seemed to drag on for a while, with Shepard telling his story. How he grew up on Alliance ships, the death of his father during the First Contact war with the Turians, etc. Kaidan had heard it before and tuned out. Then something caught his attention.

"... all that changed about 3 years ago when a bright, handsome Lieutenant joined the Normandy on her shakedown cruise." Shepard looked directly at Kaidan. He extended a hand and Kaidan took it. Shepard pulled him up so that he was standing in front of everyone. Kaidan felt embarrassed. "Many of you will know that the first time I saw those big brown puppy dog eyes, I fell in love. But I didn't know how he felt."

Liara interrupted him. "We dropped you two enough hints."

"Figured you had to be blind if you couldn't see it." Garrus agreed.

Shepard stared at the two of them. "As I was saying, we were both in love but fate had other plans. The Normandy SR-1 was destroyed and I died. Two years later, thanks to Miranda and Jacob, I came back. Dying has a way of shuffling one's priorities. I wanted to find Kaidan and to tell him I loved him."

Kaidan could feel some bad memories about that period in his life start to resurface. He started tearing up. Shepard noticed and pulled Kaidan in closer, with his arm around his waist.

"We ended up meeting on Horizon. As you all know it didn't go well. For weeks afterwards I was beating myself up over the whole situation. I even hoped that during our run on the Collector base, that one of them would kill me again because I just couldn't live without him. Then the Reapers came and when things started going down the same path on our mission to Mars, I'd just about given up hope."

Shepard turned to face Kaidan, tears welling up in his eyes. "Then you got injured. I couldn't breathe. I stayed at your bedside for days watching over you. Hoping that you'd make it. Then once you were better you said you didn't want to come back to the Normandy, I was crushed. I thought I'd ruined any chance I had to be with you. I was even more convinced during the coup when we were staring each other down in an armed standoff." 

Shepard wiped tears away from his eyes. Kaidan couldn't help but feel upset as well. "I was willing to let the Council die because I couldn't pull the trigger on you. Luckily I managed to convince you to switch sides. The day you told me that you loved me was the second happiest in my life."

Kaidan went from feeling sad to mildly insulted in the blink of an eye. "Only the second? What was the first?" He asked.

"I'm hoping today is." Shepard pulled a little black box out of his pocket and got down on one knee. "Kaidan Alenko. Will you marry me?" He opened the box to reveal a black ring.

Kaidan could hear gasps of astonishment from the group and a few cheers. Kaidan began to cry. He didn't know what to say. Shepard was staring back up at him waiting for an answer. "Yes. It's what I've always wanted." Kaidan said.

There was a cheer from the group as Shepard slipped the ring on Kaidan's finger. Shepard then embraced Kaidan and gave him a very long, passionate kiss. "This is a really special ring. I've had to tackle the entire Alliance bureaucracy to get this made. It was originally a piece of the SR-1's hull."

Kaidan was shocked. "I can't believe it. You really didn't have to go to all this trouble."

Shepard put a finger on Kaidan's lips. "Nothing is too much trouble for you my love." He turned back to the group. "You are all of course most welcome to stay here tonight. There are a couple of spare bedrooms. Plenty of food and drinks left. Kaidan and I are going to retire for the night. See you all in the morning."

Everyone scrambled and created a guard of honour from the sofa to the stairs. Everyone was congratulating them. Steve gave Kaidan a friendly hug and winked. Kaidan couldn't help but smile. They climbed the stairs and entered the bedroom. It would be another couple of hours though before they eventually went to sleep.

The next morning was a bit of a blur. Everyone seemed to be hung over. James cooked everyone some bacon and eggs and Kaidan overdid it on the coffee. He was really hyper for a while. Everyone eventually left to do their own thing around lunch time. Kaidan spent the rest of the day moving his things over from his apartment.

It was getting pretty late in the evening when Shepard got the call from Admiral Hackett. The repairs to the Normandy were complete and they were ordered to proceed to a staging area in the Pax System.

As Kaidan got off the lift in the Docking Bay, he noticed Shepard leaning on a rail, staring out at the Normandy. He walked over and stood next to him.

Kaidan sighed. "Guess we'd better get back to it." He said.

"At least we threw one hell of a party. Probably the last one." Shepard said with a hint of sadness.

Kaidan chuckled. "John. You... you will find a way to win. I know it." He kissed Shepard. "When you do, I'll be waiting. It's been a good ride."

"The best." Shepard said, and then he turned to board the Normandy.

Once on board, Kaidan headed back to his usual spot in the Observation Lounge. He knew that once Cerberus had been dealt with, Earth was next. His thoughts turned to his students from Biotics Division. Hackett had sent Kaidan an update earlier when the crew got recalled. They had been located on Illium and Hackett had ordered them to rendezvous with the 5th Fleet. Kaidan was hoping to find time to get together with them prior to getting to Earth.

Earth... Seemed like a lifetime ago since he was there, right at the beginning of the war. He hadn't heard from his mum for a while. Given the reports about the progress of the Reapers it was hardly surprising. He just hoped that when this was all over, he still had a family left to come home to.

Pretty much every major city on the planet had been destroyed. The resistance was concentrating on London. The Reapers had been constructing some kind of structure, but for what purpose Intel didn't know. The situation was getting desperate and Kaidan knew that regardless of whether they were ready or not, the combined fleet that Shepard had assembled was heading to Earth next to attempt to destroy the Reaper forces there, or die trying.

"EDI. What is the time?" Kaidan asked.

"2315." EDI said. "Admiral Hackett has taken the fleet directly to Cerberus Headquarters. We should arrive in four hours, about 30 minutes after they do. I recommend you get some rest."

"Is Shepard still awake?" He asked.

"Commander Shepard is currently in his cabin going over mission reports."

"Thanks EDI." He said.

Kaidan left the lounge and went to his bunk in the crew quarters. In his footlocker he found the half empty bottle of whiskey that John had given him back in hospital. He made his way up to Shepard's cabin on deck 1.

Kaidan almost ran into Shepard as he went to enter his cabin. "Can't sleep either?" He asked.

"No." Shepard replied in a weary tone.

Kaidan took the pad off of Shepard and put it down on his desk. "Making yourself crazy with this won't help." He said. He proceeded down the steps towards the table.

Shepard tried to stop him. "Kaidan... I need to..."

Kaidan spun around. "Shhh. Just take five minutes. A quick drink and then I'll go." He grabbed a couple of glasses and poured out some whiskey for the two of them. "John you know that you've done everything you could right?" He asked as he handed Shepard a glass and sat down on the couch.

Shepard sat down next to him. "I hope so. I keep running the numbers to see if I've missed something." Shepard said as he took a sip.

"You don't have to take this all on yourself." Kaidan said. "Look to your crew, to the talented people fighting by your side." Kaidan put his hand on Shepard's thigh. "What you've accomplished since the Reapers arrived is... Well it's just nothing short of amazing." Kaidan downed his glass in one. "It's... It's going to be... It's going to be what it is."

Shepard was giving him one of those penetrating stares that always made Kaidan weak at the knees. "What are you thinking about right now?" He asked.

Kaidan sighed. "The good times... the hard times. It's been an unforgettable few years."

"You're exactly what I need right now Kaidan." Shepard said as he moved in and gave Kaidan a romantic kiss on the lips.

Kaidan rested his head against Shepard's forehead. "I lied. I didn't come here for a quick drink." He said.

Shepard moved in and started undressing Kaidan. Before long both were in their Alliance issue black boxers. Kaidan pushed Shepard onto the bed and they proceeded to make love, for what could very well be the last time...


	19. Chapter 18 - Cerberus Headquarters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard, Kaidan and EDI take on Cerberus at their own headquarters. They finally discover the nature of the Catalyst, and it isn't what they were expecting...

Kaidan couldn't remember falling asleep but he was woken when Shepard eased himself out from Kaidan's embrace. Kaidan opened his eyes to see Shepard sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

"John, what's up?" He asked.

It took a while before Shepard responded. "Are we going to make it Kaidan?"

Kaidan put his hand reassuringly on Shepard's shoulder. "We're ready. You've put the people together, the vision and what you've done John is build hope."

"I'm glad I inspire that in you. But sometimes..." Shepard looked away. He sighed, turned back and put his hand on Kaidan's cheek and then moved it down to his chest. "You're right. Give us hope and a fighting chance. Hell the Reapers better watch themselves." He gave Kaidan a kiss and got dressed. "You should get ready. We'll be there soon and I want you with me when we take down Cerberus."

Kaidan dragged himself out of bed and started dressing. "I'll come with you on one condition John." Shepard looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "If we find the Illusive Man, you let me put a bullet in his head." Kaidan said with malice.

Shepard smiled. "That will be my wedding present to you my darling." He said. He gave Kaidan another kiss. "Make sure you have plenty of calorie bars with you. I don't want you to end up back in Med Bay. I'll see you in the shuttle." He left Kaidan to finish getting dressed.

Once Kaidan had his armour on he headed down to the Shuttle Bay. EDI was there opening up the shuttle. Kaidan walked over and boarded. It wasn't long before Shepard and Cortez ran in and jumped into the pilots seats. Cortez skipped the usual pre-flight checks. The hatch closed and the shuttle took off on its short trip to the Cerberus station.

They managed to avoid coming into contact with the Cerberus forces as they were distracted by the Alliance fleet. "We're coming in hot. Brace for impact!" Steve yelled. The shuttle breached the containment field and skidded to a halt inside the Cerberus station's Shuttle Bay.

The hatch opened and Shepard, Kaidan and EDI disembarked with weapons drawn. Several Cerberus troops began firing on the shuttle as they advanced. Three Centurions deployed smoke bombs to hinder the squad's ability to target the Cerberus forces. 

"Everything ok Cortez?" Shepard asked.

"I'm fine." Steve replied. "I've got repairs to make here. Give Cerberus hell."

The Cerberus station was continuing to launch fighters throughout all of this. One of them flew directly overhead and Kaidan's shields dropped.

"I recommend sticking to cover as much as possible." EDI advised. "The engine wash at this range can be fatal."

Shepard activated his tactical cloak and disappeared. Kaidan managed to find some cover on the opposite side of the bay to where the shuttle crashed. From here he could pick off the unshielded troopers with his pistol. He occasionally saw Shepard de-cloaking near a Centurion. Kaidan used his overload to drop their shields and Shepard finished them off.

Kaidan noticed a sniper taking up position up on a walkway. Sticking to cover as much as he could, he activated his amp and lifted the sniper from his perch. He drifted towards the centre of the hangar. Kaidan held him in place there until another fighter launched, then he cut his biotics and the sniper fell into the path of the fighter. He was carried out through the containment field into space.

It didn't take long for the rest of the forces in the bay to be cleared out. Kaidan breathed a sigh of relief. He and EDI came out from cover and joined Shepard in the middle of the bay.

"Security breach in Hangar 16." The Cerberus computer said. "Initiating Achilles Protocol."

A Klaxon started sounding with warning lights flashing all over the bay.

EDI turned to face Shepard. "Shepard. Cerberus intends to vent the hangar bay." EDI warned.

"Can you stop them?" Shepard asked.

"I need an active console. Try the upper level." She said.

"Hanger 16 secured. Engaging Achilles Protocol." The computer announced.

They ran over to the ladder leading up to where the sniper had been. Once up top they found a control room and EDI went to work on the console. After a few seconds she said, "Hanger vent procedure... disabled."

Kaidan breathed a sigh of relief. He imagined that Shepard would've done the same, having been spaced before.

"Can you open the hanger?" Shepard asked.

"No." EDI replied. "However I can access their fighter launch controls." Another fighter came up onto the flight deck but didn't launch. Instead the fighter turned around and pointed towards the door into the station itself. "Overriding safeties. The fighter should now launch toward the hangar door."

"Perfect. Let's get down there." Shepard said.

"Shepard. Cerberus is aware that the venting attempt failed. Reinforcements are inbound." EDI warned.

They managed to kill the approaching Cerberus troops relatively easily. Kaidan was using his biotics to throw them off the walkway to the hangar below. They reached another console and EDI began to press keys. The fighter that she had prepped earlier launched towards the back of the hangar. With a loud explosion it flew straight through the doors as well as several bulkheads creating a path of destruction deep inside the base.

"Nice work." Kaidan said.

"The central lab is located behind this hangar." EDI said. "I suggest we follow the fighter's path."

"Noted let's move." Shepard said.

They moved to the rear of the bay and climbed over the smoking ruin of the door.

"Intruder alert." The computer said. "All personnel prepare for security lockdown. Repeat, hostile forces have breached the perimeter. All units respond. Research personnel, lock all terminals and destroy all data below classification level Epsilon."

The corridor ahead was on fire due to the fighter. A door on the left was the only way out. As they got to it the panel changed from green to red. The lockdown had come into effect.

"EDI can you get past it?" Shepard asked.

EDI began to work on the door and the panel changed from redo to orange. "One moment. Cerberus has updated their encryption. There may be a slight delay as I bypass security."

"How's Cerberus reacting to us breaching the door?" Shepard asked.

"They are sealing off as much of the station as they can." She replied. "Most obvious routes to the central lab are blocked. Other areas are being fortified. Heavy troopers will attempt to delay us while engineers set up turrets."

"Any more surprises like venting the hangar?" Kaidan asked.

"No. I am aware of this facility's safeguards and can counteract them. Cerberus can merely slow us down." The panel changed to green and the door opened. "We must proceed through a sublevel to avoid Cerberus containment measures." EDI said.

"Where do you think we'll find the Prothean VI?" Shepard asked.

"The central lab at the heart of this facility. It is the most secure area." EDI said. "Following the destruction left by the fighter will offer the most direct route."

They moved over to a service ladder and proceeded down to the sub-level. As EDI predicted there were indeed Cerberus forces down here, mostly troopers that weren't a problem. There were however two that had launchers. Kaidan kept them distracted while Shepard cloaked and took them out from behind with his omni-blade. They reached another ladder and climbed up into the remains of a lab. Another locked door barred their progress.

"We will be through momentarily." EDI said as she started on the door. "Shepard. That console has not been fully scrubbed. It contains data that you may find interesting."

Shepard walked over to the console EDI indicated and started sifting through it. There were three video files. "What am I looking at?" He asked her.

"Project Lazarus. Your reconstruction." She replied.

Kaidan walked over to Shepard and watched the footage with him. A scientist was speaking with the Illusive Man via QEC.

"It can't be done. It's not a matter of resources." The scientist said.

"It's always a matter of resources. We're not losing Shepard." The Illusive Man said.

"Sir, Shepard is clinically brain dead. After that much trauma, that long with no oxygen... We cannot overcome nature." The scientist said.

"Operative Lawson disagrees. She is now in charge of Project Lazarus." The file ended.

"I didn't realise it was that bad." Shepard said in a distant voice. 

Kaidan moved closer and look at Shepard with a worried look on his face. "I thought you were just on life support. Clinically brain dead...?"

"Looks like." Shepard said.

"What was it like? I mean, if you remember... or... How do you feel?" Kaidan asked not sure on what he should say.

"I'm still me." Shepard said with a hint of defiance. "I doubt I'd have been able to turn against Cerberus otherwise. I don't remember anything. Maybe they really just fixed me, or maybe I'm just a high tech VI that thinks it's Commander Shepard. But I don't know. I..." Shepard's voice trailed off.

Kaidan cupped Shepard's head in his hands and kissed him. "You're real enough for me."

Shepard smiled and played the second file.

"Tissue regeneration is proceeding. The helmet kept the brain intact, for whatever good that'll do." The scientist said.

"Lawson will find a way." The Illusive Man said.

"Sir, Shepard is an Alliance soldier. As far as he knows, we're a terrorist organisation."

"I'm not looking for a dance partner." The Illusive Man said. "We need Shepard, and he needs resources. He'll work with us." The file ended.

"He knew you well." Kaidan said.

"Every instinct I had told me not to trust Cerberus. But I needed their help, so I played along." Shepard hung his head in shame.

Kaidan again comforted him. "You were trying to protect humanity. You didn't have a choice." Kaidan really wanted to believe that what he said was true. Seeing Shepard's reaction to the files helped convince him.

Shepard played the final vid.

"Project Lazarus is reporting neurological activity. We're requesting more funding." The scientist said.

"Granted." The Illusive man said. "Get me our potential recruits file. Shepard will be up soon and we need a crew. "

"Our existing forces should be more than sufficient..." The scientist began.

The Illusive Man interrupted him. "No. We need sympathetic faces. I need Shepard invested. Tap Kelly Chambers and recruit Donnelly, I imagine Miss Daniels will follow. We'll want some old friends as well. Contact Doctor Chakwas and send me the psych profile on Shepard's pilot along with a bottle of '47 Thessia Red." The file ended.

"He used those people as a shield. You never saw what Cerberus really was." Kaidan said.

"How's that door coming EDI?" Shepard asked.

"We are clear to proceed." She replied.

The door opened and they found themselves in a long hallway. The damage from the fighter was considerable here. Fires were raging uncontrolled, most likely fuelled by a mixture of fuel from the fighter and chemicals from the labs.

Admiral Hackett's voice came over the comm. "Incursion team. What's your status?"

"We've cleared the hanger and are inside the base." Shepard reported.

"Good work. Do you need support?"

"Negative. Keep the heat on. We'll find what we need."

They made their way down the hallway but their path was blocked at almost every turn. The only way through was to go through a burning bulkhead and then to jump down to the sub-level below. 

The engineers had done their work. Three turrets greeted them as they came around a corner. Shepard attempted to cloak and out flank them but a well placed grenade from one of the troopers put a stop to that.

"Kaidan. You and EDI concentrate on the turrets. I'll take care of the troops." Shepard said.

Kaidan was firing off overload bolts at the turrets and the occasional engineer that he saw. EDI fired off incinerate bolts after the shields were taken down which destroyed them. They could hear another turret further along but couldn't yet see it. The Cerberus troops were retreating. Shepard moved along and activated his omni-tool. He managed to throw a sabotage pulse at the turret. It must have hit because Kaidan could hear the turret firing and Cerberus forces yelling. After about a minute, the turret exploded.

"Let's go." Shepard said.

They climbed up a ladder and found themselves in another lab. There was another terminal that hadn't been properly locked down. Shepard went through the files and discovered that EDI began life as the rogue VI that Shepard, Kaidan and Ashley had taken out on Luna almost four years ago. Cerberus had combined her with Reaper tech and installed her on the Normandy.

"Incursion team. Are you still with us?" Hackett asked. "We're limiting fire as best as we can."

"Admiral. We're in deep and the Prothean VI will be in the most secure part of the station. Don't hold back."

"This isn't Torfan Shepard. I'm not risking you unless I have to." Hackett said.

"I'll be fine." Shepard replied. "Just take Cerberus down. Please." Kaidan though he could hear a hint of pleading in his voice.

"Understood Commander. All ships. You are free to fire."

The sounds of heavy fire hitting the distant hull filled the room. They were doing some significant damage because there was the sound of a far off, but big, explosion and the whole station shook.

"Sounds like the Fifth Fleet just gave Cerberus a wakeup call." Kaidan said.

"They'll get it done." Shepard said.

They left the lab and made their way to another breached bulkhead. They jumped down and were in a vast room filled with bits of scrap metal and tubes.

"What is this thing?" Kaidan asked rhetorically.

"This is the Human Proto-Reaper that Shepard destroyed." EDI said.

"What's left of it." Shepard said while looking up at it. "I'm surprised that Cerberus recovered that much from the Collector Base."

Kaidan felt ashamed. Here was the proof hanging right in front of him that Shepard had been right back on Horizon, but Kaidan had been too stubborn and hurt by Shepard's betrayal to believe him. "I wish I could've helped." He said quietly.

Shepard walked over to him and put his hand reassuringly on Kaidan's arm. "You're here now, and that's what's important."

"Cerberus is actively using the surviving pieces." EDI said. "The central core, analogous to the heart, is largely intact. I believe Cerberus is using it for a power source."

They made their way along the catwalks. Cerberus had tried to ambush them here but the narrow catwalks made it just as easy for Kaidan to biotically push them off. The room was so cavernous that Kaidan couldn't see the bottom, but he did hear the Cerberus forces hit it. Once the ambush was defeated Kaidan ate a couple of calorie bars, and made sure that Shepard saw him do it.

After climbing up to the top of the catwalks they entered another room with yet another unsecured terminal. Shepard watched the vids while Kaidan stared out of the observation windows at the Proto-Reaper. This is what all those missing colonists were being turned into. Shepard had told him the story of how they were melted down into liquid and injected into this superstructure. By Alliance estimates, almost 2 million people had been processed in this way. Kaidan hoped that wasn't happening on Earth.

Shepard had finished with the terminal and they went through another doorway. A passageway lead up to another door. Shepard stopped short of it.

"This is it. Stay sharp everyone." Shepard said before opening the door.

The door opened and they found themselves in a room that was basically covered in virtual windows. From every angle they could see what was happening around the station. The unusual blue and red star was directly ahead of them. All around they could see the Fifth Fleet taking on the Cerberus ships. There was a single chair in the middle of the room as well as large display in front of that and a QEC panel near the door.

Shepard sat down in the chair and started to search the databanks. "We need to locate the Prothean VI." He said.

There wasn't much that Kaidan could do. He wasn't as technically proficient as Shepard or EDI, so he just looked out into space as he usually did to relax.

"Shepard. You're in my chair." The Illusive Man said.

Kaidan drew his pistol and immediately spun around, ready to shoot. Unfortunately he was talking via QEC.

Shepard turned around to face him. "This chair is about the only damn thing you have left. Cerberus is finished."

"On the contrary. We have achieved everything I ever imagined. Almost everything."

"Yeah. We all saw what you accomplished on Sanctuary." Shepard fired back. Kaidan felt sick to his stomach again remembering what he'd seen there. "But it's not the same as controlling a Reaper."

"A significant hurdle. But thanks to the Prothean VI, I have what I need to make it a reality."

"The Catalyst." Shepard said.

"Yes."

"What is the Catalyst and how exactly will it help you control the Reapers?" Shepard asked.

"You'll have to ask the VI yourself. I'm done helping you."

"When did you start?" Shepard asked.

"You think that because I'm willing to use the enemy's tactics that they're no longer my enemy? Everything Shepard, everything I've done has uplifted Humanity. Not only above other species in our galaxy but above the Reapers."

"Bullshit!" Shepard spat. "If you were willing to do everything it took, you would've worked with me."

"I don't think so."

Shepard snorted. "You're desperate. How many have you killed? Together we would already have the Cruicible and the Catalyst."

The Illusive man was now getting angry. "You wouldn't listen. You're still not listening. Destroying the Reapers would be the biggest mistake of our brief existence, and nothing you can say will ever convince me otherwise."

Shepard sounded like he'd had enough. "I've given you every chance to listen to reason. Cerberus is done and so are you."

"Once again you fail to listen to reason. Cerberus isn't just an organisation, or the people behind it. Cerberus is an idea. That idea is no so easily destroyed. Besides I've already acquired what you're looking for."

"EDI?" Shepard asked without taking his eyes off the Illusive Man.

"I've almost got it." She replied.

The Illusive Man's image turned to face EDI. "EDI I'm surprised at you." He said in a condescending tone. "Working so hard to bring about the Reapers destruction."

"Don't listen to him." Shepard said.

The Illusive man continued. "You could have destroyed Doctor Coré's body. But instead you chose to control it."

"It was necessary." EDI said.

"My point exactly." The Illusive Man said, he turned to face Shepard again.

"I've got it." EDI said.

The green image of a Prothean materialised near EDI's position. "Online. Security breach detected." It said.

"Enjoy your little chat. But don't overstay your welcome." The Illusive Man said before his image disappeared.

"You are attempting to recover me from indoctrinated forces?" The Prothean VI asked.

"Yes. I need to know what the catalyst is." Shepard said.

"Security protocols have been overridden. I will comply." The VI said. "The Catalyst enhances dark energy transmissions and co-ordinates the entire mass relay network. In your cycle it is known as the Citadel."

"What!" Shepard said disbelieving.

"The Catalyst is the Citadel." The VI repeated.

Kaidan activated his omni-tool and sent a message to Joker to contact the Citadel and warn them about the Illusive Man.

"So the Crucible and the Citadel together can stop the Reapers?" Shepard asked.

"That is correct."

"But the Citadel was built by the Reapers." Shepard said.

"The plans for the Crucible were passed down to us from the previous cycle, and countless cycles before that. At some point, it is difficult to pinpoint when, the Crucible plans were adapted to incorporate the use of the Catalyst. Presumably the Crucible was not sufficiently powerful to defeat the reapers."

"So we use their technology against them." EDI said.

"Precisely." The VI said.

"Why couldn't you tell me this before, back on Thessia?" Shepard asked.

"It was feared that if the Reapers were aware of the Catalyst's intended use, they would retake control of it. I am programmed to withhold that information until the Crucible is complete."

"It's as ready as it's going to be. Let's get it to the Citadel." Shepard said. He turned to leave. 

Kaidan's omni-tool received an update from Joker. He opened it up and read it.

"That may no longer be possible." The VI said.

Shepard stopped and turned to face the VI. "Why not?" He asked.

"The one who broke through my security protocols, the one you call the Illusive Man, has fled to the Citadel and informed the Reapers of our purposes."

"Fuck!" Shepard exclaimed.

"Then the Citadel is in danger. The Reapers will take control of it." EDI warned.

"They already have." Kaidan and the VI said in unison. Shepard looked at both of them in alarm.

"They have moved it into Reaper controlled space." The VI said.

"Moved? To where?" Shepard demanded.

"To the system you refer to as Sol."

"Earth!" Shepard exclaimed.

"Correct." The VI said. "The Reaper forces will now consolidate power around the Catalyst and protect it at all costs. The odds of accessing it are remote."

"Don't count us out yet. We've come this far and we will finish this." Shepard said. "We'll get the Crucible to Earth."

"I hope you find success." The VI said and deactivated itself.

"EDI get me Admiral Hackett. He needs..."

Shepard was interrupted by an overload blast hitting the console in front of EDI, barely missing her. Kaidan drew his pistol and aimed it at the man who'd cast it. He was wearing black Cerberus armour and appeared to have cybernetic implants over his eyes. Kaidan recognised him from the security footage back at Sanctuary. Kai Leng.

"Not so fast." Leng said.

"You!" Shepard said with hatred.

"He did warn you not to overstay your welcome." Leng said.

Leng sprinted forward and, using his biotics, blasted a hole in the floor revealing the conduits and pipes below. He then charged at Shepard with astonishing speed. Kaidan knew that he couldn't do that if he tried.

Kaidan began to close in on Kai Leng with his pistol. He activated his amp and his omni-tool. He threw an overload bolt at Leng but he seemed to sense it coming as he dodged it, then turned his attention to Kaidan. Kaidan fired his pistol at him, and scored a few hits, but Leng kept coming. Leng raised his sword and attempted to strike Kaidan down. Kaidan managed to deflect the sword, though not without his shields absorbing much of the impact. He tried to fire another overload at Leng. This one hit and Leng's shields dropped. He took a shot to the arm before fleeing to the other side of the room and blasting the floor again.

Cerberus troopers appeared and took cover under the broken floor. Leng was kneeling, surrounded by biotic energy. It almost appeared to Kaidan as though he were charging himself up.

"Ignore him." Shepard yelled over the gunfire. "Concentrate on the troopers."

The Cerberus troopers weren't a problem. Not long before the last one was killed, Leng re-joined the fight. Kaidan saw him going for EDI. He tried to intervene but it was too late. Leng produced another overload which finished off what little shields EDI had left and shorted out her circuits. She dropped to the floor.

"You bastard!" Kaidan yelled. He ramped up his amp and charged at Leng like he had done back at Sanctuary. He'd managed to trigger a biotic blast by using his newest ability, reave, and then attempting to biotically throw him. The blast knocked Leng back to the wall. Kaidan himself was too close and was also thrown back. His shields dropped.

Leng once again blasted another hole in the floor and then began to recharge. More Cerberus troops arrived, this time a sniper accompanied them. Kaidan instantly grabbed him in a biotic lift and then threw him into the wall head first. His body went limp. Kaidan couldn't see Shepard as he'd cloaked, but that also meant that the Cerberus troops couldn't see him either. So they started to target Kaidan. He knew he wasn't going to last long on his own.

Putting as much concentration as he could into his biotics, he cast a wide lift field over the troops. Two of them lifted and were temporarily out of the fight. Kaidan began shooting at the remaining trooper and managed to score a head shot. He then turned his attention back to the lifted troops but Shepard had already killed them and was now taking on Kai Leng. Kaidan cut his amp and their bodies dropped to the floor.

While Leng was distracted, Kaidan went over to EDI's lifeless body. "EDI. How do I reactivate your mobile platform?" Kaidan asked into his comm. EDI talked him through the procedure and within a minute there was movement.

"I have control." EDI said.

Just in time too. Leng had blasted a fourth hole in the floor and Phantoms had joined the fight. EDI was able to detect the slight distortions that indicated where a cloaked person was. She was able to hit them with overload which dropped their shields as well as cloak. Kaidan finished them off with his pistol.

EDI and Kaidan then turned their attention to Kai Leng. Leng had obviously had some major upgrades given to him by Cerberus. He was extremely agile, unnaturally so, plus his reactions were fast. It took a combined overload blast from Kaidan and EDI to finally drop his shields. Kaidan then focused all the pent up aggression he'd harboured towards Cerberus for the last four years and started throwing him around the room like a ragdoll, culminating with a single shot to the chest. Leng went down.

Completely spent from the fight, Kaidan finished off the rest of his calorie bars and walked over to what remained of the virtual windows and looked out at the scene outside. The Cerberus fleet had been almost completely destroyed. He heard a noise behind him and quickly turned around with his pistol raised. Kai Leng was standing behind Shepard, his sword broken. Shepard had turned around, activated his omni-blade and plunged it into Leng's body.

"That was for Thane you son of a bitch." Shepard said as he removed the blade. Leng collapsed to the ground, dead. The Prothean VI reactivated.

"The Citadel is in position. The Reapers are preparing to complete their harvest of your species." The VI said.

"I'll stop them." Shepard said and turned to leave.

"It is too late. I recommend..." The VI started.

"I'll stop them!" Shepard said with finality and walked out. Kaidan and EDI followed him.

The station was rocked by a large blast and the main power went out. Emergency lighting activated and the squad managed to find their way back to the hangar bay. Cortez was waiting for them outside the shuttle.

"Good thing you got back when you did Commander." He said. "Admiral Hackett has ordered all ships to retreat back to the relay in the Pax System. This station is going to blow. Normandy is standing by."

"Get us out of here!" Shepard said. After the shuttle was underway, Shepard turned to Kaidan. "Would you mind explaining how you knew that the Citadel was missing?" 

"When I realised that the Citadel was in danger I shot a message to Joker, asking him to warn them. He couldn't get through. He did manage to contact the Destiny Ascension, Matriarch Lidanya reported that the Reapers had arrived. The Ascension managed to evac the Council, they and the remaining ships retreated and are now at the Crucible."

"I'm impressed." Shepard said. His tone got more serious. "There's something I want to ask you, it's important." Kaidan listened with interest...

After the shuttle docked, Shepard and EDI disembarked. Cortez finished shutting down the systems and went to leave but Kaidan stopped him.

"Hang on a sec Steve. I need to ask you a favour." Kaidan said with trepidation.

"Are you alright Kaidan? You look as though you've seen a ghost." Cortez smiled.

"Yeah... Um this isn't real easy for me to ask, but Shepard and I were talking on the way back here and I was wondering if you'd like to..." Kaidan was having trouble getting it out. He still didn't believe he was asking Steve this so soon into his relationship with John.

Comprehension dawned on Steve's face. "Ooohh... I didn't know you'd be interested in that. Not sure I am either to be honest. I'd have to ask James first though. Wouldn't be fair to just spring this on him."

Kaidan was confused. "What the hell are you talking about?" He asked.

Steve's face fell. "What are you talking about?" He asked suspiciously.

"I want you to be my best man. Shepard wants us to get married before we head to Earth." Kaidan said.

Steve looked relieved. "I... I'd be honoured." He stuttered.

Kaidan had a feeling he knew what Steve was talking about but let him off the hook. Today was a good day. Cerberus had been destroyed and he was getting married. He spoke to Steve for another couple of minutes before changing out of his armour and heading up to the mess for a proper meal.

 

*****************  
Later that day, Kaidan was at his usual spot in the Observation Lounge, staring out into space when Shepard walked in. Kaidan leapt up from his seat and gave Shepard an inquiring stare. Shepard wasn't saying anything.

"Don't leave me hanging like this John, what did he say?"

"Yeah. Garrus said he'd be my best man." Shepard said with a smile.

Kaidan felt as though he was ready to burst. "Well that's good but I meant Hackett. Is he going to perform the ceremony?"

"He has agreed..." Shepard said. 

Kaidan threw his arms around Shepard and gave him a long kiss. When he had finished he saw that Shepard wasn't smiling. "I know that face John. What is it?"

"He has agreed.." Shepard hesitated.

"Why do I get the feeling you're about to say 'but'." Kaidan asked.

"But... he pointed out that it wouldn't be legally binding as he's not registered to perform them." Shepard said.

"I'm ok with that." Kaidan said, more to the point of trying to convince himself. He was shattered inside.

"Once the war is over we can have a proper wedding." Shepard said. "Ready to head home?" He asked.

"Home... Back to Earth. Oh yeah. I'm ready" Kaidan said.

"About time." Shepard said.

"About fucking time." Kaidan agreed. "If the Reapers have messed with anything I left behind I'm going to be so pissed off. I'll see you planet side John." He gave Shepard a kiss and watched him leave.


	20. Chapter 19 - London

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan finds himself in London taking part in the final push to end the war. However things don't work out as he had planned.

This wasn't quite how Kaidan imagined his wedding would be. Due to the fleet almost reaching Earth, Admiral Hackett was performing the ceremony via QEC. Kaidan knew he should be feeling happy but the fact that the wedding wasn't legally recognised was getting him down. That and the fact that he was in his armour so when Hackett announced that they could kiss each other, it was rather awkward.

Then came the shuttle ride down to Earth. Shepard had told him to travel on a different shuttle. He had taken James and Javik with him. Kaidan had assumed that Shepard would want to keep him close. There was a small silver lining though, it meant that Kaidan was finally able to reunite with his students from Biotics Division.

Also getting him down was that Cortez reported that he had dropped Shepard's team off short of the operations base in London that Kaidan found himself in. Then came the news that Cortez had been shot down. It was only three hours since Steve had been his best man, now there was a good chance he was dead. So for what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of his life, Kaidan felt like shit. The only thought keeping him all together was that once this was all over, they would have a proper wedding and do it right if they managed to survive. But after seeing the devastation, he wasn't sure that was possible any longer.

He'd managed to catch up with Admiral Anderson and was in the middle of discussing the plan of attack when he had received an urgent communiqué and ran for a shuttle. There was nothing else left to do but wait.

After what seemed like an eternity, the shuttle returned and Anderson walked back towards his command post. Kaidan saw Javik walk past and James stop near an APC. Kaidan was getting worried. There was no sign of Shepard and James was looking pretty miserable. Then suddenly Shepard appeared and spoke to James. He didn't appear to be consoling him so Kaidan assumed that Steve had survived. Once Shepard had finished with James he walked over to Kaidan.

"Hey Kaidan." Shepard said in a professional tone.

Kaidan noticed there were several Alliance soldiers nearby so he also kept it professional. "Hey. There you are."

"You ready?" Shepard said with concern.

Kaidan sighed. "Absolutely, for anything. Bring it on."

"And Biotics Division, your students?" Shepard asked.

Kaidan chuckled. "More than ready, eager. That's youth for you. Guess we're old soldiers, hey Shepard?"

"Yeah." Shepard seemed distant. "I guess we are."

"Brothers in arms." Kaidan knew what was going through Shepard's mind and he started tearing up. "We know the score." He hesitated. "We know this is goodbye."

"Yeah, we know the score." Shepard repeated. 

"I'm not afraid to die." Kaidan said. "But listen... I... There's things I want to say. Looking back I... I have a few regrets, but not many. That's pretty damn amazing right? Messed up kid that I was, never would've dreamed of the life I've had. I owe a lot of that to you, you know."

"It's been quite a ride." Shepard said.

"It sure has. But how are you doing?" Kaidan asked. "Scared?"

"I've got these bastards in my sights Kaidan." Shepard said. "It's them that should be afraid of me."

Kaidan couldn't help but laugh. "You're right about that.

"So..." Shepard looked like he was going to break down and cry. "... Take care, Major."

Shepard started to walk away. Kaidan couldn't help himself, he grabbed Shepard by the arm and pulled him in for one final kiss. After he was done, Kaidan rested his head briefly on Shepard's shoulder. "Stay safe." He whispered. "You know, I should find the rest of my squad."

"Yeah." Shepard said as he walked away.

"You know, I've never been to London." Kaidan said to no one in particular. 

When he looked around he saw that Shepard had left. Kaidan walked down the street a little until he found a dark alley. He walked down it and started to cry. He knew that the odds of them beating the Reapers were astronomical, and that most likely he and everyone else would be dead in the next few hours. When he felt a hand on his shoulder he almost had a heart attack.

"Vega you arsehole. That's a good way to get yourself killed." He yelled.

"Hey amigo." James backed off a little. "I'm sorry if I scared you. You looked like you could use a friend."

Kaidan managed to calm himself down. He wiped away his tears and then looked back at James. "Thanks. How's Steve?" he asked cautiously.

James got a look of relief on his face. "Esteban is safely back on the Normandy. My heart stopped when he was shot down. Happened right above us. He managed to get the shuttle airborne again so Shepard ordered him to head back to the ship."

Kaidan managed a weak smile. "I'm glad."

"So what's gotten you all upset?" James asked.

"John and I just said our goodbyes." Kaidan wiped away another tear. "We know that neither of us will likely live to see tomorrow."

"Don't talk like that!" James said in a loud voice. "A wise man once said to me, 'If a man is convinced that he's going to die today, then he will usually find a way to make it happen.' So don't you go giving up."

Once again, Kaidan felt like punching James. "Vega. I'm older and much more experienced. Just because I know a cause is hopeless, doesn't mean I'm just going to lie down and let them win. I'm going to make those bastards pay for everything they've done."

Just then his comm beeped. They were being ordered to Admiral Anderson's HQ along with the rest of the Normandy squad. Vega and Kaidan made their way through the ruined buildings and managed to reach HQ just before Shepard began a speech. When Kaidan managed to make eye contact with Shepard, he smiled.

Shepard was pacing behind Anderson's desk. "This war has brought you here today. It will define each of you." Shepard walked around to the front of the desk. "You may be the brother to someone, a daughter or son. But today you're a soldier. The Reapers gave you a purpose, and you accepted the challenge."

Shepard walked along the front of the group making eye contact with everyone. "You all chose to be here. Each of you chose to stand and fight. One way or another, this war ends today! There will be no second chances, and no room for mistakes. Each of you needs to be willing to die to win the day. Anything less and you're already dead. Expect no mercy, show no mercy. You fight or you die."

Kaidan got a shiver up his spine. He was used to Shepard giving inspirational speeches before critical missions, but this one... He'd never heard Shepard be so cold and ruthless before. It worried him that Shepard had given up hope. He wished that James hadn't spoken to him earlier. His words were now coming back to haunt Kaidan.

"I need two volunteers." Shepard said.

Kaidan immediately stepped forward, and he noticed Shepard's face fall slightly. Everyone else had stepped forward as well. Kaidan could see that Shepard was conflicted. He didn't know who to pick.

Shepard asked Kaidan to come closer for a private word. "What are you doing?" he asked quietly.

Kaidan was surprised. "John you can't seriously expect me to sit on the sidelines while you do this? The fate of Earth and the entire galaxy is at stake. You need someone to watch your back, someone who will do anything to make sure that you succeed."

"What if you end up dying? How am I supposed to save the galaxy if I've just seen the man that I love killed by Reapers?" Shepard said.

"Revenge can be a great motivator." Kaidan couldn't believe that he just said that. "Think of it this way, You and my mum are my reasons for fighting. I don't know if she still lives but you do. Having you with me will make me fight that much harder. I know that if I'm assigned to another team then I'll be too preoccupied worrying about you to do my job properly."

Shepard sighed. "You're right. I don't like it, but you're right as usual. Ok you're in. If it's our turn to die today I'd rather it be together."

Kaidan forced a smile and stepped back into line. Eventually Shepard settled on Kaidan and Javik. The rest of the squad was told to report to Admiral Anderson for assignment. Kaidan said his goodbyes to the squad before he joined Shepard outside, ready for his briefing, to end the war.

As per Admiral Anderson's orders, the ground forces were split up to avoid being wiped out en masse. They were all to rendezvous with Thanix missile companies to try to take out the Reaper Destroyer that was blocking access to the beam which lead to the Citadel.

Shepard's group were teamed up with an M35 Mako crossing no man's land. They had taken out some Cannibals and Marauders when the Mako decided to scout out the street ahead. As it neared an overhead bridge, the Mako suddenly exploded.

"It is doubtful that any Human could survive that." Javik said.

"Well isn't that just typical." Kaidan said.

"Just wouldn't be the same if it wasn't just three of us against the galaxy." Shepard joked.

They rounded the corner and saw what had taken out the Mako. A Harvester had landed in front of it and fired its missiles, destroying the tank. The squad opened fire on it and continued firing until another Mako arrived and took it out with its cannon. The massive explosion from the Harvester almost drowned out the screams of an approaching Banshee. It appeared on top of a ruined structure behind where the Harvester had been. 

The Mako was under heavy attack from Marauders and Cannibals. Kaidan was using his biotics to throw the Cannibals around as though they were dolls. When he got a clear line of sight on the Banshee he managed to reave its barrier. The Banshee screamed with rage and started its biotic hopping towards Kaidan. After three jumps it was still a fair distance from Kaidan's position behind the destroyed Mako. He opened fire on it and emptied his entire thermal clip into the thing. It still wasn't dead. It kept firing biotic projectiles at Kaidan, one of which managed to track him around the Mako and took out his shields.

"Javik!" Kaidan yelled. "Need help with the Banshee."

Javik activated his biotics and suddenly the Banshee was bathed in a green glow. Kaidan one again hit it with reave and the Banshee went down, screaming as it's body disintegrated.

Kaidan's comm picked up a broadcast from an Alliance marine. "We're taking heavy fire from the second story. Request assistance."

"We'll try to clear the building." Shepard replied.

Kaidan's omni-tool updated with a nav point. The building in question was just down the street from where they were. They fought their way down there and entered through a hole in a wall. They found themselves in the car park. A whole lot of husks started swarming in. They weren't an issue. Kaidan once again just threw them against the walls with his biotics. The two Brutes that followed in behind them were another issue.

They were swatting parked sky cars aside as easily as Kaidan was throwing the husks. Kaidan put everything he had into trying to lift one of them and take it out of the fight. To his amazement, one of them did. Shepard and Javik managed to take out the other one while Kaidan concentrated on keeping his one elevated. The other brute charged at Shepard and Javik's position but was taken out by Shepard before it reached them.

"Kaidan. Now!" Shepard yelled.

Kaidan cut his amp and the Brute dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes. All three of them opened fire on it. Shepard was hitting it with incinerate bolts and eventually it caught fire and went down.

They made their way through the car park until they found a part of the ceiling had collapsed allowing them to climb up to the second level. They found a room full of cannibals, a Marauder using a turret as well as a Ravager. Kaidan threw the Cannibals out of the building onto the street below through what was left of the wall. Javik was concentrating on the Marauder while Shepard took the Ravager.

"Charlie company has been taken out." A voice said over the comm.

Eventually the room was cleared and in the distance, Kaidan saw a Mako and another ground team crossing the street.

"Thanks. We're moving again." The marine said.

Shepard's squad exited the building and continued down the street. There were many Marauders and Cannibals blocking their passage, as well as a rather annoyingly placed Ravager. The Ravager was raining missiles down on them from its vantage point on top of a ruined building. The other Reaper ground forces were blocking every access route to it. Shepard decided to take them through a building to get out of its line of fire.

The building proved to be a shooting gallery. The number of Cannibals made it hard to miss. Kaidan knew that Shepard and Javik were behind him so he just shot at anything that moved. It didn't take long for them to clear it out.

"Able company has broken through. Christ that Destroyer is huge." A voice said.

Anderson's voice came over the comm. "Hold your position." He ordered. "The rest of Hammer is still en route."

Kaidan couldn't help but smile at the small victory. One of the Thanix companies had reached their launch position. Hopefully it would be enough to take out the Destroyer which would make their job so much easier.

"The Destroyer's spotted us. We're prepping Thanix missiles." Able company reported.

"Hold your fire." Anderson ordered. "You won't do anything but piss it off."

"Roger that. But we may have no choice."

"Understood." Anderson's reply came.

Shepard's squad emerged from the building behind the Ravager and managed to take it out. They continued down the street, clearing out any Reaper forces they came across along the way.

"The Destroyer just took out half our company. Firing remaining missiles." Kaidan's earlier joy had faded just as quickly as it came.

"Any effect?" Anderson asked.

"Negative." Came the reply. "Can't get a lock, something's messing with our guidance."

"We're almost there Able. Hold on." Anderson said. 

"Ok double time people!" Shepard yelled.

They ran through the streets, taking out what they could but ignoring the rest. The only obstacle they came across were two more brutes in an alleyway. Using the same tactics as in the car park, they managed to take them out without too much trouble.

Kaidan slumped against a wall, breathing hard. He ate a couple more calorie bars. Shepard came over to check on him.

"I'm fine John." Kaidan panted. "Just need to catch my breath."

Anderson voice came over the comm again. "We're at the rendezvous. Hammer companies report in." He said.

"Bravo and Delta companies have sustained heavy damage. No word from Able or Charlie." The reply said. "Echo, Foxtrot and India are here, but severely depleted. Lost contact with Golf."

"All companies prep Thanix missiles." Anderson ordered. Be ready people."

Once Kaidan had sufficiently recovered, they left the ally and found themselves on a deserted street. They found two of the Thanix missile launchers but no sign of the crews. The Reaper destroyer was in the distance and beyond it the beam. The Destroyer seemed to be firing at the buildings surrounding it. Obviously some teams had made it really close.

"There's the missiles." Javik said.

"But the company's been wiped out." Kaidan replied.

"Commander Shepard. Do you read me?" Anderson asked via comm.

"Admiral? What's the situation?" Shepard replied.

"The beam is interfering with missile guidance. We can hit the Destroyer, but we'll never make the precision strike we need to take it out." Anderson said.

"Damn it." Shepard said.

EDI's voice interrupted. "I may have a solution. I should be able to use the Normandy's systems to enhance the missiles targeting capabilities. You just need to create a link to the Normandy."

Shepard raced to the nearest launcher and used the control panel.

"That's it." EDI reported. "I'll let you know when I've adapted the targeting systems."

"Sounds like good news Commander." Anderson said.

"We'll see." Shepard replied.

"Hammer. This is Admiral Anderson. The Reaper forces are making a push. Protect those tanks until we can get a shot."

All of a sudden the street seemed to come alive. Husks, Marauders and Cannibals started pouring in from side streets and buildings. They were trying to take out the Thanix batteries. Kaidan was being careful with his shots as he was down to his last thermal clip. He could hear the Reaper Destroyer in the distance firing. His only thought was that he hoped that none or the Normandy's crew were down there.

Once his last clip was empty, Kaidan took refuge in an ruined shop front. He managed to find several thermal clips on a shelf as well as a Hydra missile launcher. He wasn't able to equip it so he told Shepard of its location. Shepard replied by saying he'd already found one.

"Commander." A voice said over the comm. "Reaper forces are overwhelming our position. You left flank is gone. They're headed your way. Sorry sir."

"Hang in there soldier." Shepard responded. "Heads up! We've got more incoming" He shouted to Javik and Kaidan.

"We'd better cover our left flank." Javik yelled.

Sure enough Cannibals and Marauders came from down the street to their left, climbing over all the rubble in the street. A couple of cannibals had taken up position on an upper floor of a building and were using it to negate any cover that the squad could find. Kaidan ran down the street over the very loud and profane objections of Shepard and managed to biotically lift them from their position about five floors up. Once they were over the street, Kaidan cut the field and let them drop to their deaths.

When he heard the scream of a Banshee, Kaidan knew he was in trouble. It was close. It emerged from the side of a nearby building. He quickly reaved it's barriers and sprinted as fast as his legs could go back to Shepard's position at the launchers. He could hear the Banshee using it's biotic teleport ability behind him, getting closer. Another scream, this time from his left. He almost shit himself. One Banshee was bad enough, but two...

Kaidan quickly changed his direction, running to his right. The Banshee on his left began hopping towards him. He tried to stagger his course, hoping that he could evade long enough for Javik and Shepard to at least take one of the bitches out. He was so focused on the one to his left that he'd forgotten the one behind him. A blast hit him in the back and Kaidan went face first into the street, his shields down.

Winded, Kaidan managed to drag himself to his feet as his shields slowly started to recharge. He let loose at the Banshee behind him with everything he had. After emptying an entire thermal clip at it he ripped in to it biotically. Eventually the Banshee died with a loud scream. Kaidan struggled to catch his breath. He ate the last four calorie bars he had as he turned around to face the other one.

But the Banshee to his left had abandoned its pursuit of him and was instead heading for Shepard, who was running down the street towards him. Javik was managing to hold off the Husks that were advancing on the battery.

"Commander. I have reprogrammed targeting. Missiles are ready for launch." EDI reported.

"Got it. Javik launch the missiles." Shepard ordered.

"Firing." Came the reply. 

Kaidan saw the two missiles from the rear battery launching towards the Destroyer.

"Encountering interference." EDI reported.

"Did they hit?" Kaidan asked.

"No." Javik replied.

"What happened?" Shepard asked as the other Banshee died.

"The Reaper is still too close to the beam." EDI said.

"We're down to two missiles." Javik said

"And we haven't even made a dent." Shepard said as he reached Kaidan. He gave Kaidan that 'Don't ever do that to me again' look. Kaidan assured him that he was ok and they rejoined Javik back at the missile batteries.

"You will need to allow the Reaper to move out of the beam's influence." EDI said.

"And closer to us." Shepard said.

"Commander." Anderson said. "Hammer's being overrun at every turn. Reaper ground forces are converging on your location. We're fighting our way to you. Hold on Commander, hold on."

"Shit! More are coming?" Kaidan said exhausted.

"We can do this." Shepard said reassuringly.

"Well we're about to find out. Here they come!" Kaidan exclaimed.

Kaidan noticed that the Reaper was heading towards them. It was firing at their position. Kaidan just hoped it didn't take out the remaining missile battery. A couple of Brutes emerged from a building across the street. But worst of all, a Harvester landed in between the missile batteries and started to fire its own missiles at them. They were boxed in.

"Concentrate on the Harvester." Javik said.

They hit it with everything they had. Shepard had managed to get a hold of one of the Hydra missile launchers and fired it at the Harvester. The massive explosion took out not only the Harvester, but the brutes as well. All around him, Kaidan heard the tell tale screams of approaching Banshees. He counted no less than four hopping in to their location.

"Commander. The Destroyer is in range. Missiles are ready for launch." EDI reported.

"Roger that EDI." Shepard replied. "Someone find that other Hydra and take these fucking Banshees out!" He ordered.

Kaidan ran for the shop front and found the launcher. He hauled it up onto his shoulders and aimed at a group of three Banshees that were advancing on the Thanix battery. "Everyone take cover!" Kaidan yelled. 

He gave them a few seconds then launched the Hydra. The missile streaked down the street and detonated on impact with a Banshee. The group of three were obliterated. Shepard emerged from his cover and sprinted towards the battery. The fourth Banshee was in pursuit, hopping down the street in an attempt to cut him off. It launched a projectile at him which caught him in the back. Shepard stumbled but managed to keep on his feet.

Kaidan went charging after the Banshee. He reaved its barrier and both he and Javik opened fire and took it out just as Shepard reached the controls.

"Targeting is online, Reaper is in range." EDI repeated just as Shepard was about to launch.

"Firing!" Shepard yelled.

The Reaper fired on the battery just as the missiles launched. With EDI's guidance, the missiles managed to weave around the beam. The Reaper stopped firing and immediately moved to cover up the firing chamber, which was its weak spot. The missiles managed to sneak in just as the armour was closing around it and detonated.

"It's going down." Anderson said over the comm.

"Hit it with everything you've got!" Shepard replied.

From other directions came multiple Thanix missiles, launched by the surviving companies. Massive explosions rocked the Destroyer until it collapsed.

"Destroyer terminated." EDI said. "I'm detecting no signs of life."

"Nice work EDI." Shepard said.

"Shepard." Anderson said. "We're coming up behind your location."

A Mako was making its way through the debris. It stopped not far from them and the hatch opened.

"Shepard, over here." Anderson said.

Shepard, Kaidan and Javik made their way towards the Mako.

"Thank god you made it." Anderson said as he shook Shepard's hand. 

Shepard was breathing heavily. "It didn't look good..." He said.

"It gets worse." Anderson said.

"Of course it does." Shepard said.

"Hackett just reported in." Anderson said. "Several Sovereign-Class Reapers, including Harbinger, have broken off from the battle with the fleet. They're headed here."

"Harbinger." Shepard said with malice.

"It's an opportunity for Hackett to get the Crucible in place, but we have to get a team on board the Citadel to open those arms, now."

"We still don't even know what we'll find when we get up there." A Major said.

"Then that's our job." Shepard replied. "Find out what we're up against."

"All right. Saddle up everybody." Anderson ordered.

Shepard's squad joined Anderson and the Major in their Mako. The tank began the journey towards the beam.

"Get me Admiral Hackett." Anderson ordered. There was a slight pause.

"Hackett here."

"It's now or never Admiral. We're going in." Anderson said.

"Acknowledged. We're jumping through the relay now. I'll send the word." There was a slight pause. "All Ships, this is Admiral Hackett. The Crucible is on the move. I repeat, the Crucible is on the move. Protect it at all costs. Everyone, this is it. Any available squadrons, delay those Reapers heading down to Earth. We've got to give Hammer more time."

The comm channel closed.

"From here on it's a straight shot to the beam." Anderson said.

"A straight shot with Reapers trying to crush us along the way." The Major said.

"We just need to get a handful of troops through." Anderson said.

"Even a handful seems optimistic." Javik said.

"We knew this was going to be a gamble, at best." Anderson said.

Shepard stood up and looked at Kaidan. "Can't think of anyone else I'd rather do this with."

"Just glad to be here." Kaidan responded.

"We're in sight of the target." The Major said.

"Alright everyone, this is it." Anderson said.

The Mako was rocked. By an explosion. The driver was dead and the cabin was on fire. Shepard blew out the hatch.

"Everyone out. Move!" He yelled.

They all managed to get out. The Mako's front was on fire and one of the wheels had been blown off. They were still about a kilometre from the beam. A giant Reaper, the biggest Kaidan had seen, had landed just behind the beam.

"Harbinger." Shepard said.

"Shit." Said Anderson. "We gotta move." He yelled. "Hammer squads. Go, go, go." He ordered.

All the ground troops and vehicles started moving towards the beam as fast as they could. Harbinger opened up with its main beam and was taking them out very quickly and efficiently. Several times the beam came close to hitting him, but Kaidan kept running. Harbinger targeted a Mako in front of Shepard. It flipped backwards into the air. Shepard hit the ground as it passed over his head and landed behind him. Kaidan and Javik ran over towards Shepard to check on him. Another Mako appeared from behind the first, hurtling towards them. Kaidan pushed Javik to the right and then he dove down to his left.

The Mako exploded on impact with the ground. Kaidan could feel himself getting burned as well as bits of metal embedding themselves in his body. He struggled to get to his feet. He felt himself being picked up and carried over towards another destroyed Mako. Kaidan looked down and could see blood all over his armour.

"Normandy do you copy?" Shepard said into his comm. "I need an evac right now!"

Static filled the comm channel. Kaidan felt cold, his body shaking. 

"We're here." Joker said.

The Normandy put down near their location. Shepard and Javik picked up Kaidan.

"Come on." Shepard said.

They carried him over to the Shuttle Bay ramp which had been lowered. Steve was there waiting for them.

"Here. Take him." Shepard said. 

Steve reached out and took over. Shepard backed away.

"Shepard!" Kaidan managed to say.

"Save your strength. You've got to get out of here." Shepard said.

"Yeah, that's not going to happen." Kaidan said. He tried struggling but his body in its weakened state, couldn't overcome Steve and Javik who were holding him back.

"Don't argue with me Kaidan." Shepard said pretty angrily. 

Kaidan was on the verge of tears. "Don't leave me behind..." he said and started crying.

Shepard suddenly got a look of worry on his face. Kaidan knew it meant that Shepard realised that he'd gone too far. "No matter what happens.." He said as he stepped back onto the ramp. He cradled Kaidan's head in his hands. "... know that I love you. Always."

"I love you too." Kaidan managed to say through the tears. Shepard broke the contact and again backed away. "Be careful." Kaidan said.

"Go!" Shepard said.

Steve and Javik pulled Kaidan back so the Normandy could close the ramp and take off. The last image Kaidan saw of Shepard was his back as he continued running for the beam. The Normandy was rocked by a blast as Harbinger took a shot at them as they took off.

Steve and Javik took Kaidan to the Med Bay. Doctor Chakwas cleared everyone out. She scanned Kaidan with her omni-tool.

"You've got multiple fractured ribs, many fragments of metal in your torso as well as a laceration in your arm. I'm going to have to put you under and operate immediately." She said.

"No!" Kaidan choked. "I need to know what's happening."

The Alliance Major's voice came over the comm. "God... they're all gone."

Kaidan's heart sank. Shepard was dead, Anderson was dead. Everyone else from that charge had been killed by Harbinger.

"Did we get anyone to the beam?" Another voice said.

"Negative." The Major replied. "Our entire force was decimated. We need to regroup. Fall back to the buildings."

"Hammer's wiped out." The other voice said. "All forces, retreat."

"Kaidan!" Doctor Chakwas exclaimed. "If I don't do this surgery you'll die."

"Shepard's dead, what does it matter?" Kaidan said. "The Reapers have won. I want to be awake and die on my feet like any soldier should." He tried to get up but his body wouldn't let him.

"You've lost a lot of blood and your body is going into shock. I'm operating whether you like it or not. File a protest if you want, I don't care."

"At least... give me... a... neural... block." Kaidan was finding it harder to speak. "Need... to... know..." He passed out.

He wasn't out for long. When he came to, Chakwas had repaired the major damage to his arm and was transfusing some blood into him. He couldn't feel anything from his neck down. At least she had granted his request to be conscious while she worked. He was on his stomach and could only guess that she was removing the shrapnel from him.

"EDI... Open up a... channel. I need to... hear what is... happening." Kaidan exclaimed.

Hackett's voice came over the comm. "This is it everyone. The arms are opening."

Kaidan was suddenly full of hope. Someone has made it to the Citadel. Maybe Shepard is alive. He thought.

"EDI. Scan the Citadel. Is Shepard there?" He asked.

"Yes Major." EDI replied. "I am detecting Shepard and Admiral Anderson in Central Control. Their life signs are unstable. I'm also detecting the presence of the Illusive Man.

Kaidan couldn't believe it. He asked Chakwas to remove the block so he could stand up. Chakwas said that she still hadn't finished removing all the shrapnel from his back. Kaidan didn't care. He wanted to get up to the cockpit and watch. Chakwas removed the block and instantly Kaidan's body was riddled with pain. He fought against it and put a shirt on. 

Once he'd managed to limp his way up to the cockpit, with Doctor Chakwas in tow, he looked out the windows. The Crucible was docking with the Citadel.

"Ten seconds to contact." Hackett said over the comm.

The Crucible had docked. A beam of light shot out from the Crucible and into the Citadel. Nothing else happened.

"EDI. Give me an update on Shepard's condition." Kaidan asked.

"Shepard's life signs are weak but holding steady. The Illusive Man is dead." Kaidan couldn't help but grin. "Admiral Anderson's life signs are falling rapidly." A slight pause. "Admiral Anderson has died."

Kaidan's sense of loss was mirrored in the faces of everyone else on the crew. Even Joker took of his hat and bowed his head. Kaidan had never seen Joker without his hat on before. Anderson had been the first Captain of the original Normandy. He personally chose Joker, Kaidan, Shepard and everyone else to be part of her crew. To Kaidan he was a father figure. He had helped pick Kaidan up when he was at his lowest. Kaidan had even broken one or two regs along the way and Anderson looked the other way. Plus it was Anderson that gave Kaidan the news about his father's passing.

Their moment of silence was interrupted by Hackett. "Shepard? Commander?

Shepard's voice came over the comm weak. "I... What do you need me to do?" Kaidan could tell that he was hurt, badly.

"Something's wrong. Nothing's happening. The Crucible is not firing. It's got to be something on your end." Hackett said. There was no response. "Commander Shepard?" 

There was still no response from Shepard. Kaidan looked over at the Citadel with worry. The Citadel ward arms were opening as wide as they could go. Still noting happened. After a few minutes there was an explosion at the top of the Citadel Tower, where the Crucible was docked.

"All fleets. The Crucible is armed. Disengage and head to the rendezvous point." Hackett ordered. "I repeat, disengage and get the hell out of here."

Joker instead headed for the Citadel frantically trying to find a way to reach Shepard. As much as Kaidan wanted to stay and rescue Shepard, he knew he had a greater responsibility to the crew. He put his hand on Jokers shoulder. "Joker... it's time to go."

Joker considered his position for a moment before changing course. "Damn it." He said.

The main portion of the fleet had already reached the relay and had jumped out of the system. The Normandy was still busy dodging wreckage before it could get a clear run up to FTL. 

"I am detecting a massive build up of energy from the Crucible." EDI warned. "I am running an analysis."

Kaidan looked at a monitor. There was a large energy cloud emanating from the Citadel. It was rapidly expanding. It had engulfed several nearby Reapers. He had difficulty making it out but it appeared that they had indeed been destroyed. The Normandy Jumped to FTL for the short journey to Pluto. They slowed to sub-light speeds as they approached the relay.

"Joker prepare to jump to Arcturus." Kaidan ordered.

"Aye sir." Joker said in a quiet voice. "Calculating mass for transit."

"EDI report." Kaidan asked.

"I am detecting no Reaper presence in the system." EDI said.

"What about that shockwave?" Kaidan asked.

"Dissipated when it reached Martian orbit." EDI said. "The Citadel appears to be aligning itself with the relay. I'm detecting a power build up of tremendous size. So large in fact that my instruments can't determine its strength. I am also detecting massive explosions on the Citadel itself." She paused. "Including Central Control." She said quietly.

"Joker get us out of here!" Kaidan ordered.

"Activating relay." Joker said.

The Normandy moved alongside the relay and was propelled towards the Arcturus System. Kaidan breathed a sigh of relief.

"In the nanosecond before we jumped the Citadel fired a massive beam of energy towards the relay." EDI warned. "I'm detecting that the corridor behind us is destabilising. I believe the Sol relay has been severely damaged or destroyed."

"Will we make it to Arcturus?" Joker asked.

"Unlikely." EDI said. "The beam has been pulled into transit behind us. I'm sorry Jeff but I must say goodbye."

"What are you talking about?" Joker asked.

At about the same time the shockwave hit the Normandy, EDI went offline. The Normandy returned to sub-light speed well short of the Arcturus System. There was a planet dead ahead.

"EDI!" Joker Yelled.

"Joker what's happening?" Kaidan asked.

"EDI is offline. I've got no control over the main engines, only the thrusters. Helm isn't responding and escape pods are shot. We're going to crash." Joker said.

Kaidan activated the ships comm. "All hands this is Major Alenko. Abandon ship. Escape pods are offline. All hands to the Shuttle Bay."

"Kaidan you make me leave like Shepard did the last time and I swear to god I'll kill you." Joker said.

"I'm staying too." Kaidan said sombrely. "There's nothing left for me now. There's no way that Shepard could've survived the explosion. Besides someone will have to look after you if we survive."

"I'm touched." Joker said sarcastically.

The comm activated. "This is Cortez. Shuttles one and two are loaded and ready for departure. We're only waiting on you and Joker sir."

"We're not coming." Kaidan said. "Launch. If we manage to survive the crash you can pick us up otherwise, your orders are to find out what system this is and then head towards Earth or Arcturus, whichever is closer."

"Aye sir." Cortez's voice sounded strained but somehow still professional. 

The shuttles launched. Kaidan saw them keeping up pace with the Normandy as it entered the atmosphere. Joker activated the thrusters in an attempt to slow their descent. Somehow it appeared to be working as the fireball that had engulfed the Normandy's windows as it ploughed through the atmosphere, died down. They were still going to crash but at least it might be survivable.

Kaidan could see the ground rushing up to meet them. It was a garden type world. The spot the Normandy was headed for appeared to be near the top of some waterfalls. If they didn't stop short of the edge, there was no way they'd survive the plunge from such a height. The Normandy hit the ground and Kaidan was sent flying across the cockpit and was knocked out on a bulkhead...


	21. Chapter 20 - Unknown Planet Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan wakes to find that the Normandy has been stranded on an unknown planet. After a memorial for their fallen, Kaidan discovers that one of them may yet survive.

When Kaidan regained consciousness, he was once again back in Med Bay on his stomach. He tried to turn over but he had been restrained. He struggled to free himself.

"Relax Major, it's alright." Doctor Chakwas said. "I completed the surgery to remove all the shrapnel. You can get up but don't rest your back against anything for a few hours until it heals."

Kaidan pushed himself off the side of the bed and stood up and looked around. Considering what the Normandy had been through he had expected there to be a hell of a lot of damage. But everything looked as it normally did.

He winced a little as he put his shirt on. "How are the crew? Any casualties?" Kaidan asked.

"All present and accounted for." Chakwas said. "Well... except for EDI. She's been offline ever since we hit the relay. Nothing we've tried has brought her back. Joker is beside himself with grief. He's managed to get the computers back online but EDI's personality has gone. It's now just like a normal VI. None of that dry humour or inquisitive mind has survived."

Kaidan hung his head. Hopefully the war was over and EDI was its last casualty. They wouldn't know until they could return to Earth, or at least get the comms working. He thanked Doctor Chakwas and left the Med Bay. He walked over to the memorial wall. All the names of the Normandy crew who had given their lives in the line of duty were listed there. Shepard had once expressed surprise that Kaidan hadn't read the names on the wall. This time however he stopped and read each and every name.

Richard L. Jenkins: The first of the Normandy's crew to die. It seemed so long ago now. Back when the original Normandy had been launched. Then-Captain Anderson had picked Jenkins and Kaidan to accompany Shepard down to Eden Prime, the mission that started it all almost four years ago. Jenkins died in a Geth ambush not long after landing. Kaidan remembered the Geth tore through his shields as if they weren't there. If it wasn't for that mission, they'd have never learned about the imminent Reaper invasion and the war would've turned out very differently.

Ashley Williams: Kaidan remembered her well. She had died on Virmire. When Shepard chose to save Kaidan instead, Ash had stayed behind and guarded the nuke that would end up destroying the research base, the tank bred Krogan and Saren's Geth. Ash and Shepard didn't exactly get along, especially after he rebuffed her advances. He remembered feeling jealous because he'd believed that Shepard was in a relationship with Liara. How wrong he turned out to be.

Charles Pressly: The XO of the original Normandy, once Shepard had taken over as CO from Captain Anderson. He had died when the ship came under attack from the Collectors. Kaidan remembered Joker telling him later that Pressly had died when a console in the cockpit exploded. Kaidan recalled Pressly being a bit xenophobic. He'd had issues with Shepard bringing aliens aboard an Alliance vessel. Wrex, Tali, Liara. The one he really had an issue with was Garrus. Still couldn't forgive the Turians for the First Contact War. Towards the end though Pressly was making progress, seeing them as equals.

Then came the twenty other crew members of the original Normandy that didn't make it. Kaidan struggled to remember any of them. He felt bad for not being able to do so. Following them came the Cerberus crew.

Mordin Solus: Kaidan had only met Mordin once, back on Horizon. He hadn't spoken. Shepard had told him that Mordin had a brilliant mind, but spoke like a hamster that was high on coffee. He developed the counter agent to the Collectors seeker swarms as well as cure a Collector engineered plague that was sweeping through Omega. He also managed to create and distribute the cure for the Genophage, giving his life in the process so that the Krogan species might live.

Thane Krios: Kaidan remembered the terminally ill Drell from his time at Huerta Memorial hospital on the Citadel. He had seemed like a genuinely nice and decent man. Thane had often spoken of his son and how proud he was that he'd chosen a different life than the one he had. Kaidan had known that Thane was a member of Shepard's crew during his time with Cerberus. He hadn't known at the time that he was an assassin. Kaidan had thought that the way he seemed to be guarding him while he was recovering from his injuries he'd sustained on Mars, that he was some sort of bodyguard or security agent. Thane had died an honourable death, saving Salarian Councillor Valern from an assassination attempt by Kai Leng.

Legion: The Geth unit that helped end the war between the Geth and the Quarians. Legion knew that the Geth would be little more than tools for the Reapers. It had wanted more for its people. In the end it was the desire to give its people sentience that caused it do decompile his own code and distribute it amongst the Geth. A new sentient race was born. Kaidan never did find out why it was wearing a piece of N7 armour.

There were still a lot of empty spaces on that wall. Later three more names would be joining it. Kaidan was not looking forward to it at all. He'd delay it for as long as possible if he could, but he knew that the crew would need to grieve.

Kaidan walked to his usual spot in the Observation Lounge. He straightened up the chairs and tables which had been knocked over and shifted during the crash. Once the room was set up as it had been, Kaidan took his usual seat and stared out of the window. It didn't bring him as much comfort as it used to. Back in space he could always look out and feel at peace seeing all the stars spread out in front of him. Here, though the view of the valley below was spectacular, it didn't do much to ease his mind. He decided to head up to the cockpit.

He stepped out of the lift and Specialist Traynor was standing at her usual position beside the galaxy map. She looked back at Kaidan. He could see all the worry and hurt plainly on her face. He certainly understood how she felt. He was feeling about ten times worse, but managing to suppress it in order so the crew could see that their CO, by default, was keeping it together in these hard times.

"There's a message waiting at the Commander's private terminal." She said.

Kaidan ignored her and walked along towards the cockpit. Joker wasn't in his seat at the helm. EDI's lifeless mobile platform was in its usual position beside. Through the window he noticed a shuttle landing. He went out the airlock and stood out in the fresh air. The hatch opened and Steve stepped out. He walked towards Kaidan and then grabbed him in a friendly embrace.

"How are you holding up?" He asked.

"Not well." Kaidan admitted. "I can't believe he's gone."

"I know how you feel." Steve said. "When Robert died I was a complete mess. Now James is back on Earth and I don't know if he survived."

Kaidan could feel himself start to lose control of his emotions. "I just need some time alone to process everything that's happened." He said.

"I understand. My report can wait." Steve placed his hand on Kaidan's shoulder. "I'm here if you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on."

Kaidan went back into the ship and up to Shepard's cabin. As soon as the door was closed behind him, Kaidan burst into tears. He collapsed onto the bed and held Shepard's pillow close to him. He could still smell Shepard's scent on it. He inhaled deeply, wishing that Shepard was there right now. He knew that he was never going to see him again. Kaidan clutched the pillow in close and started rocking. The only other time he'd felt this great a sense of loss was the first time that Shepard died.

He remained there for several hours until finally Steve came up looking for him. Kaidan had forgotten to lock the door and Steve had just walked in. He rushed over to Kaidan and held him in his arms.

"Hey... there, there..." He said as he cradled Kaidan in his arms. "... I know it doesn't seem like it now but it's going to be alright."

"Bullshit." Kaidan said, barely distinguishable due to him crying.

Steve spoke softly. "I've been where you are right now. I know it hurts but you need to try not to let it consume you. You risk hurting yourself if you do."

They stayed there in silence for a while. Kaidan began to feel slightly better, at least good enough to be able to stop himself crying. He regained his composure.

"Report Lieutenant." He said while wiping his eyes.

Steve frowned. "Kaidan. Business can wait. You've just..."

"Lieutenant." Kaidan interrupted. "I just asked for your report." He said in a stern voice. He wanted to be alone and if pushing Steve away got the job done then that's what he was going to do.

"Aye, sir." Cortez said. "We have been unable to determine what system we have ended up in. Engines are offline, as is EDI and communications. Damage to the hull is negligible, we are space worthy. We have enough food stores to last us about six months, though even at FTL speeds, the journey from Arcturus to Earth takes about eight months, allowing for drive core discharges. The crew are exploring our surroundings looking for local flora and fauna that we can eat. We are planning a memorial service to honour our fallen comrades later tonight. End of report."

"Thank you Lieutenant. Dismissed." Kaidan said.

Cortez gave a brisk salute, then spun on his heels and walked to the door. He stopped and turned around. "Kaidan I know what you're doing and it won't work." Kaidan didn't even acknowledge him. Steve left and once the door was closed, Kaidan began crying again.

 

*****************  
Kaidan only became aware of the passage of time when he noticed the sun beginning to set. He remembered what Steve had said about the memorial. He had a quick shower then got into his dress blues and headed down to the crew deck.

The remaining Normandy crew had gathered around the memorial wall. A table had been brought from the mess and three plaques had been placed on it, each baring the name of one of the fallen. EDI, Admiral David Anderson, Commander John Shepard.

Engineer Adams began the service. He spoke for a while about Anderson inviting him aboard the first Normandy as Chief Engineer, then about Shepard and how he regretted not being there when he took on the Collectors and then finally EDI. He then asked those closest to the fallen to take up the plaques, say a few word then place them on the wall.

Joker stepped forward and took EDI's, Doctor Chakwas took Anderson's and Kaidan took Shepard's. Joker spoke at length about EDI. Followed by Chakwas talking about Anderson. Kaidan wasn't listening to either of them. He was focused on the plaque in his hands. He had no idea what he was going to say. It was only after Steve had prompted Kaidan that he realised it was his turn.

"Commander John Shepard was the prime example of everything the Alliance stands for. His integrity, honour, and ability to get the job done no matter the cost, are what prompted the Council to make him the first ever Human Spectre. He, and he alone saw the Reaper threat for what it was. The Council and the Alliance turned their backs on him. Even though he worked for Cerberus, everything he did there he did to protect the galaxy."

Kaidan sniffed as he felt tears starting to well up in his eyes. "I myself also turned my back on him. Looking back it is one of the worst decisions I ever made. Shepard did so much for us and the one time he asks for help I shot him down. Later after the war had started, even after everything I'd said to him, he still invited me back onto the Normandy. Again I turned him down, this time because I was ashamed of what I'd done to him back on Horizon. It took the death of Councillor Udina to make me realise just how wrong about Shepard I had been."

Tears were now running down Kaidan's face. He noticed a couple of the crew were also crying. "Shepard's accomplishments speak to the kind of man he was. He took down the rogue Spectre Saren and prevented him from launching the Reaper invasion three years ago. He stopped the Collectors from abducting Human colonies and ended the Reapers plans to use us to create a new Reaper. He destroyed a mass relay, killing over 300,000 Batarians in the process to delay the invasion. He helped cure the Genophage which has saved the Krogan. He also helped end the 300 year conflict between the Quarians and the Geth."

Kaidan wasn't sure how much longer he could continue. "Now he is gone. Sacrificing himself to fire the Crucible and hopefully destroying the Reapers in the process." Kaidan could feel himself losing it so he cut his speech short. "Commander John Shepard." He said as he saluted. The rest of the crew saluted with him. He turned around and fixed Shepard's plaque to the wall above Anderson's. He ran his hands over it and whispered, "Good bye John." Then he turned around and headed for the lift. 

He heard Adams asking anyone else who'd like to say a few words to step forward just as the doors closed. He headed back up to Shepard's cabin, snuggled up with Shepard's pillow and failed to fall asleep.

 

*****************  
Kaidan had fallen apart following the memorial. He hadn't slept, eaten or even showered for three days. Yesterday he hadn't even left the cabin. He just sat there with Shepard's pillow. He couldn't cope without Shepard. He recalled the moment that Shepard had said goodbye to him with perfect clarity. Somehow Kaidan knew that was the last time he'd ever see him.

The door to the cabin opened and Steve entered. He had brought a plate of food with him. Kaidan knew that Steve was talking to him, but his mind was too consumed with grief to register what was being said. Steve had put down the plate on Shepard's desk and approached Kaidan. Kaidan felt Steve grab him and shake him slightly, trying to provoke a response. Steve lowered himself so he could look Kaidan in the eyes. Kaidan just wanted to be left alone so he could die in peace. Steve made a move to remove the pillow from Kaidan's grasp. Kaidan snapped. He pushed Steve back from the bed and activated his amp. His intent was to continually throw Steve into the bulkhead until he felt better, but as he hadn't eaten for days, nothing happened.

Steve got up and rounded on Kaidan. Kaidan was expecting to get hit so he lowered his hands, ready to be beaten up. Instead Steve pulled him into a rather tight hug. Kaidan burst into tears.

"It's alright... it's alright." Steve said in a soothing tone. "Let it all out."

They stood there for about twenty minutes. Kaidan was crying so hard that his body was almost convulsing. All Steve did was hold him and rub his hands on Kaidan's back. Kaidan eventually stopped crying, not because he was feeling better, but because he was too tired. His eyes were feeling really heavy. Steve guided Kaidan back to the bed and helped him in.

"Get some sleep. You'll feel a little better." Steve said as he started to back away.

Kaidan started to panic. "Don't leave me behind." He said, reliving his last few moments with Shepard.

"I won't leave you Kaidan." Steve reassured. "If you need me to stay I will."

Kaidan pulled Steve in close. He felt a little better feeling the warmth of close contact with Steve. His eyes closed and he felt as though he was no longer alone in the galaxy.

When he awoke several hours later, he felt a great sense of relief. It had all be a terrible nightmare. He could feel Shepard's arm around him. He looked towards the window in the ceiling. It was black and starry outside. The stars weren't moving which meant that the Normandy was stationary. Kaidan felt something poking him from behind.

"Feels like someone wants to have some fun." Kaidan said seductively. There was no response. Kaidan could hear heavy breathing which indicated that Shepard was still asleep. He reached around behind him, feeling for Shepard's manhood. He was surprised to discover that Shepard was still wearing his uniform. It took some doing, as he was working with his hand behind his back, but he eventually managed to free Shepard's penis from his pants. He started stroking near the base and Shepard responded by slowly thrusting into his hand and moaning gently. 

Kaidan couldn't shake the feeling that something was very wrong. Since when had Shepard shaved his pubes? Also, Shepard's penis felt larger than he remembered it. Kaidan moved his hand up the shaft towards the head. It was definitely longer. Once he got to the head he pulled his hand away so quickly as though he'd been burned. He'd felt a foreskin and Shepard didn't have one.

The body behind him began to stir. A sleepy voice said, "Don't stop James."

Kaidan freaked and leapt out of bed. He looked behind him and there was Steve lying there with his penis sticking out of the front of his pants, twitching, begging for relief. Kaidan felt sick. Steve opened his eyes and looked over at Kaidan with a puzzled look on his face. The puzzled look gave way to horror as he realised what had been happening. With some difficulty, he stuffed his penis back into his pants and did up his fly.

"I'm so sorry." They both said in unison.

"I thought you were Shepard." Kaidan said.

"I thought you were Vega." Steve said.

Kaidan stood there, too traumatised to speak or even to move. Steve got up off the bed and inched his way towards the door. He left without saying anything else.

Kaidan made sure he locked the cabin door before he went into the shower. No matter how much he scrubbed his hand he couldn't help but feel like it was still dirty. In the end he gave up and dried himself off. 

As he left the bathroom, the flashing green light on Shepard's private terminal caught his eye. He vaguely remembered Traynor telling him there was a message there. He activated the terminal. The message was from EDI. It was time stamped four days ago, right before she went offline.

_Major Alenko._  
 _I have calculated that there is a high probability that you will open this message. I have completed my analysis of the pulse that the Crucible put out._  
 _As it passed over the Reapers they were destroyed. I detected no signs of life from them. Geth ships stopped dead in space and I could detect no active Geth programs in their systems. The pulse had no effect on the various organic species ships what so ever. I have concluded that the pulse is specifically targeting AI's._  
 _Although I modified my self preservation sub-routines to place less emphasis on my own survival, I have concluded that it is in the crew's best interests that my programming survive the pulse that is now destabilising the corridor behind us._  
 _I have decided to decompile my program and spread it through as many devices throughout the ship that are capable of data storage. Although this will result in my death, if my theory is correct, it should only be temporary. It is my hope that the pulse will pass over the Normandy and only affect a complete AI . It should then be a simple procedure to restore the fragments back to my mainframe._  
 _Check the computers on both the shuttles. I will transfer my most important sub-routines into their systems. If successful the shuttle's computer will detect a security breach in firewall 3187 when a diagnostic is run on system integrity._  
 _It will be necessary for the shuttles to be physically connected to my mainframe to allow the file transfer to take place. My program will automatically upload itself when it detects a connection, and recompile once complete. I will attach a complete list of the devices where my program can be located._  
 _If I don't survive, please tell Jeff that I treasured our relationship. I am most grateful that the crew of the Normandy treated me as an equal and not just a machine._  
 _EDI._

Kaidan downloaded a copy to his omni-tool then ran to the lift and went outside to where the shuttles were parked. He sprinted towards the nearest shuttle. He didn't even care that Steve was there working on it. Kaidan extended his arm as he approached and grabbed Steve's arm. Steve looked worried.

Kaidan was out of breath. "Run... diag... diagnostic... shuttle." Kaidan couldn't get the words out.

"The shuttle is fully operational." Steve said cautiously.

Kaidan continued to try to catch his breath. "Sys... system integ..."

"You want me to run a system integrity diagnostic?" Steve asked. Kaidan nodded. "What for? It's only done when a system upgrade is performed or when there's the possibility of a virus."

"Just do... it." Kaidan grabbed his knees and tried to steady himself.

Steve entered the shuttle and Kaidan followed, but stayed well away from him. Steve performed the diagnostic. "I'm not sure what you hope to accomplish by doing this." Steve said.

Kaidan had finally managed to control his breathing. "I need to know if there's a problem with firewall 3187."

Steve read the results of the diagnostic. He turned slowly to face Kaidan. "The diagnostic has detected a virus in the system that's attacking firewall 3187. Mind telling me how you knew it was there?"

Kaidan felt a brief flash of hope. "Not yet. I need to know if the other shuttle has it as well."

"Ok." Steve said slowly. "I'll just purge this one first..."

"NO!" Kaidan yelled. Steve jumped. "Whatever you do, don't delete it. Check the other shuttle first."

Steve looked at him as though he was trying to assess whether Kaidan was still sane. In the end he shook his head and went to the other shuttle and repeated the diagnostic. The results were identical.

"Would you mind telling me what is going on now?" Steve said with his arms crossed.

"We need to connect the shuttle's computers with the mainframes in the AI core." Kaidan said. "It must be a physical connection. It won't work wirelessly."

Steve shook his head. "Not happening." He said. "If this virus gets into the Normandy's systems, there's no telling the damage it could do."

"It's not a virus." Kaidan said sending a copy of the message to Steve. "It's EDI."


	22. Chapter 21 - Berlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 months post Crucible.
> 
> Shepard wakes up in hospital to some really bad news which, sets him on a very dark path of self destruction.
> 
>  
> 
> **Warning: This chapter contains graphic violence.**

He woke up on a bed in a ruined building. He had no idea how he'd gotten there. Looking around he could see that there were other beds lined up along the walls. Some sort of makeshift hospital, though judging by the walls, it had once been a functioning hospital. A woman in white approached his bed.

"Shepard. Glad to see you're awake." The woman said. "You had us worried there for a while."

Shepard looked at the woman more closely. She had shoulder length brown hair and blue eyes. The white outfit she was wearing was incredibly form fitting. "Miranda?" He asked groggily. "What are you doing here?"

"When they found you in the wreckage of the Citadel Tower, you were in really bad shape. Your cybernetic implants were only just managing to keep you alive." She pulled up a chair and sat down next to the bed. "Due to my involvement with Project Lazarus, I was called in to assist. After what you've done for me over the years to keep Ori safe, well, it's the least I could do."

"The Reapers?" Shepard asked.

"Destroyed." Miranda said. "When you fired the Crucible the expanding shockwave destroyed the Reapers, Husks and all the other monstrosities that the reapers cooked up."

Shepard relaxed in his bed. He had done it, the war was over. His thoughts turned to Kaidan. "What about the Normandy? Did she make it?"

"This can probably wait until you're feeling better. There are still some tests we need to run." Miranda was dodging the question.

"What happened to the Normandy?" Shepard asked again in a more menacing tone.

Miranda sighed and place a hand on Shepard's. "I don't have all the answers. I'm sorry Shepard. Admiral Hackett will debrief you."

Shepard felt slightly uncomfortable. "Hackett's coming here?"

"He's already here." Miranda said. "When we noticed signs that you were regaining consciousness, we sent him a message. He's currently touring the hospital, meeting other Alliance and alien personnel who were injured in the fight." Miranda activated her omni-tool and pressed a few buttons. "He'll be here soon." She said. "Is there anything I can get you?"

"No thanks." Shepard said. "I'll be fine."

Admiral Hackett entered the ward and Shepard, though still in a lot of pain, managed a salute. Hackett returned it. "Thank you Miss Lawson." Hackett said in a dismissive tone.

Miranda got up of the seat, smiled at Shepard and left. Hackett sat down. "How are you feeling Commander?" He asked.

"I suspect I'll live." Shepard's mind once again turned to Kaidan. "Sir, I need to know what happened to the Normandy."

Hackett fixed him with a stare that Shepard didn't like. "Commander let me fill you in on recent events first."

Shepard exhaled. He knew Hackett wouldn't put up with any bullshit so he didn't force the issue.

"When you activated the Crucible, it sent out a shockwave that destroyed every Reaper in the system. Their ground troops were also decimated. Miraculously it had no effect on the other races. However there were some other consequences." Hackett said gravely. 

Shepard braced himself.

"The Citadel fired a massively powerful beam which hit the relay. As far as we can tell it travelled the entire relay network. Every relay in the galaxy was overloaded by it and sent out a shockwave stronger than the one the Crucible produced, wiping out all Reaper forces. All the relays are severely damaged and offline. There were some other victims as well. The Geth have been all but wiped out. It seems that the beam was targeting AI's specifically. But for reasons we can't fathom, the Geth programs that had installed into Quarian suits to kick start their immune systems somehow survived."

Shepard was suddenly feeling worried. EDI was an AI. If, through the relays, the Crucible managed to wipe out virtually all AI's in the galaxy, then EDI was most likely consigned to oblivion. Shepard didn't know if the Normandy could function without her.

"Prior to you firing the Crucible, you ordered the Normandy down to Earth to medivac Major Alenko and the Prothean?" Hackett asked.

Shepard didn't like where this was going. "Yes sir." He said.

"I received a report from your helmsman shortly after." Hackett activated his omni-tool and consulted some notes. "He reported that the Major had lost a lot of blood and went into shock."

Shepard's heart was beating so fast that he felt it was trying to escape. "Is he still alive?" Shepard asked, unsure as to whether or not he wanted to know the answer.

"Shortly afterward, the Crucible fired." Hackett said. "I ordered the fleet to leave. My own ship and several others, including the Destiny Ascension, stayed behind to cover the retreat. Our sensors indicated that the Normandy was the last ship to hit the relay prior to it being taken out."

Shepard breathed a sigh of relief. They had made it. Kaidan had made it. All he had to do was wait a while for either the relays to be repaired or for the Normandy to return by FTL. Hackett's face hadn't lightened up.

"Commander... The Normandy was in transit when the relay network collapsed. I'm sorry but she never made it to Arcturus."

Shepard went from elation to devastation in less than a heartbeat. What surprised him is that he didn't even shed a tear. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't cry.

Hackett hadn't finished. "I thought you should also know. Your mother's ship, the Orizaba, is on its way back here from Arcturus via FTL. She is searching for any sign of the Normandy. For now we've tentatively listed the Normandy as MIA, pending communications from her or the Orizaba's report."

Shepard just stared blankly at the wall opposite him. Hackett said something else but Shepard didn't hear him. He was too focused on the thought he'd lost Kaidan. At some point Hackett left because the next thing Shepard knew was that Liara, Garrus and Tali were there. Shepard wanted to be alone so he ignored them. It wasn't until someone said Kaidan's name that he snapped out of it and began paying attention.

"By the Goddess." Liara said as Shepard turned suddenly to face her. "You startled me Shepard."

"Where is he?" Shepard asked.

Liara stepped closer to the bed and lowered her voice. "I assume you mean Kaidan. I have as many of my agents searching for the Normandy as I can spare. But given what happened to the relays... I'm afraid we may never find out what happened."

Shepard felt as though something inside of him had just died. "Thank you for being honest with me." Shepard said in an almost robotic voice. He reached over and poured himself a glass of water and then began sipping it.

Liara looked worried. "Shepard. I was expecting to have to console you or restrain you if necessary. But you don't appear to be upset."

"I'm fine." Shepard said coldly. "He's a soldier. We said our goodbyes prior to leaving the base. We both knew that it would end this way."

Garrus and Tali just looked at each other. Garrus also had a worried look on his face. Tali... well who could tell through her enviro-suit? Garrus coughed and changed the subject. "So the Doctors say that you'll be able to leave in about a week. Any thoughts on what you might do?"

Shepard hadn't considered anything. He figured at some stage he'd have to track down Kaidan's mother and tell her the bad news, but only if his own mother had returned to Earth without finding him. Also he would probably have to check in with the Council, if they managed to survive. But mostly he just wanted some time off. He'd now saved the galaxy three times in the last four years. If that hadn't earned him some down time then nothing would. He looked around the room and noticed that there were two Turians standing guard near the door.

"I don't need anyone guarding me. You can leave." He said to them. The Turians didn't even flinch. He could hear Tali give a little giggle.

Garrus started to look uneasy. The only time Shepard had seen him this nervous was when he'd caught Garrus and Tali making out in the Forward Battery on the Normandy. "Ah... They're not here for you Shepard." Garrus said with a waver in his voice. "They... um..." He mumbled something unintelligible.

Tali stepped in. "What he meant to say is that they are here guarding him. He's the new Primarch." She said as she placed her hand on his shoulder affectionately.

"Primarch Vakarian eh?" Shepard said with a wicked grin. "I knew you were close to the top, but not that close." He said. "What happened to Primarch Victus?"

Garrus looked as though he wanted Harbinger to land and vaporise him. "Yeah..." His voice trailed off. "Primarch Victus returned to his ship shortly after you left for the beam. Unfortunately his ship was destroyed not long before the Crucible was fired. The two or three Generals that were next in the line of succession had also been killed by that point. So now I'm running the whole Turian Hierarchy. Spirits help us all." 

Shepard couldn't help but laugh. He liked antagonising Garrus, almost as much as the Turian liked doing it to him. He felt a wave of nausea come over him his as he laughed. Luckily he managed to prevent himself from throwing up, but it gave him an excuse to be alone. He apologised to his friends and asked them to leave. Garrus and Tali left, though said they would be back when he was feeling better. Liara had stayed behind.

"Liara, I really want to be alone right now." He said.

"I'm sorry Shepard. The scientist in me can't help but compare your situation now with a similar situation that Kaidan found himself in a few years ago."

At the mention of Kaidan's name, Shepard's felt as though his heart was being ripped out. He was still unable to cry. He couldn't have been more upset if he tried, though he couldn't express it.

"How so?" He said in a voice as normal as he could manage, though judging by the expression on Liara's face, it had been a lot colder than he planned.

Liara shifted uncomfortably in the seat. "Well... Kaidan..." Shepard involuntarily flinched. "... was devastated when he lost you. I found him in his apartment one day. He was dishevelled, thin and appeared to have been taking Red Sand. He was doing everything he could to hurt himself, short of actually committing suicide."

Shepard had gotten a mental image of the scene that Liara just described in his head. What he saw shocked him. He'd always thought of Kaidan as the level headed one in their relationship. If Kaidan had reacted that way when Shepard had died, what hope did he have now that Kaidan was gone?

"As I look at you Commander, I can't help but wonder, why are you taking this as well as you are?" She paused. If she was waiting for a response from Shepard, she was wasting her time. "I know this has to be hurting you. It's not good to bottle up your emotions like this. That can lead to bad things happening."

"I'm fine." Shepard said for what seemed like the hundredth time. "I don't need any help, sympathy or therapy. I'm a soldier, he was a soldier. These things happen. Now I really don't want to talk about it anymore."

Liara said goodbye and left. Once Shepard was alone he let go of all the self control that he'd been exerting since waking up. He felt sad but still couldn't cry. Mostly though he just felt angry. Maybe that final goodbye on the ramp of the Normandy had been enough for him to let go? He spent the next several days thinking over that point.

 

*****************  
Shepard was released from hospital after about a week. Being raised on starships, he'd never actually lived on Earth. The only place he had to go was the Alliance. He wanted a break from military life for a bit. He deactivated the tracking and comm programs on his omni-tool so no one could find him. He couldn't face his crew either, too many memories...

After a couple of days sleeping in the remains of a park, he was crossing a ruined street when he was confronted by a reporter with a camera.

"Commander Shepard? Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani, Westerlund News."

_Great. The last person in the galaxy I want to see right now_. Shepard thought.

"Commander. How do you respond to the reports that your actions on the Crucible led to the genocide of the Geth, not to mention the destruction of the SSV Normandy with the loss of all hands, including your partner Major Kaidan Alenko?"

Shepard snapped. He activated his omni-tool and send an overload pulse towards the camera. It shorted out and dropped to the ground like a stone. He turned slowly to face al-Jilani, a look of pure hatred on his face.

"I knew it was too much to hope that the Reapers would kill you." He said with a growl.

The colour drained from al-Jilani's face. She turned and started to run. Shepard grabbed the camera and gave chase. He quickly caught up to her, dragged her down an alleyway, slammed her back up against a wall and held his arm up against her throat.

"You fucking parasite." He said with malice. "Obviously knocking you out isn't enough to get you to stop harassing me. So I guess this time I'm going to have to get more serious."

Al-Jilani's eyes widened in horror as Shepard started pressing his arm further into her throat. She struggled but to no avail, Shepard was too strong. He released his hold on her just as she started to lose consciousness. She collapsed to the ground clutching her throat and taking deep breaths.

"You bastard!" She gasped. "You won't get away with this you know. I'm going to expose you for the monster you are! Once I'm done with you, you will be the most hated human alive."

Shepard eyes narrowed. "But at least I'll still be alive." He said quietly. "You on the other hand... let's just say that when I'm done, they'll find it very difficult to identify your body."

Shepard grabbed the back of her head and started slamming it into a nearby dumpster. Blood was pouring out from her nose. After a few more slams her body started having convulsions. He threw her to the ground and watched as she writhed. He grabbed the camera and started bashing her around the head with it. Through the bloody mess which were the remains of her face, he saw that her eyes had rolled back into their sockets. He started to kick and stomp on her body with such a frenzy that he broke a couple of his toes. He was so high on adrenaline that he didn't notice the pain. 

Once he finished kicking her he looked down at her lifeless body. He activated his omni-tool again and this time hit her corpse with an incinerate bolt. He stood back and watched with some satisfaction as her body roasted. He resisted the urge to piss on the flames. He didn't want to put them out. By the time they died down, there wasn't much left. He bent down and examined his handy work. 

A nearby noise made Shepard stand up pretty quickly. He bumped the back of his head, fairly painfully on a metal beam. Swearing, he walked back down the alley until he caught some movement out of the corner of his eye. He grabbed the person from the dark doorway and dragged them out into the light.

"C...Comm...mander Sh...Shepard?" The quivering mess said.

He was in his mid thirties, roughly Shepard's height with blond hair and goatee. The last time Shepard saw him was on the Citadel during the war, recruiting for Cerberus.

"Never rains, but it pours." Shepard said "What the fuck are you doing here Conrad?" he said with a groan.

"N...Nothing." Conrad said really nervously. "I didn't see anything. I swear."

"That's right, you didn't." Shepard said as he started to leave.

Conrad started following Shepard. "So what happens now?" he asked.

Shepard turned to face him. "Conrad, you've been stalking me now for four years. Why?"

Looking back at the smouldering corpse Conrad hesitated before he spoke. "You're my idol. I think I might have told you about the tasteful shrine I had in my apartment."

An plan popped into Shepard's head. "Do you have feelings for me Conrad? Be honest." He asked still wearing an angry expression.

"Y... Y... Yes." Conrad stammered. Obviously aware that his life was now in Shepard's hands. "I... I realise that something is wrong and I want to help."

Shepard rounded on him. "You dare think that you can ever hope to replace Kaidan?" He said angrily.

"Of... course... n... not." Conrad stuttered. "I... I... only want to help you."

"Prove it!" Shepard said as he pulled Conrad in close and kissed him.

Conrad struggled at first but soon relaxed into it and allowed Shepard's tongue access when he pressed it into his mouth. Shepard could feel that Conrad was getting aroused because he was gently grinding against his leg. Shepard broke the kiss, grabbed Conrad's erection and slowly started jerking it through his pants. Conrad was moaning with pleasure.

"I need somewhere to stay for a while." Shepard said seductively.

Conrad's eyes were closed. He was clearly enjoying it. He activated his omni-tool and sent his address to Shepard. Shepard gave Conrad's erection a final squeeze and then stopped.

"Thanks." Shepard said. He gestured towards the still smouldering remains. "Get rid of that." He said. Conrad hurried down to the remains as Shepard left. 

 

*****************  
Later that day Shepard was looking through Conrad's apartment. It was in a building that hadn't suffered too much damage during the war. He found the shrine in the bedroom, along with a life size Shepard sex doll. Shepard activated the man's private terminal and managed to hack the password. Inside was his journal detailing his love for Shepard, among other things. Shepard felt sick. This man was deranged. Shepard re-activated his omni-tool's tracking protocols and a sent out a distress beacon. He then located some sedatives and took a few. Several minutes later as they took hold, he passed out.

When he came around some time later a familiar figure was standing over him.

"Come on Loco. Wake up." Vega said. Shepard slowly attempted to get up. "That's it. You've been drugged. Here have some water." James handed Shepard a canteen filled with water and Shepard had a few mouthfuls. "What happened? We've been looking for you for days."

"Conrad..." Was all Shepard said before he fainted in James' arms.

 

*****************  
When he came around, he was in an Alliance facility. Admiral Hackett, James and a doctor were in the room with him. He sat up.

"Commander. Are you feeling alright?" Hackett asked with some concern.

"Yes sir." Shepard replied and got out of bed and saluted but immediately felt dizzy.

"Take it easy." The doctor said. "You've got concussion from that injury to your head."

"We have arrested Conrad Verner." Hackett said. Shepard breathed a sigh of relief. "He was discovered trying to dispose of the remains of a badly burned body. We're trying to identify it now."

"It's Khalisah al-Jilani." Shepard replied. Hackett looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Long story."

"Well, given your history with her, you better get started." Hackett said, crossing his arms.

"Yes sir." Shepard began. "When I got out of hospital I ran into Conrad on the street. He and I have known each other for a few years. He offered me a place to stay until I could arrange for transport back to Alliance HQ. I remember us sitting on the couch drinking. Next thing I know, I'm in his bedroom with a massive headache. He has a bloody shrine dedicated to me in there!" He said disgusted.

"Yeah it was a bit over the top." James confirmed. 

"Go on Commander." Hackett said.

"Sorry sir... Ms. al-Jilani arrived at the apartment. She'd apparently been tipped off that I was there. Conrad offered us both a drink. I think mine was spiked, I remember feeling a little groggy. I think at one point he hit her with a neural shock from his omni-tool. I pretended to pass out. He moved me back into the bedroom. Once I heard him leave, I activated the distress beacon on my omni-tool before I passed out. The rest I'm sure Lieutenant Vega has already filled you in on."

"Thank you Commander." Hackett said. "Murder is a pretty serious charge. As is assaulting an Alliance Officer, not to mention a Spectre. How do you want us to handle this? Trial by the Alliance Court or by Spectre?"

"Spectre." Shepard said. "With the planet in a shambles right now, a trial would divert too many resources away from the rebuilding efforts."

Hackett sighed. "I suppose you're right Commander. Report to Alliance HQ once you've finished up here. It's time you were officially debriefed on the Crucible mission."

Shepard and Vega saluted as Hackett left the room.

"So Loco, how accurate was that doll? James said with a smirk that Shepard wanted to hit. So Shepard hit it.

 

*****************  
Shepard had spent the next day in the makeshift prison 'interrogating' Conrad. In truth he'd spent it briefing him on what was going to happen next. Shepard told Conrad that even though the pain was still too fresh in his mind, he wanted to at least give Conrad a chance. Using his Spectre authority, Shepard was going to secretly get Conrad released on the premise of undertaking a highly covert and risky mission on behalf of the Council. To pull it off they had to make it look like Conrad was being conveyed to be executed, and then kill the guard mid flight and dump the body in the ocean. The Alliance had to believe he was dead. Then they would fly to a part of the Citadel that had been repaired and find somewhere to live.

Shepard came and collected Conrad from his cell. They walked through the complex towards the shuttle pad. When they came to a stair well, Shepard pulled Conrad in for another kiss.

"Just remember the plan. Don't say anything and we'll make it." He said encouragingly. Conrad just nodded. 

They made it to the shuttle and boarded. The hatch closed and it took off. Shepard secured Conrad to the seat and went into the cockpit where a familiar face met him.

"So Loco. How's it hanging?" James asked.

"Low and to the left if you must know." Shepard said. He noticed James' eyes lower to his crotch. "Mister Vega? Eyes up here."

James shifted in the pilot's seat. "Damn Loco. You sure know how to push my buttons." He started rubbing himself through his pants.

"James I'm not trying to hit on you. I'm surprised you're even considering it so soon after what happened not only to Kaidan but to Steve as well." He said coldly.

Vega's expression changed suddenly from playful to sombre. "I'm sorry Commander. For me it's been three months since I lost my Esteban. I've been able to begin to put it all behind me. I forgot you only woke up a week or so ago." Shepard didn't respond. He returned to the rear and sat on the opposite side of the cabin to Conrad.

About forty minutes later they were crossing the Atlantic Ocean. James had put the shuttle on autopilot and joined Shepard and Conrad in the cabin.

"Won't be too much longer before we land." James said. "Looking forward to this little creep getting exactly what he deserves."

Shepard looked at Conrad and said in a neutral tone, "So am I." 

Conrad stood up and made a sudden move towards Vega. James had his pistol drawn very quickly and trained it on Conrad. Shepard drew his and aimed it at James.

James couldn't believe what was happening. "Commander! What the fuck are you doing? He's trying to escape."

"Put the gun down Vega." Shepard warned. 

"Respectfully sir, I can't do that until you lower yours."

Shepard paused for a moment then lowered his pistol slightly. He recalled something Samara's serial killer daughter Morinth had once told him shortly before she died. "Do you like chess James?" He asked. James said nothing, only shook his head. "I do. I love a game where your opponent believes he is about to win... right up until you kill him" His eyes darted to Conrad who was watching anxiously. Shepard surreptitiously winked at him. He focused back on James, adjusted his aim and pulled the trigger.

After they dumped the body into the sea, Shepard relaxed in the cockpit with a smirk in his face...


	23. Chapter 22 - Unknown Planet Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6 months post Crucible.
> 
> The Normandy is still stranded on an unknown planet and Kaidan has given up on hope of getting home. A chance meeting, however, changes their fortunes...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out. My free time is getting pretty scarce lately. Won't be able to publish weekly for a while. Will aim for fortnightly instead.

It had been six months since they crashed on this planet. Engineer Adams and his team had been unable to explain why the engines weren't working. The recovery of EDI was also taking far longer than they expected. They had managed to locate and transfer almost all of her program back into the AI core, but one of the pads that EDI had transferred a part of her program to was missing. The popular theory was that Javik had it. Unfortunately no one had seen him since the crash.

Steve, whom Kaidan had become very good at avoiding since the incident in Shepard's cabin, had been taking a shuttle and was trying to locate Javik. Unfortunately he'd so far made two complete surveys of the planet without a trace. Heavy ionisation in the atmosphere made his scans next to useless, but he persisted anyway.

Kaidan was exhausted. He'd given up on sleeping with Shepard's pillow long ago when the smell of Shepard had left it. He'd tried wearing Shepard's clothes, but eventually they too lost his scent. He'd not come to terms with Shepard's death, he just kept himself busy ensuring that the rest of the crew were optimistic. But everyone has their limits and pretty much everyone was near their breaking point.

Joker, desperate as he was to have EDI back, was also in mourning. He'd handled it a lot better than Kaidan had. Steve... well he was a different story. There was a chance that James was still alive. He was one of only a handful of people that thought that they'd ever see their loved ones again. James hadn't been a part of the hammer group's push to the beam. Then again they had no idea what effects the shockwave would've had on those on the planet.

It was night time and Kaidan was sitting in the Observation Lounge in his usual chair. The ship had long ago been powered down in order to preserve energy for the time when they started their journey back to Earth. The lights were off and the was no noise at all. Unfortunately that meant that all the doors on the ship were open, there was no privacy. He heard the faint sound of footsteps approaching.

"Kaidan?" Steve said. Kaidan didn't reply. "I know you're in here, somewhere. This is getting ridiculous. It's been six months. We need to talk about what happened. It's the only way we're going to move on from this whole incident."

"I don't need to talk about it." Kaidan said.

"Well I do." 

Kaidan could hear Cortez shuffling around, seeking out a chair. He assumed that Cortez had eventually found one because the noise stopped.

"What happened that night was a terrible accident." Steve began. "In hindsight it was wrong of me to have even been there while you were sleeping. I wasn't trying to take advantage of you or anything like that. I had felt what was happening and assumed it was James. When I woke up to find that my penis was sticking out the front of my trousers and you were standing there terrified in the corner, I put two and two together and freaked a little also. I don't blame you for what happened. We were both horny and sought relief. The blame is entirely mine. I can only hope that we can get passed this and return to being friends, because I really miss your friendship and company."

Kaidan still just sat there, concentrating instead on some meditations that Liara had once taught him. Steve tried getting through to him from a different angle.

"Look I've been where you are right now. I know it hurts but in the end you either have to accept that he's gone, like I did with Robert, or you'll spend the rest of your miserable life blaming either yourself, or him, for the fact that he's not here. Do you think that Shepard would want you to live your life like this? He would want you to get up off your sorry arse and make the best of your situation." 

Kaidan heard Steve get up and start moving around again. He could see Steve's silhouette approaching his chair. He felt Steve walk into it and then he fell on top of Kaidan. They both just stayed there for a moment. Kaidan was snapped out of his meditative state. Steve rolled off and started apologising again.

Kaidan sighed. "I'm sorry." He said. "I've treated you pretty badly since we got here. John liked you and I know that he'd want me to continue being your friend. That time in his cabin... I wanted so much to believe it was him even when I knew it wasn't." He started crying. "Oh Steve, I miss him so much."

Kaidan threw his arms around Steve and let go of all the frustrations and hurt he'd been feeling the past few months. He felt Steve rubbing his back, trying to comfort him.

"Hey it's ok. Let it all out." Steve said soothingly. They stood there for a few minutes until Kaidan started yawning. "When was the last time you slept?" Steve asked.

Kaidan racked his brain. "I don't remember." He said truthfully.

"Then it's been too long." Steve activated a torch on his omni-tool. "Let's head to the Med Bay and get you something to help you sleep."

After getting a couple of sedatives from Doctor Chakwas' stores, Steve helped Kaidan through the crawlspaces and ladders all the way up to Shepard's cabin. He handed Kaidan a glass of water and Kaidan took the tablets.

Kaidan made his way over to the bed and stripped down to his boxers. Steve made an attempt to leave but Kaidan stopped him.

"Please stay." He said. "I don't want to be alone tonight."

Steve was wary. "After what happened last time, there's no way I'm sleeping in that bed. I'll take the couch."

Kaidan tossed over his pillow, leaving Shepard's for himself. He also managed to find a spare blanket Steve kept his uniform on and settled down for the night. Kaidan got as comfortable as he could in the bed, though he'd not gotten used to sleeping on his own again. It wasn't long before the tablets started to affect him, and soon sleep took him.

When Kaidan woke up the next morning, Steve was still sleeping on the couch. He felt bad because Steve was right about the need to move on with his life. He decided that he was no longer going to sleep in Shepard's cabin, but back down in the crew quarters in his old bunk. He looked down at Steve, sleeping peacefully on the couch. The blanket that was covering him was hanging off to the side of the couch. Kaidan placed it back over him and went down to the mess.

Breakfast was a simple affair of a small plate of the various fruits and berries that had been found in the vicinity of the crash site. Once that was done he strolled around the ship, a routine of Shepard's that Kaidan had fallen into. He checked in with Doctor Chakwas in the Med Bay. Spent some time in the Forward Battery remembering all the missions he'd been on with Garrus. Then he moved to Liara's cabin. It seemed so quiet with all the Shadow Broker feeds and systems shut down. 

Climbing down through the crawlspace in the AI Core brought him to Engineering. Adams, Donnely and Daniels still had not been able to get the engines started. Even though they were convinced that it had something to do with EDI being offline, they still persevered. Kaidan had to admit that they were dedicated, if not slightly insane. He'd have given up after six days, let alone six months.

From Engineering he went to the Port Hold, Javik's quarters. The Prothean had disappeared during the crash. He hadn't boarded a shuttle with the rest of the crew, but wasn't observed leaving the ship afterwards. Kaidan noticed that the memory shard Javik kept, was also missing. 

The starboard hold housed Diana Allers, a reporter for ANN that Shepard had let on board. Kaidan hated reporters, and so did Shepard. It surprised him when Shepard told her that she could come aboard and report on the war. Kaidan could recall one time on the Citadel, Shepard punching a reporter in the face when she started twisting his words around to fit her story. Kaidan had managed to avoid Allers ever since she got on board. She had quite the reputation. She'd apparently gone after anything with a pulse, including Shepard. She was still around somewhere. As long as she wasn't near Kaidan, he didn't care what she was doing.

Kaidan decided against going down to the Shuttle Bay. Both the shuttles were parked outside. The only people who frequented the bay were Steve and James. Kaidan never cared much for James, even though he gave great massages, and with Steve still asleep in Shepard's cabin, he didn't feel the need to go there. So he headed up to the CIC instead.

As the ship was powered down, the CIC was empty. Kaidan headed down the walkway to the airlock and stepped outside. The sun was shining, and though there were a few clouds, it was a nice day. He headed over to the waterfall and stood watching the water cascade over the edge. The setting was so peaceful and idyllic. Kaidan was actually starting to think of this place as his home. Maybe one day after getting the crew back to Earth, and figuring out where the hell this planet was, Kaidan would return to live out the rest of his life, alone. He sighed and walked over to where the crew had managed to cultivate a few of the local fruit and berry plants. Though they weren't entirely self sufficient, the garden provided enough food when supplemented with a successful hunt.

Steve approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You ok?" He asked.

"Yeah. Just been thinking. I'm actually going to miss this place if we ever leave." Kaidan said.

"You mean when, don't you?" Steve asked.

"Let's face it. We've been stuck here for six months. The engineers can't get the engines online and we still haven't found the last part of EDI's code. If we can get even one of those two, then I'll believe we can do it. I just no longer believe that we will." Kaidan said a bit dejectedly. "I'm already seeing myself building a house and growing old here. I just wish John was here to share it."

"He is here. Those that have passed on are never truly gone, as long as those that they were close to in life remember them." Steve said.

Kaidan couldn't help but feel as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Even though Kaidan didn't believe in an afterlife, he did feel that Shepard was still present whenever he invoked a memory of him. He remembered their first date at Apollo's Cafe. The feeling of elation when Shepard said that he wanted them to be together, and then the migraine afterwards. 

He tried to think of a happier memory. The party at Shepard's Apartment when he proposed. He looked down at the ring Shepard had made for him. Jet black, Shepard had told him that the metal had been a part of the original Normandy's hull. He knew that Shepard had to have called in a lot of favours to get them made as the wreckage is now a monument.

Steve interrupted Kaidan's train of thought by suggesting that they take a shuttle so Kaidan could spent a few hours away from the Normandy. Kaidan reluctantly agreed. The shuttle ride was fairly quiet. Steve was maintaining a respectful silence, breaking it only to point out some interesting feature of the planet through the virtual windows.

They had been in the air for about an hour when Kaidan spotted something off in the distance. It appeared to be smoke. The shuttle's sensors weren't picking anything up but Steve headed towards it. As they approached they discovered that it was a camp fire. There had been no indications that there were any other sapient species on the planet. Steve set the shuttle down and they investigated.

"Human!" Javik said. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you." Kaidan said. "What the hell are you doing all the way out here? Why did you leave the Normandy?"

"I go where I will." Javik said. "My people evolved as hunters. I've been living as my ancestors lived."

Kaidan wasn't the least bit interested. He wanted the pad. "By any chance are you in possession of a data pad from the Normandy?"

Javik rummaged through his belongings. After a few moments he pulled out the pad. "This one?" He asked.

Kaidan practically snatched it from him. He ran a check on the pads data. This was indeed the missing piece of the puzzle. "It's here!" He announced triumphantly. "Cortez. Prep the shuttle. We're getting off this planet."

Steve left and fired up the shuttle. Kaidan walked over to Javik. "We believe that we'll be able to get the engines online once EDI's program has been recompiled." He said.

"I must ascertain the fate of the Reapers. If they have indeed been destroyed, then I have no further purpose. The vengeance of the Protheans will be completed." Javik said. "I will accompany you."

The shuttle landed back at the Normandy's location. Kaidan activated the comms on his omni-tool. "Adams, Donnelly and Daniels. Power up the Normandy and report to the AI Core. We have the last pad."

Kaidan practically ran all the way. He found it a bit inconvenient having to wait for the lift. When he arrived in the AI Core, the engineering team were already there ready to plug the pad in. Kaidan handed it over to Adams. He plugged it in as he had done so many times before with various pieces of tech. Once the program had uploaded itself to the core, Adams unplugged it.

Nothing happened.

Kaidan looked at Adams, worried.

"Got to give it a minute Major. With the many hundreds of fragments floating around in there, it's bound to take some time to put it all together." Adams said.

When the voice came, Kaidan jumped. "Running self diagnostic. Please stand by." It still didn't sound quite like EDI. "Diagnostic complete. Hello Major."

Kaidan couldn't believe it. "EDI?" He asked cautiously.

"Yes." She replied. "I have successfully recompiled my program. There has been some data loss of approximately 0.0002% though it will not impact on any of the systems."

"EDI." Adams interrupted. "We've been having trouble getting the engines back online. Any idea what's wrong with them?"

"One moment. I am currently running a full diagnostic on all systems." A couple of minutes passed. "Complete. Would you like a report?" EDI asked.

"Yes please." Kaidan asked.

"Very well." EDI said. "There is a slight imbalance with the He3 injectors and the eezo core itself has a microscopic fracture on the casing. These faults have been logged as preventing engine start up 394 times in the last six months."

"But that's just a safety cut out!" Donnelly said rather angrily. "You mean to tell us that we've been stuck here on this feckin planet for six months, all because of occupational health and safety?"

Daniels put a hand on his shoulder to try to calm him down. "Settle down Kenneth." She said. "We had no way of knowing what the problem was."

"Damn it Gabby, I've been waiting for this moment for six months. Now that it's here I want to vent." Donnelly said.

"Then do it down in Engineering." Kaidan said. "EDI. Override the safety cut out. Guys get down there and begin pre-flight checklist." The Engineers left. "EDI might as well give me all the bad news in one hit. What else is wrong?"

"The Quantum Entanglement Communicator has been irreparably damaged. Only short range ship-to-ship comms are still functioning. Stealth systems were damaged in the crash and are only operating at 78% of normal. I am also detecting 1105 faults in non critical systems. I recommend dry dock once we reach Earth so that these problems can be addressed."

"We'll get around to it someday." Kaidan said. "Is Joker on board?"

"Joker is not currently on board the Normandy." EDI replied.

Kaidan used his onmi-tool to summon Joker to the mess. When he limped in, Kaidan asked him to sit down. He engaged him in idle chit chat for a bit until he heard the lift doors open. He managed to catch sight of the figure approaching from behind Joker without giving her presence away. Once she was right behind Joker, Kaidan asked him to turn around.

"EDI!" Joker yelled. He threw his arms around her and yelled out in pain. He'd obviously broken some bones in his overenthusiastic greeting. Kaidan smiled and left them alone. He then headed up to the airlock.

Once outside he gathered the nearby crew together and gave them the news they all wanted to hear. They were going home. There was cheering and a lot of hugging. Kaidan ordered that all the plants get harvested, and that any meat that was left be placed into a stasis pod. They had a long journey ahead of them and limited supplies in the ship's storage.

About an hour later, the engineers reported that they were ready to depart. Kaidan had EDI do a head count to make sure that all crew were accounted for. Steve and Joker stayed behind so that they could pilot the shuttles back into the shuttle bay once the Normandy had lifted off. Kaidan instructed EDI to bring the ship up to an acceptable altitude so that the shuttles could dock.

Once the shuttles were aboard and Joker back in the pilot's seat, they ascended into orbit. EDI detected no atmospheric leaks, the Normandy was still space worthy. It took her a moment to calculate the Normandy's position. She estimated that they had covered about 75% of the distance from Earth to Arcturus, though the system they were in hadn't been charted. Kaidan decided that it would be best to head for Arcturus and then figure out their next move once they got there.

 

*****************  
Six weeks later the Normandy arrived at Arcturus. What they saw didn't fill them with hope. The mass relay to Earth was not functioning. It didn't appear to have suffered any damage but the rings weren't spinning and the eezo core was offline. Kaidan's heart sank. He was expecting to be able to get back to Earth in a matter of seconds. Now it was going to be months.

"Joker bring us about. Set course for Earth. Jump to FTL when ready." Kaidan said in a weary voice.

"At FTL speeds..." EDI said. "... we should reach Earth orbit in approximately six months and eleven days."

"Terrific." Kaidan said unenthusiastically. "Just what I wanted to hear."

"Engaging FTL drive." Joker said.

The Normandy jumped to FTL speeds. Less than five minutes later, the relay at Arcturus powered up...


	24. Chapter 23 - Shepard's Apartment Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6 months post Crucible
> 
> Shepard relocates back to the Citadel, into his old apartment, with James as a room mate. After returning early one day he catches James in a compromising position.
> 
>  
> 
> **Warning - This chapter contains graphic sexual content.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had some spare time so I thought i'd write up a short Shepard chapter as requested by a friend. Managed to do it in about 2 hours so hopefully it isn't too bad.

Shepard couldn't deal with all the problems on Earth, so he moved back up to the Citadel which was still undergoing repairs in Earth orbit. He was relieved to find that his apartment was in an undamaged part of the station. Entering it for the first time stirred up some old memories. He fondly remembered the party that he threw here. All of his friends from the various iterations of the Normandy crews were there. They had all let their hair down and gotten to know one another, Alliance and Cerberus crew alike.

He had lost contact with almost everyone, though that was more by design than anything else. Liara was working closely with Admiral Hackett on some secret project. Apart from the senior Normandy crew, Hackett was the only other person who knew that she was the Shadow Broker.

Garrus was busy running the Turian Hierarchy via QEC. The relays were still going to take a while to repair. The bulk of the Turian fleet had been assigned to help repair the relay network. It was a massive undertaking as interstellar travel without the relays takes months of even years via FTL. He did however have ships repairing the major relays between Palaven and the Serpent Nebula, which was the original location of the Citadel and the main hub of the relay network.

Tali had been cut off from the majority of her people. The massive Quarian fleet had left the Sol System prior to the network collapsing. Reports were that some ships of the flotilla had managed to make a couple of jumps before getting stranded in the Hawking Eta cluster. The majority of the fleet however was at Arcturus with everyone else. Tali herself had been spending most of her time with Garrus.

James was the only member of the crew that Shepard was keeping in contact with. In fact Shepard had invited James to live in the apartment with him. He had wanted to keep an eye on him as he was the only witness to him shooting Conrad Verner in the head and dumping his body at sea. As far as Vega knew, Shepard was acting within his authority as a Spectre. If he were ever to discover the truth, then Shepard would have to do something about it.

Shepard had been spending most of his time with the Council. He hated it. There were times he wished that the Council had been wiped out when the Reapers had taken control of the Citadel. The position of Human Councillor had finally been filled by Ambassador Dominic Osoba. Shepard actually had a good working relationship with Councillor Osoba, most likely due to the fact that Shepard had found the dog tags of Osoba's dead son on Benning.

After a particularly arduous day with the Council, Shepard headed back to the apartment and was relieved to see that James was out. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and wandered around the lower level while drinking it. As he passes the bar he noticed that the vid screen, which usually displays the group photo from the party Shepard threw before the end of the war, had been turned off. Vega had obviously been watching something and forgot to display the picture again.

"Computer. Restore default image." He said. The picture reappeared on the screen. Shepard paused for a moment and ran his hand over the image of Kaidan's cheek. He sighed and went upstairs to spend some time in the spa.

After a nice long soak, Shepard put on a pair of pants and headed downstairs. As he approached the bottom he heard some moaning coming from the lounge. He stuck his head around the corner and James was on the couch jerking off while watching some porn on the vid screen. Shepard was about to head back upstairs when he noticed on the screen was no ordinary porn, but a homemade vid of James and Steve.

Steve was kneeling behind James, his big cock jutting out in front of him like a tree branch. Shepard's jaw dropped when he saw it. Kaidan had been right, it was massive. When Steve inserted it into James' rectum, Shepard couldn't help but tilt his head to the side amazed that something that big could even fit in there.

As Steve slammed into James on the screen, Shepard turned his attention to the couch where James was frantically pulling on his cock. A small trickle of precum leaked out and Vega gathered it onto his finger and then stuck it in his mouth. Shepard felt his own cock becoming hard as he watched the Latino lapping at his finger. Shepard pulled his own erection out from his pants and started to jerk off.

Back on the screen and Steve had flipped James over onto his back and was ploughing his arse while simultaneously jerking James off. James was yelling with ecstasy as Steve abused his hole. This continued for several minutes until both James and Steve had shot their loads.

James got up off the couch and turned around, his erection leading the way. He froze when he saw that Shepard was standing there jerking off. Shepard was mildly amused when he saw that the colour in Vega's face drained.

"What's the matter Vega?" Shepard asked. "Am I interrupting something?"

James' gaze was lowered to Shepard's cock. Shepard started teasing him with it and shaking it around. He took a couple of steps forward so that he was now only one meter away. James was starting to sweat. Shepard reached out and started to jerk Vega's erection. James immediately started moaning. It didn't take long for him to shoot his load all over Shepard's leg.

"Lick it up." Shepard commanded.

James immediately got down on his knees and started licking the semen off. After he was done he stayed on his knees and took Shepard's cock into his mouth. Shepard closed his eyes and tried to enjoy the blowjob. There was something wrong however and Shepard had difficulty figuring out what at first. It was only after he heard James say something that he realised what it was.

"Fuck me Shepard. Fuck me hard." James said.

James immediately stopped sucking Shepard's cock and gave him a wide eye look of horror as he realised that the vid was still running. They both simultaneously turned to the screen where James was lowering himself onto Shepard's cock. Shepard's anger was building up quickly and James seemed to sense it as he tried to back away.

"It that what I think it is Vega?" Shepard asked menacingly. Vega said nothing and made a move to get away. Shepard managed to get a hold of Vega's testicles and squeezed. "Answer me you piece of shit. Is that Conrad's sex doll?"

Wincing in pain, Vega nodded. Shepard threw him onto the couch. Even with all his bulky muscles, James didn't put up a fight. Shepard turned back to the vid to see James riding the doll like it was a mechanical bull, throwing himself completely into it.

"You like it rough do you Vega?" Shepard said. He didn't wait for an answer. He spat on his hand and used it to lube up his cock. Then without warning or preparation, he stabbed his cock right into Vega's arse.

James screamed out in pain as his anus was torn open by Shepard's hard member. Shepard was thrusting as hard as he could, intent on inflicting as much pain on Vega as he could to satisfy his anger. Unfortunately for him the screams of pain soon gave way to moans of pleasure as James began to enjoy having his arse forcibly invaded. It wasn't long before Shepard blew his load deep inside Vega's bowels. He violently pulled out of James and put his pants back on. James got up off the couch and attempted to walk over to Shepard.

"That was fucking amazing." James said. "I've never been used like that before and I loved it. I may not be able to sit for a week but it was worth it."

James inched closer to Shepard. Worried that Vega was about to kiss him Shepard punched him in the face.

"Don't you even think about kissing me." Shepard said angrily as he changed the screen back to the photo. "This never happened Vega, and will never happen again. Clear?"

James was already starting to bruise up. "I get it." He said.

Shepard walked towards the stairs back up to his room. He paused and turned back to face Vega who was getting dressed. "You will destroy the doll, the vid and any others that you may have. If I ever catch you with it or any of those vids end up on the extranet, I will kill you."

Shepard entered his bedroom and locked the door behind him. He lay down on the bed and activated the vid screen opposite. A picture of a Turian appeared along with some biographical info. It had taken Shepard a lot of time and effort to get this dossier. Classified at the highest levels, he'd called in a few favours with, now former, contacts. But it was worth it to get the information he so desperately needed to kill his next target. The Turian who had frustrated Shepard from the day he first set foot on the Citadel, and had proven to be an even bigger prick than Shepard had given him credit for...

... Councillor Sparatus.


	25. Chapter 24 - London Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard's descent into madness continues as he finds a new target. A message from the past causes him to re-evaluate his plans for the future.

Shepard was hating life right now. Ever since Admiral Hackett had promoted him, he'd been doing nothing but touring the planet and inspiring the masses in the reconstruction efforts. Hackett had managed to persuade Shepard that rebuilding the devastated infrastructure was more important right now than anything. The Sol relay was almost completely repaired and once it's twin in Arcturus was ready, then it was only a matter of time until the relays connecting to the other corners of the galaxy were repaired as well. He had no time to continue with his plan to take out Councillor Sparatus. He was patient though and the Turian's day of reckoning was coming.

He'd rather be back in space facing down a whole fleet of Reapers in a shuttle than what he had to do later that day though.

His mother's ship, the SSV Orizaba, had returned to Earth about three weeks ago. They delivered the news that Shepard had been dreading for months. They had been unable to find any trace of the Normandy. Alliance command decided to erect a monument to the 'Brave men and women of the SSV Normandy who gave their lives to rid the galaxy of the Reaper threat'." Shepard, now a Rear Admiral, fought against it and lost. His argument was that as no wreckage had been found, there was no reason to believe they had been destroyed, plus with major rebuilding still to be done, it would be a waste of time and resources. The brass disagreed and Shepard threatened to resign. In reality he thought the whole thing was bullshit. They hadn't sacrificed their lives, Shepard killed them when he fired the Crucible. He'd only agreed to go along with the whole charade if he didn't have to say anything.

So here he was, in his dress blues, sitting with other dignitaries listening to a heap of boring people give even more boring speeches. He'd wanted to shoot himself when Vice Admiral Hannah Shepard got introduced. His mother got up and started talking about his accomplishments and those of the Normandy crew. She couldn't have done a better job of embarrassing him even if she had showed pictures of him running around naked when he was three.

Eventually after about four hours, the ceremony had concluded and the crowds started to disperse. Shepard remained seated. About half an hour later, one of the dignitaries made his way over to Shepard and thrust a drink into his hand.

"You look like crap." He said.

Shepard accepted the drink and took a mouthful. "That's rich coming from you Garrus. I still don't know what Tali sees in all those scars." He said playfully.

"Probably the same thing that Kaidan saw in yours." Garrus shot back with a smile. "A ruggedly handsome man."

Shepard still flinched upon hearing his name. He took another mouthful. "You took a missile to the side of your face and you still think you're handsome?" Shepard stood up and started sniffing Garrus. "How many drinks have you had?"

Garrus looked down at his empty glass with despair. "Not enough because I could still hear everything that's been said over the last several hours."

Shepard laughed. "I didn't."

Garrus got a little twinkle in his eye. The only time that Shepard saw that was when Garrus was up to no good. "You know Shepard, it's been several months now since the end of the war."

"Has it?" Shepard said sarcastically.

Garrus didn't look impressed. "I think it's time we tested out your skills again, old man. I've got a sky car waiting, complete with several bottles of booze and sniper rifles."

Shepard got a wicked grin on his face and walked with Garrus to the car. The last time the two of them had done this, Garrus had wanted to go to the top of the Presidium on the Citadel. Shepard took the controls and headed for Tower Bridge. When they arrived they headed for the upper walkway and set up. It was fairly cold up here as the protective glass had been destroyed. Garrus unpacked the sniper rifles and Shepard got the drinks. After polishing off a couple of them, Garrus threw one through an opening. Shepard quickly grabbed a rifle and shot it.

"Not bad. A first year cadet could've hit that one." Garrus said.

Shepard grabbed a bottle and threw it as hard as he could. Garrus grabbed his rifle, aimed and hit the bottle. He made it look so easy.

"Come on old timer. Give me a hard one." He taunted.

Shepard didn't need any more encouraging. Grabbing another bottle he prepared to throw it but at the last moment spun around and threw it in the opposite direction. Garrus didn't miss a beat. By the time that the bottle had left the building, Garrus had spun around on his feet and was already lining up the shot. Just before it fell below out of sight, Garrus fired and the bottle exploded.

"That's a little better." He said. "Your turn again."

Shepard picked up his rifle and was looking through the scope when he noticed a familiar and unpleasant figure acting suspiciously near the river. _What the fuck is he doing here on my planet?_ Shepard thought to himself. Garrus threw the bottle. Shepard lined up his shot. The bottle happened to pass in front of him, but Shepard held off firing for a split second. When he pulled the trigger there was no noise of exploding glass. Shepard was satisfied. His target hit the ground. He had only intended to wound, his plans for this target were much more painful.

"Oh yeah!" Garrus announced triumphantly. "I'm Garrus Vakarian and this is my favourite place on Earth."

Shepard couldn't help but smile. Ever since he'd lost Kaidan, Shepard had been on a path of self destruction. He was literally getting away with murder. He didn't care though. The galaxy took away from him the only person who meant a damn to him. He'd hoped that one day he'd get caught and then be put out of his misery. Until then he would continue killing anyone who'd pissed him off over the years and this latest one was at the top of his list.

Garrus looked at Shepard with confusion. "I figured you'd be pissed off because I finally beat you. Yet here you are grinning like an idiot."

"I can't help it. Life is being really good to me right now." Shepard said. "It'll all turn to shit this afternoon though."

Garrus bowed his head. "I understand that it's going to be really hard for you. But you owe it to him to see it through. If you want me to come with you to..."

"No." Shepard interrupted. "This is something I have to do on my own." He grabbed another drink and downed it in one. "Out of all the missions I've ever done, nothing can prepare you for this." He sighed and threw the bottle out of the window. "I need to take a walk and clear my head before... well..."

"I understand." Garrus said. "I'm only a comm away if you need me." 

Shepard left Garrus as he packed up his things. He descended to street level and walked quickly over to where he'd shot his latest victim. Luckily the streets were almost deserted due to the curfew while the rebuilding efforts were concentrating on other areas. He located his victim yelling out in agony, clutching his leg. Shepard rushed over and helped the injured Batarian up.

The Batarian was grunting and short of breath. "Ugh... I've been... shot."

"There's a medical facility not far from here. Think you can make it?" He asked without looking at the Batarian's face.

"I think so. Thank you, Human." The Batarian said.

Shepard helped the Batarian limp towards a building he knew to be abandoned. As he entered he released the Batarian and bent down to pick up some debris.

"Something's not right here. Where is..." The Batarian was interrupted by a massive blow to the back of the head. He collapsed to the ground unconscious. 

Shepard got to work. He dragged the Batarian through the building until he found a room suitable for his plan. He dumped him on a table and then left him there while he went hunting for the tools he would need.

After about an hour, he returned out to the derelict building and began to work. He tied down the Batarian's arms and legs, making sure that they were secure. He then removed the Batarian's shirt so that his chest and torso were exposed. Convinced that everything was ready, he revived the Batarian.

As the Batarian's four eyes slowly opened they focused on Shepard. "You!" He spat.

Shepard smiled. "You remember me Balak. I'm touched." He said sarcastically while simultaneously placing a hand over his heart.

"There's not a Batarian alive that doesn't know your face, butcher." Balak said. "You murdered many of my people at Torfan, even those who had surrendered. But that pales in comparison for the slaughter of the entire population of the Bahak system."

"As opposed to your attempt to send a large asteroid crashing into our colony at Terra Nova?" Shepard said with a raised eyebrow. "You would have killed millions if I hadn't have stopped you. My only regret is that I didn't kill you then."

Balak laughed. "I didn't leave you a choice. Those hostages would've died if you killed me." 

"If I could go back in time and change that, I would." Shepard said. "But as you can see..." He gestured around the room. "... there's no risk of collateral damage here. Just a prisoner... and his executioner."

Balak became defiant. "Well then shoot me and get it over with." He said.

"Oh no. That's too quick for the likes of you." Shepard said coldly. "I believe that a method you animals use to execute your slaves is to have them eaten alive by Varren. For your death, I have decided to re-visit a form of execution not seen on this planet for centuries. Death by vivisection. Rather fitting considering your people call me a butcher, don't you think?"

Balak stared up at him. Shepard couldn't read his face properly so he decided to explain the procedure.

"It's fairly simple. You take the condemned and strap them down to a bench or slab, as I have done. Now it's very important that the subject be conscious during the proceedings. You take a scalpel and make an incision just below the neck and run it all the way down." He traced his finger down Balak's chest and abdomen to demonstrate. "You then open up the body and begin removing pieces no larger than this." He made a gesture with his hand to show the size. "Somewhere along the line, as the pile of your internal organs grows beside you, you will lose consciousness... and then you will die."

For the first time, Shepard saw what he took to be fear in Balak's eyes. "You... you won't do... do that." He said frantically. "You're Alliance, a Spectre..."

"You talk too much." Shepard said as he grabbed the knife he'd managed to find and cut out Balak's tongue. 

Balak screamed in pain as Shepard put the piece of meat down beside his head. Shepard then gagged Balak and tied his mouth shut. He didn't want to run the risk of someone hearing the screams and interrupting him.

"Right let's get to work shall we?" Shepard said as he removed his jacket and made the first incision.

 

*****************  
Three hours later, he had finished. Balak was dead and Shepard had managed to dispose of the remains. Shepard was quite pleased with himself. He'd managed to keep Balak alive far longer than he expected to, almost an hour. Batarians certainly were resilient. 

He walked through London and eventually came across an Alliance patrol. He managed to get a lift to the base where his shuttle was waiting for him. He boarded and instructed the pilot to take off.

"Afternoon Admiral." James said.

Shepard groaned. "What the fuck are you doing here Vega? You're supposed to be on the Citadel."

"Hey no need to get all shitty Loco." James said as he closed the shuttle hatch and took off. "I took a couple of days leave. Figured you'd need someone to be there for you when it happens."

Shepard sighed rather forcefully. "If you've come here for another fuck James you might as well forget it. It's not happening. You'd have better luck with that doll."

"Take it easy." James said with an astonished look on his face. "I'm only offering to be there for you in case you need a friend."

Shepard was nearing his limit. The day after the Orizaba returned, Liara was there. A week ago it had been Tali. Now today it was Garrus and James. He didn't know how to convey his anger without actually lashing out at his friends. He didn't want sympathy, he didn't want compassion. He just wanted to be left the fuck alone.

 

*****************  
Eventually they arrived at Vancouver. The place they were heading for though wasn't Alliance HQ. It was an apartment building. The devastation here wasn't easy to look at. The Reapers had hit this city the hardest. Shepard was surprised that anyone had managed to escape this. The building they were flying to had been badly damaged on the upper and lower levels. But the floors nearer the middle had somehow survived mostly intact. James landed the shuttle in the street. Shepard disembarked, and to his annoyance, James did too.

"Stay here." Shepard ordered.

"Sorry Loco. No can do." James said.

"Do I have to shoot you too?" Shepard asked. He wasn't joking.

"Admiral Hackett asked me to keep an eye on you." James said. "I'm here whether you like it or not."

Shepard only wished he had his pistol on him. They walked into the building. The lifts here were out of order so they had to climb the stairs. Once they reached the 14th floor they stepped out onto the landing. Shepard looked around, unsure which way he needed to go. He started walking to the left taking note of the apartment numbers until he got to a particular door. He froze.

"This is it isn't it?" James asked.

Shepard just nodded. 

He walked up to the door and took a deep breath. He wanted nothing more than to walk away and never come back here. He was terrified of what would happen if that door opened and he was unprepared. In the end he didn't have a choice. James knocked on the door for him, forcing the issue. For a while there was nothing. Shepard was just breathing a sigh of relief and preparing to leave when the door opened.

Shepard felt as though he was seeing a ghost. Standing there was a woman in her late 50's. Her once black hair was now mostly grey. The thing that had rattled Shepard was her eyes. They were dark brown and even though he'd never met her, he felt a sense of familiarity while looking into those eyes.

"Mrs. Alenko?" Shepard asked quietly.

The lady looked him over and upon noticing his rank insignia said, "Yes. What can I do for you Admiral?"

Shepard was speechless. He could definitely see the family resemblance. He felt as though his breath had been taken away. He couldn't move.

"May we come in Mrs. Alenko?" James asked politely.

"Of course." She said as she stood aside.

James nudged Shepard in the back to get him to move in. Shepard wished he hadn't come as he entered the living room. His eyes were drawn to a picture of Kaidan. Judging by the look of him it was taken not long after his graduation from the academy. Shepard couldn't take his eyes off of it. He was so fixated he didn't even notice Mrs. Alenko standing beside him until she spoke.

"My son, Kaidan." She said with sadness. "He was onboard the Normandy when it disappeared.

"I know." Shepard said in a very quiet voice. A few moments passed.

"Would you gentlemen like something to drink?"

Shepard was unable to speak. He just shook his head slightly. James obviously caught it, "No thank you Mrs. Alenko. We're fine."

"Well I'll just go put the kettle on just in case." She said as she turned and went into the kitchen.

James walked over to Shepard and put his hand on his shoulder. "Hey are you alright?" He asked.

"I'm fine." Shepard said. His voice giving away the fact that he wasn't.

"You've been staring at that picture for almost five minutes." James said. "She's going to think you're weird if you don't sit down and talk with her."

Shepard took a seat on a couch nearby the fireplace and James sat next to him. Mrs. Alenko returned from the kitchen with a pot of coffee and some biscuits.

"Mrs. Alenko, I'm Lieutenant James Vega and this is Rear Admiral John Shepard." James said.

Mrs. Alenko froze and stared at Shepard. "You're 'the' Commander Shepard of the Normandy?" She asked.

"Yes ma'am, I was." Shepard managed to say.

"Please call me Karyn." She said with a small smile. "Kaidan has told me so much about you. What can I do for Humanity's saviour?" She asked.

"Please... just call me John." Shepard said.

"If that's what you want, then John it is." She said with a smile.

"Karyn..." James began. "As you know the Normandy went missing shortly before the war ended. With the relays offline travel is only possible using faster than light drive. The journey from Arcturus to Earth by FTL is about six months. A few of our ships made the journey back only a few weeks ago." James hesitated.

Shepard took a deep breath. "I'm awfully sorry but no trace of the Normandy was found. She's been officially listed as missing in action." He said, still unable to cry.

"Thank you for telling me, John. But I realised that he had passed on some time ago." She said with a sad voice. "He used to always call on Sunday afternoon, unless he was on a mission. In those circumstances he'd send me a message beforehand and one afterwards letting me know he was alright. Once communications were restored a few months ago, I waited to hear from him. After about a month I knew he wasn't going to be calling."

"He was the finest soldier I have ever met." Shepard said. His voice still shaking.

Mrs. Alenko got up off her seat and sat down next to Shepard. "What's the matter dear?" she said in a comforting voice. "I realise you'd come here to deliver the news and comfort me. But you're the one who looks like needing comforting right now."

Shepard looked back at the photo of Kaidan on the mantelpiece. "Kaidan meant a great deal to me. He has saved my life more times than I care to remember. He was a valued member of the crew."

"You meant a great deal to him as well, John." She said. "Ever since he'd heard about your mission on Torfan, he followed your career. He was over the moon when he found out that he'd be serving with you on the Normandy. He took news of your supposed death a few years ago pretty hard. He was a totally different man afterwards. He'd even stopped talking to me. I hope you don't think this out of line but I believe he might actually have developed feelings for you."

"You knew he was gay?" James said with surprise. "He mentioned to me that he'd never told you guys."

Karyn looked at James. "Parents always know. He was a shy boy who'd never really had any friends, but we knew there was something else different about him. When we found out he was a biotic we just assumed it was that. But once he met you, the messages I received from him were different. In some of them he would only talk about something that you'd done or something you had said to him. I just wish he managed to find some happiness before the end." She said with a sigh.

"He did have feelings for me." Shepard said.

"So you feel guilty, now that he's gone, that you couldn't return them." She said.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw James turn to face him. Shepard just gave him a look which conveyed his desire for Vega to keep silent. He turned back to face Karyn. "Something like that." He said.

"Wait here." She said. Karyn got up and left the room.

James punched Shepard in the arm. "Why didn't you tell her?" He said.

"Because he didn't." Shepard said.

"You heard her." James continued. "She thinks that he didn't have anyone. What damage would it do to let her know that you two were together? That he had found some happiness before he died?" 

"Kaidan had obviously not told her about us and I don't feel that it's my place to do so." Shepard said. "Neither is it yours." He added.

Karyn returned from another room holding an OSD. "This is for you." She said as she handed it to him. "Kaidan had this sent here for safe keeping in the event... well he wanted you to have it. It's encrypted, but he said that you would be able to figure out the decryption key if you were able to remember the name of the planet where you first saved his life."

Shepard nodded and placed the OSD in his pocket. "Thank you Karyn." He stood up. "I should be getting back to HQ." He activated his omni-tool. "Here are my contact details if you ever need to talk to me." He said. 

The terminal nearby beeped an acknowledgement when it received the information. "Thank you, I will." She said. "If you ever hear any news on him or my husband, please let me know."

"I will." Shepard said as Karyn led them back to the front door.

Only once they were back on the shuttle did Shepard take the OSD out of his pocket and plug it into his omni-tool. He entered the decryption key as 'Virmire'. The OSD unlocked and Shepard was looking at a series of files. They appeared to be journal entries. There was also a vid that Shepard hesitated to open. He knew that it would be Kaidan addressing him in a personal message. After a minute or two just staring at the file he opened it.

The image that greeted him rocked him to the core. Kaidan was standing there looking straight at him. Those big brown eyes of his always gave Shepard the impression that Kaidan was looking directly into his soul. 

_“Hey Shepard."_

When Shepard heard that husky voice for the first time in months, his knees went weak and his head started to swoon.

_"At the risk of sounding like a cliché, if you’re watching this, then I’ve been killed in the line of duty. I can only hope that I met my end with honour. There are things I’ve wanted to tell you for so long but have been too scared to say."_

Shepard figured that this was recorded before their first date at Apollo's Cafe.

_"I’ve looked up to you for so long. When I got posted to the original Normandy it was a dream come true. You were everything I had imagined from what I’d heard. You were pretty rough with your enemies, but then that’s needed occasionally. Otherwise you've always acted with honour and integrity."_

'Honour and integrity'. Those words would haunt him until the day he died. Shepard recalled some of the things he had done recently, specifically the cold blooded murder of three people. For the first time he felt remorse for what he did. Not for the acts themselves, but because he knew that he had let Kaidan down, betrayed his memory.

_"You were always coming down to see me and seemed genuinely interested in my past. You were the first real friend I ever had. Hell if it wasn’t for you I don’t think I’d ever have come out of my shell as much as I have. I could never tell you this in person because I was terrified that it might have affected our friendship, but... I love you."_

Shepard paused the vid. He replayed the last three words. _"I love you."_

After months of being unable to express his grief over the loss of Kaidan, Shepard finally broke down and cried. He collapsed to the deck and was crying uncontrollably. James had heard from the cockpit. He put the shuttle on autopilot and rushed in to support Shepard. He put his arm around Shepard's body and lifted him back into a seat.

"I guess you got a look at the OSD." James said. "It's about time you started to grieve for him properly."

Shepard was too upset to say anything to make James go away. He didn't even have the strength to hit him. He had no energy at all. He was numb all over. 

 

*****************  
He had been looking forward to getting back into space ever since he woke up in hospital 8 months ago. That day arrived about a week later. Hackett had ordered him to take the cruiser SSV Sydney out to the relay. It had been fully repaired and was ready to be used once the one in Arcturus was brought online by the Citadel. 

The Sydney passed by the Citadel on as it headed for the relay. The repairs were going slowly. Many keepers had been killed when the explosions rocked the Citadel. Those that were left had retreated to the Central Core where they somehow increased their numbers to a level sufficient to repair the Citadel. Most of the structural work had almost been completed by repair crews from the fleet. Tayseri Ward was almost completely destroyed when the arm was blown off, but many of the ships that stayed behind had towed the pieces back into position. 

Shepard hadn't taken the time to get to know this crew, though he had requested that James be transferred aboard as the head of the ship's Marine detail, so he could keep an eye on him. He had transferred some of his belongings from his Citadel Apartment, which was spared during the Crucible firing, to the Commanding Officer's cabin. It was a lot smaller than his cabin on the Normandy and without the luxuries he had become accustomed to, like a private bathroom.

Shepard was pacing around the CIC. He hated waiting. The egg head engineers were always slow to do anything. Too worried about safety and all that bullshit. Eventually the transmission he had been waiting for had come in. The Arcturus relay was online and they could begin their testing.

Shepard activated his comm. "Launch Bay. Is the probe ready?"

"Yes Admiral. Standing by for your command."

"Helm take us within range of the relay."

The Sydney manoeuvred so that it could activate the relay without getting pulled in. When they were in position, Shepard ordered that the test probe be launched. They activated the relay and the probe disappeared. It took a minute for the Citadel to report that the relay in Arcturus had received the probe. There was clapping and cheering around the bridge. Shepard knew it was now time for them to hit the relay.

"Helm. Set course for Arcturus." He said.

"Aye sir. Calculating mass for transit. Relay activating in 3... 2... 1..."

The Sydney moved closer to the spinning rings and suddenly was propelled towards the Arcturus system. They arrived without incident.

"Helm set course to the next relay and patch me through to the Citadel." Shepard said.

"Aye sir. Channel open."

"Relay control this is the SSV Sydney. Transit successful. We are now heading to the next relay." Shepard said.

"Confirmed Sydney. The Salarian fleet will transit through behind you. We're receiving reports that the other relay in Annos Basin wasn't as damaged as Sol and Arcturus were and is ready to be reactivated as well. Hopefully the rest of the network is as easy to repair."

"Roger that Relay Control. Sydney out."

Eventually the Relay to Annos Basin was brought online and the tests were once again a success. The relay corridor from Earth to the Salarian home world of Sur'Kesh was now back online. The Salarian ships that had stayed at Earth surged through the relay behind the Sydney, eager to get home. There were also several Asari and Turian ships that came through as well. These vessels plotted a course for the Serpent Nebula, the original position of the Citadel and heart of the relay network. From there they would begin the process of repairing and opening up relays to their respective home worlds and eventually the rest of the network.

His job done, Shepard ordered the Sydney back to Earth. When they passed through the relay back to the Arcturus System, Shepard ordered the helmsman to plot a course for the wreckage of Arcturus Station.

Arcturus station had been Earth's main space facility. It formerly housed the Alliance Parliament as well as being the nerve centre for the Alliance Navy. Now it was just a cold grave for over 45 thousand people. The Reapers had utterly destroyed it prior to invading Earth. A shuttle from the Sydney deposited a beacon in the debris which will act as a temporary memorial until a more fitting one could be constructed. 

They continued their journey back toward Earth. Shepard knew something was wrong the moment they hit the relay. The relay had propelled them towards Earth much more violently than it should have. Shepard had been thrown against the galaxy map. Systems were overloading and the main computer was reporting a dangerous build up in the cruiser's eezo core. 

The Sydney managed to make it back to Sol but she was in no condition to jump to Earth via FTL. A large explosion near the back of the ship had caused a chain reaction. Conduits all over the ship were overloading and exploding.

"All hands, abandon Ship!" Shepard yelled into his comm. "Computer send out a distress call."

"Confirmed." The computer replied.

Shepard remained on the bridge as the crew scrambled to reach the escape pods. About the only thing going through Shepard's head as the ship fell apart around him was that at least he didn't have a cripple he had to throw in a pod. Shepard spotted James Vega running towards him. He grabbed a pistol out of a nearby weapons locker and pointed it at him. James skidded to a halt, still some distance away.

"What the fuck are you doing Loco?" James shouted.

"Get off this ship while you still can James." Shepard said.

"No way. I'm not leaving without you." James replied.

"I'm giving you a direct order Lieutenant. Get to the escape pods and save yourself. It's too late for me."

"Fuck your orders." James shouted. "I'm getting you off this ship if I have to knock you out and drag you." 

James took a couple of steps forward. Shepard fired a warning shot into a console behind James.

"Go ahead and kill me because that's the only way you're going down with this ship." James said as he continued to advance. 

Shepard hesitated, Kaidan's message resonating in his head. He couldn't kill James, but himself... He noticed that his left leg was brushing up against a conduit.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you doing this?" James demanded.

"Honour and Integrity." Shepard said as he lowered the gun, aimed at the conduit to his left and pulled the trigger.

The last thing he saw as the conduit exploded was James running towards him...


	26. Chapter 25 - Citadel Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year after the end of the Reaper War, and the Normandy finally returns to Earth. Once back on the Citadel, Kaidan receives some unexpected news.

It had been about a year since the end of the war and just over 6 months since the Normandy departed Arcturus for Earth, and the excitement was building. The crew was looking forward to finally getting home and eating some real food for a change. The ships stores were empty and they had been forced to eat field rations for the last two weeks. By EDI's estimates, the Normandy would reach Earth within the hour.

Kaidan and Steve's friendship was back on track. Kaidan was even ok with the incident in Shepard's cabin. He had come to accept that Shepard had died and was even at the point where he would consider having a relationship with someone else in the future. Steve had been really helpful to get him to this stage. Once Kaidan had let him help, Steve detailed his own decline after Robert's death and also the steps that Shepard had helped him take to work through his grief.

They had landed on a planet to discharge the Normandy's drive core about 2 months ago when Steve mentioned that Kaidan should symbolically say good bye to Shepard. He had taken Kaidan in a shuttle to a spot far from the Normandy. Kaidan had brought with him a rather silly memento to say goodbye to, John's pillow. They had stayed there a couple of hours until the Normandy was ready to take off.

It had actually helped, strangely enough. Kaidan had felt more at peace in the last two months than he had since leaving Earth. The only thing he was looking forward to when he got back was tracking down his mum. He hoped that she had managed to survive because she was all he had left. Steve had mentioned that he wanted to find out what became of James. Kaidan was surprised that Steve was still holding onto hope after all this time. To be honest Kaidan thought that Steve and James' relationship was only a sexual one and not a romantic one, at least on one side. He knew that Steve cared a lot for James but didn't think that James really had deep feelings for Steve.

For now though the two friends were sitting in the Observation Lounge. They had gotten into the habit of having a drink together at the end of the day, but the Normandy had long ago run out of alcohol. So now they just sit there enjoying the peace and quiet, while they could, and occasionally talking if they felt the need. On this occasion though they wanted to be disturbed with the news that they were home. It didn't take long before their wish was granted.

"Major. We have arrived at the Sol System. 15 minutes until we reach Earth." EDI said.

"Thank you EDI I'm on my way up." Kaidan said.

He got up off the seat and made his way to the lift. As he waited for it he turned to look at the memorial wall for the final time. He'd memorised every single name on it long ago. He ran his fingers over Shepard's plaque.

"We made it John. Thanks to you." He said as the lift doors opened. When the lift got up to deck 2 he got out and made his way down to the cockpit.

"Great timing Major. Just about to drop out of FTL." Joker said.

The Normandy slowed to sub-light speeds and there in front of them was one of the most beautiful sights that Kaidan had seen, Earth. The Citadel was still in orbit looking mostly intact though the wards were not lit up as much as they normally would be. Similarly Earth itself wasn't as bright as he remembered it but that was to be expected after the reports they got during the war. There were still Reapers in orbit but EDI confirmed that they were all non functional.

A voice came over the comm. "SSV Normandy, this is Citadel Control. Please hold position and await further instructions."

"They don't exactly sound too happy to see us." Joker said.

"We've been gone a long time Joker. Of course they're going to be sceptical." Kaidan replied.

"Whatever. All I know is that every time we come under the jurisdiction of Citadel Control, I feel like I need a shower." Joker said.

"Well if you need someone to do your back for you, I might know a guy." Kaidan said jokingly.

"Respectfully sir, go f..."

Joker was interrupted by Citadel Control. "Normandy please set course for the following coordinates and prepare to be boarded."

"Acknowledged Citadel Control." Joker said. "See what I mean?" He said as he set course.

Kaidan said nothing. They reached the assigned location and waited. After a few minutes EDI reported that a shuttle had launched from a nearby Dreadnaught and was approaching. Guessing the identity of the person on board, Kaidan ordered all crew to assemble in the Shuttle Bay. He was relieved that his guess had been correct. The shuttle hatch opened and two armed marines disembarked and stood to each side of the hatch. Admiral Hackett appeared and the entire crew stood at attention and saluted. Hackett approached Kaidan, returned the salute then shook his hand.

"Major it's good to see that the Normandy managed to survive the collapse of the relay network. We had given up any hope of finding you." Hackett said.

"It wasn't easy Admiral, but we all pulled together and managed to get home." Kaidan said.

"Any casualties?" Hackett asked.

"No sir. All present and accounted for." Kaidan replied.

Hackett managed a small smile, stood back a little and addressed the whole crew. "Let me be the first to welcome you all back. There has been a lot happening on Earth since you left. The crucible managed to stop the Reapers, the war is over." Cheers rang through the Shuttle Bay. "However all attempts to locate you had turned up nothing. The Alliance had declared the Normandy MIA and notified your families." The mood in the bay became more sombre. "If you wish you may record a short message for your loved ones which will be delivered as each family is notified of your return. Please leave your messages with your comm officer along with the details of the person you wish us to notify. The Normandy is to dock with the Citadel for repair and resupply. Until we have had time to notify your loved ones and prepared them, you are all confined to the ship until further notice. After which you will all receive shore leave." Again there were cheers. Hackett turned to leave.

"EDI set course for the Citadel and take care of the docking." Kaidan said.

"Of course Major." EDI replied.

Hackett stopped dead in his tracks and spun around. "Your AI is still functioning?" He said with surprise.

"Yes sir. It took a bit of work to get her back online but we managed it." Kaidan said with a bit of suspicion. 

"Major is the war room still secure?" Hackett asked.

"Yes sir." 

"I need to speak to EDI. In private. Make sure we aren't disturbed." Hackett said and headed for the lift with his guards in tow. Kaidan stayed behind and dismissed the crew, reminding them about the comms blackout imposed by Admiral Hackett. 

The Normandy had docked with the Citadel, but until Hackett gave them clearance to disembark, they were all stuck there. New supplies had been loaded up and the whole crew were in the mess enjoying their first proper meal in days. The crew all split up to record their messages for loved ones. Kaidan decided that he was going to record his in the Observation Lounge. He walked down the corridor and entered, taking up his usual seat near the window. He activated his omni-tool and started recording.

"Hi mum. I hope you're not too overcome with the good news that the Alliance Officer just gave you. I am alive. The Normandy suffered damage when the relays were disabled, before you start worrying no one was hurt. It took us some time to repair the damage and even longer to make the trip back. Admiral Hackett has some things for me to do before I can make it though. Looking forward to seeing you again. Talk more when I get there." He sent the message along with his mothers details to Traynor.

It took another day before the crew were finally given permission to disembark. The repair crews boarded and began their work. Kaidan and Steve were the last two to leave the ship. As they emerged from the airlock, a massive hulk suddenly charged at them from across the docking bay. Instinctively, Kaidan activated his amp.

"Esteban!" James shouted as he embraced Steve. The two locked in a loving kiss for what seemed like ages. "I thought I'd lost you."

"So you do care Mister Vega." Steve said.

James' knees buckled. "I thought I'd never hear you say that again." He said as his hands cupped Steve's face.

Kaidan felt like he should give them some privacy. He deactivated his amp, walked over to the railing and looked around. There was quite a lot of damage on the wards that he could see. Many of the towers had collapsed and the streams of sky cars that could usually be seen were nowhere to be found. He looked around the docking bay and nothing looked out of place. The keepers had done their usual routine and fixed the Presidium levels first. Kaidan wondered if Shepard's apartment was ok. He decided to go check it out when James put a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey L2, what's the matter?" He asked.

Kaidan was feeling pretty down at this point. Seeing James and Steve together again had reminded him of what he'd lost. "Nothing. Just remembering seeing Shepard getting blown up when the Crucible fired." He said in an angry tone.

James flinched. "Please don't mention 'Shepard' and 'blown up' in the same sentence. I've seen it happen way too many times in my nightmares. I'm sorry amigo. I really tried, but I couldn't stop him."

"What do you mean you couldn't stop him? You were on Earth when the Crucible fired weren't you?" Kaidan asked even more angrily than he did before. He was once again getting close to punching James, and it had only taken five minutes.

"I'm not talking about that." James said dismissively. "I'm talking about..." He hesitated. "Hackett didn't tell you did he?"

Kaidan was fast losing what little patience he had left. "Tell me what?"

"Shepard... is... alive." James said in an uncertain tone.

Kaidan's heart stopped, he couldn't breathe. "What did you say?" Kaidan said in a quiet voice.

"He's alive." James repeated.

Kaidan's heart restarted and was racing, he could feel it pounding in his chest. "Where is he?" He asked.

"I don't think that you should..." James started. 

Kaidan lost control. He activated his biotics and slammed Vega up against a wall. "Tell me where he is!" He yelled.

"Huerta..." Was all James managed to get out before Kaidan released him and sprinted for the lift. He had almost gotten there when James had caught up and tackled him. "There's something you should know before you go down there."

"I don't care I have to see him. Now!" Kaidan yelled.

James released his grip. "We're coming with you." James said as he motioned for Steve to follow.

The lift doors opened up onto the hospital. Kaidan ran through reception and into decontamination. As the cycle was running he felt Steve's hand on his shoulder.

"Kaidan, you should take a minute to listen to what James has to say before you go in to see him." Steve said with concern.

The inner doors opened allowing them access to the hospital proper. Kaidan flew out and grabbed the first medical person he could find asking them where Shepard was. He was directed to the room on the corner. He recognised it as the intensive care room he'd been in after he was injured on Mars. He hesitated. A battle was going on in his head. Part of him wanted to rush in there and throw himself at Shepard, and the other part didn't want to see what had happened to land him in there. Eventually he decided to go in.

In that short time that he was weighing up his decision, James and Steve had managed to blockade the door. Kaidan was really pissed off. "Get out of my way." He growled.

Steve and James weren't moving. "You really don't want to go in there just yet." James said.

"Kaidan I'm trying to stop you from making a terrible mistake." Steve said.

Kaidan was so angry his amp activated. "Move aside or I will move you myself." He threatened.

Steve and James refused to budge. Kaidan was fuming. He saw Steve's expression change from concern to one of almost panic. Kaidan felt his nose beginning to bleed. His amp was overloading his nervous system, but he didn't care. He finally just lashed out at them. He cast out an area lift and both of them floated off the ground. He pushed past them and entered the room.

What he saw shocked him so much he lost concentration and heard Steve and James crash to the floor behind him. John was lying in the bed with a respirator tube down his throat and many IV lines in him. There were fresh scars all over his face and his left arm was heavily bandaged. The thing that really got to Kaidan was further down. He found himself staring at the blanket. One of John's legs was missing. Kaidan reached for the bin in the corner and threw up. He went weak at the knees and had to be helped up by James and Steve.

They led him out of the room and back to the reception area. There were some seats behind the reception desk that overlooked the presidium. Kaidan was placed into a chair and Steve and James sat on either side of him. Kaidan felt so empty inside and weak. He couldn't even react when they both put their arms around him. 

They sat there for quite a long time. Kaidan couldn't cope with it all. "Take me home." He said in a very weak voice.

They took him back to the apartment he shared with Shepard. Despite the fact that he hadn't spent much time here, Kaidan had come to think of this place as home. Steve and James carried him up to his bedroom and lay him down on the bed. His shoes and socks were removed and James tucked him in. 

He stared at the ceiling for a long time. Occasionally Steve or James would bring him a tray of food but he didn't move. He just kept staring at the ceiling. Eventually Doctor Chakwas turned up and injected something into Kaidan and he fell asleep.

 

*****************  
When he woke up he felt rested and calm. He was still in the bedroom. There were voices coming from the lounge outside. He recognised them as James and Doctor Chakwas.

"You can't be serious Lieutenant." Doctor Chakwas said. "Telling him the truth could do all sorts of damage to him. From what you and Lieutenant Cortez have told me, his mental state right now is fragile at best. He certainly wasn't acting rationally when he attacked you."

"He has to know Doc." James said. "How is he going to be able to help Shepard come to terms with everything that's happened if he doesn't know."

"That's not for you or I to decide. If Shepard chooses to tell him that's his business. For now Kaidan only gets told the official story. Understood?" Doctor Chakwas said rather forcefully.

Kaidan couldn't hear what James said in response. He tried sitting up to hear better but fell back. Doctor Chakwas rushed into the room and held him down. "Try not to move Major. I've given you a muscle relaxant and it can make you nauseous if you move too fast." She said.

"What happened to John?" Kaidan asked.

Doctor Chakwas sat down in a chair. "Shepard had been promoted to Rear Admiral and given the command of the SSV Sydney. They'd conducted testing of the relays between Earth and Sur'Kesh. On their way back, the final relay was malfunctioning and the ship was severely damaged. The crew abandoned ship, Shepard had stayed behind to ensure that the crew got off. He was on his way to the pods when a conduit exploded near him. He was extremely lucky that it didn't kill him. James was there to carry him the rest of the way. He suffered third degree burns to most of his body and his left arm and leg had to be amputated. The doctors at the hospital have been grafting new skin onto his body using cloned tissue. They have also cloned a new arm, leg and lungs for him. His new arm was attached last week. His leg will be going on this afternoon, but his lungs are taking longer than expected to grow. He has been in an induced coma ever since being brought to the Citadel. The Doctors don't want to bring him out of it until the skin grafts and lung transplant have been completed."

Kaidan tried to take it all in, but he couldn't get the image of Shepard lying in hospital out of his head. He wanted to go back down there. Now that he'd already seen the damage he was better prepared. Doctor Chakwas advised against it as she reminded Kaidan that Shepard was due in surgery later that day. She said that he'd be able to go back in a couple of days once he was back in his room. He got out of bed and went downstairs for a proper meal.

Afterwards he went for a walk down the Silversun Strip to clear his head. He found himself walking past Ryuusei. The sushi restaurant had re opened. He made a mental note to make a booking once Shepard had recovered. He strolled around for about an hour before he decided that he should head back to the apartment and wait for news on Shepard's operation.

Upon entering the apartment, he heard some strange noises coming from the bedroom at the end of the hall. As he approached he recognised Vega's grunting. There was a gym set up in there so he figured that James was probably getting a work out. Rather than disturb him, Kaidan went towards the lounge and saw that the group photo that was taken at the party was still displayed on the screen.

There was everyone. Kaidan's eyes were drawn to the front where he and Shepard were just staring into each other's eyes. That had been a fantastic night. Shepard had proposed to him not long after that was taken. He subconsciously started playing with the ring that he'd been given. He looked around at the others in the picture. Apart from James and the ones who were stranded on the Normandy, he didn't have a clue if any of them managed to survive the war.

A cry of pain from the other room made Kaidan forget about the picture. He rushed into the room to see if James had hurt himself. He wasn't prepared for what he saw. James was indeed doing chin-ups on the bar, however he was stark naked. The reason he cried out, Kaidan surmised, was because at the same time he was raising and lowering himself onto Steve's enormous dick.

"Couldn't you two have waited until you got back to the Normandy?" Kaidan asked, not taking his eyes off of them.

Steve got a panicked look on his face and attempted to pull out and pull his pants up, but James swung his legs behind himself and locked Steve in place. "Don't you dare." James said panting. "We've both been waiting a year for this." He then turned to face Kaidan. "Sorry L2. Didn't know when you were coming back and we thought we'd get in a bit of exercise."

Kaidan felt a wave of anger wash over him. "Stop calling me that."

"If it would make you feel better, next time we will find somewhere else. But for now can we at least finish? I've got a major case of blue balls." James said.

At the mention of his balls, Kaidan couldn't help but look at James' manhood for the first time. It was nothing special. He had a foreskin and his balls were a bit bigger. Apart from that, no different to his own, probably even the same size though Kaidan guessed that James wasn't as thick as him. Of course with all those muscles surrounding it, it looked tiny.

James noticed Kaidan staring. "You know, I've heard that biotics are fantastic in bed." He said with a wicked grin. He looked down and flexed his lower muscles so his erection started bouncing.

Kaidan couldn't believe that James had just said what he did. He decided it was time to leave the two of them alone, but not before he teased Vega a little bit. He walked right up to James. "Oh we are. I just activate my amp and then each touch sends waves of pleasure over you. Do you remember how it felt when Liara and I had you in a biotic field back at Shepard's party?"

"Hell yeah." James said. "That felt fucking fantastic. I almost came it felt so good."

Kaidan knew he had him right where he wanted him. "Well now imagine that instead of being full body, that it was localised. Each touch of my finger or tongue to your cock delivered that kind of sensation, only amplified."

Kaidan was watching his face. His eyes were closed and his brow furrowed as he struggled to imagine it. Sure enough soon he was moaning as the picture must have finally gotten through all the concrete in his head. "Oh yeah." He moaned.

Steve looked at Kaidan with alarm. Kaidan made a disgusted face at him and shook his head. Comprehension dawned on Steve's face and he grinned broadly. Kaidan activated his amp, bathing himself in the blue hue of biotics. He knelt down in front of James' cock.

"The best cure for blue balls comes from someone blue. Don't you agree James?" Kaidan asked. 

James opened his eyes and looked down at Kaidan with great anticipation. "Oh man I sure hope so. I've been looking forward to this for a long time."

Kaidan smiled and stood up. He lent in close to James and whispered in his ear. "In that case, go screw an Asari." Before James could protest, Kaidan cut the amp and walked out of the room.

It took another twenty minutes before Steve and James emerged. James had a confused look on his face as he walked up the stairs to use the shower. Steve went into the kitchen and got a beer out of the fridge, then joined Kaidan in front of the fireplace.

"That was cruel what you did to him." Steve said. "Funny, but cruel."

"I just couldn't believe he actually expected me to go down on him" Kaidan said. "Does he often suffer from delusions?" He asked.

Steve considered his position for a moment before answering. "James is still pretty new at the whole 'having sex with a guy' thing. He's trying to experience everything he can and the more he tries, the more he likes." Steve shifted a bit uncomfortably on the couch. "I will admit he has asked about the possibility of bringing in... others before."

Kaidan knew where this was heading. "By 'others' he means me?" He asked.

"You... and/or Shepard." Steve said.

"I don't think of sex in the same way as James does." Kaidan said. "For me it's something special that you only share with that one person in your life. Nothing in this galaxy would make me touch James Vega. Hell John and I have only had sex three times."

Kaidan was about to go to the fridge and get himself a beer so he could drink with Steve when his omni-tool beeped. He activated it and looked down, there was a message from the hospital. Shepard's surgery had been a success and his new leg had been attached.

"He's out of surgery so I'm going to head down to the hospital. Feel free to stay here if you like. I won't be back for a while I expect so if you guys want to get intimate again, go for it. Just remember to lock the door this time." Kaidan said as he headed for the door.

Steve stood up. "Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" He said in a concerned voice. "After what happened last time..."

Kaidan interrupted him. "I think I'll be fine. I was unprepared last time that's all." He said. He was trying to convince himself as much as he was Steve. "I'll see you later.

 

*****************  
Feeling better prepared for the sight that awaited him, Kaidan took a deep breath and entered Shepard's room. The first thing that Kaidan noticed was that he was still hooked up to the respirator and the bandage that had been covering his left arm had been removed.

He pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed. He reached out his hand but hesitated just before touching Shepard. He still couldn't believe that he was here in front of him. Kaidan pinched himself first before taking hold of Shepard's right hand. Once he felt that Shepard was real, he burst into tears.

"I promised myself I wasn't going to cry." Kaidan said as he choked back tears. "It seems as though history is repeating itself. You dying, me going to pieces and then just as I've gotten myself back together, you come back. When the Crucible fired we saw the explosions rocking the Citadel. There was no way that anyone could have survived that. Once again I believed you to be dead. I grieved for you for a long time. Steve eventually helped me to realise that I should stop feeling sorry for myself and live my life."

Kaidan started playing around with his ring again. "I had finally accepted that you were gone and now here you are. I don't know what to feel. I can't help but think to myself, what happens the next time you sustain life threatening injuries? Or the time after that? I don't know if I can go through all that again John. I don't believe I am strong enough." 

He removed the ring and looked at it. The night Shepard had given it to him had been the happiest of his life. At that stage he never would have considered what he was considering now. His heart had been broken now more times than he could remember. Maybe it would be better if he was alone. Things would be as they were when Jump Zero was shut down. No friends, no one to hurt him emotionally. He would be just an empty shell running on autopilot watching life happen around him. No better than a husk.

He sat there for several hours talking to Shepard's comatose body about his thoughts and feelings. It didn't help him though. He still felt conflicted about his feelings for John. The only decision he made that day was to go home and think some more about it. When he got up off the chair, he didn't even put the ring back on. He placed it into his pocket.


	27. Chapter 26 - Citadel Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan is on his own but it doesn't bring the peace he thought it would. A suggestion from Cortez has some good, and bad, consequences for the various people in Kaidan's life.

A couple of weeks had past and Kaidan's entire life was on hold. He had taken a personal leave of absence from the Alliance, he was no longer in contact with the majority of the Normandy's crew and he'd stopped visiting Shepard in hospital. James and Steve had tried to talk some sense into him but most of the time he wasn't really listening to them. He had been told by Doctor Chakwas that Shepard's new lungs were finally ready to be transplanted and that once it was done, they were going to bring him out of the induced coma. The only response he gave her was a grunt.

His apartment in Vancouver was completely destroyed by the Reapers, so he'd gotten a new apartment on the Citadel on Zakera Ward. This one was similar in size to the one he had in Shin Akiba. He had told no one that he was moving here, not even Steve. He'd quietly packed up his things at Shepard's place and relocated. He got what he wanted, he was alone. However it didn't bring him the peace that he thought it would. Eventually he realised that he needed to talk to someone. 

He took a long walk through the Ward and found a public comm terminal. He called Steve and arranged a meeting. Steve had said that he would only do so on the condition that they meet at the hospital after he'd spent some time with Shepard. Kaidan initially resisted but Steve's smooth voice had a way of wearing down people's defences, and before he knew it, Kaidan had agreed.

Kaidan entered the all too familiar room where Shepard was staying. He was relieved to see that his missing leg had been replaced. He wasn't hooked up to as many machines as he had been. Doctor Chakwas finished checking over him and approached Kaidan.

"The surgery went well. No complications and his body isn't showing any signs of rejection but it's still early days yet." She said. "We've begun to bring him out of the artificial coma, hopefully he will regain consciousness soon but that's up to him. You can stay here as long as you need to. I've made arrangements with Doctor Michel to provide you with a bed if you need it."

Kaidan wanted nothing more than to be out of this room. "Thank you Doctor, but that won't be necessary. I won't be here long." He said.

Doctor Chakwas got a look of disappointment on her face. "I see." She said in that stern tone Kaidan was right now hating. "Well I'm sure that whatever it is that you were going to do can wait. He's going to need you when he wakes up."

Kaidan knew it was a mistake coming here. "According to Lieutenant Vega, Shepard believes I'm dead. I'd like to keep it that way." He turned around and walked out.

He hadn't gotten far when he felt a surge of emotion wash over him. He walked over to a nearby wall and rested his head up against it. He could feel himself on the verge of tears but wouldn't allow it to get the better of him. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around. Steve was standing there.

"I'm sorry to call you." Kaidan said desperately trying to avoid crying. "I didn't mean to disturb..."

"It's ok." Steve said reassuringly. "How is he?"

"He made it through the surgery and they are trying to bring him out of the coma. But they don't even know if he'll..." 

Kaidan couldn't hold it in anymore. He burst into tears. Steve pulled him in a tight embrace and Kaidan held onto him. They stood there for a couple of minutes until Kaidan pulled back.

"I don't want him to die." He said still crying.

"He's not going to die." Steve said.

Kaidan tried to regain his composure. He wiped away the tears from his eyes. "I need to be strong." He said.

"You are strong." Steve said.

"No I'm not." Kaidan said. "Look at me. Crying like a child."

"Stop talking shit." Steve said. Kaidan looked away and Steve grabbed his chin and forced him to look him in the eyes. "Are you listening to me?"

Kaidan, still choking back tears wiped his eyes again and nodded. "I'm listening." He said.

"When the Normandy was disabled after hitting the Sol relay, you managed to keep yourself together even after seeing Shepard possibly get killed." Steve said, himself starting to tear up. "If it wasn't for your quick thinking and cool head, none of us would be alive right now. It's because of you that I'm standing here right now. You're strong enough for both of us, and you're strong enough for him."

Kaidan removed his ring from his pocket. Steve looked at it with surprise. He apparently hadn't noticed that Kaidan wasn't wearing it. With a massive sigh, Kaidan slipped it back onto his finger. He extricated himself from Steve's embrace and headed back to Shepard's room. 

He sat by the bed and kept looking at John's face. It was familiar, yet unknown to him. There were numerous new scars but probably the thing that made Shepard look like a stranger was his hair. John had always kept his hair shaved, but having been in hospital for several months it was now longer than Kaidan's. It just didn't look right.

Kaidan felt the sudden urge to kiss John. He leaned over and kissed him on the lips. The familiar taste of john's lips brought back the old feelings. He felt guilty that he'd tried to run away. He was ashamed and determined to make it up to John any way he could. First of all he would remain here until he woke up. If John had missed Kaidan as much as James had said, seeing him sitting there would make John feel a whole lot better.

For the next two days, Kaidan sat there. He'd even taken Doctor Chakwas up on her offer of a bed. On the third day he awoke to find someone running their fingers through his hair. He sat upright quickly expecting to see Shepard awake but he was still unconscious. He looked behind him to see Liara standing there.

"Hello Kaidan." She said. "I'm sorry if I am intruding."

Kaidan smiled weakly. "Hi Liara. You're not intruding. I was about to wake up anyway." He looked over at Shepard. "There's still no change if that's what you're wondering."

"Please. Try to remember who you're talking to." Liara said as she put her hands on her hips. "Getting Shepard's medical records isn't a difficult task for me now that I've gotten my new base of operations set up."

"I'm glad you've been able to rebuild your network." Kaidan said. "But what are you doing here?"

Liara stiffened up a bit. "My contacts informed me that Shepard was close to waking up. I came to talk to him."

Kaidan got suspicious."About what?" he asked.

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with." Liara said. "But I do need to speak to him pretty urgently once he wakes up. I'll be on the Citadel for a few days so I'll try to pop by later and see him."

Before Kaidan could ask her to explain what the hell was going on, Liara left. Kaidan turned to face Shepard as he heard a rather large exhale. Kaidan knew that Shepard was about to wake up. He jumped off of his bed and leant over Shepard, taking his hand, waiting for him to open his eyes. Eventually Shepard began stirring.

"John!" Kaidan exclaimed.

"Kaidan?" Shepard asked quietly as he opened his eyes. "I knew if I tried hard enough I'd be reunited with you."

Kaidan was confused. "Tried hard enough? John you're at Huerta Memorial on the Citadel."

Shepard looked around in alarm. "Huerta? You mean I'm not dead?"

"No you're not dead." Kaidan said. 

"I don't believe you. You died when the relay got hit." Shepard said looking out the window towards the Presidium. "That means I must be dead as well."

Kaidan grabbed Shepard's head and gave him a kiss on the lips. "If either of us were dead, that wouldn't have felt so good would it."

Shepard licked his lips and got a look on his face as though he were trying to remember something. He suddenly looked Kaidan directly in the eyes. "Kaidan!" He exclaimed. 

Shepard threw his arms around Kaidan and pulled him down onto the bed, embracing him as tight as his atrophied muscles would allow, and locking their lips together. Kaidan felt Shepard's tongue enter his mouth and he engaged in their usual game of tongue fencing. Kaidan couldn't believe that after all he'd been through, he and John were together again.

He remembered that not too long ago he wanted nothing more to do with Shepard. He felt so ashamed he pulled back from Shepard. Strangely, Shepard also pulled back from Kaidan at the same time with a look of worry on his face. Mercifully the door to the room opened and one of the doctors came in. He checked over Shepard and ran a few tests. Kaidan took his leave and promised to visit again later.

 

*****************  
After about 2 weeks Shepard was finally released from the hospital. The doctors recommended that he take it easy for a while as his body adjusted to the new cloned body parts and his muscles recovered from the prolonged inactivity. Kaidan was supporting Shepard as he limped towards the door to the apartment. The door opened and they entered the apartment together. Kaidan helped Shepard limp to the couch in front of the fireplace. Kaidan lit the fire and went to the kitchen and got beers for the both of them.

He opened the beer for Shepard and sat down next to him. Shepard nestled up against Kaidan and rested his head on his shoulder. Kaidan put his arm around Shepard and kissed the top of his head.

"I have been looking forward to holding you like this for a long time." Kaidan said.

Shepard said nothing. He just lay there drinking his beer. There was an awkward silence. Kaidan closed his eyes and just tried to enjoy the fact that they were together again. At that moment however, he felt a hand on his crotch. He really wanted to let Shepard continue but the doctors said that Shepard should take it easy. He pushed Shepard's hand away.

"What's wrong?" Shepard asked.

Kaidan opened his eyes and looked down into Shepard's. "John. You need to relax."

"That's what I'm trying to do." Shepard said as he again tried to gain access to Kaidan's pants.

Kaidan once again removed Shepard's hand. "John I'm serious. You can't push yourself too far too fast. You don't want to end up back in the hospital do you?" 

"No I just want you." Shepard said. "It's been far too long."

"Later John. I promise once the doctors have said that it's ok for you to start exerting yourself, then you can do whatever you want to do to me." Kaidan said.

"I haven't had sex for m..." Shepard coughed. "... Since before the end of the war." He said quickly.

Kaidan instantly knew that Shepard was lying and had been with someone. As much as he tried to understand, he did believe Kaidan was dead after all, he couldn't get over the fact that John had cheated on him. He activated his omni-tool and sent a message. He thought now was a good a time as any to come clean.

"John there are a few things I need to tell you." Kaidan said in a serious tone.

Shepard sat up. "Uh oh. I know that tone. Let me have it."

Kaidan took Shepard's hands. "I fell to pieces when I saw the Citadel exploding. I thought you were dead. Steve came into the cabin one night when I was feeling particularly depressed. He tried comforting me and I begged him not to leave me alone. We ended up sleeping in the bed together." Kaidan took a deep breath. "When I woke up I felt something poking me from behind. I thought that everything that had happened had just been a terrible nightmare and that you were sleeping behind me. So I reached around and started jerking you off. Only it wasn't you, it was Steve. Instead of making me feel better, Steve had inadvertently made me feel worse. When we got back and I was told that you were alive, I couldn't bear facing you. I even took off my ring, moved to a new apartment and refused to see you because I was too ashamed." A tear ran down Kaidan's face. "Steve managed to convince me to see you again and when I did I found that I couldn't leave you. I love you too much."

Shepard had been listening to every word that Kaidan said. All he said was, "I forgive you." Kaidan wanted to have Shepard's forgiveness so much. But now that he had it, he didn't feel any better. He needed to know what Shepard had done. 

Shepard apparently had the same idea as he began his story. "I hope you can forgive me for what I've done, but I doubt it."

Kaidan knew that he wasn't going to like what Shepard was about to tell him. "John if you can forgive me for cheating on you, I can do the same."

Shepard moved away from Kaidan and sat on the opposite end of the couch. "It's more than that." Shepard said grimly. "When you get depressed you tend to isolate yourself from your friends and attempt to deal with it alone." Kaidan nodded at that. "When it happened to me, I went down a very steep, dark path of self destruction." Kaidan raised an eyebrow. Shepard continued. "As you've probably guessed I have been unfaithful."

Here it comes. Kaidan thought to himself.

"About a month before the Sydney got destroyed, I fucked Vega." Shepard said.

Kaidan had wanted to maintain a calm composure during Shepard's story but he couldn't help exclaiming, "Vega? Tell me you're joking?" Kaidan said. Shepard remained silent. "Oh god..." Kaidan felt sick.

"It's not something I'm proud of." Shepard said. "I was already horny and walked in on him jacking off while watching some porn. One thing led to another and, before I knew it, I was in balls deep."

Having seen James naked, Kaidan was able to paint a mental picture of the scene. He wanted to get that image out of his head as soon as possible but it lingered.

"Then as the Sydney was going down, Vega was attempting to rescue me. I refused. I wanted to die and join you in whatever lies beyond."

Kaidan couldn't help but be moved.

"I have done terrible things. Things that even Spectre authority can't protect me from. Liara is trying to clear up my tracks but one day I may be called to account. That combined with your video message that your mum gave me..."

Kaidan interrupted. "You saw my mother and she gave you that OSD? What did you tell her?"

"Nothing. Please if I don't finish I'm afraid I never will." Shepard said. Kaidan maintained a respectful silence. "I was racked with guilt for the evil deeds I committed. I stood next to a conduit and shot it, hoping that the explosion would kill me."

Kaidan drew his breath in shock. Of all the people he knew, Shepard would be the last one he'd have said would have attempted suicide. Whatever he did must be bad indeed.

"What was it that you did that made you try such a thing?" Kaidan asked in a soft voice.

Shepard turned his head. "I can't tell you that." He said. "As I said Liara is dealing with it and hopefully will bury it forever. If she fails however, I don't want any of it to blow back on you. So the less you know, the better. Please trust me as you once did, you don't want to know."

Kaidan knew that Shepard wouldn't keep it from him unless it was in his best interests not to know so he let the matter drop, for now. "I suppose I can forgive you for sleeping with Vega." Kaidan said. "Even though the thought of him doing things to you makes my skin crawl."

Shepard turned back to face Kaidan. "I believed you were dead. It was only once and now we're back together, I want only you."

Shepard once again tried to access Kaidan's trousers. Kaidan stood up and took a couple of steps away.

"John I'm serious. Not until you're better. I've already lost you twice. I have no desire to lose you a third time just because you're horny." Kaidan said. "I think it would probably be a good idea if I slept somewhere else for a while."

Kaidan's omni-tool beeped and he read the message. He caught sight of Shepard looking at him with a hurt look on his face. Kaidan's heart felt as though it was breaking but he knew it was for the best.

"I'm only a comm away if you want to talk. I've invited someone to stay here with you in case you need anything." He walked over to the door and opened it.

"It's about time. I can only stand here tapping my foot for so long without fracturing something." Joker said as he limped in. EDI followed behind.

Kaidan looked behind him as Shepard got up off of the couch and moved to welcome Joker and EDI. "I'll see you later John." He walked down the corridor and left.

 

*****************  
It had taken about a month of physiotherapy as well as exercises to strengthen his lungs but eventually Shepard was given a clean bill of health from the medics. They had barely lifted off in a sky car when Shepard undid Kaidan's fly and pulled out his cock. 

"John what the hell are you doing? I'm trying to drive." Kaidan said shocked.

"You promised that as soon as I was given the all clear that I could do whatever I wanted to you." Shepard said just before he lowered his mouth on Kaidan's rapidly enlarging organ.

Kaidan just sighed. "I had hoped you'd at least wait until we got home before you..." A loud moan escaped his mouth as Shepard's tongue lapped at the sensitive area just below the glans. Shepard was going at it so ferociously that Kaidan knew he wasn't going to last long. He could feel the waves of pleasure building up until he past the point of no return. "Oh god John, I'm going to cum." He ejaculated into Shepard's eager mouth. Shepard didn't miss a drop. He allowed it to go soft in his mouth before putting Kaidan's penis back in his pants and then sat back as if nothing happened.

Kaidan landed the sky car when it reached the Silversun Strip and they walked towards the apartment. When they entered the lift, Shepard launched himself at Kaidan. They were kissing each other passionately. Shepard undid Kaidan's shirt and started kissing his chest, pausing briefly to lick his nipples.

"John. You're not planning on having sex here in the lift are you?" Kaidan said with a little hint of worry in his voice.

Shepard looked at him with that devilish smile and twinkle in his eye that Kaidan knew well. "I can think of worse places." He said while kissing his way down Kaidan's chest. "Noveria, which ever bar Matriarch Aethyta is tending this week or anywhere within earshot of James Vega."

Kaidan was moaning with pleasure. "Who is Matriarch Aethyta?"

"Laira's father." Shepard said, still kissing all over Kaidan's torso. "She'd probably want to join in, same goes for Vega."

The lift doors opened and they both walked down the corridor to the apartment. When they entered they found James and Steve on the couch snuggling by the fire.

"Well that's one way to kill the romance." Kaidan said sarcastically as he saw James. He noticed James staring at him, so he did up his shirt and entered the kitchen. He was preparing some steak for Shepard just the way he liked it when James walked in.

"Hey Kaidan. What's up?" James said.

Kaidan was instantly suspicious. "What do you want?" he said in a weary voice.

James looked hurt. "What? I can't just say hello?" he said.

Kaidan stopped seasoning the steak and stared James in the eyes with a raised eyebrow. "How long have we known each other?" He asked.

He was mildly amused to see James struggling to think. "Uh... About 2 years I think." James said finally.

"In all that time you've never once called me Kaidan. You've always used one of your 'charming' nicknames." Kaidan said. James just stood there with a dumbfounded look on his face. "So I ask again. What do you want?"

James stepped forward and tried to put a hand on Kaidan's shoulder. In response Kaidan activated his amp. James was startled and took a step back.

"Don't even think about touching me." Kaidan said in a threatening manner.

"What's wrong with you?" James said. "You've been avoiding me for weeks. I just want to talk. There's something I have to get off my chest."

"Well I've got absolutely no interest in hearing it." Kaidan said as he resumed seasoning the steak.

James stood there for a moment before responding. "Shepard told you didn't he?" He asked in a quiet voice.

Kaidan started clapping loudly but slowly. Steve and Shepard looked over in his direction from the couch. "Bravo Holmes. An excellent piece of deduction. How on Earth did you ever figure it out?" Kaidan asked in a heavily sarcastic tone.

"Hey steady on L2. No need..." James started.

As soon as he heard James call him L2, Kaidan lost it. He let out a loud yell, lunged towards him and punched him in the face. His amp was still active and resulted in a much more powerful hit which launched James across the room, his momentum stopped only by the couch. Kaidan raced over to where James was lying in a heap on the floor intent on beating some sense in to that terminally thick head of his, when Shepard and Steve grabbed him from behind and attempted to restrain him.

"Let me go!" Kaidan yelled as he thrashed about, trying to shake the two men off of him.

"You know I can't do that." Shepard said. "Just calm down."

Shepard whispered something into Kaidan's ear. He didn't hear what was said but feeling Shepard's breath on his neck had an effect on him. He stopped resisting and allowed Shepard and Cortez to take him up to the bedroom. Steve then left the two of them alone casting a pitying look at Kaidan before heading back downstairs. Shepard sat down next to Kaidan and put an arm around him.

"Mind telling me what that was all about?" Shepard asked.

"John I really can't stand that man." Kaidan said. "I only tolerate him, albeit barely, because of Steve. I've never met anyone so vain, narcissistic and unpleasant before. He's about as funny as a tear in a space suit..."

Shepard jerked slightly at that. If they hadn't been so close at the time, Kaidan might have missed it.

"I'm sorry John... I didn't mean..." Kaidan said, suddenly remembering the circumstances of Shepard's death.

"It's alright." Shepard said reassuringly. "I can certainly understand why you don't like him. But that isn't a reason to lash out at him like that. This is because of what happened between James and I isn't it?"

"I don't like having him living here." Kaidan said. "But it's your place. You decide who stays and goes. It's not for me..."

"Our place." Shepard corrected. "That is, if you still want to get married."

Kaidan started playing with his ring again. "I'll admit that when you were in hospital I did have doubts." He said. "Once again Steve helped me through it. Now I want it more than anything."

"Then start packing your bags." Shepard said as he got up. "I promised James he could stay here, and I'm a man of my word."

Kaidan was dumbfounded. "I see. Well luckily there isn't much for me to pack as most of my stuff has already been moved out."

Now it was Shepard's turn to look confused. He walked back over to Kaidan and embraced him before giving him a kiss. "I'm not kicking you out." He said with a chuckle. "I'm taking you away for a few days."

"Where are we going?" Kaidan asked.

"Down to Earth." Shepard said. "I know someone down there who will be able to take your mind off Vega and enable you to relax."

Kaidan snorted. "Doubt that very much. Unless he's a miracle worker."

"She is." Shepard said. "If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here today." He added.

They packed a small bag each and went downstairs. Steve was busy tending to James. From the looks of the bandage he was applying, there was a good chance that Kaidan had fractured or even broken James' jaw. Shepard had a few words with Steve before leading Kaidan down to the shuttle. 

Steve accompanied them, as did James. The latter sitting up in the cockpit while Kaidan sat in the rear cabin with Shepard. Kaidan was looking at a nearby display showing the still ruined buildings. He had no idea where they were or where they were going. Shepard was certainly not giving anything away. Steve eventually put the shuttle down in a city street. Shepard stepped out and beckoned for Kaidan to follow. As he did the hatch closed behind him and the shuttle took off.

They walked down the street for a little bit before entering a building. Kaidan wasn't really interested in where they were going anymore. He was just blindly following his man up some stairs, which felt as though they were going on forever. When they reached a particular floor they walked the corridor until they came to a plain door. Shepard knocked. Kaidan was hanging around in the background until the door opened. A woman was standing there and when she saw Kaidan she gasped.

"Mum!" Kaidan exclaimed as he rushed over to embrace her...


	28. Chapter 27 - Vancouver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan and John spent some time in Vancouver with Kaidan's mother. A seemingly innocent message sets in motion events that will forever change Kaidan's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out. Been flat out at work with Christmas. I have the next chapter almost ready. Aiming to have it up tomorrow before I go away on my holidays.

"Kaidan!" His mother exclaimed as she hugged him. Tears of joy running down her face. "I was worried about you. Why haven't you called me since you got back?"

Kaidan released his mother and took a step back. "I've been busy. Reports for the Alliance, debriefing from Hackett... among other things." He said as he cast a look over towards Shepard.

Mrs. Alenko turned to face Shepard. "Thank you for bringing him back Admiral Sh... John" She said as she embraced him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"My pleasure Karen." Shepard said.

"Well don't just stand there. Come in." She beckoned the two men in. Kaidan left John and his mother together briefly as he took his bag through to his old bedroom. He dumped the bag on his bed and headed back to the living room where his mother and Shepard were talking about recent events. "Kaidan honey, can you take John's bags through to the guest room please? He's going to be staying here a while."

"Actually I was planning on..." Shepard started.

"I won't hear of it." Karen said, grabbing Shepard's bag and handing it to Kaidan. "You boys deserve to relax after everything you've done for us, and I intend to see that you do. Besides after your last visit John, I think spending some time together will do you both some good."

Kaidan shot a worried look at Shepard. Just what the hell had happened the last time? Shepard made eye contact and gave a reassuring smile. It didn't work. Kaidan was now worried that Shepard had said things to his mother that he didn't want her to know. As much as he loved her, he didn't feel comfortable with her knowing too much about his personal life. He grabbed Shepard's bag and headed for the guest room.

He vaguely heard Shepard asking for directions to the toilet as he walked down the hall. He entered the guest room and wasn't surprised to hear Shepard enter the room behind him. He put the bag down and turned around to say something but was interrupted by a passionate kiss from Shepard.

"What the hell are you doing?" Kaidan asked. "My mother is just down the hall. If she finds out..."

"Don't worry about it." Shepard interrupted. "She already knows."

Kaidan's jaw dropped. "What did you tell her? Why did you..."

"Relax Kaidan. I haven't told her anything." Shepard said. "She already knows you're gay. She suspects you have feelings for me but she has no idea we're together." Kaidan slumped onto the bed. Shepard sat down next to him. "She said she's known for years. You're going to have to tell her eventually, or were you planning to surprise her at the wedding?"

Kaidan knew he wasn't going to get out of it. "Fine. I'll tell her." He said.

Shepard stood up. "Fine let's go." He said extending a hand to help Kaidan up.

Kaidan looked at Shepard with disbelief. "What? Now? But I'm..."

"If you don't, I will." Shepard threatened. 

"You wouldn't..." Kaidan started to panic. "Don't do this to me John. Please."

Shepard grabbed Kaidan's hand and led him from the room back to the living room. As they approached, Kaidan managed to wrest his hand from Shepard's grip. Karyn was sitting on the couch and turned to face the two men as they entered. Kaidan's heart was pounding in his chest. He could face down practically anything that the Reapers could throw at him, but coming out to his mum... 

"I need a drink." Kaidan said and went into the kitchen. He grabbed the first alcoholic beverage he could find, Canadian Lager. He downed it in one. It had seemed like a life time ago he was here drinking them with his dad on the balcony.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around expecting Shepard to be standing there but it was his mum.

"What's the matter sweetheart?" She asked. "Is it because I asked John to stay here? I understand if it makes you uncomfortable."

Kaidan was confused. "No. Why would that make me uncomfortable?"

"It's pretty obvious from your calls that you care about him a great deal." She said in a caring tone. "I know it must hurt that he doesn't feel the same way..."

Kaidan held up a finger. "Hold that thought mum." He lent around his mum and called out. "Hey Shepard, mind coming in here for a moment." Shepard entered the kitchen and, with adrenaline coursing through his body, Kaidan grabbed him and gave him the most over the top kiss he could muster. "John and I have been together for over a year." He showed her his ring finger. "We're engaged."

Karyn stood there smiling. She threw her arms open and embraced Kaidan. "What took you so long?"

Kaidan was stunned. He hadn't really believed Shepard when he said that his mum knew. How could she? While he'd never gone out of his way to hide the fact that he's gay, he'd never been overtly camp either. Still the fact that his mother was embracing him made him feel as though a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

"So when are you getting married?" Karyn asked as she released her son.

Kaidan looked over at John and shrugged. John turned to face Karyn. "I was hoping to talk to Kaidan about that while we were here." He said. "We've had an unofficial ceremony but we both want to make it official sometime soon."

"Well I think that's great." Karyn said as suddenly her expression changed. "It's a shame your father couldn't be here. He would've been so proud"

Kaidan's mood had changed as well. He hadn't thought about his father for quite some time. He remembered a conversation he had with Shepard prior to Rannoch. "Hey mum, why don't you stay with us on the Citadel some time? We have a spare room."

"Thanks honey." Karyn said. "But I don't want to intrude on the two of you."

"You wouldn't be intruding Karyn." Shepard said. "There's plenty of room. Kaidan said that you've always wanted to visit space."

Karyn seemed to think it over. "It's a nice offer boys. Once everything has settled down, I'll be more than happy to visit you up there. But I think you two need some time alone for a while." She left Kaidan and Shepard alone in the kitchen.

Shepard gave Kaidan a quick kiss. "I want to have a word with your mum. Mind if I take her out for a walk?"

"If she wants to, go ahead." Kaidan said.

"I think the time alone here would do you some good. Help you reconnect with yourself." Shepard said as he turned to leave.

Kaidan didn't know what to say. He just stood there as Shepard and his mother left the apartment. Kaidan took the time to walk around, taking in the familiar surrounds. There were numerous pictures of him when he was younger. Most of the time he was alone, sometimes with his mum. There was only one picture that Kaidan knew of that featured him and his father together. It was the day he graduated from the academy. 

He found the picture on a side table near his father's seat. They were both dressed in their dress blues. Kaidan could still remember his father telling him how proud he was that he'd joined the Alliance. He took the picture and went to his room, placing it on the bedside table. He lay down on his bed. The familiar feel of the mattress and pillow relaxed Kaidan so much that he fell asleep.

When he woke up a couple of hours later, he was slightly startled to find a big pair of blue eyes staring back at him.

"Afternoon sleepy head." Shepard said with a smile.

"How long have you been sitting there watching me sleep?" Kaidan asked.

"About half an hour." Shepard replied. "I could sit here all day watching you sleep. Your face just looks so perfect"

Kaidan couldn't help but smile. "Oh that's sweet. Creepy, but sweet." He sat up. "So what did you and mum talk about?"

Shepard stood up. "Nothing too important. She is going to be my future mother in law. It's only natural that we get to know each other. Plus we've started planning the wedding."

Kaidan put on the most hurt face he could muster, given he'd just woken up. "You and my mum are planning the wedding without me?"

"Yeah, well... " Shepard seemed to be at a loss for words. "I thought... You've given me so much, more than you'll ever know. I just wanted to give you something back. Take away the stress that comes with having to make so many important decisions."

Shepard had that look in his eye. Kaidan knew he'd made up his mind to do this and nothing he said would make any difference. He got up off the bed and gave Shepard a peck on the cheek. "If that's what you want John, I won't stand in your way."

 

*****************  
A few months went by and Kaidan felt as though he and Shepard were drifting apart. Shepard was spending a lot of his free time making arrangements for the wedding. Kaidan himself had been kept pretty busy since being promoted to General after reporting back for duty. Cerberus were starting to make a comeback. Though the Illusive man was dead enough of his higher-up operatives were still alive, and quietly rebuilding.

The entire relay network was now repaired and operational. The Citadel was almost completely repaired and the Council was now debating what to do with it when it was completed. The Humans, and surprisingly the Salarians proposed to leave it in orbit or Earth as a lasting memorial to the trillions killed during the Reaper War. The Asari and Turians wanted it towed back to the Serpent Nebula to its rightful position in neutral space saying that no one race should control it.

The Krogan and Quarians were permitted to re-establish their embassies on the Citadel in acknowledgment of the tremendous help their peoples were to the war effort. Grunt had been named Krogan Ambassador by Wrex, while Tali was appointed for the Quarians. 

Councillor Sparatus narrowly avoided an assassination attempt when a shoulder mounted missile was launched at the sky car he was travelling in at the time. Councillor Tevos wasn't so lucky. She was travelling in a lift when its controls were overridden, sending it into freefall. C-Sec investigated both incidents however there were no arrests made. Kaidan had heard a few Spectres speculating that in order to pull it off, the assassin would had to have had high level security access, possibly even Spectre codes. Kaidan and Hackett both believed that Cerberus was behind it. Matriarch Aethyta had been appointed to the council in Tevos' place.

Kaidan had been given the command of the Normandy, over his objections. He argued that she was Shepard's ship. Hackett countered by saying that Shepard's post was on the Citadel, heading up the Third Fleet. For the most part the crew of the Normandy was unchanged, though Shepard did, strangely, request that Vega be assigned to his personal staff. Kaidan didn't object because he knew that were he stuck on a ship with that man again, one of them would end up being spaced. He did question Shepard's motive though his response puzzled Kaidan. All he said was that he needed to keep an eye on him.

He still couldn't get any information out of Shepard in relation to the wedding. Even his own mother was withholding that from him. The only thing he knew was that it was going to be held very soon. He'd received a message from Shepard advising him to get to the Citadel. When he tried contacting Shepard back to try to get him to be more specific he was frustrated to find out that Shepard wasn't responding.

He'd spent all day waiting around at Shepard's apartment waiting. James had decided to visit Steve on the Normandy so Kaidan thought it best to avoid him. He was just about to go out and get something to eat when the terminal started beeping. Kaidan walked over to it and activated it. A pre-recorded message played.

"Hey there." Shepard said. "Get dressed and meet me on the Presidium near the Financial District in an hour." The message ended.

Kaidan quickly raced upstairs and had a quick shower. Once done he changed into a new suit he'd bought especially for the wedding. Shepard loved seeing him in formal wear and Kaidan knew that this suit would really make Shepard happy. He left the apartment and proceeded towards the presidium.

The lift to the Financial District made several stops as it descended the many floors towards the Presidium. Eventually Kaidan was alone. He was so nervous it felt like his stomach was doing somersaults. He started fidgeting, willing the lift to go faster.

"Something wrong General Alenko?" a voice said behind him.

Kaidan jumped. He hadn't noticed the man standing behind him. He looked to be in his late forties, balding with glasses. "I didn't know you were there. How did you know who I am?"

The man smiled. "People in my profession are expected to know a lot of things, such as important people like yourself, and to be able to remain unnoticed even while in plain sight."

Kaidan's first thought was that this man could be a Spectre. Only as far as he knew, he and Shepard were the only two Humans in the Spectres. It was possible he worked for the Shadow Broker but somehow even that idea felt wrong. Though now that he thought about it, he'd had the feeling that something was wrong ever since he returned to the Citadel. He just dismissed it as pre-wedding nerves.

The lift slowed and Kaidan realised that it was his level. The doors opened and as he stepped out, two men grabbed him by the arms and dragged him back into the lift. As the doors were closing he felt pain at the back of his neck as something was injected into him by the man with glasses. He struggled for a few seconds but the sedative worked remarkably quickly and soon he passed out.

 

*****************  
When he regained consciousness, he found that he was in a dimly lit black room lying in a heap on the floor. There was a table with two chairs in the centre of the room. The door at the far end of the room opened, filling the room with light. The man with the glasses entered and the door closed behind him.

"Do you have any illnesses or injuries I should be aware of? Are you currently taking any medication? Have you had any trouble with your heart?" He asked in quick succession.

Kaidan was still struggling to overcome the sedative.

"When I ask a question you will respond immediately. You will not hesitate, you will not consider, you will not lie. Cooperation will be rewarded. Resistance... will be punished." The man said. "Do you understand?"

Kaidan got up and attempted to activate his implant. Instantly his whole body was electrified as the amp shorted out and shocked him painfully.

"I see you found one of our gifts." The man said as he picked up a pad and began reading. "Developed by our scientists in order to control rogue biotics. It's most effective. Attempt to activate your biotics while I'm in the room and you will get shocked."

Kaidan took a step towards his captor but the other man immediately looked up, raised his hand and commanded him to stop. 

"I should also mention that if you get within 2 meters of me, that amp will kill you in a most unpleasant way." He went back to reading his pad. "There is nothing to gain by trying to hurt me, I am not the enemy. To be an enemy I must have some personal stake in what happens to you and quite frankly, I don't. I'm here to do a job. Nothing more. You are a name, a file and a case number. I have no desire to inflict pain but I will do so if and when it is required. How much pain you endure is entirely up to you. Do you understand?"

Kaidan just stared at the man, seething. The man activated his omni-tool and a couple of guards in Alliance uniform entered the room and forced Kaidan to sit on the chair opposite. When he was in position, restraints held his arms and legs in place. As much as he struggled he couldn't overcome either the guards or the restraints.

"It was a simple enough question." The man said. "There's no reason to waste so much energy just to see if you understand English. Do you understand?"

Kaidan just nodded.

"Do you have any illnesses or injuries I should be aware of? Are you currently taking any medication? Have you had any trouble with your heart?"

"No." Kaidan said defiantly.

"Good. Then we can begin." The man said as he put down the pad.

"You are General Kaidan Alenko, Commanding officer of the SSV Normandy?" The man asked.

"Yes." Kaidan said with as much hatred and contempt as he could manage.

The man just looked at him and held up his pad. "See this? This contains all the information we have on you, which is quite extensive." He lay the pad down on the table in front of Kaidan so he could see. The man used his omni-tool to control it remotely. "This is your military record." The image on the pad changed. "This is your biometric information from the Alliance, this is you and Shepard walking to your mother's apartment in Vancouver, this is your mother..."

Kaidan was furious. On instinct he activated his amp and was once again electrocuted.

"As I said to you earlier, any attempt to activate your amp will result in an electrical discharge." He picked up the pad and headed for the door. "Maybe it would be best if we continued this tomorrow, once you've had a chance to settle in."

As he walked out the two guards walked in carrying some lights. They were set up around Kaidan so that they were shining directly in his face. Once done, the guards left. Kaidan felt tired but the lights were preventing him from getting any sleep. He thought that if he kept his amp activated for long enough, maybe the shocks will eventually render him unconscious. He activated his amp, but instead of shocking him his body was enveloped in the usual blue glow. He despaired. With his wrists restrained he couldn't do anything. When the man was in the room he got shocked. There was nothing else to do but sit and wait.

Kaidan couldn't tell how long had passed but it was certainly a few hours. The door opened and the man was standing there looking at him. The guards entered and removed the lights from Kaidan's face.

"Good morning." The man said as he made his way to the table. Kaidan didn't respond. "Good morning." He said again in a more stern tone.

"It's not morning." Kaidan said.

"It isn't?" The man asked. 

"No." Kaidan replied. 

"How do you know that?"

"The last time you came in I saw daylight through the door. When you came in now, it's dark outside." Kaidan replied triumphantly.

"Daylight?" The man said. He activated his onmi-tool. "You mean this?" he pressed a button and light flooded in from the hallway outside. Kaidan's heart sank. "Well if that is daylight and this..." He turned the light off. "... is night time, then we may as well assume that this..." The light came on again. "... is morning again. Good morning."

Defeated, Kaidan slumped in the chair as much as his restraints would allow. The man sat down opposite him and touched another control on his omni-tool. Kaidan's amp activated and began to shock him. "Never contradict me." The man said. He deactivated the amp and began to study the pad again, making various notes and noises as he read.

After a few minutes the man looked at his omni-tool. "Oh my. Look at the time." He said in a cheerful way which Kaidan hated. He pressed a button and a guard entered carrying a small plate with a sandwich on it. As the guard left the man began to eat. Making little noises of appreciation as he chewed.

He noticed something on the pad and gave a small exclamation. "Oh this is interesting, I hadn't read this before. During your time at the Academy, years of service with the Alliance and the war you never showed any particular interest in politics." He looked up at Kaidan. "So you don't consider yourself to be political?"

Kaidan shook his head. "No." He replied, wondering what the hell was going on here.

"That's interesting." The man said. "That's very interesting. You see..." The man pointed to the door. "... that's what they thought. That's why you're here. If you've never shown any particular interest in politics then it's not likely that you would murder a member of the Council unless you'd fallen under the influence of, shall we say, other parties?"

"What are you talking about?" Kaidan asked.

"You've been under the influence of other people." The man stated.

"No." Kaidan replied.

"Really?" The man exclaimed. "I find that most remarkable. Aren't we all under the influence of others? It's part of being alive. If someone is in a bad mood then soon everyone around them is in a bad mood. We're all influenced by other people. You've never been influenced by anyone else?"

Kaidan had no idea where this was going. "No." He said.

The man smiled. "I'll note that down as your first fabrication."

The man took another bite of his sandwich, and once again was making little noises as he ate it. Kaidan was pretty hungry and watched him eat it.

"This is a really nice sandwich. Would you like some?" The man asked. "I know that you haven't been fed since you got here. That's at least two days. Besides, it's lunch time." The man got up with the plate and walked around the table to Kaidan. "Isn't it?"

Kaidan sat up, confused. "Didn't you just say it was morning?"

The man looked puzzled. "You can't have a sandwich for breakfast, it would upset your stomach." The man withdrew the plate. "Sandwiches are for lunch."

Kaidan again slumped into the chair.

"If it's morning, you can't have it. If it's lunchtime..." He moved the plate closer to Kaidan. "... you can. Is it lunchtime?" He asked again.

A thought occurred to Kaidan. He looked the man in the eyes and said, "I'm sure it's lunchtime somewhere."

The man beamed. "Excellent answer." He placed the plate in front of Kaidan on the table and with a command to his omni-tool, Kaidan wrist restraints released.

Kaidan hungrily grabbed the half of sandwich left on the plate. He was about to take a bite when he hesitated. Something told him not to eat it. The man looked at him.

"I ate half of that myself, you saw me." The man said. "Killing you doesn't do anyone any good. I told you I am here to ensure your co-operation and I can't do that if you're dead now can I?" He stated in a matter of fact tone.

Kaidan considered what he had said. The man had indeed eaten half of that sandwich. Kaidan decided he was too hungry to pass up the morsel that was being offered. He began to eat.

"It does prove however that everything is a matter of perspective." The man said while pacing around the room. "You see what you think is daylight and assume it's morning. Take it away and you think it's night. Offer you a sandwich and if it's convenient you'll think it's midday. The truth is subjective. Out there it doesn't matter what time it is. In here it's lunchtime if you and I decide that it is. The truth is sometimes what you believe it to be, and sometimes what you decide it to be. My task is to make you decide to believe differently."

He continued to eat and shook his head. "Not a chance." 

"No?" The man said. "You've done it before." The man stated.

"When?" Kaidan asked.

"When haven't you?" The man asked in surprise. "You're a soldier. Shepard was your commanding officer. That was the truth. Shepard started working with Cerberus and he became the enemy. Then that was the truth. Then one day someone said that Shepard wasn't your enemy any longer and that was the truth. You not only accepted him back as an ally you embraced him, became lovers."

Kaidan was getting angry again. "That's not..."

The man interrupted him. "You swore an oath to protect Earth. That was the truth. Now as a Spectre, you work for the Aliens and are subverting Earth. Now that is the truth. It all depends on what you believe and what others tell you to believe. The truth is fluid, the truth is always subjective."

"NO!" Kaidan yelled out.

"Governments make policy. Soldiers have to abide by those policies even when they are contradictory. That's the very definition of your job." The man stopped pacing and stared at Kaidan. "A soldier accepts that the face of truth changes on a daily basis. Unless you're rejecting everything that you claim to stand for. Is that what you're doing?"

Kaidan finished off the last of his sandwich. "Thanks for the sandwich. You're right, it was very good."

"Now you're being evasive." The man said as he returned to his seat.

"Better than being dishonest." Kaidan shot back.

"Really? You said it was lunchtime, even when you almost certainly knew that it wasn't. You said that you've never been under the influence of others but we both know that's impossible. I however have spoken nothing but the truth from the moment I came in that door. Now which one of us is being dishonest?" He let the impact of that statement roll around in Kaidan's head for a minute. "I just remembered it's time for dinner."

Kaidan looked at him with an unbelieving look on his face.

"About that sandwich General." The man said as he packed up his things. "It's a funny thing about toxins. I've always felt that if you eat a little poison every day, you get used to it."

Kaidan suddenly got worried. Had he just been poisoned?

"It de-sensitises you until you can ingest large amounts of it without any difficulty at all. The contents of the sandwich will not kill you. As I said they want you alive for now. The toxins will begin having their desired effects in just a few minutes." He headed for the door. As it opened he paused and turned back to face Kaidan. "I'll be back once they've had a chance to clean up the place." He smiled and walked out.

Kaidan's leg restraints released and he slid out of the chair. He was almost in a state of panic. He could feel his stomach beginning to churn. Cramps soon followed and eventually he had no choice but to vomit. It seemed to go on for hours. Eventually when he had nothing left, his body kept cramping up. He was writhing on the floor in agony. He couldn't keep track of the passage of time. But it wasn't much longer before the guards returned and began to hose out the cell and Kaidan as well. He knew that his captor wouldn't be too far behind...


End file.
